Chapter Eight
It was another hour before Max worked up the courage to walk into Alec's room. Sam had known she'd end up there, she guessed, because there was a chair already waiting for her next to the bed. She crossed to it slowly and sat down, but found that even with him right in front of her, even with him being clean and cared for, she still couldn't look directly at him.
Because she knew that no matter what happened, no matter if he lived or died, she was responsible for it.
She'd already called Joshua and given him as many details as she'd thought he could handle. She'd left out some of the "minor" stuff Sam had told them, and she hadn't mentioned the twelve hour thing. So Joshua was sitting at home, safe and comforted by the thought that they'd gotten to Alec in time and that he was going to be just fine.
She didn't want to think about how she'd explain it to him if Alec died. No, she couldn't think about it. Because it wasn't going to happen. Alec was going to get through this, and he was going to be perfectly fine and back to being a pain in her ass in no time. Nothing else was possible.
She knew that she wasn't going anywhere until Alec woke up; she'd sit in that chair until he opened his eyes and looked at her. But she knew that she couldn't sit there in silence the whole time, or she'd go mad.
"Sam... Dr. Carr," she began. "He says you can hear me. I don't know if I believe him or not, but I want to. I want you to hear me, soldier, because I'm going to give you the single most important order you've ever been given, and I expect you to carry it out."
She leaned forward in the chair and reached through the rails of the bed, grabbing Alec's hand tightly in hers. "You are going to fight this. Do you hear me? And you are going to win." She still couldn't look at him, so instead she stared at their hands, at his fingers so warm and dry under her own. "You're not going to let them win, because you're stronger than them. And you're not going to..." She swallowed hard and wished that the lump in her throat would go away.
"You're not going to die, Alec," she whispered. "I am ordering you not to die. Do you hear me?" She could feel the moisture growing in her eyes but ignored it.
"You were right, you know. About Zack. And if I'd listened to you, instead of getting mad, things would be a lot different for you right now. None of this would have happened. But I didn't listen, did I? Not when you told me about Zack, not when you tried to tell me that the Steelheads would come after you..." It came out as a whisper, but she'd finally gotten the words to flow, and she wasn't stopping.
"I'm so sorry, Alec," she admitted. "I'm sorry about all of it. That I didn't listen, that I didn't protect you, that I didn't come for you sooner, that I didn't..." She wiped the tears from her cheeks impatiently with her left hand. "I'm just sorry, okay? And I need you to get better. I need you to beat this, and come back where you belong."
There was no response, but she hadn't really been expecting one. She'd hoped and prayed, but Sam had been certain that Alec wouldn't be waking up for at least another eleven hours. But Sam didn't know Alec the way she did, didn't know how stubborn he could be. He'd be awake a lot sooner than Sam said he would.
"You take a couple hours, sleep it off," she said softly. "I'm not going anywhere."
Logan walked into the room two hours later, after having been forced by both Sam and Max to take a nap in the room next door. He found Max leaning forward in her chair, her head resting on her crossed arms on the mattress next to Alec's hip, her hand still wrapped around his, and sleeping. He smiled and walked around the bed to stand at the other side.
Alec didn't look any better than he had the last time Logan had seen him from that distance, with the exception that the dried, crusted streaks of blood and dirt and pus that had covered him from head to toe had been washed away. All of the bandages were clean and white, no signs of infection-tainted blood on any of them. The same couldn't be said of the bag that hung at the foot of the bed, the one that was slowly filling with blood-tainted urine and showing them all just how close his remaining kidney was to failing.
Logan knew the truth that the bandages covered, knew how deep the hole in Alec's side went and knew what was festering inside of it. His face and chest were still flushed with fever, and his sweat-soaked hair stuck to his forehead in clumps. Logan reached down and gently pushed it away, just as he'd done in the park. He couldn't help but brush his hand along Alec's skin as he did it, and shook his head at the heat that radiated off of him.
"How high is it now?"
Logan smiled tiredly and looked across the bed, unsurprised to see Max looking back at him with red-rimmed eyes.
"At the last check, it was up to one-oh-eight point five. Sam says if it gets any higher, they're going to have to start rubbing him down with alcohol to bring it down."
Max sat up straighter in her chair and sighed. "I don't think he's gonna..."
"Don't say it, Max," Logan interrupted. "Don't give up on him yet. He's still alive, he's still fighting. He's still got a chance."
"No, he isn't," Max said tiredly. "He's just laying there!"
