"Fine Line"

"Fire (Desire) and Ice (Fear) are what will end a being."

Chapter 26: Fire and Ice

~***~

Marui: cocky, arrogant, self-proclaimed genius, annoying.

Shiraishi: calm, considerate, kind, wise.

I had absolutely no reason to like Marui. I had a lot to like Shiraishi, excluding the fact he took my first-kiss (unintentionally).

So it must have been Shiraishi that I was feeling this weird-tangy-fluffy-sticky-thing for. Not Marui.

Why was I crying so unreasonably then, when I saw that incident involving him and Ruriko? Why did I cringe every time I see red right now? I could only think that I was going into depression of some sort (they did always say with my lack of a social life, I'd go depress one day...), or I was going insane, but I didn't want to think that either was true.

It was unreasonable, for me to feel this way. Not at this time anyway.

I always thought-believed- that the person I would come to love and care for, would be someone mature and caring, someone whom I will have known for a long time (unlikely considering my social life streak); someone who is stable in his ambitions, occupation and everything else.

And a host certainly did not fit those criteria in my mind's eye.

….maybe Shiraishi could fit it.

But Marui? No, not Marui. Nuh-uh.

I splashed cold water over my face, trying to ease my sore eyes which are red and swollen at the moment.

What did Marui ever do to deserve my feelings?

Other than the fact he readily and quickly helped me fit into the setting on the night of my birthday party a long time ago (even if I was quite cold to him…), had helped me and the others find seats at the Prisma Festival (even if we didn't ask), asked me to be his Princess during Hime-sama Douchu (despite all the other brilliant girls there), had won me Nipoi-kun (even if he his pride was on the line), got me the butterfly clip (although I didn't ask for one), he helped me get the kimono (even if he was really busy), he made me realize I could dance if I tried (even though he must have looked stupid trying to dance with me), he got me more of my desired cake (when he could have eaten it off himself), he made an effort to be gracious to me as a host (although I was reluctant and cold that night), he had helped me clear my mind and thoughts regarding my painting (when he could have just ,passed me off as another failing college student)…

That was all Marui ever did.

To think that I would be so easily impressed by someone like him, thinking he's better than everyone else, and his stupid good-looks…

The doorbell rang then and I went to answer it.

Rubbing my eyes, I tried to make myself as presentable as possible, and hopefully not give away the fact that I had been crying. If I get busted, I didn't have a good explanation as to why I was.

I didn't know myself.

I just know that it was a foreign feeling doing this to me, and I disliked it.

Maybe even feared it. I never did like the unknown.

Steeling myself, I took a deep breath and pulled open the door- and blinked in surprise at who was on the other side.

~***~

My fingers tapped impatiently against the wheel as I awaited for the red light to turn green. I grumpily cursed Atobe in my mind.

Why couldn't I have delivered it tomorrow instead of today…it's an off-day today! I'd rather deliver it to her tomorrow since I would be able to skip an hour or two of work but…guess Atobe saw right through that with his 'insight'.

It was unusual really (I think), for Kumiko to forget something. She really didn't strike me as the type to be forgetful. She was more like one of those class reps people, at least that's what I think.

My eye shifted to the left, where her phone rested in the passenger seat, looking all lost and alone without its master. Eh, it'll get back to her soon enough- as long as this light turns green!!!

…it finally did.

Driving along the road like a perfectly good citizen, I looked around for the street to Kumiko's house. Atobe was at least nice enough to drop me off at a train station first, so I can get back to my own home and get my car. It has finally been repaired, since the Akaya fiasco. I'm never lending my car out again.

Rolling down the window, I allowed the air from outside to cool me rather than the aircond. It was a little smoggy in this city, but it wasn't so bad I supposed. I could tolerate it, as the wind against my skin is a really refreshing feeling which I enjoyed very much. I guess that's one benefit about my heading to Kumiko's house, other than having a good excuse to buy cakes at the bakery nearby there.

Speaking of food…Kumiko left pretty early yesterday night. Was the 'fake wine' she was having really that strong? I didn't think so…I felt like I was drinking plum juice instead of wine when I first drank that. Maybe it was just the difference in alcohol tolerance.

