Chapter Seven
a/n: ha. wikipedia makes me laugh. look at this:
Duro
Pronunciation: DU - RO.
Description: Makes the object hard.
Seen/mentioned: Seen in Deathly Hallows, cast by Hermione while escaping from Death Eaters in Hogwarts.
Suggested etymology: Latin 'duro' meaning "I make hard".
yeah. i know, right? anywho. this chapter is really crude and mostly really quite a lot bad, but this story is pretty bad anyways.
also, i'm currently mad at edward for being in this story, because he's not even cool enough, and i'm in avpm and avps mode. so. ta-da.
Edward Cullen shook out his mane of shimmering copper hair, his skin sparkling like glitter glue in the sunlight.
"Edward. I DO have classes, you know."
"Yeah, but between me and your Evil Plan, you don't attend any of them."
"Excuse me? I attended Potions yesterday."
"Exactly. Who needs classes?"
"I do. 'Cause, currently, I'm failing. I'm usually a very good student, you know. When I transfer to Pigfarts, I'm SURE Rumbleroar will let me ride on his back."
"He's the headmaster lion, right?"
"Who can talk."
"Yeah. Well. In the meantime, while I have you on Earth, we need to spend as much time as possible."
"I cannn't,"
Edward glared at me.
"I need to go to class, or people are going to get suspicious."
"UGH! Draco, WHEN are you going to come out of the closet! This is ridiculous!"
"… I meant people are going to be suspicious about my plan to assassinate the most powerful wizard who ever lived."
Edward paused.
"Pssht."
"Look, if you want to spend time with me SOOO BADDLY, just enroll."
"Enroll? To Hogwarts? You're mental."
I shot Edward a look.
"I'm not, actually."
"I'M NOT A WIZARD!"
"Or a witch, for that matter."
It was Ed's turn to shoot the look.
"Exactly. It's a school of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY. I'm a vampire. Fail."
"Well, then, volunteer to teach a weekly Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson on vamps or something," I suggested.
Edward stopped, his mouth open as if to retort, obviously contemplating it.
"That's not a bad idea," he admitted.
"Not all my ideas are bad, thank you very much."
"Sure." Wow. Thanks. "I'll go talk to Dumbledore right away! Have fun in Transfiguration!"
"Yupperdoodle. I'm sure I will."
- I rubbed my forehead boredly, watching with glazed-over eyes as Binns droned on about some old bat named Frederich who did something special that made him worth our History lesson.
"And that is all for today," Binns coughed. "There will be a quiz on the subject next week, so I hope you all were paying attention. However, if you weren't, there will be a review tomorrow. Have a good day."
I stood up and snatched the notes out of some fat girl's chubby hands.
"H - hey!" she squeaked, grabbing at the notes. I held them high above my head, way out of her reach.
"Do you mind? I don't sit through this class and take note of every word Professor Binns says just to have some lazy little girl try to steal them from me! As a prefect, I'm going to have to report this - "
Suddenly, the notes were ripped from my hands from behind me. I whirled around, ready to object, and came face-to-face with Edward. He gave me the 'this isn't right' look. He glanced down at the stolen notes, then rolled his eyes.
"I wouldn't take credit for this, if I were you."
I snatched it back and looked at it.
It was covered in doodles confessing their love for some kid called Thomas. Yuck.
"Uhrm, here. You can have this back," I said uncomfortably, handing the blushing girl back her paper.
"Hey! You!"
A skinny fellow with messed up teeth turned to face me.
"Did you take notes?" I asked.
"Yeah…"
"Could I see them for a sec? I think I missed something."
The boy reached into his bag and pulled out three slips of parchment, folded together.
"Thanks," I said, reaching into my bag, then suddenly turning on my heel and running for the door.
When I reached the corridor on which the Gryffindor common room was on (I know these things because I am ninja… not because I've ever stalked Potter for dirt… or anything like that… And I've never seen Ron Weasley mostly naked… And I've never jumped out of shadow-y corners and scared the shit out of Longbottom… nothing like that. Just 'cause I'm a ninja. And am very knowledgeable. ), I figured I was safe, and stopped to catch my breath. Edward was next to me in a second.
"That wasn't very nice," he said, always the voice of reason.
"Then why didn't you stop me?"
"I didn't want to show off."
"Uh-huh."
"But speaking of showing off, I'll be giving a weekly lesson, just like you suggested."
"Fantastic. Do I have to attend?"
Edward glared at me.
"DUH!"
"I know not what that word means."
