2. Historical Re-enactment Taken to Extremes

'Bloody hell.' Zoe puffed. 'Where the fuck is the house?' She was still dripping wet, but the rain had eased up a little. Her ankle hurt like all hell, but it was holding her weight. There was less wind, and the thunderstorm had moved on. But now she was tired. She'd been walking for ages and her ankle was painful.

'Argh!' Zoe screamed in frustration. 'Andy! Where are you and the jeep? If you pick me up now I promise I'll bake you a chocolate cake! Promise!'

No answer. And then Zoe realized that she hadn't seen the road either. And this was just brilliant. She was cold, wet, had an ankle that was probably swollen, it was getting dark quite quickly and, best of all, she was lost.

Zoe looked around for familiar-looking trees and landmarks. Where was the one that had had its limbs chopped off? The rock that Andy had said was shaped like an enormous penis was gone, too. She hadn't seen it while she was walking either. She'd had a snicker with Simon about it while Brittany had whacked Andy over the head for his 'immaturity' and 'phallic obsession'.

'When you're lost what do you do?' Zoe wiped her hair out of her face. It was getting long again, she noticed absently. 'Stay in one place, loser,' she muttered.

Except one place for her was currently in the middle of nowhere. And it was still raining. Jeez, she was a whiny bitch at the moment.

She crouched down. It hurt her ankle a bit, but she was unwilling to sit and get her butt thoroughly soaked. She was wet, yes, but she didn't want to be drenched. There was a difference, however small it might be. And she waited.

For a while she didn't hear anything except the rain. Even a bird would be great to hear, but they were sensible and had decided that they wanted to be dry. Then, gradually, she started to hear something else. No idea what it was, but it sounded big. And it jingled. Zoe briefly entertained thoughts of Santa Claus coming to rescue her, but it was mid-July and she didn't believe in Santa anyway.

No lights came into sight, so it wasn't Andy, or even Mike with the jeep to rescue her. Sounded like horses, actually. But what would horses be doing out here? Why would they jingle? And why would somebody, or many people, decide to go riding in this weather? Honestly, some people were insane.

It was horses. About ten horses, Zoe tried to count them, but it really didn't matter. They were her ticket out of here. Hopefully they could either take her back to her friends (her preferred option) or point her in the right direction.

'Oi! Hey! Over here!' Zoe stood up shakily, waving her arms in the air. She nearly whooped for joy when they turned in her direction. She was going to get warm and dry and fed and she'd never be dragged on another 'nature walk' again. Even to the river. Even if it was so pretty.

But as the riders got closer she noticed a few things were kind of…off. Some people really were insane. They were wearing armour. It looked seriously uncomfortable in this kind of weather. Not to mention how rare it was to see somebody in armour outside a movie anyway. They looked to be carrying weapons as archaic as their armour. Swords, bows, daggers, axes and shields adorned these men. But their weapons weren't the pretty kind, and neither was their armour. The shields were battered and their armour didn't shine like modern suits did. They looked…used. Zoe was seriously hoping that they were seriously into historical re-enactment; otherwise she was in deep shit.

But these guys didn't look the type. As they got closer she saw their faces. And they were dirty. Either this was really good historical re-enactment or she was going crazy. Because why else would she suddenly find herself in the presence of men riding horses, wearing armour and covered in dirt and…was that blood?

They stopped their horses a little distance away, and she saw that a couple of them had their bows pointed towards her, an arrow in the string. 'Please don't shoot me!' Zoe raised her hands, hoping that they were just playing at being knights, or maybe from a movie set, because she really didn't want to be shot.

One of the men, a rather attractive man with tight black curls and a red cape barked something out at her.

'Sorry, I didn't hear you.' Zoe said, shifting her weight off her swollen ankle. Shit, she hoped she didn't get them angry with her.

The man said it again. But he wasn't saying anything in English. He seemed frustrated that she didn't understand and dismounted. On the ground he was actually really tall. Well, compared to her anyway.

For a third time he repeated himself, but Zoe shook her head frantically, hand going to touch her crucifix for reassurance. It had belonged to her grandmother and she was never without it. 'Sorry, I didn't understand that. I'm sorry.'

The man grabbed her shoulder in one mailed hand and shook her a little, ignoring her violent flinch. He said something else and Zoe finally figured out what language he was speaking in.

'You're talking in Latin. I'm sorry, I don't speak Latin.' Zoe was leaning as far away from the man as she could, but he was still holding on to her arm. She wanted them to just move on now. She didn't want them to take her anywhere. She looked around for any sign of the jeep coming, but there was none.

The man frowned. Obviously he hadn't understood her. Damn. This was getting even weirder. Not to mention scarier. Even if they were hardcore filming or re-enacting some great battle, why speak in Latin? The only other possible option was that he didn't know English. Maybe one of the others did.

'Please! Does anyone speak English?' She yelled to the others, only to be shaken rather roughly by the man in the red cape.

'I don't understand what you're saying,' Zoe kept repeating as the man tried to talk to her. She was nearly in tears by this time, clutching on to the cross necklace she was wearing.

