I don't own Star Trek, don't make any profit. It's free, baby!
Freedom
It was their first night back on board the ship, a couple now married to everyone's satisfaction. It had taken a Vulcan bonding ceremony, a shipboard wedding, and a wedding in Africa to accomplish this.
Spock had hurried to their quarters and taken Amanda's Freedom Quilt down from the top of his closet. His mother had started working on it right after he was born. She included fabrics and bits of clothing from all the significant events of his life. She had used a piece of the blanket he was wrapped in at his birth in the first block and a piece of a blue science officer's uniform in the last. Amanda made the blocks with six-pointed stars, to remind him of his Jewish heritage. She gave him the quilt the day he graduated from the Academy. He was twenty-one years old, an adult, so Amanda gave her son his freedom. She wanted him free to be himself and make his own choices.
He chose Starfleet and Nyota Uhura, whose name literally meant "Star Freedom." So on this first night as newlyweds and bond-mates in their joint quarters, Spock put Amanda's Freedom Quilt of stars on their bed.
Now Spock was seeking another kind of freedom. He wanted to be free of the nightmares and depression that had haunted him since the Genocide. In many ways, he was more content than he had ever been in his life. He had healed the relationships with his family, attained the career he wanted, and the woman that he loved. Yet there was a heaviness in his spirit, a blackness that seeped into his soul. There was a sense of guilt and of failure. He wished to be rid of it.
The next few days back on board the ship were very busy. Spock and Nyota both put in long shifts familiarizing themselves with the new, upgraded equipment Starfleet had installed. There were meetings with new staff members, drills, and simulations to run. Their shifts overlapped, and they didn't see much of each other.
When he finally had a few free moments, Spock went to pick up an extra dresser and chair. Quartermaster Bacelli reminded him that she would need to have Nyota's old quarters vacated in the next few days, as they would be picking up additional crew members at Starbase eight. So after Spock delivered the furniture to their quarters, he got some boxes from Supply so they could finish moving Nyota's things. After dinner that evening, they finished the task.
It is said that you never really know someone until you live with them. Spock got a few surprises when he helped Nyota pack. In her bottom dresser drawer were two of his favorite pairs of non-regulation boxers. He had assumed that they were lost in the ship's laundry.
Spock recalled an incident that took place a few months prior to the couple's wedding. He had played a game of basketball with Jim. Bones was on the opposing team. The doctor loved to "trash talk" and to especially taunt Spock.
"Your girlfriend wears your underpants!"
"Don't listen to him Spock. He wears Christine's underpants!" Jim fired back.
"It was just the once when I couldn't find mine. I forgot we were going to workout! Big mouth!"
"Hey, Bones, you started it!"
At the time, Spock had secretly enjoyed the Doctor's discomfort at the Captain's remarks. He had assumed that Bones was just making things up in an effort to "get under his skin." Now he was not so certain.
Spock got the answer to his question a few hours later. Nyota's old room was finally empty and everything moved into Spock's. They had set the climate controls for their compromise temperature. Spock changed into heavy sweatpants and a thermal shirt. He turned around to find Nyota in a tank top and pair of the "appropriated" boxers.
"Nyota, you stole my boxers. Why would you wish to wear undergarments not appropriate to your gender?"
"Because they're yours, beloved. I feel close to you when I wear them. Besides, they are comfortable because you've broken them in for me with that cute little butt of yours. I consider these a trophy!"
Spock considered Nyota's words and blushed just a tiny bit. She thought his butt was cute! He still had one question, though. How did the doctor know about the boxers? As Nyota embraced him, he decided he could wait for the answer.
Lt. Simon La Plante was the new botanist assigned to the Sciences Division. He was good-natured, which was fortunate because he took a lot of kidding about his name being suited for his profession. Spock found him to be competent and easy to work with. Simon was married to Corenda, the ship's new Counselor. Corenda was Betazoid. Together, they had a two-year-old son, Jeffrey. The family had just spent nine months on New Vulcan, working in the second settlement, New Shannai'Kahr
Near the close of his shift one day, Simon asked Spock if he could take his family on a tour of the Science Labs. Spock had no objection to this, and continued working while Simon went to get his family. The botanist returned a few minutes later.
Betazoids were often Counselors because they could sense the emotions of others, even the buried ones. Many also had the ability to read personality signatures, what some Humans would call "auras." Corenda La Plante had this ability and had passed it on to Jeffrey.
Simon led his family through the various labs, explaining the function of each. When he had finished the tour, he introduced them to Spock. Corenda was a bit startled when she was close enough to read Spock's aura. It could not be! She recognized him at once but said nothing.
Little Jeffrey recognized Spock, too.
"Uncle Selek! Uncle Selek!"
Jeffrey hugged Spock's legs.
Selek was the name Spock's older self had adopted, as to not be confused with the young Spock who belonged in this time line and universe.