"WhatEVER. You TAUGHT me that word!"
I shrugged.
"I've got to get to class. Flitwick will stab me in the ankles if I miss another class."
"What's got your WAND IN A KNOT!" Edward said, grinning at his hip-wizard-lingo.
I stared at him blankly.
"Don't - just - just - no. Don't even try."
Edward frowned.
"Fine."
"Fine."
"See you on Tuesday."
"Right."
Edward was gone just as quickly as he came, and I turned around, to run straight into Harry Freaking Potter.
"Hello, there, Potter. Haven't seen you in a while. What's up with you lately?"
"Bugger off, Malfoy."
"You're missing your ordinary gangle of cronies. They finally see past your scar to your atrociously unfortunate face?"
Potter rolled his eyes.
"Says you!"
"You know what I'd give you on a scale of One to Ten? With one being the ugliest and ten, well, ten would be the most pretty? I would give you…" I paused, considering it. "An eight. …an eight-point-five. Or a nine. But not, NOT over a nine-point-eight. Because there's always room for improvement. Not everyone's perfect like me. That's why I'm holding out for a ten. Because I'm worth it."
Potter stared at me with a dumbfounded expression. Take that, Potter.
"Riiight," he said slowly. "You have fun with that."
"HORRIBLE RETORT!" I cried. I'm enjoying myself.
"Shut up, Malfoy."
"So where are your little friends? You never answered my question."
Potter rolled his glass-clad eyes again.
"Oh, did they forget about you? Bored of snogging you, off snogging each other?" I teased. Potter shot me a look, and I waggled my brows.
"Come on, why so serious?"
"Where are YOUR little friends, Malfoy? Haven't seen Crabbe and Goyle in aages, and even that ginger kid who I've seen you with a lot recently seems to have abandoned you. What's up, they realise you're a conniving little git?"
"What're you on about, Potter?"
"Who is that ginge, anyways? I thought you hated gingers. You certainly seem to give the Weasleys a hard time. - "
"It's copper, you arse."
"Right. Copper. Okay," Potter snorted loudly. "What's he doing here, anyways. He doesn't go here, does he? What's his name again? Edward Cullen?"
I whipped out my wand and pointed it at Potter, placing it's tip just under his chin.
"How do you know that?" I hissed.
"Oh, so that is his name?" he crooned.
"Don't make me do anything you'll regret," I threatened, fully aware of how cheesy I sounded, but going for dramatic effect. Potter pulled his wand out and pointing it just as mine was at him, and stepping forwards, backing me into the wall.
"Give up, Malfoy. I know you're up to something, and the more suspicious you act, the deeper I'll dig."
I laughed coldly.
"What, you think Edward's my evil death eater minion?"
Potter's eyes narrowed.
"Yeah, actually, that's exactly what I think."
"You're thicker than I thought, Potter," I sneered.
We paused, both holding our breath -
"EXPELLIARMUS!" he cried, just as I shouted "INCARCEROUS!"
Our spells ricocheted off each other, and my wand flew from my hand. The walls and ceilings rumbled violently, and I covered my head with both arms to shelter myself from the rain of stone and rubble and an eggplant.
When things calmed down, I let my hands fall to my side, only to have Potter shove me up against the dusty wall by my shoulders.
He was covered in castle-dust, and it made his hair look grey. I was about to make a snarky comment about premature aging, but he spoke first.
"I will find out what you're up to, Malfoy."
"The best of luck to you."
His face was petrifyingly close to mine, so that I could see my own eyes reflected in his glasses. And then we started furiously making out.
Seriously.
I'm not even kidding.
a/n: TA-DA. SOOO. THAT IS THAT. CRAPTASTIC. ALSO, IT APPEARS THAT THE PHOTOS I GAVE DIDN'T WORK LAST CHAPTER, SO HERE YOU GO. (just remove the spaces)
edward:
h t t p : / / b r o w s e . d e v i a n t a r t . c o m / ? q = e d w a r d % 2 0 c u l l e n & o r d e r = 9 & o f f s e t = 2 4 / d x 3 6 l e
draco:
h t t p : / / b r o w s e . d e v i a n t a r t . c o m / ? q h = & s e c t i o n = & g l o b a l = 1 & q = d r a c o + m a l f o y / d w n 4 w 9
also, you know, if you do happen to read this, reviews are always welcome. i don't care if you like the story or not. but, you could always rant about how bad it is? or, we could just talk about how lame eddy c is. i'm lonely. taalk to me.