Logan was shocked at her words, and he let that show on his face. "Exactly what do you expect him to do, then?"
"I expect him to beat this."
"Then give him a chance to," Logan said patiently. "You've got to give him time, Max. No one could recover from something like this that quickly. Not even you."
Max stood from the chair angrily and stalked to the window. She looked out over the city, her gaze distant, pretending not to see or hear either Alec or Logan in the room with her.
"Max, you can't..."
"It's my fault, ya know."
Logan barely heard the soft words, but he disagreed with them immediately, and he shook his head. "No, it isn't."
"Of course it is." Max turned around, leaned her back against the window, and crossed her arms in front of her. "I let him out, remember? And I made him all those promises, told him how he'd be safe out here. How we were free. How the things that happened at Manticore were never going to happen again. And now look at him."
"But you didn't lie," Logan protested. "He is safer out here than he was there. And he is free. And he'll never be sent out on another mission."
"No, not the missions, Logan. The torture sessions. Reindoctrination. The experiments. I always thought it was so bad but... compared to what just happened to him? It was nothing. Cut up for money? Tortured for 'fun'? At least Manticore had a reason. This is just..." She turned her head slightly and looked Logan directly in the eye. "Do you call this free? Do you call this safe?"
Logan shook his head. "I call this," he said, gesturing at Alec with his hand, "the result of a personal vendetta that has absolutely nothing to do with you."
"Built, born and bred to fight, Logan. That's what we are. But what if... what if this is a fight he can't win?"
He looked back down at Alec again, and then at Max across his shoulder. "Do you really think he's going to blame you?"
"I hope so."
"Why?" he demanded. "'Are you enjoying playing the self-loathing martyr in this story?"
The look on her face said the words had stung her, and he was satisfied. That had been his intention. "When he wakes up..."
"If," she said quietly.
"When he wakes up," Logan said again, emphasizing the word 'when,' "he's going to need you. And he's going to need to know that what happened to him isn't going to happen again. If you try to take the blame for what happened to him, he's not going to get either of those things."
"Why shouldn't I take the blame for it?" she demanded, pushing away from the window and walking back toward the bed. "No one else is going to pay for it."
"Yes, they will," Logan corrected. "They're going to pay for everything they did to him. I'm going to make sure of that. You saw that place, Max, and you heard what Sam said. I thought they were just stealing from the organ banks, but this is not the first time Eddy's cut someone open like this." He gave Max a few seconds to let that sink in before he continued. "How many people have they done this to? How many people have they killed like this?"
He saw that she understood him, could see in her eyes the implications of what he'd said.
"I'm going to take them down, Max. My way. And I'm going to see to it that they stay that way."
Max looked back up at him. "What do you need me to do?"
"Stay with Alec," he answered. "Make sure he's not alone when he wakes up. And stop blaming yourself for what happened, because it's not your fault."
Max nodded her head as she walked back to the chair and sat down.
Logan rounded the foot of the bed as he headed for the door. He stopped and turned back to her. "And get some more sleep," he suggested. "You look terrible."
Then he was out the door and gone.
He only went as far as the hallway.
He leaned against the wall opposite Alec's door, pulled out his cell phone, and dialed a number he knew by heart. He almost felt bad about calling after midnight, but he didn't have much of a choice. This needed to start moving forward as soon as possible.
"Detective Sung." His voice sounded tired, but not overly so. Logan guessed he'd caught him before he went to bed.
"Matt," he said pleasantly. "It's Logan."
"Logan," Matt returned cheerfully. "I haven't heard from you in a while. Where've you been hiding?"
"I've been busy," Logan answered dismissively. "I've got a tip for you, though, and it's one that needs to be acted on tonight."
"Oh, yeah?" He could imagine the smile on Matt's face, imagine him pulling out a notebook and pen to write down every word he said. "What have you got?"
"You know that organ trafficking ring that we've been watching?" Logan asked. "The Steelheads we've been trying to build a case against?"
"Yeah."
"They took one of my operatives, Matt," Logan said. He'd been running this over and over in his head for hours, and he knew that Matt wouldn't question it. "And they hurt him... messed him up pretty bad."
"Is he all right?" Matt asked with genuine concern in his voice.
"He's in the hospital." Another small lie, but the less Matt knew about Alec, the better off they'd all be. "It's too early for them to be sure, and we're hoping, but there's a chance he won't...," Logan shook his head and pushed the thoughts away. It was so much easier to be positive for Max than it was to convince himself of the same. "Matt... when we found him, he was missing a kidney."