But then, even Ootori doesn't drink it and took white wine instead yesterday, and that man steers clear of alcohol most of the time. It's like that drink was some sort of all-female drink- with the exception of Kintarou.

But eh, he's just a kid.

Thinking of yesterday now always brings my mind back to the time when Ruriko, her face completely red and downright drunk, suddenly came up to me and kissed me. It was quite embarrassing, to say the least. Like, everyone was watching!

Shiraishi, Atobe, Ootori, Shishido, Kintarou (not too sure about him…he was half-asleep), Oshitari, Gakuto (Oh god, he's never going to let me live it down), Kenya, and even Kumiko….who, left right after that incident.

And I guess I kind of appreciated that; she didn't stick around to poke fun at me, unlike Kenya and Gakuto, and even Shishido! And I don't want to get into Oshitari's case. I felt like flinging my tiramisu across the table at him. Damn him and his stupid romance novels.

Ruriko was definitely really sorry about it this morning, she just kept on apologizing. I felt bad too, since I didn't know how to make her feel better; I mean, I already told her it was alright! But she just seemed to have taken the incident to heart.

It's not like I was a girl who lost her first kiss or anything…

Which Kumiko was.

Huh, I wonder how she felt about that, losing her first kiss to Shiraishi. She didn't react violently or become jumpy or anxious; Ruriko became quite anxious and jumpy though.

Kumiko's….really kind of cold sometimes.

Perhaps too cold.

She should at least have had some sort of response to Shiraishi taking her first kiss, even though it was to save her life. If I were her, I'd maybe blow a top or two before saying thanks…

Wow, we're like fire and ice or something.

She'd be the ice, definitely.

I'd be the fire. I like the adventurous and dangerous side of things; being different and standing out. I want to be able to do and go as I wish.

Kumiko didn't though, I believe. She seems more of the one who has a steady life and schedule, something which she goes by and live by everyday; remaining solid and unmoving like ice.

Or in other words, she follows this straight line ahead and ahead, on and on. Never straying out of it.

I don't know how she does it though. I wouldn't be able to take it.

I'd have veered off-course instantly, becoming this stray and delinquent line.

My car rolled to a stop in a parking spot at the back of Kumiko's apartment building. Putting out the engine, I stepped out and headed towards the front doors, not before locking my car of course.

Taking the elevator, I soon arrived at the floor where her apartment room is located. Locating it, I rang the doorbell.

~***~

I was greeted by Aya's bright face, Yura's ever-sweet face, and Kikumaru Eiji's cattish grin.

I blinked rapidly at the trio at my doorstep, completely not expecting them. I was thinking the mailman or something…

Yura blinked suddenly, and stepped forward. "Kumiko-chan…are you cryin-"

"No! N-no, I'm not crying. W-what makes you say that?"

"……." The three stared at me blankly.

"You're a terrible liar Kumiko-chan…" Kikumaru started, sighing.

"Who was it!?!! Who was it that did this to you!?" Aya screamed, lunging at me and I screamed in turn and ducked. Honestly, I know Aya is trying to comfort and help me right now, but right now, I think she's the one who's making me cry.

"N-no one did!"

Marui did.

"I was just upset at my bad grades from before…Mum and dad aren't too pleased." Let them buy the lie, please.

Aya and Kikumaru seemed to have bought it. Right now at least, probably cause they are in each other's presence and are too 'deep in love' to actually be as sharp as they normally are. Yura on the other hand…

I cleared my throat, grabbing the attention of Aya and Kikumaru who were helping themselves to the sweets on the coffee table, and Yura who was just standing around aimlessly. "Why are you guys here?"

"Hellloooo, it's the weekend! Saturday!!" Aya cheered, and quickly made her way over to me. "We're going to hang out of course!"

"……" I turned to look at Yura. Her of all people, I did not expect to come here for such a reason. I thought she'd be home studying or something rather than…hang out.

Aya frowned at my expression. "Kumiko-chan, we hardly spent time together lately-"

"I just saw you 2 days ago."

