The Haunted Haunt! Chapter Three
When the skool let out for the day Dib could hardly wait to get into his room. He needed almost all of his equipment if he was going to convince Zim that ghosts existed. And he was going to enjoy every minute of scaring the Irken into the bargain.
However his speed was greatly hampered by Gaz. She walked her usual pace, staring down at her game and nothing he said was going to alter her speed.
"C'mon Gaz! Just a little faster! I need to get started!"
"On what." Gaz said flatly, as if she was really interested. "I'm not going to risk this level just because you want to start running around like an idiot tearing things up again. And no I don't want to know what it is you're planning to do. You still didn't replace the lamp in the living room."
"I will I will. I just haven't gotten to that just yet. No, I just want to get a few simple things together to make a house seem like it was haunted or something."
"Haunted!" Gaz did something that amazed her brother; she stopped playing and looked at him. "Why do you want to make a haunted house? It's not Halloween for two months yet!"
"It's for Zim. He thinks there's ghosts and I want to..well..show him some!"
"You want to scare him."
"Well….yeah. That too."
For a moment Gaz's lips twitched as if a smile was trying to work its way across. It died a quick death and she once more turned her attention to her game. "Well, in that case, how are you going to do it?"
"Well," Dib looked at his notebook. "I figured with some electro magnets placed on the walls can make pictures move or fall, lights can easily be wired to flicker, and I can get a mist tub set up below some steps. Then I'll take some wires on a track to have ghost shapes move about."
"Skulls? Bones?"
"I don't know about that. He might not even recognize a human skeleton so I don't think he'd be scared by one. I wish I knew what an alien's skeleton would look like."
"Then just have some knives and blood scattered about."
"Hey! That's a great idea, Gaz! Thanks!"
"Mmph."
"Now I just need the right house to use. Hmmm, that old house on Seventh Street is pretty run down. Might be hard to get into it though. And there's the one on Market Street, that looks creepy enough."
"I'd use the one on the hill at Acorn Drive," Gaz muttered. "It used to be an old hotel."
"I thought they were going to tear that down? You mean they haven't yet?"
"Nah, something about a historical restoration. They hadn't really been able to do anything with it, however. It's just been sitting there, rotting. Now let me play my game before I have to dismember you!"
"That's just what I need! Gaz, sometimes you're the best! When you're not trying to kill me, of course."
Gaz just grunted and continued to push the buttons and keys on her game.
Once in his room Dib set about gathering and packing up whatever he thought would fulfill his opinion of a 'ghostly encounter'. "Too bad I can't have one room to look like an alien autopsy room, that would make the green drain from his face!" he chuckled. "But that would give the game away. Darn." He had one box filled when his eyes fell on his recording machine. "Ahh! Sound effects! Yeah, I gotta have those too!"
He sat down and uttered a few moans and groans into the microphone, altering his voice with jars, tubes and amplifiers. He added some crashing sounds by upending the filled box and allowing all the stuff within to tumble out and hit the floor. He would have repeated this but his dad, Professor Membrane, called up the stairs, demanding that whatever he had broken was to be cleaned up immediately! Footsteps were easy; he stomped up and down his room until he felt the recording was long enough for his use. That had resulted in Gaz pounding on the wall.
"If you're trying to dance, stop it! I don't want that mental picture in my brain!" she complained.
Her yelling brought another idea to Dib. "Ah, my banshee!" he whispered. He picked up the recorder and quietly walked to his sister's room. "Um…Gaz?"
"Go 'way."
"No Gaz, I really need to come in and see you, just for a moment."
"I said go 'way."
"It won't take long. I promise."
"Then you'll leave me alone?"
"For the rest of the night"
"Errrrgh." He heard the door unlocked and pushed it open. His sister was sitting back on her bed, still with her game. "Ok, what d'you want? Make it quick, I'm almost at the next level!"
"Just this!" Dib quickly switched on the recorder, then gave Gaz's elbow a sharp tap, making her miss a move and therefore the level. She stared in shock at him for a moment, then threw herself at him with the predicted loud, long, angry, anguished screech!
A couple of minutes later had Dib in his bathroom, gingerly dabbing at his bloodied nose. He squinted through his left eye, already beginning to swell, and felt about for a new pair of glasses to replace his cracked ones. "It was worth it!" he grinned. "Ow! I bet I couldn't get a real banshee to yell like that! Ouch!"
After dinner he carried almost three boxes of various materials to a large wagon and proceeded to haul it all up to the old hotel on the hill. The sun was setting and he knew it was going to get dark very soon. "Just the correct atmosphere," he said to himself as he switched on his helmet light. "Thus shall begin…'The Haunting!'"
