Okay so I am fully aware I have not updated in yonks, yes I am a terrible person but a lot of stuff has been going on down here at the moment. Maths exam on Monday ahhhhh!

In lighter news did anybody see the finale of flashforward- wow. I still can't believe that they cancelled it! Well if you did watch it then the music they were playing at the end during the second blackout is the music for this chapter.

Its called 'The Funeral by Band of Horses' Seriously recommend it, great song. Well back to the story!

Chapter 26

Ziva David had been staring at the blank sheet of paper in front of her for nearly half an hour now.

She had decided to write a letter to each member of 'Team Gibbs.' She closed her eyes and sank back into her chair, she was sat in her apartment with only a dim candle for company.

A stack of filled envelopes lay on the table in front of her. She had written to Ducky first, explaining how she had always seen him as a kind grandfather offering her advice and a steady hand when she most needed it. She had ended the letter saying that he should write all of his little stories down, so everybody could read and enjoy them.

Abby was next, the hyperactive goth who no matter what could always lift Ziva's spirits, she told Abby not to mourn, for death was her wish and she welcomed it. She remembered quickly adding a P.S message to the end of the message, explaining how true love could be right in front of your nose, all you had to do was to look hard enough.

McGee was third, he had always been a brother to Ziva and he had never done anything to hurt her. Ziva smiled at the thought of McGee, completely trusting, he would follow her to the end of the world if she asked. She had ended the letter with 'Don't let Tony give you a too harder time, you are a good agent and a good man Timothy McGee and don't you ever forget that.'

Gibbs – the man who was her surrogate father, the man who was willing to risk everything for her, expecting nothing in return. He was always there, he always had her six, keeping her demons at bay. She had told Gibbs not to blame himself, it was not his fault, she would give Shannon, Kelly and Jenny his love.

And that just left one person, the hardest letter to write, but the one she needed to. She needed him to know it was not his fault and he couldn't have prevented her death, it was her wish, it was the only chance of escape. Ziva began to write, the sound of the pen scratching across the paper was the only sound that filled the lonely apartment.

Dear Anthony.

By the time you are reading this I will be long gone. Please, do not ever doubt my love for you Tony, for that was the only thing that kept me sane in this world. It is because that I love you that I am taking my own life.

How can I live with myself after what I have done to you? I have ruined your life Tony! You have every right to hate me, I deserve your rage. I wish I could face it but I am a coward. For I know just looking at your face would change my mind – I would not be able to leave you.

You have only ever shown me kindness and happiness and loyalty. Even after I insulted you and doubted your trust you still came half way round the world to save me.

You once told me that the heart wants what the heart wants, I love you Anthony DiNozzo but I do not deserve you. You were my soul mate and my last chance at happiness. All I caused you was pain and grief, I could not live with myself looking at you and seeing the scars that cover your body. The pain that I had caused you, the horrible suffering that I have put you through. You hate me Tony and I cannot live knowing that you do not return my love.

I will never put you through something like that again, I will never cause you to feel unnecessary pain. You are the most wonderful man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and I would have loved to have stayed and grown old with you but I know I must sacrifice myself for your greater good.

Promise me that you will find somebody else, someone who you love and who will love you back. Somebody who will never betray you or cause you pain.

Be happy, for as long as you are, I am.

Ziva David

Ziva sighed, the tears were flowing down her cheeks and landing on the page causing the ink to blotch. Ziva hurriedly wiped her eyes and folded the letter and pushed it inside the envelope.

This was it, she closed her eyes. She had explained everything, she had no reason to live anymore ; her biological family were dead to her, her surrogate family mistrusted her. The only man she had fully given her heart to hated her. No, Ziva had no reason to live. She grabbed her coat and began to walk out of the apartment. It had began to rain, the wind howled around her, the streets were deserted, not a soul stalked the avenues of Washington.

Ziva pulled her coat tighter around her, trying to create a barrier against the merciless attacks of the wind. Ziva realised she was barefoot. She could already feel the small rivers caused by the rain gushing between her toes.

Ziva continued walking, she reached a fire escape ladder and slowlu began to climb, being careful not to slip on the slippery rungs.

After a few minutes she stood on the roof of one of the tallest apartment blocks in her area.

She stood alone, dead to the world. She walked towards the edge, took a deep breath in, ready to make the step out to her impending doom.

Alright I know you hate me for the absence of updates but hey! Please review!