"That's too long ago. Besides, Kikumaru hasn't seen you inawhile-"

"I thought you were protective of your boyfriend."

"I trust you not to steal him from me. So anyways, we're heading out now and you're coming." She grinned, and so did Kikumaru. They were….one of a kind. And its not like I could steal Kikumaru from Aya even if I wanted to. Who would choose a girl like me over Aya anyways?

If she was the light, I was the shadow. At least, that's how I perceive our friendship.

I was the shadow that stuck to the light.

And for that, I will always cherish and appreciate Aya, for allowing me to be her shadow.

So it was as usual, even if I was reluctant to go, like the shadow that stayed glue to the ground behind as the light moved forward, I changed and went out with them, taking Kikumaru's car.

Aya sat at the passenger seat, whilst Kikumaru drove, leaving me with Yura in the backseat.

Kikumaru and Aya were busy cracking jokes and just fawning over each other at the front, while I and Yura just sat quietly in the back. If an outsider looked at us right now, they wouldn't even think that Yura is a dear friend to me, and think she's a stranger to me instead.

Something caught my eye, and I looked to my side to find a brochure of some sort sticking out of Yura's handbag. My eyes blinked rapidly and incredulously.

Did that thing say Club Prism something something?

My hand reached out to it, and just barely grazed it before Yura lifted her bag away from me.

I stared at Yura sheepishly. "Umm…"

Yura shook her head disapprovingly. "Private property, Kumiko-chan. Didn't Aunt Ishimaru ever taught you not to touch things that aren't yours?" She reprimanded, but with a friendly tone.

I blushed and looked away. "Sorry. I just thought I saw something…"

"Hmm, really? What?" She asked off-handedly.

"Club Prism."

There was a pause in between us.

"Club Prism?" Her voice revealed her surprise and pure naivety.

I sighed mentally. It must just be me and my experience yesterday night; it was effecting my mental state and vision (lack of sleep, perhaps?). Why would Yura ever have something to do with Club Prism with her? She didn't exactly take to host clubs well, as she had told me before.

Kikumaru drove us to a common teen and young adults hang-out, where most from our university lurked and had fun during the weekends and after classes hours. Many faces we passed as we walked by were familiar to me; most of them from my university and one or two from my classes.

I just tagged along wherever they went, not really having a specific goal or destination in mind here. There wasn't much that I desired or needed from this place right now. Aya wanted to go shopping, and shopping it is we did. Kikumaru wanted to check out the pets shop and that is what we did. Yura just ambled to the bookshop, and grabbed a book randomly off the shelf before leaving.

"Ah! That's my piece of dango!!" Kikumaru pouted when Aya ate his dango.

She stuck her tongue out at him."Hehe~ You should protect your food!"

Kikumaru pouted before swiftly snagging Aya's drink. "Hey!!" She cried indignantly. He merely flicked her the victory sign –just like Marui- before drinking half of it.

The two were like that every time; merely having fun and appreciating each other's presence. I envied them sometimes, when I watched them.

I always felt that Aya was closer to Kikumaru than she was to me. And it was probably true.

I don't know…I didn't have too much experience with the opposite sex to really know anyways. But I always felt that, there are some things special which you can only share with your beloved, and not even your best friend.

It's similar to how there are some things you would share only with your friends and not your family.

Watching them being so close to each, loving each other so much (even if Aya attends host clubs)…it kinda makes me wish that I wasn't so damn scared and shy.

If I weren't then, perhaps even I could engage in a relationship like that.

But nooo…I always stiffen up and stutter up whenever a remotely decent guy talks to me or even looks at me, that is, if I even know he's looking since I cant seem to look at a guy in the face.

….It was different maybe, with the hosts though. I did manage to look at them straight in the face and talk…for some of them at least (these men were too beautiful for their own good. I felt inferior next to them).

But I knew that even if I happened to suddenly take interest in any of them and want to engage in a relationship of some sort with them, it wasn't possible.

They were hosts.

And that made all the difference in the world.

