You know the drill by now, so make up your own disclaimer.

Hope

Spock and Nyota had hurried back to the clinic. The doctor had called, saying she had results for them. Now they sat in the clinic's lounge, waiting for their turn. Nyota gripped her husband's arm.

An assistant stepped into the waiting area.

"Spock and Nyota, the doctor can see you now. Please follow me."

"Have a seat."

"Thank you, Dr. Ellen. We did not expect to hear from you quite so quickly. Is there something wrong?"

"No, Spock, not at all. First of all, I'm happy to inform you that you are not sterile. Your sperm count was very good, as was overall viability and motility. So, if you two are not planning on starting a family right away, some birth control would be in order."

"Thank you. We will keep that under advisement."

"Now, let's talk about the DNA testing. By genetic profile, Spock has 63.8% Vulcan DNA, which is not surprising. He was conceived in vitro, and the genes manipulated to insure the maximum chance for survival. Spock, it looks like you've been pretty healthy, except for a case of chronic appendicitis that led to nutrient absorption problems. I take it that the appendectomy resolved those issues."

"Yes. I have maintained an appropriate body weight since then."

"Good. Because Spock has some Human DNA, you two have a better chance of conceiving a healthy child naturally. I would estimate that the chances of survival of any particular offspring would be fifty-five to seventy percent, provided they get past the first trimester."

Nyota looked stricken.

"Forgive me, but those odds don't sound all that encouraging."

"Nyota, there is more involved than genetic comparability. A human body may reject a hybrid pregnancy, actually form antibodies against what it perceives as an invasion. This can cause a miscarriage or a premature delivery. Copper poisoning is a big problem, as Vulcan blood is copper-based. Any number of things can go wrong, and many times, they do. I am not trying to discourage you, but I want you to have all the available information."

"Beloved, those are better odds than I expected. I have lived half my life believing I would probably never father a child."

Nyota could feel an overwhelming sense of hope and joy through the bond.

Someday, Nyota, we will have a child!

"That's the spirit, kids! Keep positive thoughts!"

Spock and Nyota sat in the clinic lounge, waiting for Sirin to pick them up.

"Spock, did your mother have other pregnancies besides yours?"

"There were three others that I am aware of, two before me and one after."

"Rachel and Sirin seem to have had good luck."

"They lost two pregnancies in between Jason and Hannah. Rachel had to take some strong medication to keep from rejecting T'Lonna. She felt ill a lot of the time."

"I bet she considered it worth the pain and suffering, though."

"Indeed."

Ivan the Rigellian parrot was in a very cheeky mood. Sirin had gotten him a decade ago from a friend who was going off-planet. Ivan had a huge repertoire of bawdy songs in at least twenty languages. Sirin and Rachel had many friends of different ethnicities and species. Someone was always teaching Ivan a new song. Usually, first-time visitors were clueless as to the nature of Ivan's serenades. Ivan had been fairly quiet for most of T'Pau's visit. Rachel was keeping her fingers crossed. She should have crossed her toes, too.

T'Pau sat in the den, telling Jason and Hannah an ancient Vulcan tale in the High Tongue, which they had both learned from their father. Ivan was also in the den, sitting on his perch. A word or phrase in T'Pau's story must have triggered Ivan's memory. He lustily belted out a pre-Surak song about a couple having sex on a roof top under the stars, struggling not to roll off while in the heat of passion. It was actually a lovely song, but not really suitable for children.

Sirin and Spock heard the song and came running. Ivan was banished to the laundry room.

"Grandmother, I apologize. I got this bird from a friend. He has very unfortunate habits."

"So thee did not teach him this song?"

"I did not."

"That is unfortunate, because this song has been lost to our people for many years. I wonder if the bird knows others."

"This bird has a life span of over three hundred years. He has had many owners in that time."

"Perhaps he will sing more if we speak to him in the High Tongue, after the children are in bed, of course. However, now I would meld with you, Spock again before we have the bonding of Sirin and Rachel. I think thee would benefit from another session."

"I will bow to your wisdom, Grandmother."

"Then come and sit by me,"

"Spock, all of our people who have survived grieve the loss of family, home and planet. But I sense even more grief from thee. Thy grief is compounded with guilt. Let us explore the source, for only then will thou find some peace."

Spock allowed T'Pau to probe his memories, back to his first weeks as an instructor at the Academy. It had been difficult as first, and Spock had begun to wonder if he had been promoted beyond his abilities. Teaching the computer programming and phonology classes soon became second nature, but the language classes were a major adjustment. There was a lot of one-to-one conversation with students. Spock was awkward in his personal interactions. A few students grew annoyed with his teaching techniques and transferred out of his classes.

Spock became frustrated and made frequent calls to his mother. One born on Vulcan should be able to teach the language to others! She made suggestions that when implemented, completely changed the dynamic of his student-teacher relationships. The students began to enjoy the classes, and Spock began to enjoy teaching them.

