Author's Note: Dedicated to my maternal grandmother, may she rest in peace.
Part 21: Confessional Deceptions.
Padmé waited anxiously for Obi-Wan to return, knowing that she would not hesitate to go after him if he did not. There was no way she would leave here knowing he might be in danger. After dealing with the Trade Federation ten years ago, she had no fear of encountering them once more. She had never seen Obi-Wan angry before however, and she hoped her decision would not incur his wrath.
To her relief, he returned to the ship within the time frame he estimated and she raised the plasteel before prepping the transmitter. Obi-Wan spared no time for describing to her what he had witnessed, choosing instead to convey it the same time he told his Padawan, whom he now tried to contact.
"Anakin? Anakin, do you copy? This is Obi-Wan Kenobi."
There was some delay, then his apprentice's voice resonated loud and clear over the comlink. "I copy, Master. What's the matter?"
"My long range transmitter has been knocked out," Obi-Wan replied. "Retransmit this message to Coruscant."
There was another short pause before they received a reply, as the apprentice routed the message through his ship's system. "Okay, report," Anakin added.
"I have tracked the bounty hunter Jango Fett to the droid foundries on Geonosis," Obi-Wan uttered. "The Trade Federation is to take taking delivery of a droid army here and it is clear that Viceroy Gunray is behind the assassination attempts on Senator Amidala. The Commerce Guilds and Corporate Alliance have both pledged their armies to Count Dooku and are forming an....Wait!... Wait!!"
Two droidekas suddenly rolled into view, causing Obi-Wan to turn round and ignite his lightsaber to block their blasters. In the ship Padmé prepared to raise her own weapon but before she could they were overwhelmed by the Geonosians, captured and sent into a state of unconsciousness.
When Padmé woke, she found herself in a small cell, deep underground, formed by the dense structure of the Geonosian carved stalagmites.
"Padmé, thank the Force you're alright!" a voice cried, causing her to turn as she realised it did not belong to Obi-Wan.
"Anakin, what are you doing here?" she asked him. "Where's Obi-Wan?"
"I don't know," he replied. "I came to rescue him, but it wasn't too long until they caught me too. What are you doing here, I thought you were going to Naboo."
"Master Yoda agreed to let me go with Obi-Wan to Kamino," she explained. "Then we tracked the bounty hunter to here." she paused, studying him. He seemed to have aged since she last saw him. "What happened on Tatooine?"
To her surprise he gathered his knees towards his body, burrowing his head into them, causing his voice to sound as if he were further away. "Mom's dead."
He seemed so forlorn as he uttered the news, so lost, so much like the child she had come to know in Mos Espa and Theed all those years ago. She rose to her feet and walked the short distance which separated them. Then she knelt beside him, placing a comforting arm around his slender body.
"Tusken Raiders kidnapped her before I ever left the Core," he explained, tears threatening to choke his voice. "I tried to rescue her..... but she died in my arms. Why did she have to die? Why couldn't I save her? I know I could have!"
"Ani, you are only human. You're not all-powerful," Padmé reminded him gently. "You can't save everyone."
"I should be!" He cried, grief giving way to anger, causing her hand to freeze from stroking his back. "Someday I will be... I will be the most powerful Jedi ever! I promise you, I will even learn to stop people from dying."
"Anakin..." she began, trying to placate him, but he ignored her.
"It's all Obi-Wan's fault. He's jealous! He knows I'm already more powerful than he is. He's holding me back!"
What was this? Where was this coming from, Padmé wondered. He had expressed dissatisfaction with his master's teaching methods before, but not like this. Something else must have happened for him to be this upset. "Ani, what's wrong?"
"I... I killed them," he remarked hesitantly. "I killed them all. They're dead, every single one of them... Not just the men, but the women and the children too. They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals... I hate them!"
Padmé stilled in the silence which followed. She felt sick at the enormity of what the young man in her arms had committed. How could a Jedi be driven to perform such a massacre? But Anakin was not yet a Jedi, even if such a distinction could excuse him from the evil of such a deed. Nor could she focus on the turmoil created in her own mind if she wanted to help him come to terms with it.
"Why do I hate them?" Anakin cried, grief consuming him once more. "I didn't... I couldn't... I couldn't control myself. I... I don't want to hate them... But I just can't forgive them. I'm a Jedi. I know I'm better than this. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"
She held him in her embrace, stroking his back, murmuring intelligible sounds of comfort, until the emotion was assuaged.
When Obi-Wan woke, he found himself being restrained by a laser electronically charged forcefield, and, standing on the ground outside this containment, the last Jedi to join the ranks of the ranks of the Lost Twenty, waiting to speak to him.
"Where's Senator Amidala, you traitor!" he almost growled.
"Hello, my friend," Count Dooku remarked ignoring his inquiry. "This is a mistake. A terrible mistake. They've gone too far. This is madness."
Obi-Wan forced his concern for Padmé to the back of his mind, before adding in a calmer voice, "I thought you were the leader here, Dooku."
"This had nothing to do with me, I assure you," the Count answered a little too easily. "I promise you I will petition immediately to have you both set free."
"Well, I hope it doesn't take too long," Obi-Wan remarked. "We have work to do."
Dooku looked at him carefully. "May I ask why a Jedi Knight and a Senator are all the way out here on Geonosis?"
"We've been tracking a bounty hunter named Jango Fett," Obi-Wan replied, returning the thoughtful gaze. "Do you know him?"
"There are no bounty hunters here that I'm aware of," Dooku remarked. "Geonosians don't trust them."
"Well, who can blame them," Obi-Wan murmured. "But he is here, I can assure you. Now where is Senator Amidala?"
"She is enjoying the pleasures of Genosian hospitality," Dooku answered. "I must warn you that the Trade Federation who are visiting want her dead."
