Chapter 23: The Victor Ceremony

I sit down in my original room on floor 11. I hate the feeling of this building, it just reminds me that 23 other people filled the other floors and rooms, but now they are empty. Because they're dead. Because I killed them, or someone else, or something else, killed them. I grip the edges of my bed hard as I start reliving the Games. I'll be doing that at the Ceremony.

And what's worse, is that Sage isn't here. I feel that tightness in my chest come back and the ache in my bones when I think of him. I swallow down tears again and I just think how, in the room next to mine, he slept there for a couple of days. And now it's empty because of me.

If he was still alive, if there were two victors, he would have come into my room by now. He would've asked me if I was alright, and I would tell him I'm fine, but he would know I wasn't. Then he'd wrap his arms around me and kiss my forehead, telling me how there's nothing to be nervous about. That we're the victors, we can survive anything after surviving the Hunger Games.

And my thoughts become so real that at first, I do think he's here, that he survived. I start to believe that he was never killed and that he's about to come over right now. And when the door opens, I jump to my feet, a smile coming across my face because, he's alive, he was never killed, we'll live happily together for the rest of our lives.

But then reality hits me in the face and I feel like someone just punched me in the gut. I let out a small gasp, trying to control myself, when I see Miles, not Sage, come in, because Sage is dead. He will always be dead while I live on.

Miles smiles a bit at me and asks, "Expecting someone else?"

"I…no," I shake my head and slump back onto the bed. I pause for a bit before saying, "Just wishing I suppose."

"Sage?" He guesses, coming to sit down beside me.

I just merely nod, not able to say anything.

Miles then puts his arm around me and murmurs, "I know it's painful for you, hell it's painful for me, for everybody, but no one can bring him back from the dead. He wanted you to live, to go back home, because he knew that if you ever died, he couldn't live on. He would just end his life there, because he couldn't bear to live without you. But he knew, he knew, that you would fight for vengeance and you would go home." He takes my chin in his hand and lifts my head to make me look at him, "And he knew you would take good care of his family for him."

"Of course I will," I whisper, tears stinging my eyes because what Miles says is so true, it's painful.

Miles nods and then stands up, taking my hands and then lifting me up to my feet. "It's time for you to get ready for the Ceremony. Are you ready?"

I shrug and try to wipe away the tears as I say, "As much as I can be."

"Stay strong," He tells me, gripping my shoulders. I know it's a reassuring gesture, but it just reminds me of how Nyla gripped my shoulders and then ran off into the bullets, being killed. "I know it will be tough," He goes on, "to watch it all again, but just stay strong, ok?"

"Ok," I say with a slight nod.

He smiles at me, but I'm unable to return the smile. He doesn't seem to mind, though, as he leads me into the bathroom and tells me to close my eyes. I do, I close my eyes, and when he tells me to open them, I'm shocked.

Miles is standing in front of me with a beautiful dress, probably the best out of all of them he made. It's a spaghetti strap dress that flows down to the tops of my feet (or I'm guessing since I haven't tried it on yet). Instead of green, though, it's a dark blue. It's made of silk, I can tell, when I rub the fabric between my fingers. Just under the chest-area there's a lighter blue, a sky blue, piece of fabric that wraps around the entire dress. Then, around the shoulders, there's a light green shawl that goes well with the sky blue and the dark blue of the dress. And when you turn the dress, it switches with the dark blue and then a bit different shade of blue, almost a blue-gray. I suddenly realize what it is now.

It is the color of the eyes of all the Tributes I cared about, or had significance to me in the games. The main dark blue color is the color of Sage's eyes. The green shawl is the color of Nyla's eyes and the sky blue wrap around the dress is the color of Sky's eyes. Then the blue-gray color that flashes from the dark blue is the color of Sabine's eyes. All the eyes of the Tributes that had a big significance to me, all of the eyes who would never open again. Maybe the other people wouldn't realize it, but I do, and so does Miles.

"Miles…I-" But he stops me in my sentence.

"Don't say anything, just by your reaction I know how you feel," He murmurs.

"Thank you," I whisper.

He just nods and says, "Now let's get you into this dress."

After getting into the dress and the prep team getting my hair and make up done, I'm ready. My dirty blond hair is hanging loose with a head band and I'm wearing gray flats that match my own eyes. I was right, though, the prep team didn't even notice how each and every color referenced to a Tribute. But Jake does.

When I'm down below the stage, almost ready to go into the platform that would send me up, Jake looks at me. He gives a light smile and sighs, because he knows what the dress means. It's basically a slap in the face for the Capitol, though they won't know it. The dress is blaming them for my pain, the pain of their families, and their deaths.

I shiver, though, at the platform. It looks so much like the one I used to go into the arena. Like all the other 23 dead tributes used to get into the arena, but would never come out. Jake obviously sees this so, he begins talking.

"It's just going to get worse, you know," He tells me.

I look at him and say, "Is it? Every night I have nightmares and I either wake up screaming or paralyzed in fear. And practically everything I look at reminds me of the Games. How can it get worse?"

