"Fine Line"

"He that is not jealous is not in love"- St Augustine

Chapter 25: Spiralling Down Into Realization

~***~

I woke up early the next day, as in really early. The sun was just rising and casting a blue glow over the dark skies. I slept that night, but hardly well despite the alluring bed and well conditioned room.

Quickly freshening myself up in the luxurious bathroom that was connected to my room, I changed into my clothes from last night which the maids had washed and delivered to my room while we're at dinner yesterday.

…Blueberry? I never knew you can get washers with those scents…Ah, the wonders of being rich.

Tiptoeing out of my room, I gently shut the door and made my way down the soulless hall, intent on finding a staff of some sort to help me call for a taxi. I didn't want to stick around for everyone else to wake up.

I was scared out of my own skin however when a voice suddenly spoke up as I meandered, lost, around the large living room (it looked like a living room to me). I turned to find Atobe looking at me with questioning eyes.

"Ahn? Ishimaru-hime, why are you up so early?"

I can ask the same of him but…"Ah…I just needed to go back to my home now. I have a lot of work to do so…" It was a lie of course, and I was a terrible liar. And I hoped that he'll buy it.

He stared at me silently for a few moments before removing his reading glasses and rubbing his eyes. "I'll have the driver take you home." He said, folding the morning newspaper (they deliver it this early?!) in half and standing up.

I bowed quickly in thanks. "Thank you, Atobe-san."

He waved it off. "Don't mention it." He called upon his driver using one of the cordless phones in the room, waking the poor man up from his slumber and I made it a note to apologize and thank him profusely later when he takes me home.

As the driver was getting dressed and getting the limousine ready (did he really have to send me home in that…? Oh man, I hope no one is up yet when I arrive and won't see me stepping out of it…), Atobe waited with me at the front doors.

I fidgeted around and twiddled my thumb nervously with anxiety.

"Sure you don't want to stay for breakfast at least?" He asked me again and I shook my head. "N-no, it's alright. Thank you though, for last night and for allowing me to stay."

He snorted gracefully (is that even possible?). "Least you have the manners to thank me." Then he mumbled under his breath something about a loud and jumpy acrobat and cocky prodigies who are never grateful.

The sleek black limousine rounded around from the back of the mansion just then and rolled to a smooth stop in front of us. The driver quickly got out and opened the door for me.

"T-thank you…" I wasn't used to this sort of treatment. I turned around to face Atobe before getting in. "Thank you again, Atobe-san."

"Ah." He acknowledged with a nod and I slid in, the door closing right after me.

Closing my eyes, I relaxed myself into the soft seat, feeling all the tension and stress leaving me the further we drove away.

~***~

This morning is pretty much awkward.

As soon as I walked into the hall for breakfast, I was assaulted from the side by a frantic Ruriko, who was practically red and pouring out floods of tears.

"I'm so sorry, Marui-kun! I'm so, so, so, sorry!!" She kept apologizing, hands clasped together and guilt welling up in her eyes. "I-I didn't know what I was doing a-and—"

I cut her off. "Hey, it's alright." I tried to give her a smile but it came out uneasy. I knew she was drunk yesterday, so there isn't any ill-feelings. But it's still weird, I have to admit.

Especially with every in the room at the time….it's epically embarrassing.

She isn't my first kiss, that's for sure. And even if she was, I didn't give a thought into all this first kiss crap. If it happens, it happens you know? Why save it for the perfect someone or perfect moment? You never know when this perfect moment is, or who this perfect someone is if you tried to save and conserve everything and not give them a chance.

Ootori walked by then and I accidentally bumped into him. "Sorry, Ootori."

He rubbed the back of his head and smiled nervously. "I-It's alright, Marui-san." He shot me a weird look then, staring at me for several seconds before he pulled out of it and quickly made his way over to an empty seat.

I blinked after him cluelessly.

As I sat down, the silver-head was busy looking around, up and down the long oval table and brought up a very curious and pivotal question.

"Where's Ishimaru-san?"

Now that he mentioned it, I didn't see her all morning. "Isn't she in her room?" I asked.

Ootori shook his head. "No she wasn't. I checked. So I thought she might be here but…"

I stared at him. "You checked her room?" Shiraishi asked uncertainly, voicing what was in my head. Ootori turned red instantly and jumpily waved his hands about. "W-well, i-it's just that I w-was coming down s-so I t-thought t-that I s-should—"

I felt a sharp 'twack' over my head then and I turned away from the blushing man in front of me to angrily look up at the culprit. "Shishido!! What was that for?!"

