"Fine Line"

"My mind tells me to give up, but my heart wont let me."

Chapter 19: In The Recesses of the Mind

My breath quickened, pressing myself further into the wall behind me, shoulder blades hurting from the pressure.

Dark lavender eyes shimmered amusedly at me, their owner's soft footsteps echoing like drums in my ears. My eyes flashed down immediately, unable to handle the intensity of those eyes.

My breathing hitched when a palm was suddenly placed next to my head, and a warm, yet cold finger brushed across my cheek, stopping at my ear and pushing a strand of hair back.

A strong scent of something sweet and bitter permeated my sense of smell, and hot breath fanned across my face. The finger which fiddled with my hair travelled back across my cheek, before a thumb ran across my lips.

I felt that thumb and fingers hold onto my chin, tilting my head up to meet alluring lavender. I gulped.

"Kumiko-chan…"

What an innocent term of name…and yet the voice that spoke it was anything but innocent.

"..…?" My voice was lost when his head suddenly leaned down, next to mine. His soft lips left a tingling sensation against my ear, and a trail of red flame on my cheeks.

"Kumiko…"

My heart pounded and I realized with a sickening twist in my stomach that I loved my name in the tune of his voice. My eyelids fluttered close when his warm palms rested against the left of my cheek, and I faintly felt his soft red hair brush across my forehead.

Opening my eyes to look at him, my hands tucked into my sides fisted nervously. I gulped again.

'Do you…want me?" His voice was but a whisper, low and sultry.

My mind screamed no.

My heart pounded yes.

My body begged for him.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no voice came out. Words were tangled in my throat, unable to form and identify themselves.

Slowly, he leaned down, and the screams of my mind were lost, gone with the world, as I tasted that sinfully delicious flavor of his, one that I always wondered what it would taste like:

Wine and bubblegum.

~***~

'My g-!!"

My body flew straight up into sitting position, and my eyes were wide with shock and fright. Sweat cascaded down my skin as I panted like a beat dog.

Red flared across my skin, and my body temperature rose as seconds ticked by; whilst my mind replayed that sinisterly realistic dream I had. The lust that was present within me in that dream, the desire that scorched my body in there….it was all so real.

I buried my face into my hands and screamed.

"Oh my god…I'm turning into a pervert!!!"

I slopped through the hallway, trudging back home after another long day in class. My hair was dishelved, and bags laid under my eyes from the sleepless night I had.

Aya had assaulted me today, bringing to light the promise of going to a host club with her.

Right now, I hated Marui with a passion.

It was because of him (partly), that I won that race and got that stupid prize. It was because of him that I offered to take Aya to a host club as appreciation. It was because of him that I had that horrendous dream.

It was because of him that I am now trembling to the cores of my bone, taking the elevator up to Club Prism, fearing the thought of facing him after that wicked dream of mine several days back.

Aya poked me from beside me. "Kumiko-chan, what's with you today? You look….nervous?" She snickered. "Scared to see Marui-san again?" She hadn't left me alone about my 'daredevil', according to her, act of sticking my head out of a moving vehicle and screaming for all I'm worth. I didn't tell her about m encounter with Kirihara and Marui after we came back of course.

"No, nothing." I bit out in a tight voice.

Aya shrugged, my moody waves not disheartening her one bit. I still did not understand what made her so excited and happy to come to host clubs.

The girl skipped out of the elevator as soon as the door opened, ripping the winning paper from my hands at the same time. If only she did rip it.

She barged into the club room much too eagerly, and I shielded my face in embarrassment as heads turned to see what interrupted their 'elegant' atmosphere. Dear lords…

"Ah~ Yunami-hime." Yukimura Seiichi greeted us at the door, his gentle visage approaching us.

"Ahah! Yukimura-san!!" Aya cheered, rushing forward and flashed the prize paper in his face. He blinked at it, before laughing into his hand, curled into a fist. "I see Ishimaru-hime came as well then." He chuckled softly, and I reddened under his blue eyes; out of both nervousness and embarrassment.

There was this sense of…insecurity around me for some reason, when I visit them. The idea of host and hostess clubs is still something that sparked controversies in Japan itself, needless to say other countries. That was probably why.

Aya immediately picked Yagyuu as her host for the night, but of course, she snatched up a few more that were available since it was free, after all. Me? I went to the bar counter again, and Jackal shot me a look of bewilderment and bafflement. I could judge by the look on his face that he was wondering why I was at the bar, and not off with several hosts; clearly I wasn't using the prize paper to its maximum utility.