"No baby, this is not Uncle Selek. We left him on New Vulcan. This is Commander Spock, Daddy's boss. Perhaps they are related some how."
Jeffrey released his hold on Spock.
Corenda was trying to give her confused child a plausible explanation without lying to him.
"That is so, Jeffrey. Ambassador Selek is a member of my family." It was not exactly a lie.
"Daddy and I are going to take you to dinner, now. Say goodbye to Commander Spock."
"Bye."
As Simon held his son's hand and led him out of the labs, Corenda took the opportunity to whisper to Spock.
"We need to talk, Commander. Anyway, you are on my list for a consultation. Please make an appointment at your earliest convenience."
"I will do so."
Though he had tried to, there was no running away from this older version of himself.
Nyota had made good use of her time while Spock was on duty. She moved things around in their quarters to make room for all of her possessions. The inside of Spock's closet was a revelation. In the far left corner, hidden inside one of his Vulcan robes, Nyota found an orange Fender Stratocaster guitar. She knew he liked Heavy Metal and old school Rock, and that he had once been part of a garage band. He didn't like to talk about it much, though. Try as she might, she just couldn't imagine Spock playing that flashy instrument!
The top of the closet held another big surprise. Underneath the ugliest blue-gray sweater she had ever seen was a plain, brown paper bag. Nyota couldn't resist, she just had to look inside. It was a book, The Joy Of Sex (Inter-Species Version). There was a little card inside, with a note written in Vulcan script:
My Son,
Pay particular attention to chapters 11-15.
Live long and prosper,
Sarek
Nyota needed a break and decided it was time for a little late afternoon reading. She lay down on the bed and turned to the recommended chapters. She was on chapter fourteen when Spock came home for the day. The subject matter was most inspiring. He sat down next to her, to see what she was reading. She pulled him close and whispered in his ear.
"I think that we'll be late for dinner tonight."
"Very late, beloved."
Spock had his first appointment with Counselor La Plante three days after their introduction. Having just spent most of a year working with Vulcans, Corenda knew the direct approach was best.
"Have a seat, Commander. Make yourself comfortable, and then tell me how there came to be two of you. Two individuals never have the same aura, not even twins."
There was no point in denying what the Counselor clearly knew to be true, so Spock told her the story of Ambassador Spock and Nero's altered time line. She listened with interest until he had finished.
"When you speak of Ambassador Spock, I can easily read your dislike of him. You are in a unique situation, living in a universe with an older version of yourself. Because there are so few of your people left, you will doubtless encounter one another from time to time. How do you handle this?"
"Thus far, I have only met with him a few times. He has chosen to live in New Shannai'Kahr, while the rest of the family lives in New Shi'Kahr. It is less confusing that way. He has chosen another name for the same reason."
"Why don't you like him?"
"He dissembles, although I understand the necessity. The ease with which he does so is distressing to me."
"Yet you did not tell the whole truth to Jeffrey."
"I must become a liar myself because of Ambassador Selek's existance. That alone would be good reason to dislike him."
"Yet, Spock, you have others."
"He is seems to disregard some of our people's closely held beliefs. He mind-melded with Kirk without fully explaining his actions and intentions first."
"I see. Did you not tell me a few minutes ago that you read the thoughts of an unconscious Romulan?"
"Yes, that is so."
Spock was now studying the toes of his boots, his face wearing a green flush.
"You are embarrassed, Commander, by the actions of both versions of yourself. I also sense guilt. You have guilt regarding your mother's death. And you also have guilt over the fact that your older self could not save Romulus nor prevent the Genocide. Neither of these responsibilities belong to you. The only thing you are guilty of is inexperience. You need to learn to forgive yourself, or in this case, both of yourselves. Forgiveness can be very liberating."
"I will meditate upon what you have told me."
"That's all I can ask of you for a first session. I would like to see you again in a week."
Spock had weekly appointments with Corenda for the next few months. She had him keep a detailed diary of his nightmares, which they would analyze in excruciating detail. After a few weeks, Corenda taught him how to manipulate those nightmares while still in a dream state. He became victor rather than victim. Terra got rescued, Nyota was safe.
Corenda also got Spock to open up a bit about his experiences of prejudice and his feelings about them. The goal was not to "humanize" him or make him emotionally demonstrative, but merely to help him accept himself for the unique individual that he was. This contentment would not happen overnight, but slowly over a number of years, perhaps over a lifetime.
The changes were subtle, but noticeable. There was less tension in his mannerisms, less awkwardness in his interactions with crew members. Spock even seemed a little more tolerant of his shipmates' idiosyncrasies. The nightmares became less frequent and less intense. Nyota found him to be even more tender and loving.
The real test of Spock's self acceptance would come when when the Enterprise paid a visit to New Shannai'Kahr.