13. Don't Say Goodbye

Zoe was having a lovely dream. She was back at home, in 2008, using her dog, Ripper, as a pillow. She was nice and warm, and Ripper needed a bath, because he smelled like he'd been rolling in something questionable. Nonetheless she was happy - content even. But after only a few moments of peace there was this annoying voice disturbing the dream, and she just wanted to tell it to shut up.

'Five more minutes,' Zoe mumbled in English, rolling over and snuggling against her dog-pillow.

'Wake up, Zoe.'

Wait, Zoe thought hazily, Celtic? Then she realized that the dream-Ripper was actually just a lump in the furs that she was using for a bed. And she wasn't really in 2008, she was in Roman Britain and she had to get up and go to work.

'Come along, Zoe,' Blanchefleur said, pulling Zoe up and gently propelling her in the direction of the water-bucket. 'You've got work and I've got a job to do.'

Zoe was grumpy. Yule, while it had been wonderful, had left her more tired than the time she'd gone out clubbing with Brit until five in the morning. Mind you, it was just after dawn now, and after she'd been clubbing she'd woken up at ten o'clock to drive back to her place and go to sleep there until eight in the evening when her parents decided she'd had enough sleep and made her study.

Now, though, she had gotten no more than three hours of sleep, judging by the light, and she had to go to work all day in a room that constantly smelled of sweaty, dirty men, with tubs of water and harsh soap that made her hands red and raw and made her back ache. And, if she was lucky, she got to mend clothes instead of wash them.

At work, everyone was quieter than usual, and the conversation naturally involved Yule and what everyone else had done there...or after it. Zoe learned that not only had Lucia disappeared from the celebrations with that blacksmith, but also that Lucia had gotten less sleep than she herself had. Apparently Byron had walked Liliana home so that they could continue some discussion they'd been having and Blanchefleur wouldn't shut up about dancing with Percival.

'Heard you went home with Tristan,' Liliana said through a yawn. 'What was that like?'

'He didn't say a word, just walked to Braewyn's, watched me through the door and left,' Zoe muttered, staring blearily at the tear in the pair of trousers she had been given and trying to make hands work properly. Apparently if she didn't get enough sleep, her sewing skills suffered.

'But still, how'd you get him to go home with you?' Blanchefleur asked with more energy than any of the other girls could muster. Oh, the power of love, Zoe thought grumpily.

'I didn't. Aleron did. Tristan was worried about someone. Jayna? Jaina? Jana? Aw, fuck it, I can't remember,' Zoe yawned. 'Too tired.'

'Was it Jaiyana?' Lucia asked.

Zoe blinked owlishly for a few moments, before nodding. 'That's the name.'

'She's his horse. Only thing that cold bastard cares about,' Lucia said. 'Is this all we have?' she asked, pointing to the clothes drying nearby.

'Yeah. But we've got to wait until they're dry.' Evelyn said. She was more rested than the others because she'd been a good Christian girl and gone to bed early. And yet, somehow, she'd managed to collect more gossip than the rest of them. For example, Evelyn had been the one to reveal that Iona had rejected Gawain when he'd tried to seduce her, that Lancelot had been seen in a compromising position with not one, but two women that night. At the same time. For some reason, nobody doubted that for a second.

'Good. Wake me up when there's work.' Lucia said and promptly curled up on the ground to nap.

'Me too, please,' Zoe said, scooting over into a corner and closing her eyes, resting against the wall.

The rest of the day, and the next, apart from the difficulties associated with hard partying, such as lack of sleep and sore muscles from the dancing, were quite normal. Then, two days after Yule, Zoe was taken to watch the knights ride out with Evelyn and Blanchefleur. Zoe's curiosity, Evelyn's admiration for Arthur and Blanchefleur's infatuation with Percival gave them the courage to sneak out of the laundry, after extracting promises from the other girls not to tell Jols.

'Look at them!' Evelyn squealed, tugging on Zoe's hand and pointing to where the knights were getting ready.

'They look so heroic,' Blanchefleur sighed, eyes dreamy and rather vacant, if you asked Zoe.

'They look like they're going out to kill,' Zoe said flatly. 'That's not heroic, that's their life, and that's sad.'