Well, the only other host I was even remotely comfortable around is obviously Marui, and Kirihara and Niou. But…I peeked to the side.

Marui was busy with another girl, charming them with his enchanting smile. The girl was nothing but goo in his hands. I chewed my lips, and asked Jackal for suggestions of a mocktail. I was at least going to get the most out of the free food and drinks…they were really good, but really expensive. And I was going to devour them till I drop tonight.

Jackal placed a glass of a swirly yellow drink in front of me, and before he can even tell me what its name was, I drank it up in one sitting. The man blinked at me in bewilderment, before heading off to make another one.

At the other end of the room, just in my sight, I see Kirihara entertaining another girl, if you can call it that. He just seemed to be grumbling about something but the girl kept this wide-eyed look on her face, pretending to be really interested when I bet she was just interested in ogling him senseless.

I drummed my fingers against my cheek, seeking out the other host I can talk with, although he caused a lot of moments of blood rush. But he was the only other one here I speak to often…Turning to the Brazilian in front of me, I questioned him of his whereabouts.

"Where's Niou-san?" I asked, taking the glass of Cola Piñata he handed me with a soft thanks.

"Ah, Niou. He's not in today." He replied, drying a glass cup with a cloth.

I blinked, not expecting that answer. "R-really? Is he sick?"

The man shook his head. "He's probably having the time of his life right now. One of his regulars took him on a vacation trip to Hawaii."

"…………" Hawaii? Did he say Hawaii? As in, THE HAWAII?!

At my baffled and plain stoned look, he explained to me how sometimes the hosts are showered with gifts by their customers- Rolex watches, Hugo Boss suits etc. Once in awhile, they would invite them to on a vacation trip together, all paid by the customer of course. The hosts have the choice not to go or not; but really, who in their right mind would say no?

I should consider becoming a hostess if I get pampered like this….

Jackal laughed at my expression. "I know, shocking right? When I first got my job here, even I couldn't believe how much luxury these guys have. They already get paid in lumps of cash everyday, and they still get free gifts."

"Why aren't you a host then?"

He grinned –nervously?- and I thought I saw a small tint of pink on his dark skin. "Nah, not really my style. I'm happy with my pay, and Atobe allows me to cook whatever I want, so I'm not complaining. These things are more of Bunta's forte."

Now only did I notice that Jackal referred to Marui by his first name. "Are you guys close?"

Jackal nodded, but a frown flitted on his features when a stubborn spot on the cup won't come off despite his vigorous rubbing. "Yea, I guess we are. We attended school together, and even played doubles together in tennis. We still go out and play once in awhile now, when he has time. Those customers are pretty irregular about their schedule, and sometimes he would get calls even when out of work."

"…They call after work?" As in, they give their numbers to the customers too?!

Jackal's lips quirked up one side. "Yea. Cant deny what the customer wants after all…usually." He paused, seemingly to think whether he should tell me. "Sometimes, the customers' even takes them out on dates, and even ask for…you know, 'that' from them." He made quote marks.

I raised an eyebrow. "That?"

"He means sex." A gruff voice spoke up, and my face blared red at the blunt way he spoke.

"Shishido!" Jackal sighed. His attempt at trying to break it to me easy has been thwarted, and I was now burning like a beet.

The new male snorted, jumping onto a stool next to me. "She'll find out anyway, if you're planning to tell her."

My eyes were still wide from plain shock. "R-really? B-b-but s-s-!" I couldn't speak straight. The idea was just too much for me to handle.

Shishido gave me a small smile, but rolled his eyes soon after. "We can decide of course. They can beg, ask sweetly, shyly –whatever- pay us more; but we still have the rights to decide whether we want to." He shook his head then, rubbing a hand into his hair. "We don't though…other than Niou and perhaps one or two that I don't know of."

Jackal set down a glass of water in front of him, and Shishido drank it slowly. I was still trying to absorb what he said. Shoulders relaxing after the cooling drink, Shishido continued. "Like I said the first time you came, it's a sticky business we're in here."

Jackal promptly agreed, still trying to clean that darned cup. Someone must have been using a really strong lipstick. "That's right…some of these women come in here for fun, like your friend."

"Those are the ones that are easier to mingle with. " Shishido gave his input.

"Then there are the ones who are driven by hormones." Jackal continued but was cut off by Shishido again.

"They are one of the difficult ones. But people like Niou likes them…" He muttered.