Shishido placed his signature blue cap back onto his head with a huff (that was the criminal tool he used to hit me! I'm going to jinx it later…) and made his way to take a seat beside Ootori.

"Leave Choutarou alone. Geez, *gekidasa daze*." He crossed his arms and turned his head away from me, facing the side in his ever rebellious way.

"What?!" I was appalled. "But Shiraishi was the one who—"

"Hmm? What about me, Marui?" Shiraishi looked up from his plate with blank and wide eyes, playing innocent.

My eyebrow twitched. He was a fox in sheep's clothing alright.

"If you're wondering about Ishimaru-hime, she left already early this morning, when all of you are still snoring away." Atobe announced, stepping into the room and instantly pulling all our attentions on his proud figure.

"She left already? Whhhy?" Kintarou whined in his seat.

"And why cant she, Kin-chan? You wanted to confess to her or something?" Kenya teased the redhead who pouted at him.

"She promised to show me some of her paintings and take me to eat at the cake shop near her place!" He cried tearfully. Sheesh, are those the only reason why he's making such a fuss?

Shiraishi smiled at him and patted his head as if he was still a little boy (he still acted like one that's for sure). "I'll take you to see her next time, okay?"

How is he going to take him there if he doesn't have her addr—

"Oh, I got her number, so I can call her later. So don't worry, Kin-chan." Shiraishi assured him and instantly Kintarou brightened up and began stuffing pancakes into his mouth as if Doomsday was tomorrow.

The fork paused midway in its travel to my mouth, as I briefly wondered why is it that Shiraishi had her number? I soon dispelled the thought and devoured the blueberry pancake.

"Speaking of her number, Marui, deliver this to her later." Atobe threw something at me and I caught it.

It was Kumiko's handphone.

"Why is it here?" I stared incredulously at the machine in my hand. Kumiko didn't strike me as the forgetful type of person.

"The maids were washing her clothes yesterday, and they forgot to hand that to her as well. "Atobe explained, taking a seat himself.

"Oh…why do I have to send it back to her?" Why me…it's my day off.

"You're the only one here who knows where she lives."

Oh…wait a minute. "You know where she lives don't you Atobe?" I glared at my 'boss.'

"I have to go to a meeting later regarding several changes in Club Prism's work schedule. I don't have the time." Atobe dismissed me quickly and I pouted.

"Fine." I sighed dejectedly. I was planning to go downtown and buy some new cakes….eh, I guess I'll just get some at the bakery near Kumiko's place.

"Can…I go with you, Marui-kun?" Ruriko asked suddenly and I looked up from my plate in surprise. Before I can reply however, Atobe had cut in. "I think it's best if you went back to your home for now, Ishikawa-hime."

Ruriko casted a downcast and questioning gaze. "Why?"

"Your friends had called last night, asking of your whereabouts. They figured that you might be at Club Prism, and called into our private line. We had informed them you were here with us, but I still find it best if you went and see them to reassure your safety." Atobe brushed his bangs from his eyes and looked at Ruriko with a gracious but firm gaze.

Atobe made some sense there. Ruriko did come to Club Prism often, and her friends might not have known we were on break yesterday and thought she went there so they called to check up on her. That was nice of them. She must have been loved by them for them to do so.

"So Marui, I expect the phone to be delivered to Ishimaru-hime by nightfall. If not, I can imagine our storage's supply of confectioneries will drop a notch or two…" Atobe remarked offhandedly, swirling a glass of wine.

"Yes, yes." I rolled my eyes heavenward.

~***~

I kicked off my shoes and flipped on the light switch as soon as I entered my house.

With an angry pout, I dropped my stuffs on the floor, scattering them but I could hardly care right now. I'll pick them up later.

Passing by the tabletop where Nipoi's fish tank is placed, I stopped to feed the goldfish for a moment.

Pausing, I took a moment to admire its lithe form gliding through the clear waters, as the fish feed fell around him like snowflakes. The night Marui won this for me flashed through my mind and I frowned at the little fish.

It seemed to have felt my glare or something, for it quickly swam away from the glass pane. My eyes softened at this and I apologized to the fish. "Sorry, Nipoi-kun. It's not your fault."

Not his fault for what? That I'm angry?

Perhaps I'm angry that Marui won Nipoi not because he wanted to win it for me or anything, but because of his stupid competitive streak.