The knights didn't look heroic at all to her; they looked nothing like the legends had described them as a matter of fact. Their armour wasn't shiny, or even armour at all, really, just hardened pieces of leather that covered their bodies, maybe reinforced with metal, Zoe couldn't tell. And they were all dirty and kind of feral looking. Nothing like the genteel, Christian knights whose code of chivalry was legendary where she came from. They looked like hard men, whose job made them brutal. And Zoe found herself feeling sorry for them, rather than fearing them.

And she decided Bors wasn't that scary at all, as she saw a heavily pregnant Vanora scold him and make him promise to come back alive and before she gave birth, reducing him to an adoring, devoted, surprisingly meek man. 'I promise, my little flower,' Bors said, and the two of them engaged in a goodbye that Zoe felt would have been better carried out in the privacy of their own home.

Then some of the knights saw them standing together, and nudged each other and laughed. Evelyn and Blanchefleur were flattered to be noticed, Zoe thought that the knights were probably talking about which one had better breasts, or which one they'd 'do' and didn't feel so great about it.

Then the knights stopped suddenly, and became serious. Zoe saw a flash of red, and suddenly Arthur was in their midst and she was breathless. Even from this far, he looked like a king. The way he carried himself, his white horse, even his armour screamed 'royal' to Zoe.

He said something to the knights, and from what Zoe could see, their mood changed dramatically. They were standing unusually still, their faces strangely grim and as they moved to their horses they were abnormally silent. No jokes, no laughter. Bors went back to Vanora for a last kiss, one that lasted longer and was more tender than the one they'd shared before. They appeared to part with more reluctance this time, and Dagonet clapped him on the back as they moved to their horses.

Arthur reached his horse, his white stallion, and mounted him. The knights followed suit and they all rode out of the fort towards past where the three girls were standing. Further along the road there were groups of people, waiting to bid their goodbyes to the knights, but the girls were right next to the fort gates, just out of earshot of the Romans guarding it.

'Goodbye,' Evelyn said softly, looking up at the knights as they passed.

'Come back safely,' Blanchefleur said, a little louder, looking at Percival. He stared right back and nodded, lips quirking into the smallest smile Zoe had ever seen as Blanchefleur turned an unflattering shade of red.

Zoe said nothing, but nodded to Arthur, who returned it solemnly. A few of the knights, ones who were familiar with Zoe thanks to her job delivering them their clothes nodded or said goodbye. Zoe got more and more afraid, they all sounded like they were expecting to die, as if they would never come back. And it was a real possibility. The knights genuinely believed they could die, that's why Arthur was so grave and Bors unsmiling and the usually sociable Dinadan grimmer than usual.

'Goodbye, girls,' Gawain said solemnly. 'Goodbye.' He looked at Zoe for a second, as if he wanted to say more, and Zoe's heart leapt into her throat. He looked so sad that all she wanted to do was hug him until that hopeless look was out of his eyes and kiss him until he became the laughing man she had danced with at Yule again.

Gawain nodded to Zoe, smiled a little, meant to reassure, but only succeeding in making Zoe's stomach tighten in sudden fear.

More knights had ridden past, all saying goodbye in one way or another. Galahad had gone past, saying goodbye to the three girls in most depressing fashion yet, and Zoe felt as if she would choke and felt her eyes burning from tears.

Lancelot smiled at them in his usual fashion, but his eyes were lacking their usual humour. 'Ladies, farewell, I know you'll miss me,' he said suggestively, but Zoe could tell that his heart wasn't in it, and he, too, the knight she had thought would never give up, was feeling the same helplessness and despair that the others were.

Zoe was two steps forward, holding onto Lancelot's leg tightly before she realized it. 'Don't you dare say that. Don't you dare. This isn't goodbye, because you, and all of these idiots are coming back. I don't want to hear another goodbye from you, from any of you. Arthur's going to bring you all back home, so don't you dare say goodbye again.' Zoe was startled to feel the tightness in her throat that meant she was trying to stop herself from crying, and that the blurring of the world was from tears.

She felt a warm, calloused hand on her cheek and looked up, blinking to clear her eyes and sniffed loudly. Lancelot was looking down at her, smiling for some reason.