Zim had also walked back to his house/base deep in thought but he had nobody to bounce ideas off until he was inside. Even then he wasn't sure of the result. "Gir!"
No answer.
"Gir! GIR! ANSWER ME!"
"Hey master!" the voice came from above him. He looked up and saw Gir standing on the ceiling. The little robot waved. "You look funny upside down!"
"Gir, why are you on the ceiling?" the Irken reasonably asked.
"I wanted to do like the flies do!"
"Gir, you are not a disgusting Earth fly, you are an Irken invader robot and you should conduct yourself accordingly!"
"But…but I don't know how to play the accordion!" Gir began to weep at this supposedly shortcoming, sending tears raining down on Zim's head.
"Get. Down. Here. Gir. Now!"
"OK!" Zim should have known what was coming but he didn't move when he had the chance. Gir simply released his feet from the ceiling surface and fell straight down on top of him. "Ooh nice landing!"
"OW! GIR! GET OFF ME!"
When both of them were once more standing upright Zim fixed his robot with a stern look as he removed his human disguise. "Now then, did you make that list I ordered you to this morning?" He scratched around his antennae when he removed the irritating wig. Ah but it felt good not to have them mashed down!
"Hm?" Gir just stood there looking up.
"The list, Gir. I told you this morning to make me a list of haunted places so I can try to look for ghosts tonight! And don't get scared again!" he quickly added when Gir seemed like he was going to do that very thing.
"But…but Master…." Gir twisted his hands anxiously. "You don't want ghosties!"
"Yes I do, Gir. Otherwise why would I have asked you to make that list?"
"So you know where not to go?"
Zim took a breath and was about to start yelling about Gir's inability to obey simple orders when the last sentence hit him.
"Yes Gir, that's right. I need a list of haunted places nearby so I –don't- go to them! Can you understand that?"
"I can!" Gir screamed happily, producing a piece of paper. Zim snatched it, studying the addresses.
"So these places are supposed to be haunted? Have ghosts?"
"I think so."
"Wait, isn't this...the dog pound? There's a ghost at the pound?"
"Puppies and kitties go there, then they disappear. It must be ghosties taking them!" Gir's lip quivered in sympathy.
"They disappear because humans come and make pets of them, Gir."
"They take them home? Hurray!" Gir squealed happily. "No ghosties!"
Zim sighed. If that was a sample of Gir's 'ghost list' perhaps he should try another information source. "Computor!"
"Yes?"
"Get me a list of the surrounding area that has any sort of connection with ghosts, hauntings, apparitions, ghouls…ah….." He tried to remember the list of supposedly paranormal Dib had recited in the playground. "Um…mysterious lights…orbs…..and..stuff."
A moment later the result came. "There's not much around here in that catagory. Ghostly Diner, Ghost Funeral Home, Orbs Lamp Company, Mysterious Chinese Foods.."
"Hauntings, computer. I need a place that is haunted!"
"There are plenty of abandoned buildings, but there is no way I can tell if they have hauntings or not."
Zim growled in frustration. "It looks like I'll just have to go find one myself. Do you have any picture of a haunted house to show me?"
"I have one in my memory banks."
"Well? Then show me!"
The computer complied, projecting a picture of a 'haunted house' on the wall. Unfortunately it was that of a cookie jar shaped like an old house, with smiling friendly ghosts wafting out of the windows and big-eyed bats making up the top. A few cookies stacked along its base showed the purpose of the ceramic piece.
"THAT…is a haunted house?" Zim scoffed. Gir suddenly noticed the cookies.
"I wan' cookies!" he shrieked, lunging at the wall and crashing into it. He slowly slid down to rest on the floor. "Coookies." He mumbled.
"Well, I guess I'll just wander about some old empty houses. Surely one of them will have some ghosts. Gir! Stand guard while I'm gone!"
"Master bring cookies back?"
"Yes Gir. *sigh* I'll bring cookies."
Dib was just about finished with wiring up the amplifiers and speakers he had placed in strategic areas of the old building. It was rather risky, as it was, as Gaz had put it, simply rotting away. Twice his foot had gone through some old boards and once he had gone through a wall by simply leaning against it. Still he kept at it until he was satisfied all of it worked. He chose the room that used to be the lounge as the main operations room to tuck all the controls in as it was a large room and the storage areas were in reasonable good shape. He didn't want to fall out and be exposed when he was scaring the pants off Zim!
He yawned and checked his watch when he screwed down the last wire. "Hmm, I can still get around 4 hours sleep tonight. And then tomorrow, heh! Zim will soon learn what a 'ghost' is!"