Stupid Marui.

Straightening back up, I moved to my bedroom to pack my stuffs for my classes tomorrow.

Settling down at my desk, I began to pick out the tools I needed putting them to one side in descending size order.

Then I picked out my pencils, arranging them in order of ascending darkness.

My fingers paused above the clutter of brushes, slothfully wondering if I need them tomorrow. I was about to pick it up when my finger pushed against it, and one rolled away, leaving a trail of deep maroon in its wake.

I retracted my fingers and went to packing my sketches.

One by one, I ordered my sketches and clipped them in between my folders.

The house, the room, the walls- everything- was silent.

So, so silent. It was downright scary. And I did shiver from the silence.

To think that, I used to love this silence. Right now though, it scared me.

I guess….the past few weeks, I just…didn't have enough silence in my life. The past few weeks had been filled with laughter, games, smiles, charms, Aya, Asuka, Yura, Rinko, grins, winks, hosts, friends…

My hands came across my mini mannequin which I used for posing.

I picked it up into my hands and dusted it off, examining it.

Its faceless face (hah, paradox) stared back into my most likely equally expressionless eyes. If it had eyes, I bet I could see my dark, dull ones reflected in them.

I put the mannequin aside, deciding to pack it into my bag last so that it won't get crushed. I pulled open my drawers to grab new papers that I will use tomorrow.

The silent room was filled with the sound of closing drawers- the friction of wood against wood. Angrily, I slammed the last drawer close, catching edges of paper in between them.

"Agh!" From impulse and pure surge of emotions, I swept my arm across the desk, clearing it and sending whatever that was on my near-empty desk to the floor.

My body went numb and dead as I just sat in my seat, unmoving, unflinching.

Anger, nostalgia, happiness, sadness…a whole spectrum of emotions was flooding through me and I hated it! I just felt so confused with all these different feelings swirling, like a whole muck up collage of emotions that you cant decipher.

I hated it.

Everything had always been so easy for me. There was this clear line where I go by and knew what I was doing and going to do with that clearly defined line.

It was a bold and dark line. Thick and wide enough for me to stand on; and understand, know where I was going, doing, thinking, feeling.

Now it was all mucked up.

I don't know what I'm thinking anymore (Marui, Ruriko, Nipoi, Yura, Aya, hosts, parents----)

I don't know what I should do now (Club Sacred, Prism, paint, classes, eat cakes, sleep, watch Nipoi----)

I don't know what I should feel right now rather than all this random crap of emotions (anger, sadness, nostalgia, contentment, hate---)

I raised my hand to gently slap my face, to wake me up; only to pull them away to find them slick and wet.

Sniff.

Great. Now what am I crying for?! I must be going insane or depressed.

"What's going on with me…?" My voice came out in short chokes, hiccups ruining my speech more than before. It didn't help that these salty streaks of water kept sliding across my lips.

I raised my eyes to look at the mannequin that lay motionless on the floor. Bending over, several drops of salty liquid falling on the ground, I picked it up and patted the doll like a mother would a baby.

"You're so l-lucky…" I whispered to it and placed it into my bag.

It doesn't feel anything. No hate or anger even after I sent it to the floor.

No pain or sadness.

No happiness or contentment.

I wish I was like it right now.

If I was, I wouldn't be so confused and lost as to what I am feeling and thinking. I was losing sight of that clear bold line.

It was classes, homework, work, parents, Aya, Yura, Asuka, Rinko, eat, sleep, classes, homework—rinse and repeat.

Now—classes, homework, hosts, obligations, Aya, Marui, painting, Shiraishi, Kajimoto, Prisma Festival, competition, exercise, eat, sleep, classes, Club Sacred, Club Prism, Yura, Marui, Nipoi, Ruriko, homework, Shibuya…

My line is mucked up with all these other little lines that are straying away from it, like loose lines in a sketch that strayed from the main picture.

I don't know what to do with them. My sketches and paintings always came out clearly defined and bolded; clean and simple.

I can't deal with all these messiness.

If I was like that mannequin, then I wouldn't stray from my previously defined line. Because I was solid and unchanging.

I wouldn't feel confused right now, nor angry.

I won't feel happy and feel loved over stupid little things.

I won't feel sad and worried.

A flicker of blue came into my sight and I frowned, picking up the culprit and throwing it into a drawer.

Last I saw before the drawer closed completely were fragile wings of a butterfly.