One of the others yelled something and the man holding her shoulder called back, nodding. He said something to her again, and his tone was apologetic now, rather than aggressive. Zoe had half a second to register this before he dragged her over to the group of horses.

And these guys were scary. Like, really scary. They smelled terrible as well, she noticed, wrinkling her nose. And they were covered in dirt and she had to acknowledge that the red stuff all over them was probably blood due to the smell. She hated blood. Particularly blood that used to be inside someone else.

Red-Cape-Man picked her up, ignoring her protests, and set her down in front of the very smell, very large man with long, blond hair.

'Where are you taking me? Put me down! Leave me alone! Just put me down!' She wriggled and thrashed in an effort to get off the horse, but the man behind her was strong. Like, really strong. Easily strong enough to stop her from getting down.

Red-Cape-Man had mounted his big white horse again. Not exactly a knight in shining armour, but he looked heroic enough, particularly with the look on his face. But he was too nuts to be a real hero, not to mention around five hundred years too late. It was 2008 for God's sake! Who rode around in armour carrying weapons anymore? Let alone smelling like blood.

'Hey, please put me down. Just let me go home, please?' Zoe tried to twist to see the man behind her but he shook her roughly and she saw an axe strapped to his hip. There was blood on it.

Then they were galloping, or at least, riding rather fast and Zoe held onto the man's arm for dear life. She was absolutely terrified. She was being kidnapped by strange men with a lot of blood on them. They were going to kill her.

Zoe looked around at the men riding around her. They all looked tough. They all looked strong. Not to mention they were all covered in blood. That could have something to do with it. And one of them, a huge bald guy, had a bandage around his leg.

And of course there was the fact that she didn't know them. She didn't understand them. Zoe started to think about what they wanted her for, and what they could do to her. And she had no idea where they were taking her. None of the landmarks were familiar. Even more worrying was that there was no sign of civilisation anywhere. No roads. No streetlights. No houses. No cars. Where were they taking her?

Zoe started crying. She was tired, cold, wet, her ankle hurt and she was being carried off by crazy men who either believed they were knights or were far too into their historical re-enactment and either way they had blood all over them and a variety of nasty-looking weapons. This was not happening. Maybe she'd hit her head and was hallucinating. That'd be good. Maybe everything after the lightning strike was just a dream. But it smelled too bad, her ankle hurt too much and she didn't wake up when she pinched herself.

She didn't know how long the men rode for. She got thirsty, kind of needed to pee and was absolutely starving, so she guessed it was quite some time. But it was clearly dark once they slowed down. And a little while later they came across a wall. A large, stone wall that stretched as far as Zoe could see.

'Please, just let me down. I won't tell anyone about you. I just want to go home.' Zoe was pleading with the blond man while they rode along the wall.

They got to a set of very large gates. Very large and intimidating gates they were, too. Made out of metal, with spikes pointing out. There were more crazies up on top of the wall and they also spoke Latin. They opened the gates for the nut jobs that were kidnapping her, saluting them like Nazis. But Nazis wouldn't wear a Roman legionary's helmet. And they wouldn't have a red banner with a bronze eagle flying from the top of the gate.

Zoe was taken by the men through the gate, along a cobbled road and to another set of gates. Except this one had writing on the top of it, still more Latin. And inside were legionaries, men with plumed helmets dressed similarly, brats running around completely filthy and in archaic clothes. Women were wearing smock-dresses. The whole place was just wrong. It couldn't be here, in modern Britain. The government would definitely have to do some work on the state of the plumbing here, because it smelled like sewerage. And the roads needed to be paved properly as well.

All through the streets there were no streetlights, no cars, no electric signs or modern appliances. She looked around her for some sneakers, a watch, jeans, anything that would reassure her she was still in Britain. She was out of luck.

Finally, they came to a courtyard where the men stopped the horses. It was small, just big enough for all of them. There were people crowded around the outside. One red-headed woman was screaming at the men and one of them hollered something back. Zoe was handed down to Red-Cape-Man, who smiled somewhat reassuringly at her as he led her away from the muck of the courtyard.

Another man, dressed in a smock-like shirt, brown pants and bulky leather boots came up to them, said something in Latin and handed Red-Cape-Man a scroll, which he unrolled, after saying something in Latin to her. Probably excusing himself or something.

But it was the scroll that made Zoe start to feel really scared. She snatched it out of Red-Cape-Man's hands and saw what she had been afraid of. It was written in Latin, the paper wasn't paper at all, and there was a signature on the bottom. 'Julius Martinus, Centurion.'

'Oh shit!'

Either this was one hell of an historical re-enactment or Zoe was in deep trouble. Aside from the men in armour who had kidnapped her. Zoe touched the crucifix at her neck and hoped it was the former.

xxx

A/N: Ok, she's met the knights now, but she doesn't know it. This was really hard for me to write, because it's such an unbelievable situation for anyone to be in. You've got no idea where you are and these big, scary men in armour come up to you and take you away. And you can't understand them, even better. Anyway, I hope I made as realistic a reaction as possible.

Any concrit, advice or pointing out of typos is much appreciated!

Disclaimer: King Arthur is not mine, as I said the chapter before.