Zim was having quite a bit of trouble learning what a ghost was. He had explored three old abandoned buildings so far and had seen nothing but rats, roaches and a few owls. He was getting covered with dust and mold and twice had fallen down old stair cases, resulting in bruises and a lot of Irken swear words.
In the latest tumble he sat up and began to wipe off the cobwebs clinging to him. "Stupid human ghosts are just as stupid as live humans," he muttered. "Why not haunt some decent places that aren't filthy and about to crumble? Why hang around old buildings with spiders and bats? Stupid ghosts."
He straightened up and shone his palm light about. The room wasn't much different than the other rooms he had seen, ceiling panels hanging by shards, broken windows, dirt covering the floor, torn wallpaper. "Are there any ghosts here?" he shouted. His question echoed back to him from other rooms. "Hellooo? Any ghosts want to try to frighten the Mighty Zim? Hm? Come on! Zim CHALLENGES you!"
No answer. Zim sniffed and shone his light about as he carefully made his way forward. "Stupid ghosts are frightened by Zim, eh? Is that it? Only stupid brainless humans are afraid of stupid ghosts."
A shape soon took shape in front of him, a large blobby body with spindly legs. It was huge and hovered just in front of him on the wall. For a moment Zim was taken aback but he soon regained his composure. "So! You're a ghost, eh? Try to frighten Zim! Go ahead!"
The shape didn't moan, or scream or even move. It just hung there, in a rather familiar shape. Zim studied it for a moment, then he narrowed his eyes and looked at his palm light. A fat spider was crouched in the middle of it. Irritated, the invader shook it off, thereby ridding himself of the 'ghost' on the wall. "Huh, if that is what humans are afraid of, then there's nothing to this 'haunting' business."
He clambered back up the broken steps as best he could and made his way home. Gir anxiously greeted him.
"Master saw ghosties?" the robot quavered.
"Zim saw nothing that even looked like a ghost! Just dirt, dust and cobwebs. Oh, and a big spider." Zim took the cleansing chalk and worked at removing the dirt that still clung to him. "Humans are silly things, to be scared of old houses filled with nothings!"
"Ghosties aren't nothings," Gir insisted. "Ghosties are scary! And not very dirty." He added, looking at the pile of dust and cobwebs scattered on the floor encircling his master.
"Well, clean this up then. I've got to get to skool now. Perhaps I can find some more information about these ghosts from the female human dirt monkeys if they bring that book again. I need more INFORMATION!"
"Master forgot cookies!" Gir wailed.
At the lunch playground break Zim didn't get a chance to listen in to the reading, as Dib was waiting there in his customary spot.
"Hey Zim! Find any ghosts yet?"
"It seems that your silly human ghosts fear ZIM! There were none to be found." Zim leaned against the fence and crossed his arms, looking bored.
"Perhaps you haven't been looking in the right places. Ghosts aren't found everywhere, y'know." Dib said airily. "You have to have a place where someone has been killed at, to have a ghost."
"Hmm," That was something Zim hadn't heard. "So does Dib-stink know any place that humans have been killed in and have ghosts?"
"Sure do! But I don't think it's a good idea to go roaming around in that place. It's rather dangerous. I think maybe…" Dib squinted his eyes, pretending to ponder. "About eight people have been killed there, looking for haunts. Then they too, become ghosts, of course."
"Dib-monkey will tell Zim of this place!"
'Heh, he's swallowing the bait! But mustn't act too eager. Play him like a fish! A big fat alien fish to pull in and mount on my wall! Ugh, not really, of course.' The thought of Zim stuffed and hanging from a board on a wall didn't have much appeal. Aloud Dib said as casually as he could. "I don't know, Zim. Like I said, it's kind of a dangerous place, falling apart, hidden passageways and who knows, perhaps the ghosts were the ones who killed those people who trespassed?"
For a moment flashes from the ghost movies Zim had seen went through his mind and the fates of the teenaged actors made him falter just a bit. But then, was he an Invader or not? "Don't try to scare ZIM with your silly tales of tragedy! Tell Zim of this place! TELL ME!"
Dib winced. "Ok ok ok! Geez, do you have to yell in my ear all the time like that? Tell you what, I'll meet you on Main Street tonight at around 9. I'll take you up there but then you're on your own! I'M not going to risk my neck in that place!"
"Dib worm is afraid of ghosts! Well, Zim is NOT!"
"Well, we'll see. Remember, 9 o'clock on Main Street!"
As Dib walked away he couldn't help chuckling once again. "Oh we'll see if Zim is afraid of ghosts or not. We'll see! Heh heh heh."