Slowly, my body slumped over into a hunch, coming to rest across the table top. My whole body shook with wracks of sobs of loss.

"I-I w-want…"

I want it all to go away.

The image of Ruriko kissing Marui flashed away as I wished.

But more than that, more than anything else-

I want to stop feeling so painfully in love.

*Gekidasa daze- Can be translated as "how lame." =D

Anyways, ever experienced the time where you just cant explain what you're doing and feeling anymore and you cry randomly and just breakdown at random times? I did before. Wasnt nice to just cry in public...but I tried to capture what I felt that time anyways and put them into Kumiko, since I didnt want to give her a clear definied vision of herself;D just to torture her more lulz....and give more drama x-x

*waves to story summary* It clearly says: MaruiXOCXVarious XXD

Of COURSE there will be some random action or at least subtle hints between Kumiko and the others lololol xp; And a lot of people are taking a liking to ShiraishiXKumiko… rofl lmao. That's exactly how I feel. I feel almost tempted to veer this story off-course and away from Marui towards Shiraishi instead XXD; But young Marui kept my love for this tensai strong… xwx

Although I didn't actually mean for people to dislike Ruriko but it seemed most people did x_x aiyah. She was just a foil(ish) character for Kumiko XD; Who got drunk…..like really drunk? Does that make you like her more? D;

Thanks for the reviews guys!! OMG I got 12 reviews last chapter~ thats 2 more than the previous 10!! XD I know some people get like 80 reviews and whatnot in one chapter, but I'm happy already with just 1 review: one review telling me that they enjoy my writing, and having the numbers pile up from nothing to now just makes me really happy x3 Thank you alllllllll!! *bear hugs everyone* Imagine my joy just to see 12 reviews and not 1!! XD *ish easily pleased*I actually sit down regularly just to read through all the reviews I ever got haha xwx

Ponta Girl- haha I'd like a friend like Atobe too xD

Swayswaybaby-well, most people didnt get it so dont feel bad xD and its probably my own fault lol I didnt make it too defined Dx

Skull Rider- aww thank you x3 *hugs* I'm really glad you enjoy my story, and found it worthwhile to review =D

kuro-30fyre- hell, I dont blame you for being jealous. I'm jealous of my own OC x_X eh, and we'll see about how things go between her and the hosts for now :P People did suggest ShiraishiXKumiko before, and even AkayaXKumiko, and I actually am keen on those two pairings too haha so lets see what turns up lol

LadyLadington- haha Choutarou is sweet to everybody XD and he'd most likely pay a visit to Ruriko too honestly but the girl was dead drunk out of it XD I figured Choutarou wouldnt wanna disturb her haha And Kenya and Kumiko? I never thought about that really xD I figured they'd be more brother-sister XD Well, I said I wasnt going to tell what the secret message was but it had something to do with....you know what, never mind xD it's pointless anyways haha

SapphireBreeze19- hmm Shiraishi crush on Kumiko. I'm not too sure about that yet~ In fact, I dont know myself xD Lets see how they progress haha and Hidden message is....hidden xD

PhoenixRage92- I'd want my own benevolent snob friend too x_x its just brilliant having one =

Ami H- waah everyone hates Ruriko for some reason XD; but thank you!! *hugs* Glad you like this =D

Kouyan- how Marui feels? More shall be revealed later...I think? x-x

Emy- D:: omg I LOVE chuuuu! *tackle glomp* aww thats so sweet and nice and amazing of you to suggest this story to your friends!! T___T That's probably one of the most touching thing anyone has done for me, ever! T__T it makes me really happy to know that you found it worthy of your time and to even suggest it to your friends! thank you SO much!! *hugs*

Bj in PJ's- XD aww it makes my heart happy to know that my story brightens your world XD and thank you!! *hug* Wow, I was pretty amazed and shocked to read that you dont read romance but is reading my story D: I feel so...I dont know what, but I just knw I'm all goopy and happy!! XXD *huuuug*

MaruiBuntaWorshipper Fan- ahahaha you know, at first I thought that someone else had the same name as me and it took me a few seconds to realize your name meant that you were a "MaruiBuntaWorshipper" fan XXD *ish so slow in the head* but- aiyeeee XXD *gloooomps* I got myself a fan!!! I have done the impossible!! D8 thank you soo much for reading this and reviewing, despite it being suggested by a friend! = (I usually never read those suggested by friends...-bricked-) XD;