During the three years Spock taught Vulcan and Romulan, he formed close bonds with a dozen students who took an advanced seminar with him three times a week during the noon hour. They would talk about anything and everything to do with Vulcan culture except Spock's personal life. Nyota and Gaila were part of this group.

It all happened so suddenly, the emergency message from Vulcan. He assigned third and fourth year cadets to man positions aboard ships usually held by experienced officers. His Communications students would have to grow up quickly.

The brand new USS Enterprise was the jewel in Starfleet's crown, the most coveted of assignments. Spock was proud when his mentor Captain Pike had requested him as First Officer. Nyota had worked hard and deserved an assignment on the best ship in the fleet, but Spock was afraid that sending her to the Enterprise would reek of favoritism. He had heard the rumors, there were many who thought the two were in a romantic relationship. It was not yet true, though both desired it. There were rules against fraternization. So Spock had assigned Nyota to the Farragut, along with Gaila. He hoped being with her friend would take away some of the sting. It did not. Nyota challenged him and he gave in. Spock has had nightmares in which he did not, so Nyota died with Gaila.

The events of the Genocide all blended into one horrible dream. His mother, home, planet, and most of his Vulcan family were gone. If Kirk had not found a way to relieve him of his command, Spock's literal interpretation of Pike's orders would have been a death sentence for Terra. This had given Spock many hours of disquiet that meditation could not erase.

He recognized the loss of so many of Starfleet's finest on an intellectual level. He appreciated their sacrifice on behalf of his people as he read the names of his fallen comrades in Admiral Komack's letter and heard them spoken at various memorials. He could have recited them in alphabetical order if need be. However, Spock did not realize the true impact of their loss on himself until the first day classes resumed. He had prepared himself for empty seats. In many of his classes, half the students had perished. The second year Romulan class had to be postponed due to emotional outbursts from some of the students. It was difficult to observe, but Spock coped in a manner befitting a Vulcan.

Until lunch time.

He grabbed some food and quickly made his way to the small classroom where he always met with his seminar students. Spock sat down with his lunch and waited. They all seemed to be running late. Perhaps another instructor had gone overtime or there was some issue with the food synthesizers. He would wait for them. No one came but Nyota. He gave her the perfect grade in the class that she deserved and canceled the remaining sessions. She was the only one of his special dozen to survive the battle of Vulcan.

Spock was filled with despair. Those promising lives all cut down before they had really begun to live. They were all gone, yet he remained. Somehow the fact of his survival also gave him feelings of guilt. They had also been a source of pride to Spock, a confirmation that he could teach Humans and relate to them if he worked at it. But it had all been for nothing. They were gone.

"My child, thee has much to grieve over. Those thee mourns are worthy of it. However, some of thy pain is unnecessary. Do not punish thyself for events which did not occur. Rejoice in the fact that Nyota has enough sway over thee to cause thee to change thy mind about her assignment. She is a worthy bond-mate and now always at thy side.

Terra was not destroyed nor did the remnant of our people perish. Thy older self gave Kirk the knowledge of how to compromise thee. All have benefited from his wisdom. This tells me that thee is a person who can learn from his mistakes and grow. Indeed, thee has already learned from the mistakes of thy older self. Thee has made wise choices. I have great hopes for thy future.

It is understandable that thee feels the heaviness of loss concerning thy favorite students. Thee gave them thy best and they gave thee theirs in return. This enriched the time they had. Their death was not thy failure.

However, thee has had many other students. I met some of them on the starship after the Genocide. They ministered to the needs of the survivors with dignity, respect, and compassion because of all that thee had taught them. Many of thy students have volunteered to assist in the building of the colony. On several occasions I have heard one of our people ask a young volunteer how they have learned our tongue so well. It fills me with pride to hear the answer "Commander Spock taught me." Thee has served both thy students and thy people well. Never second-guess thy decision to remain in Starfleet. Thee has positively impacted many lives."

When T'Pau broke the meld, Spock felt lighter somehow, as if he had been relieved of part of a very heavy burden.

"Thank you, Grandmother."

Nyota could sense a difference, too. Spock was more relaxed, more at ease with his family and himself. He kept the bond between them open more of the time, willing to share more of his thoughts with her. They had been happy together before, but this was like a breath of fresh air.

Just before sunset on New Years Eve, Sirin and Rachel had their official Vulcan bonding ceremony. T'Pau confirmed the bond that had already existed for so long. While Rachel's mother Esther occupied little Hannah, Nyota held T'Lonna and leaned against Spock. She showed him her fantasy of their own baby with cafe-au-lait colored skin and pointed ears, a little boy with freckles and big, brown puppy-dog eyes.

In Spock's fantasy, the child was a girl, with Nyota's nose and strong, slender fingers. It was a dream that fills them both with hope.