Jackal ignored Shishido's comment and went on. "Then there are those who just went through a difficult phase in their life, or are going through one." His dark eyes softened as he said this, as if deep in thought.

Shishido was silent too, and I stared at them, wondering what they were thinking about. Shishido suddenly gave his input again, voice soft and just…sad for some reason.

"Those are the ones who are the hardest to deal with…and it makes us feel like shit when we can't do anything."

My gaze shifted downwards, and for a moment, my negative thoughts and feelings towards hosts and host clubs flickered, nearly dispersing like smoke to wind. Perhaps I was being too shallow in how I view these men and their jobs. I kept only noticing their good looks and how they charmed women with them, the luxurious life they led and the wealth showered upon them.

I….hadn't really thought about things from their side.

I blinked slowly and looked up at Shishido again when he spoke once more. "Like I said…" He rubbed his forehead. "A sticky business."

And he jumped off the stool, right when another woman entered, whose smile only brightened when she caught sight of the brown haired host approaching her.

Jackal gave a small chuckle as he watched the woman and Shishido walk off to another side of the room, before disappearing behind a corner to who knows where.

"That one just broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years. Was a crying mess few months back." He continued cleaning, finally getting that lipstick stain off. "These guys have to watch their every movement and action, never stepping over the line, but still pleasing the customers and their different needs….never falsely leading them into love."

His dark eyes raised to look into my impeccant ones, which with every moment I spend with these men and learn more about them, gets less and less innocent and more and more aware and…..

"That's the one thing our club hates. And that's entangling the customers into something that may hurt them, and perhaps even both sides." Jackal renewed my drink, which I was enjoying thoroughly. "We'll not stoop so low like some host clubs just to rake in customers by toying with their feelings. Atobe and Yukimura will not allow it. We're here to entertain, heal and mend, not-"

Someone suddenly jumped on Jackal from the back, and I looked to see it was Marui, giving the bald man a noogie. "Oi, oi, what's this Jackal?! You're more talkative with her than me! With me you only say 'don't do this' or 'don't do that' or 'Bunta, that's rude'!!"

Jackal shook him off his shoulder with a stern frown. "Bunta, you're not supposed to come over to this side of the counter. You might break something!"

Marui rolled his eyes. "See what I mean?!" He pointed an accusing finger at him and he looked at me, his face imploring me to agree with him.

I only blinked stupidly at them. Awkwardly, I reached up and scratched the back of my head. "Umm…yea?"

"Hah! Even she agrees~" He blew a bubblegum with a satisfied smirk, but Jackal only rolled his eyes and ignored the redhead's childish antics. Marui proceeded to leap over the bar rather than exiting through the mini swinging door, and Jackal let out a sound of baffled protest.

Landing safely on his feet, Marui quickly looked around warily, and seeing that he was safe, he straightened up. "Phew~ Sanada and Yukimura are not around…"

I deadpanned. He checked after he jumped?

Suddenly turning to grin at me, he slid into the stool next to mine. "Heh~ you actually came again! I'm impressed."

I frowned, pouting. But there was a constant pink on my cheeks, as that dream I had was still fresh in my mind. And seeing him right here in front of me-those same lavender eyes, that same mop of hair, and the same unique scent-it made it harder for me to dispel the dream from my thoughts.

Feeling the red deepening the longer I stared at him, I turned my head away. "Y-yea…I did say I would…"

"But I didn't think you would!" He laughed.

"Hmph." Looking further away from him with a pout, I sipped at my drink- hm, did Jackal change my drink again? It tasted different….I glanced down at it from the corner of my eye, avoiding Marui's figure. It was a Shirley Temple.

An involuntary yelp ripped from my throat when hands suddenly clamped down on both my shoulders forcefully. Aya's grinning face appeared next to mine, and I can already see telltale hints of red on her face, hinting at her drinking tonight. She was obviously going all out, as there is no limit to her credit today…

Marui laughed at my reaction, and Aya kept grinning like an idiot. "Why are you sitting here?~" She pinched my cheek and cooed. Slapping her hand away, I frowned. "Aya-chan, how much did you drink?"

"Several glasses…" Someone snickered sheepishly from behind, and I turned to see the host known as Gakuto, with Yagyuu next to him. The polite man pushed his glasses up, and apologized to me swiftly. "I did try to stop her…"

The slightly tipsy Aya swung her hand around me, slurping up my Shirley Temple at the same time. "I can still go you know! But that's beside the point~!" She pulled my shoulders to face her, intense eyes burning into mine. "Kumiko-chan, you're WASTING," she screamed in my ear, "the prize paper!"