'I hate to see a pretty woman cry,' he said, hand leaving Zoe's face as he straightened in his saddle. 'We'll all do our best to come back, but we can't make any promises, Zoe. That's our life.'

'You sound like you expect to die,' Zoe whispered, as her hands clutched the leather of Lancelot's trouser leg tighter and the other knights rode around the two of them and Evelyn and Blanchefleur looked on.

'Wouldn't you like the opportunity to say goodbye to your loved ones?' Lancelot asked. 'I don't want regrets if it is my fate to die soon.'

'You can't just give up like that. I know I don't have the right to demand things of you like this, we're not friends, and you've doubtless got countless others closer to you than me, but promise you'll do your best and fight every step of the way?' Zoe asked, letting go of Lancelot's trousers and smiling weakly up at him. 'When you expect the worst, it will always happen.'

'I promise,' Lancelot said. 'Anyone who cares should be able to ask for what you did. I hope you'll care enough when I get back, because I wouldn't mind some more of that care then,' he said, winking. Then, the man smiled that damn smile down at Zoe, the one that made her re-think her internal resolution never to sleep with him. If he smiled at her enough like that, she just might. Lancelot kicked his horse into a trot and rode to catch up with Arthur, not looking back.

Zoe stepped back to the side of the road, out of the way of the remaining knights and sniffed again, wiping her eyes and nose with her sleeves. She felt an arm wrap around her shoulders from one side and another around her waist from the other, Blanchefleur and Evelyn lending her their wordless support while Zoe got her emotions and expression under control.

For some reason, Tristan was the last knight out of the fort, and he was different to the others. His eyes were sharp and focused, no different than usual, bright like a wolf's eyes, or a falcon's through the hair that fell in clumps in front of his face.

Zoe smiled at him as best she could. He was frightening; he didn't seem to care about anyone else, but he deserved a proper send-off, just like the rest of them.

'Come back soon,' Zoe said.

Tristan looked at her, and Zoe had to fight to keep her smile in place and not flinch under his gaze. He nodded once, slowly, as if what Zoe had said was either incredibly unexpected or stupid (probably stupid, Zoe thought) and rode off.

Evelyn and Blanchefleur wanted to wait a little longer, until the knights were out of sight, but Zoe pulled them away.

'We've got to go back before Jols finds out. It's not the last time you'll see any of them,' Zoe said with more confidence than she felt. 'Now come on.'

Jols found out anyway, but after making the three of them clean the laundry as punishment, he said that, as the knights were gone, there would be no need for them to show up at work until they came back. He gave them their pay and told them to enjoy their break. Zoe fully intended to do absolutely nothing, to just relax as much as she could with the depressing goodbye of the knights hanging around in her memory. She could definitely understand why Liliana and Lucia hadn't wanted to go, but she had already promised herself that next time the knights left she'd be there to see them off again.

But, instead of sitting around doing absolutely nothing like she'd thought she wanted to do, Zoe felt guilty. She'd watch from the pile of furs as Braewyn got up, lit the fire and started cleaning. It took all of ten minutes with Zoe debating the merits of cold feet versus incredible guilt, laziness versus usefulness, for Zoe to decide to help Braewyn with the housework. And when she'd gotten sick of it, she'd gone for walks with her friends when they could get away from their houses and talk about everything but the knights. Zoe's steadfast belief that the knights would be alright, coupled with Blanchefleur's tendency to go all quiet and moody if the knights were mentioned led to an unspoken agreement not to say anything about them. Still, it wasn't often that all of them could get together, so it became less of an issue. Even if they weren't working for money now, they were all still working at home. Lucia, in particular, seemed quite busy. Apparently it was the time when a lot of people decided to buy cloth to make spring and summer clothes, as they had the time and they would be needed soon, as thaw was just around the corner.

Liliana was free most of all. In an effort to escape her family she did all her chores as quickly as possible, before coming over to Zoe's house and doing more, which struck Zoe as a little odd, but any help with the housework, she wasn't going to object to. After the work was done, usually around lunchtime, Zoe would drag Liliana out for walks.

Liliana, acting as a sort of tour guide, took Zoe out to see the places that, apparently, every child who had grown up in the village knew about thanks to games of chase, hide-and-seek and getting lost. She learned that when Evelyn and Liliana had been little, they'd become friends as a result of a game of hide-and-seek gone wrong.