"Missing a – what? How?"
"Eddy and his gang cut it out. They tied him to a table and performed an amateur major surgery on him."
"What's the evidence?"
"Blood," Logan answered. "A lot of it."
"So what do you want me to do?"
"The old Miller Funeral Home, in Sector Four. Do you know it?"
"Of course I know it."
"Get a warrant and go. Make sure it includes searches in the embalming room and the basement. Eddy and his boys aren't exactly the type to clean up after themselves, so I'm sure you're going to find a lot of blood and tissue samples. I know it's there, because I've seen it. I just don't know how many people we're talking about." Logan paused and took a deep breath. Now came the one part of his plan that he wasn't all that sure would work. "But I need you to do me a favor with this, Matt."
"Sure, Logan, anything. What?"
"The freshest blood and tissue you'll find in that embalming room came from my operative, and I need you to lose it somewhere."
"Why would you want that?" Matt asked, the enthusiasm in his voice suddenly replaced with suspicion.
Logan sighed deeply. He'd known that he'd have to explain it, because he had to admit that asking Matt to lose evidence was a pretty drastic measure. He wanted the police climbing all over the funeral home, digging out every scrap of genetic material they could find from every person who'd ever been there.
Except Alec.
"He's just a kid, Matt. And he's hurt badly. There's a chance he might not live through the night. What they did to him..."
"And you don't want me to catch the people that did it?" Suspicion had given way to confusion, but Logan knew that Matt was caving. "Why not?"
"No, I want you to catch the people that did it," Logan insisted. "That's why I'm giving you this information. What I don't want is my operative involved in the investigation. If he survives, I want him to walk away from this. I don't want anyone to know that he had anything to do with bringing the Steelheads down."
"You're trying to protect him."
"Of course I am," Logan said. "I protect all of my people. And before you ask, yes, Eyes Only is on board with asking you to help us. He really is just a kid, Matt, and he's got enough to worry about just trying to survive. He doesn't need to be called to testify against these people."
"All right," Matt said, after a few seconds of consideration. "No one'll ever know your boy was there, Logan. I promise. But you're sure we'll find enough to take them down without it?'
"Oh, yeah," Logan answered. "I'm not sure what you're going to find in the rooms in the basement, but I don't think it's going to be very pretty."
He heard Matt snap his notebook shut on the other end of the line. "Thanks, Logan. I'll keep you in the loop as much as I can, okay?"
"Yeah, thanks, Matt."
Logan leaned his head back against the wall and he snapped his phone closed. He was equal parts satisfied and disappointed with the deal he'd just worked with Detective Sung. He was glad that Eddy and his goons were going down and were going to stay down for a long, long time. But he really wished that they could pay, somehow, specifically for what they'd done to Alec.
They would have to take their justice where they could get it.
Every hour on the hour, Sam Carr came into Alec's room to check on him. Alec was fighting, he would say. His lungs were weak, but they were still working and that was a good sign. His fever hadn't dropped, but it hadn't gone any higher, the antibiotics were doing their job. The drugs were clearing his system. His stem cells were replicating. His other kidney hadn't failed. Yet.
Max listened to him every time he he talked, but it didn't seem to her like anything was actually getting better, because he said the same things every single time.
It was just after 9am. They'd been at the clinic for more than twelve hours, and she hadn't left Alec's room in over nine of them. Sam had just been in again, given the same speech he'd been giving all night long, but this time he'd added that it looked like the incision might be starting to heal up. He'd mentioned calling his friend the surgeon to see when they could schedule the surgery to put Alec's kidney back in.
Max stood at the window, watching the sun rise higher in the sky. Logan had gone down to the employee break room to grab them some coffee and donuts for breakfast, and she was expecting him back any minute.
The first out-of-sync beep from one of the machines at Alec's bedside caught her attention and made her listen more closely. The second made her turn around. By the time the third sounded, she was on her way across the room and back to Alec's side.
Logan walked through the door at that moment, and she heard him put down the tray he was carrying and jog across to the other side of the bed.
"What is it, Max?" he asked. "What's going on?"
"I don't know," she answered truthfully. "His heart monitor's beeping funny."
They were both looking at Alec when he flinched and his eyelids fluttered without opening.
"Alec!" Max cried out in surprise. "That's it, Alec. Come on. It's time to wake up."
Logan ran to the door and threw it open. "We need some help in here!" he called out to the hallway. He didn't wait to see if anyone answered before running back to the bed again.