I glanced around quickly, glad that most of the customers are in other areas of the spacious floor with their respective hosts rather than here at the main room. The ones here were too absorbed with their entertainer to take notice of us.

"Aya-chan, its my prize paper, I can do what I want with-" Gakuto hopped next to Aya, maroon eyes narrowed as well.

"You cant just let it go to waste on drinks after going through the effort to win it!!" He flailed, and I bit back the comment that I didn't actually put effort into winning that prize…I just wanted the satisfaction of winning and not failing for once; it had nothing to do with the prize.

But before I could even say anything for my side, Aya thumped her hands on my shoulders childishly. "That's right, that's riiiight!!" She whipped around, hand hailing down Yagyuu. "Yagyuu!" She must have been really out of it to refer to him without any honorifics. "Who's free right now?!" Instantly, I knew she meant which host was available.

"Aya-chan, really, I'd rather not-" Yagyuu pushed up his glasses again and it started to annoy me. "Marui-kun is free right now I believe. His last customer already left long ago." For some reason, I felt as if Yagyuu mentioned Marui on purpose or something; like there was some sort of conspiracy going on.

I tensed, and Marui raised a curious eyebrow at Yagyuu. "No t-tha-" I stammered but Aya ignored me and pivoted towards Marui.

"That's right Marui-san!!!" The girl gasped out, dark eyes narrowing at the host who shrunk back from her awkwardly.

"Aya-chan, I didn't even designate him or anyone as my host!" I went to his rescue, and also to the rescue of my humility.

"That's where you're wrong, Ishimaru-hime." Yagyuu interrupted me in my mission. "When a customer has yet to nominate a host using our eternal nomination system, it is up to the hosts themselves to nominate themselves."

………No one ever told me that!

"Of course, the one who the princess likes best will be her prince for eternity~Within the context of the club of course…" Gakuto chirped, taking his attention away from the sundae he was downing.

"And outside." Jackal added offhandedly.

Marui drummed his fingers against his cheek, face akin to that of a daydreaming kid in maths class. Suddenly, "Okay~!"

It was as if lightning struck me, or the area behind me. "Ehhh?!!!!" I toppled from my chair from shock, tumbling into Aya in front of me. She whipped Marui on the back, then me. "Yea!! Jackal! More Asahi please!!"

I glared up at her futilely. "Aya-chan! That's enough beer for y-"

"It's sake! Kampaaai!!"

"It doesn't matter!!"

I felt a soft hand patting me warmly on my shoulder, and I turned to see Yagyuu. He smiled at me sympathetically. "Forgive me for not watching her drinking." I sighed. This man was so polite; how can I ever be mad at him? It wasn't his fault in the first place anyway….

"It's alright, Yagyuu-san." I doled out with defeat.

Warm breath tickled my ears, and all the hair on my neck stood up. I squeaked like a hissing cat, jumping away from my spot.

Marui snickered at me, and I found him to be the culprit.

"Let's go, Kumiko-chan~." He stretched a hand out to me.

My eye narrowed suspiciously. "Go where?"

He pouted at my suspicion and doubts. Someone pushed me at the small of my back, and I glanced behind me to see Yagyuu. "Go, Ishimaru-hime. I'll look after Yunami-hime." He reassured me.

….I wasn't even thinking of Aya's well-being!

I sighed. "I don't see why we can't just stay here, Marui-san…"

Jackal leaned over the countertop at this. "Bunta will be your first real host ever. Every time I see you, Ishimaru-san, you're always surrounded by the others, or you're not actually in a host-customer situation. If you stayed here right now with Bunta as your designated host, it won't be much different as when he isn't your designated host."

Marui whistled. "Heeh~ Jackal, you read my genius thoughts!"

Jackal's eyebrows twitched in annoyance. "Its common sense…" the man muttered darkly.

Crossing my arms, I shot Jackal a dubious look. "What about those customers with a lot of hosts?!" I asked, nodding my head at a woman who just emerged from another hallway with Atobe, Yukimura and a tall man with obsidian eyes and similar dark hair, who looks pretty much stern all out, despite his good looks.

"Those are new customers who hasn't decided on a host yet….uwaaah, she's got lots of guts, having Atobe and Sanada in the same room…and even Yukimura…" Gakuto mumbled in disbelief at the group.