There were little clearings, memorable trees, even an outcrop of rocks with a cave in them, but that was approximately an hour's walk away from the village and Liliana only took her twice. The place they went to most, however, was a stream. It was past the last of the fields, just within the area patrolled regularly by the Roman soldiers, but it felt so isolated. The place Zoe and Liliana liked best was where the stream became a waterfall, and, in the winter, when it had frozen, Zoe had dragged Liliana back to it again and again to stare at it, much to Liliana's amusement.

It had been a quiet month; Zoe hadn't had to work to a schedule, and she could indulge her inner child and have snowball fights with some of the village children, who, although a little disturbed to have a 'lady' fighting with them had adopted her as one of their own pretty quickly. Their parents hadn't been too thrilled at first, to have the witch's girl around their children, undoubtedly putting the evil eye on them, but when no bad things had happened to them, they started to ask Zoe to look after their kids for them.

It was fun, and it was relaxing and, for a time, Zoe could forget about the danger the knights were in. It couldn't last.

The knights were away for a week, and people started to expect them back. When the knights didn't come back for over two weeks, people started talking. After three weeks, they started to worry. They said maybe they'd been injured, were fighting a war somewhere for Rome. Maybe they'd been killed. And Zoe, watching Blanchefleur worry endlessly and Vanora, heavily pregnant, pacing the wall day after day, began to understand why it wasn't a good thing to be in love with a knight.

One day when she went to the blacksmith's to get one of Braewyn's pots repaired she heard the story of how Palomides, Dinadan's closest friend, and Gawain's brother Gaheris died when the Woads ambushed them. When she talked with Lucia as the two of them went to the cobblers to get Lucia's other pair of boots repaired, Lucia told her about how Caradoc had never been the same after Cador died, and how Percival had mourned for Derfel, who had died after his wound festered and poisoned his blood.

Zoe, now concerned herself for the safety of the knights (and firmly putting any more-than-friendly feelings for Gawain out of her head) decided to go and pray for them. She'd found that living here had made her believe in God again, because maybe, if God and the supernatural existed, she could get home again. Evelyn told her in a hushed voice when they met by chance outside Church about Bors' notorious drunken rampage after his brother Ban, and his nephew Lionel were killed on the same day due to the incompetence of a Roman centurion, and how Arthur had blamed himself for it. And Adan, Evelyn's betrothed, told her as they walked to the centre of the town together, about finding Galahad in tears behind the stables after one of their generation of knights died for the first time, a boy no more than fifteen called Agravain. It horrified her that, of the forty knights who had originally come to the wall, so few were left. Gawain, Lancelot, Bors, Tristan, Dagonet, Galahad, Caradoc, Kay, Dinadan, Percival, Lamorak, Bedivere and Arthur were the only ones left alive and with all their limbs intact.

Zoe started to worry about them - having nightmares about them being massacred by woads, dying from infection due to lack of proper medicine, or of stupid Roman commanders getting them all killed accidentally. But she wasn't as badly off as Blanchefleur, who was looking more and more like a walking corpse, due to her and lack of sleep and appetite. Vanora was coping admirably, but then, Zoe supposed she'd be used to it. Vanora did have four children by Bors, after all, with another one soon to be born. Very soon, if the size of her stomach was any indication. The only sign Vanora gave of her anxiousness for her lover to return was her twice-daily trips to the top of the wall, accompanied by Jols, or occasionally by one of her friends from the tavern and always with her children.

'She doesn't want to give birth without Bors there. She's afraid,' Evelyn explained to Zoe when they met by chance at the market and spied Vanora making her slow way up to the top of the wall. 'She doesn't want her kids to be fatherless as well as bastards. They'll already have enough problems as it is.'

'Why?'

Evelyn looked at Zoe blankly. 'They're bastards. Why else?'

'Oh.' Zoe looked up at Vanora, standing on the wall, staring steadfastly in the direction her lover had gone, her children clinging to her sides.

'If Bors leaves, the kids have got no rights to any of his property, and just ask Lucia how much you should trust men. People in the market always look at them like they're dirt. No matter how many children Bors and Vanora have, I'll always hear about somebody who claims to have fathered one of them. And Lancelot's not helping it much, either. Particularly not when Two looks like she does,' Evelyn said.