Alec's eyes weren't open yet, but his arms and legs were twitching. Logan wrapped his hand around Alec's left wrist, both to let Alec know he was there and to keep him from dislodging the IV in the back of his hand. Alec pulled away, or rather, Alec tried to pull away. He was too weak to actually manage it, but it was enough to let Logan know that he didn't like it.
"Hey, Alec, easy," Logan said. "It's just me. It's Logan." The beeping from the monitors was becoming frantic, speeding up and getting louder. If he kept this up, he was going to give himself a heart attack. Logan started rubbing his other hand up and down Alec's upper arm, trying to comfort him. "Alec, you've got to calm down. Take it easy."
Logan's words didn't seem to be doing much to soothe him, though, and if anything his struggles increased.
"Alec!" Max shouted. "Alec, stop!"
Alec was fighting them with everything he had, which admittedly wasn't much. But it didn't stop him from thrashing about on the bed, sliding his feet up and down the mattress, trying to pull his arms away from their hands. His head was turning back and forth on the pillow frantically, but his eyes still weren't open. His lips were moving, saying something over and over again, but he wasn't making a sound and she didn't understand him.
Sleeping. Dreaming. Nightmares.
"He doesn't know it's us!" she suddenly realized. She glanced up at Logan through the tears that had sprung into her eyes at the realization. "He thinks it's them. He's still trying to escape."
"Help!" Logan bellowed in the direction of the door. Alec was too weak to do much damage to anyone but himself, but Max agreed with Logan not letting go of his arm. If he pulled his IVs out, or managed to make that wound bleed again...
"We need help!"
"Alec, listen to me!" Max kept her right hand on Alec's wrist, but she put her left hand against the side of his face. "Alec!"
"Max," she heard Logan say. She turned to look at him, and he nodded his head at Alec's side. When she looked down, she saw the fresh blood that was slowly seeping its way through the bandage that covered his incision.
"Damn it, soldier, you stop this! You stop this right now!"
Max didn't know if Alec heard her or if it were just a coincidence, but he stilled under their hands. For a few seconds, there was nothing, no sign that Alec had ever moved at all; even the heart monitor was back to beating like normal.
Then Alec's back arched up from the bed, his head flew back, and he screamed.
Max had never thought she'd hear a scream like that from Alec, and she was almost shocked enough to let go her hold on his arm. She held on, but she felt the tears running down her cheeks. There was so much pain in that sound, pain and fear and desperation.
Hopelessness.
She glanced across at Logan, and wasn't surprised to see his eyes were tearing up, too.
And then it was over. Alec's scream died as he relaxed into the bed. Max felt his muscles go limp under her hand and turned back to him.
He was looking up at her from his pillow, green eyes wide open. Everything she'd heard in his scream was written in those eyes, and she had to force herself to smile down at him.
"Hey," she said softly. "Welcome back."
She could see his lips moving under the oxygen mask, but she couldn't hear what he was saying. She bent over and lowered her ear to his mouth so that she could understand him.
"Not... real."
"No, Alec," she said quickly. "This is real. You're at Dr. Carr's clinic. We found you in the basement and we..."
"Not... coming."
"What?" she asked. "Who's not coming?"
"Max. Not... coming. Not... real."
She straightened up in shock. "No, Alec. You're wrong. I did. I was. I..."
Hands grabbed her arms and moved her away from the bed, but it wasn't soon enough. She'd already heard what Alec had to say, already seen the look in his eyes that said he'd never believe her, already seen him close his eyes and turn away from her.
In Alec's mind, none of this was real, because Max wasn't coming. So it wasn't possible for him to be out of that place, to be safe and warm, surrounded by doctors and a couple of friends, getting better with every moment that passed.
"Max?"
She heard Logan's concerned voice, but she couldn't focus on it. All she could hear was Alec's voice, his words repeating in her head, telling her all she needed to know about who Alec had wanted the most while he was being tortured. Who he'd called for, who he'd needed. And who hadn't been there.
And she knew she should stay, but she couldn't. She had to get away from him, away from the pain-filled eyes and terrified screams. Away from the proof of her own part in what had happened to him.
She shoved past the nurses that were filling the room and out into the hallway, then turned and ran toward the door. But no matter how fast she ran, she couldn't escape her own thoughts or the truth of what she'd just realized.
In Alec's mind, Max hadn't saved him at all. In Alec's mind, she hadn't even tried.