"I'm sure you'll remember to treat her with the respect her position in the Republic deserves," Obi-Wan said, lowering his tone into a threatening decibel.
"It's a great pity that our paths have never crossed before, Obi-Wan," Dooku continued. "Qui-Gon always spoke very highly of you. I wish he were here. I could use his help right now."
"Qui-Gon would never join you," Obi-Wan vowed.
"Don't be so sure, my young Jedi," Dooku countered. "You forget that he was once my apprentice just as you were once his. He knows all about the corruption in the Senate, but he would never have gone along with it if he had known the truth as I have."
"The truth?" Obi-Wan queried.
Dooku looked into his blue grey eyes. "What if I told you that the Republic was now under the control of the Dark Lord of the Sith?"
Obi-Wan tried not to let such information unsettle him, but his mind had already begun to contemplate such a possibility, due to what he and Padmé learned on Kamino. "No, that's not possible. The Jedi would be aware of it."
"The dark side of the Force has clouded their vision, my friend," Dooku revealed. "Hundreds of Senators are now under the influence of a Sith Lord called Darth Sidious."
Obi-Wan shook his head, a useless motion inside a electronically charged forcefield. "I don't believe you."
"The Viceroy of the Trade Federation was once in league with this Darth Sidious," Dooku continued. "But he was betrayed ten years ago by the Dark Lord. He came to me for help. He told me everything. The Jedi Council would not believe him. I tried many times to warn them but they wouldn't listen to me. Once they sensed the Dark Lord's presence, it would then be too late. You must join me, Obi-Wan, and together we will destroy the Sith."
Obi-Wan heard the words, but he mistrusted the sentiment behind them. He had seen the army the Separatists were building, which together with the clone army, was only another indication that someone had been quietly working to send the Republic into a civil war. He knew Dooku's reasons for leaving the Order were not what he was claiming here, for Qui-Gon had informed him of the truth a long time ago. "I will never join you, Dooku."
Dooku smiled, confirming Obi-Wan's mistrust. "It may be difficult to secure your release," he all but threatened before leaving the cell.
Padmé felt Anakin still under her comforting strokes and she lowered her arm as his head rose from the crouch to let his blue eyes meet her dark ones. Abruptly he leaned forward, seeking her lips with his own, making her draw away in shock.
"Anakin, no. What is this?"
He looked at her, turmoil of a different kind clouding his features. "From the moment I met you, all those years ago, a day hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you makes my stomach turn over - my mouth goes dry. I feel dizzy. I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the thought of kissing you, touching you, swearing my entire soul to you. My heart is beating, hoping such a vow will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me. What can I do? I will do anything you ask."
She stilled, his words shocking her. She knew that she should not be surprised, for their last conversation on Coruscant had made his feelings perfectly clear, yet she could not help but feel astonished at the depth of love he professed to feel.
"If you are suffering as much as I am, tell me," he added.
The words caused her thoughts to reach a resolution. She had made her choice a long time ago, giving her heart to his master. But she could not tell him that, not while he was in this condition, struggling to cope with the death of his mother and the dark deed of revenge he had visited on the Tusken Tribe who kidnapped her. "I can't. We can't. It's just not possible."
"Anything's possible," he argued, "Padmé, please listen..."
She shook her head, interrupting him. "You listen. We live in a real world. Come back to it. You're studying to become a Jedi Knight. I'm a Senator. If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion, they will take us to a place we cannot go. I will not let you give up your future for me."
"You're asking me to be rational. That is something I know I cannot do," Anakin replied. "Believe me, I wish I could wish my feelings away, but I can't."
"I am not going to give in to this," she informed him sadly. "Both of us have a duty to the Republic which will inevitably interfere. When I first met you, all you wanted was to be a jedi. You will come to regret giving up such a dream which you have spent ten years working so hard towards. And you would resent me for making you do so."
"No, I wouldn't," Anakin vowed. "Besides it wouldn't have to be that way. We could keep it a secret until I pass my Trials. Then I only need the Council's blessing."
"Then we'd be living a lie," she pointed out to him, "One we couldn't keep up even if we wanted to. And once the Council discovered it, they could expel you from the Order, Chosen One or no. You will have disappointed everyone who ever believed in you. I will not allow you to sacrifice your dreams, Anakin. Nor do I want to live a lie. And if you loved me as much as you say you do, you would not force me to make this choice."
He did not reply immediately, causing a uncomfortable silence to fall over the cell. Padmé breathed deeply, preparing herself for another counter argument, before he spoke. "No. You're right. It would destroy us."
She looked at him, but he would not meet her gaze, rising to his feet and walking to the corner furthest from her. He knelt upon the hard ground, closing his eyes, and she realised he was mediating. She remembered contacting Obi-Wan once only to find him in such a pose, though he preferred a crossed leg style. Anakin it seemed was determined to be different once more, and yet he did not realise that there were many similarities between him and his master, foremost the affection they held for her.
The notion that two Jedi had fallen in love with her did not even flatter her ego for a moment. Anakin's attachment was vastly different from Obi-Wan's. He had considered the consequences, waited for his knighthood, waited for her to make the choice. Not once had he put pressure on her or attempted to persuade her to surrender to the emotions between them. It was always up to her, and he would wait, however long it might take.
Whereas his padawan still saw her as angel from his childhood dreams, one whom could be his anchor in a dark, uncooperative world. She had no desire for that sort of co-dependent relationship. And there was his dark deed on Tatooine. How could he take such revenge on another race? Padmé knew it was not the Jedi way, but neither was it something she could understand, or even empathise with. She felt as if he was heading into a dark place, pleading for her to follow him, to surrender to him.
It was something she would not do.