They were trained to impress and make girls adore them. I wouldn't be able to tell if their feelings for me were sincere or not, if I were to have one of them as my companion. Would I be able to tell, if they truly loved me, or were they just playing me into their fingers? They were trained to charm, seduce and make women feel loved after all.

It'd be a risky ordeal, to love a host.

That's…if I ever loved at all.

I can't count how many heartbreaks I've seen back during my middle school days, high school days and even now in university. One of the participants in the relationship will get hurt one way or another; girl or boy…maybe even both.

After all, a love relationship isn't resistant to Murphy's Law: what can go wrong, will go wrong.

And I don't think I can handle another heartbreak in my life [1]. It didn't seem all too pleasant, and I don't imagine it will be. I mean, I can't even handle my daily schedule running differently from usual!

Even Aya and Kikumaru, who were laughing with each other without a care in the world (I had never noticed how similar Kikumaru's hair was with Marui's…), may possibly run into a stray stone in their path.

And that stray stone just might make them trip over one another.

I guess I'm too cowardly, to take on something new. To face something new and to experience something new. I know what I'm weak at and what I'm strong at. And I know that, I might not be able to pick myself up again.

But a little part of my heart, not my mind, nagged at me, constantly whispering:

"But wouldn't it be worth it, the heartbreak and pain, to experience one of the greatest joys in the world? The joy of loving someone and loving in return?"

I suppose my heart did not agree with my mind that loving a cat is the same as loving a person.

Sigh…I really did miss Sushi, my old cat, though….sad it had to die a few years ago.

I think that was my first heartbreak.

And it felt as if the whole world suddenly dropped dead with it.

1) Another heartbreak, because Sushi is her first heartbreak ;D

Hum. I think Kumiko is going through denial now? ..I dunnoe xD

Wassuuuup 150 revieeews!? Woooot!

Thank you, all of youuuuu~!!! 3 And to those who watch and fave this story! I never imagined it'll make it this far haha I still wake up and see the sheer positive reviews and response to my story and go "blink, blink" XD

LadyLadington- Marui HAVE to follow suit xD or this wouldnt be a very nice MaruiOC story D; lol I guess I didnt do very well on capturing her feelings D; you didnt sound convinced XD but eh, it was weird...and I never wrote romance before so...FL is the furthest I ever got for a romance story; the rest stopped before the real romance ever set in ._.

PhoenixRage92- I dont know if the subbed ones are out yet D; I usually never check _; Since I can watch in raw D: and yea, I'll continue Love Story when this is finish XD Though I might focus on my other stories first (ie Conquering Dawn and TTTC). Getting a bit tired of writing PoT lol xD and your reviews are alright haha XD and really? ._. I couldnt even tell you didnt learn english as a first language x_X

Kouyan- IF he sees her...kufufufu~-bricked-

Bj in Pj's- boys are dense in everything, psh. I hardly write romance too XD Maybe a few one-shots here and there with fluff, but thats it D; I never tried to write a serious romance story before until this XD I'm trying to make it light-hearted and yet serious at the same time haha OTL

Skull Rider-XXD :hug: I dont think my writing could ever impact anyone, but thank you XXD

Emy- of course I'm happy haha I mean, I dont even suggest this story to my OWN friends XD *too ashamed to show them* lol

Ami H- aww I'm glad to hear your younger sister likes my story too haha XD is it like reading Cinderella to her or something? XD; Tell her that I said I appreciate it a lot that she enjoys my story :3

Rin- lol are you the same Rin that I know and talk to on msn? D; if you're not, ignore that XD but thank you and sorry, for making you not study instead D: and your review aint crap! no reviews ever are! D: I read all reviews and take to heart whatever the reviewers say D; so no matter how short or long, all reviews are appreciated and never crap! Since they allow me to know what people feel about my story, and it always makes me happy to know people likes it =D

MaruiBuntaWorshipper Fan- XXD aww why were you grounded? D: and yes, Sanada should go hatless XD even if I'm not a Sanada fan haha but thank you XD The story and title...it just happened, really XD it was not originally intended XD

Juunin- maaybe? XD just any hosts really haha its fanservice for all XD