'Two?'

'Their second child. When Vanora got pregnant right after Gilly was born, Bors refused to name any more. That's what people say, anyway. It's more like a nickname, really. Her real name's Aidilh, after Vanora's grandmother,' Evelyn said, pointing to a small silhouette at Vanora's side as the redhead and her children made it to the top of the wall.

'So why is she a problem?' Zoe asked as the two made their way back to the main market square and towards the blacksmith's, where Evelyn's betrothed was working. She was hoping to see him quickly without the supervision of her parents, as they expected her home relatively soon.

'Two's hair is dark and curly, and her eyes are dark, too. The other kids all take after Vanora-light hair and eyes. Maybe Two takes after Bors, but I keep hearing that she's really Lancelot's child.'

'Vanora wouldn't do that to Bors. They love each other!' Zoe protested.

'I don't believe it either, but Lancelot likes everyone to think he can bed anyone, even another man's woman,' Evelyn said with disgust. 'My parents are expecting me home, I'll see you tomorrow, yes?'

That night, Zoe had a nightmare that she was watching her lover, whose face she couldn't remember, die again and again while she was watching, incapable of doing anything but screaming.

'You don't look well, Zoe,' Evelyn said when they met the next day. 'Are you feeling well?'

'I'll be fine, I promise,' Zoe reassured her friend. 'I just didn't sleep well.'

'You're not in love with one of them are you?' Evelyn asked, grabbing the sleeve of Zoe's woollen dress anxiously.

'Speaking of them, did you see Vanora up on the wall today?' Zoe asked, avoiding the question completely. Vanora hadn't been up on the wall like she usually was at this time of day and Zoe was worried for the redheaded woman.

'No, I didn't. Maybe she's giving birth at last. She's quite late, you know,' Evelyn suggested.

'That would make it quite hard to climb the wall,' Zoe agreed. 'Oh, Evelyn, look at that horse!'

It was a beautiful animal, gray and strong and proud and tied up outside the blacksmith's looking incredibly out of place.

'She's magnificent,' Evelyn whispered. 'I wonder who she belongs to.' She was about to reach a hand out to pet the glossy coat of the animal when it snorted and backed up.

'Hey, darling, I'm not going to hurt you,' Evelyn tried to soothe the mare, but it didn't appear to do anything except make the horse rear as much as it could when it was tied to the wall of the blacksmith's shop.

'I wouldn't do that if I were you. Vicious beastie this one is,' a familiar voice said from the doorway of the shop.

'Aleron!' Zoe smiled and held out her hand, which the farrier kissed instead of shook. 'This is my friend Evelyn,' Zoe introduced the girl quickly. 'Is this your horse?'

'No, I'm looking after her for a while. I'm re-shoeing her while I have the time, and exercising her for her owner. This beauty here took me three hours to shoe. She's as meek as a kitten with him, but just won't tolerate anyone else,' Aleron grumbled, seizing the bridle of the horse. It still tried to bite him, but his grip was too strong.

'Whose horse is it?' Zoe asked, much warier of the horse now. As beautiful as it was up close, it seemed rather bad-tempered, and Aleron's confirmation made Zoe decide to stay out of its way.

'Jaiyana, meet Zoe and Evelyn. Zoe, Evelyn, meet Tristan's horse and the reason why I couldn't walk you home from Yule, Zoe. Little beauty strained a tendon and Tristan wanted to ride her out on the mission.'

'Does he have another horse?' Evelyn asked, as she stepped cautiously away from Jaiyana, who seemed to have taken a particular objection to her, if the bared teeth were anything to go by.

'Yeah, he's taken Derfel's stallion. Closest one to his Jaiyana, he says. He's an absolute terror when he doesn't get what he wants, that one,' Aleron said.

'I bet he is,' Zoe grumbled, earning herself a jab in the ribs from Evelyn along with a hissed command to respect the knights.

'Reminds me, he did walk you home, yeah?' Aleron asked. 'Because if he didn't I'll be having words with that man on the proper way to treat a lady.'

Zoe laughed and assured Aleron that yes, Tristan had walked her home, no, he hadn't hurt her or snarled at her and yes, she was quite sure it had been Tristan and not some impersonator.