"Then why cant I stay here with you all as well? You're hosts! ….except for Aya-chan…"

Yagyuu smiled, noticing my blatant attempts at not being alone with Marui. "We'reall designated, Ishimaru-hime- Me and Gakuto-kun to Yunami-hime. Jackal-kun isn't a host. The rest are all taken up. Marui-kun is the only one available right now."

I turned to Marui with a slightly accusing look. "How come you're the only one free?"

He got offended at my statement and expression. "It's not my fault my customer suddenly can't make it tonight! And don't you doubt my popularity now! I'm a hit with the ladies~" I felt like that was only something Niou would say.

"But are you that opposed by the thought of me, Kumiko-chan?" Marui crossed his arm and raised one fine eyebrow.

Oooh…there was that question. How am I supposed to answer that?

Say that I freeze up with the male species and cant handle being in closed quarters with them? Say that I find him annoying? Say that I had a freaky dream about him the other day and now I can't stand being around him?

What was I supposed to say?

I can't say….I hate him.

Maybe if it was in the early stages of our meeting, I might have.

I couldn't say that right now though, because it would be a lie. In fact, I did like his company.

He was humorous in his own cocky ways, and interesting in his interactions with those around him. Annoying at times he might be due to his ego, but he had the rights to boast, I suppose. And…he can be a sweetheart when he wants to be, surprisingly, as he came off to me as a really selfish person at times (thinks about his ego and food only…).

So then, why was I so opposed to being with him?

I glanced away guiltily, when his thoroughly innocent eyes burned intensely into mine.

It was my own insecurities….and fears.

"O-okay." I gulped. "Y-you're my host tonight, Marui-san."

It can't be too bad.

** Just so you guys know, I actually did a lot of research into Host Clubs before I started this if anything seems weird (like the date, vacation etc bit), realize that they ARE real. Not everything is clean cut like Ouran Host Club makes it to be; not in the adult world, especially.

Wow, I got a sudden influx of messages and reviews asking what that story is haha XD; Well, sadly, I'm not gonna say- WAAIT DON'T THROW YOUR BRICKS YET!!- now. Cause, if I told you now, and you went and read it, there's a 70% (imo) chance you'll fall in love with it, and then you'll be left to suffer like I did for the past 3 years, since its still unconfirmed whether the author will continue it, for she has…moved onto other fandoms (Yuck, Vampire Knight T_T). What's more, she's only ever written 3 chapters for it, and one of them is a short prologue which hardly has anything D: and the other 2 chappies were just introducing the characters x_X even I don't know why I liked it so much haha, and I was left to ramble for a page long when the author asked me what I liked about it haha Probably the humor and action? But I'm praying she'll continue, and if she does, I'll let you guys know! (After getting my hands at it first of course lol)

Hm, but my Hamao and Genki albums will be arriving soon! x3 and I just finished a drawing of Marui and Akaya spontaneously! I ish so proud, cause it ws the produc of being extreeeemely bored in class! Or perhaps it was because Marui is always in my head! :D

.com/art/Round-The-Corner-of-Rikkai-133807521

lol shuddup. I know its bad =( But pssh. I got a story churning in my head already because of this pic! XD

thanks for reviewing!

Kiki-chan: lol everyone can draw if they give it time and a chance =D

Juunin: I cant catch butteflies! T_T I'm always afraid I'll squish them =( I dont think this is going to be a ShiraishiOCMarui...Just MaruiOC, but with lots of love from the other guys =D Final pair will be MaruiOC XD After this though, I'll most likely continue my OotoriOCMarui story haha

Unknown reviewer: No nameD: But I'm guessing...elusivemelody? XD Its definitely easier to learn than breakdancing, and more fun in my opionion =D its a matter of learning the steps and combining them with your own style to make a new routine XD

asobi seksu: No, not Poakkis (no idea who Poakkis is actually haha) And this isnt the first Marui story ever written lol loads of Marui stories were already written at that time.

PhoenixRage92: Kirihara always had a good side! = he just needs time to grow up XD

Lad Ladington: You ever saw the chibi episodes of PoT? XD one episode, Akaya was carrying a tray of drinks when he got pummelled over, and his face was OH SO CUTE WITH ONE REDCIRCLE ON HIS FOREHEAD! XD Ikept imagining that face when I typed him up haha and I thought that Shitenhouji was a cool team =0 they became my 2nd fave team,kicking Hyotei out of the spot when they appeared XD

SapphireBreeze19: haha its alright! I understand about school =( I'm swamped by it too, and I use the excuse that writing this fic makes me lose stress x_X (though it adds some somewhat, since I cant think of anything D:)