'Well, I'm surprised. Maybe he's been listening to Lancelot and Dinadan,' Aleron said and the two girls snickered.

'Zoe, Adan's just inside, I'll be there if you need me,' Evelyn excused herself, slipping inside the shop.

'So she's the girl Adan's been talking about,' Aleron said, turning to watch Evelyn as she said hello to her betrothed in a manner her parents would not have approved of.

'I'd imagine so. I'd be worried if he was talking about a different girl,' Zoe said, moving so that neither her nor Aleron could spy on the couple.

The two of them chatted for a bit, mostly about Aleron and his work. Apparently he cared for the knights' horses, got on well with Jols and was the bastard son of a professional soldier, whose name he didn't know, and had been working to help his mother care for his half-sisters and younger half-brother since he was seven by running errands for Arthur's father before he'd learned how to care for horses.

Soon, Evelyn was ducking back out of the shop, trying to look as if she had not been making out with her fiancée and not entirely succeeding.

'Zoe, I have to leave now, my parents are expecting me at home soon,' Evelyn said, looking up at the position of the sun and judging the time. 'It was nice to meet you, Aleron. I'll see you soon, Zoe.' Evelyn flashed a smile to Zoe and left quickly, heading in the direction of her house.

'I've got to take this terror back to Jols in the Sarmatian stables,' Aleron said, looking at the horse with distaste.

'Oh…Well it was nice to see you again,' Zoe forced herself to smile, recognizing a brush-off when she heard it.

'Wait, wait!' Aleron called out, cursing when Jaiyana whinnied and shied away, tossing her head. 'Stay still you damn horse!'

Zoe stopped and waited, as Aleron got the horse under control.

'Would you like to walk with me to the stables? I could use the company?' Aleron asked sheepishly after Jaiyana was under control, smiling at Zoe.

'I'd like that,' Zoe said, nodding her head and falling into step beside Aleron as he led the testy horse towards the Sarmatian building.

They didn't talk about anything important while they walked, just the basic facts of each other's lives. Aleron learned that Zoe liked green and that she hated the military, Zoe learned Aleron could sing quite well, regaling her with several folk songs, none of which she recognized. When Jaiyana had been settled in her stable Aleron offered to walk Zoe back to her home.

Zoe turned him down, smiling and waving goodbye. 'No thanks, I'll be fine on my own.'

And it was true; she was fine on her own. She walked through the Roman fort and out of its gates, head held high, smile on her face, a different girl from the one who had meekly followed Arthur in here the first time, cringing away from any sharp-edged object, be it weapon or tongue.

Zoe arrived back at Braewyn's house, wondering how she had changed so much and not noticed it, only to find another woman in the house with the old lady. She was tall for a woman, and rather bony with stringy brown hair piled up on her head, but when she turned around Zoe was struck by something familiar in her face that she couldn't place.

'Zoe, we're going to Vanora's. She's in labour now, and, from what Tam says, it shouldn't take long, you'll help me deliver the baby,' Braewyn said, not turning from where she was gathering her herbs.

'Me?' Zoe asked, eyes bulging with surprise. Braewyn wanted her to help deliver the baby? Really? What the hell was she thinking? Zoe wondered, still hoping that she'd misheard the old woman.

'Yes, you, Zoe. Zoe, meet Vanora's twin sister, Tam. Tam, Zoe. Now, there's no time to waste here, I hope you left your husband with the children and Vanora. I imagine she wouldn't like to be alone now,' Braewyn said as she moved, remarkably quickly for a woman as old as she was, around the room and then out of the house with Tam and Zoe trailing in her wake.

They went right back into town, and a few people called out greetings to the women, asking them where they were going and why they were in such a rush. Braewyn smiled and nodded, but ignored the questions. Tam answered with growing impatience and Zoe ignored them all.

Vanora's house turned out to be not too far from the Roman fort, close enough for Bors to effectively live with her, but still be in time for practice, missions and to stable his horse. Their house itself was impressively large and well made, with sturdy stone and tiles instead of thatch, one of few houses in the village that had it. The main room was easily twice the size of Braewyn's house, probably more, and there was a curtain shielding part the sleeping area from the rest of the house.

The rest of the house looked smaller than it was thanks to the clutter that came with accommodating four children and a husband. Toys were scattered everywhere, there were piles of bowls and pots and weapons hung on the walls or rested in corners. At the moment, Vanora's four children, as well as two others, were hugging a slightly overweight man in his early middle age and crying.

'Mama's crying!' Zoe heard one of them say when she, Braewyn and Tam walked into the room. 'Make her better, Uncle! You promised!'

'I'll be looking after the children,' Tam said, hurrying over to the man and transferring some of the children from him to her. They clung onto her tightly, with cries of 'Aunty', and she cast a look over at the partitioned-off area where her sister was in labour. 'Look after her, Braewyn. Please.'

Braewyn nodded and gave her promise, walking behind the curtain to see how Vanora was. Zoe decided she had to follow, but Vanora chose that moment to yell out a string of curses, the like of which Zoe had never heard before, and she stopped in her tracks, feeling suddenly a little sick. She was going to help Vanora. Who was pregnant and screaming not ten steps away from her. She was going to act as a midwife of sorts.

Oh shit, Zoe thought as Vanora yelled again, this time cursing Bors with words Zoe didn't know the exact meanings of, but words that she decided must be pretty impressive from the reactions of Tam and the man, who Zoe guessed must be her husband, who all told the children they were never to repeat what they had just heard Vanora say. Together they got the six children out the door and Tam's husband led them away, talking soothingly to them the whole time. Tam, about to follow suddenly turned and grabbed Zoe's hand.

'I'm next street over, right hand side of the cobbler,' Tam said, squeezing Zoe's hand, before leaving and hurrying after her husband. 'When the baby's born, come get me!'

Zoe heard Vanora cursing Bors for things she had not wanted to know about as she ducked around the curtain that served as a partition. Vanora was soaked in sweat, her usually beautiful hair lank and tangled, face screwed up and she was leaning against the wall.

'Vanora, lie down and don't be silly,' Braewyn was saying. 'Come on, there's a good girl. Now lie back and hold Zoe's hand now, it'll be easier that way for the baby to be born,' she urged. 'Zoe, get over here, please.'

Zoe hurried to Vanora's side as the woman obeyed Braewyn's instructions. She winced when Vanora's sweaty hand clamped on to hers in a grip so tight it was painful.

She didn't let go until Zoe was sure she had lost all circulation in her fingers and Vanora's voice was hoarse from yelling amid Braewyn's calm instructions of 'Push now, dear,' and Zoe's unhelpful suggestions that perhaps she not let Bors within ten feet of her in future, or that Vanora make him have the children in future.

'Don't be stupid, I wanted this baby,' Vanora had snarled at that comment. 'I just want it out!'

According to Braewyn it was an easy birth, and Zoe thought she'd been the most frightened of the three women. Braewyn was an experienced midwife, Vanora had given birth before (apparently this made it easier, but Zoe thought it looked pretty bloody hard anyway), but Zoe had never seen anyone in labour and hadn't been prepared for the pain it appeared to take to give birth. No anaesthetic, Zoe thought somewhat giddily. That's got to hurt.

And yet, the look of pure joy on Vanora's face as she heard the first screams of her new child made Zoe fight tears herself. Relief, happiness and instant, unconditional love all made Vanora's tired, sweaty face more beautiful than Zoe had ever seen her before.

'I wish Bors was here,' Vanora murmured as she nursed the newborn baby. 'Oh, I hope he comes home safely,' she said.

Zoe, on the way out to get Vanora's twin, silently echoed that wish, thinking of Bors' newborn baby, Lancelot's impossibly handsome smile, Arthur's dream of a world of equality and freedom, Percival's rough chivalry, Dinadan's easy grin, Tristan's intense eyes and the way Gawain's smile made her feel.

Please let them come back soon, Zoe thought, please.

xxx

A/N: Sorry it took so long-I had my final exams ever for high school, and I just couldn't concentrate on anything other than my work. Thanks to everyone for being so patient, and I hope this really long chapter makes up for it. As always, thank you to my lovely, lovely beta homeric, an absolute star!

Also, reviews are loved, and thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter in the huge break!

Disclaimer: Not mine, I just play with them. I promise to return them as I found them.