"Because you'll be mentoring," Jake says simply, sitting down on a couch, "and this will go on for the rest of your life."

I sigh and my shoulders sag, because I know it's true.

"It's the cruelty of the Capitol, Iris," He murmurs, "They make sure that even the victors are strapped to their horrors from the Games, reminding us how completely at mercy we are to them."

I'm about to say something, but a voice from somewhere tells me to go to the platform. Again, just like when I went into the Games. I shiver again and walk out into the hallway. I step onto the plat form and Jake disappears somewhere. I hear the crowd cheer as they introduce my prep team. Then Miles is introduced and then Jake. Finally, it is my turn.

"And finally, the victor of the 25th Hunger Games," It's so much like when I won in the arena, but I put on a smile as I'm lifted up. Right when I get to the stage, they say, "Iris Novada!"

There's a loud welcome to me. People are cheering, whistling, hooting, and crying out phrases. It makes me sick, but I don't let anyone see this. Instead, I just give a nice smile and wave as I make my way over to a large throne. I don't sit down on it though, I keep standing.

People are still cheering when President Snow comes out. My ears are starting to ring because it's so loud and I really just want to get rid of this stupid smile. Next to him is a small boy dressed in all white. He carries a small red cushion with a crown on top. President Snow takes the crown gently and then places it on top of my head.

Though he's smiling and he looks friendly, his eyes are like poison darts. He knows what the dress means. But I'm not the least bit scared, so I left my head proudly and smile. He steps back. Caesar Flickerman starts off the crowd. He tells a few jokes and then starts talking about me. He then tells us to turn our attention to the screen. This is the video of the Hunger Games; it's about three hours long. I really do wonder how they fit three weeks into three hours. Oh well, I guess we'll see.

The first thing that comes up is the Reaping. They show District 11 and then Sarina comes up with the slip of paper holding my name and Sage's. When my name is called, the camera goes right to me where I stand with the 12 year olds. The shock and horror is already there and I see my dad leap forward. He clutches my arm and begs them not to let me go, but I push him aside and step up. They take a close in on my brother when he sets his hand on my shoulder. I'm surprised anyone caught that really. I just nod to him as I walk up the stage and shake Sarina's hand.

Then they call Sage's name. In my chair right now, my fists tighten as I see him. He looks horrified, but the look soon disappears. He makes his way to the stage and I try to memorize everything about him. His hair, his length, his body build, everything. I remember the touch of his hand when I shook his hand, and they take a close in at our hands. People in the audience sigh in sympathy for me, because they all know that we fall for each other, and I lose him.

Then it goes to the interviews. When they reach mine, I'm surprised they caught me looking at Nyla when I say it would never be the same if I came home. But all I can think about really, is how all those people, except for me, are no longer here. They go to Sage's interview, and they make a note on how intently I watch him and how he watched me. I bet they wonder when we started to fall in love, I don't think even I can answer that, though.

Finally, we get to the Games. It's in Sage's view when he rises from the platform and onto the river. When the gong goes off, they take a quick picture at me when I immediately dive in, and then to everyone else who either hesitates or dives in. Sage hesitates for a second, but then jumps in, trying his best to swim. I reach the Cornucopia quickly, but the Careers are already there. I manage to grab a backpack as I race into the water and over to the hills.

They take a full out shot at the fight. I will only be running away, nothing interesting there. But then they look at Sage. He throws a knife towards Megan and it stabs her in the back. She falls immediately as Sage takes the bow and arrows and the knife and runs off. But then Kellie is following him. I shiver when I see her, because all I can remember is that how I killed her, and that this must be when Sky saved Sage from her.

Sage is knocked to the ground and his arm is bleeding badly. Kellie is just about to finish him off when a knife comes out of a tree and pierces her in the leg. So that's why she was limping that first night. She screams and falls to the ground as Sky and Sage run off and become allies. They go to the other Tributes as Nyla and Sabine become allies also and how the Careers start the hunt.

They go to the first night when I was almost killed by the careers. They show how I kill Ash and run off and how I'm almost killed by Melony until Paul comes and kills her. After that, they show mostly the other Tributes and then in the corner my reaction to the deaths when I see them in the sky.

The flood comes, and then the part where I kill Sky comes. I can barely look at it, because it was painful enough for me to do it, and be reminded everyday and night, but now I have to watch it. After I kill him, they show when Sky is dying. So what Sage said is true, he did tell him all those things. I'm even surprised when they don't cut out when Sky says "There is no winner here, for the one who leaves is always stuck here."

I understand that quote now. Because I was the one who was able to leave, but in my dreams and even the day time, I'm still mentally there. Everything will remind me of the Games, it will always haunt me.

Then they cut to my reaction of Sky's death. How I break down and collapse. Then the avalanche comes and they go to where I find Sage. At first I ask him to be allies, and I remember then how much he probably hated me. He said no, but then Faith came and sent a spear through my leg. I flinch when I remember, I had been in so much pain. Then that's when we became allies.

They take note of when we talk and how we bond. Then the fire comes. I shake Sage awake as he helps me through the forest. I now see how much I slowed down Sage, and I'm so thankful he didn't leave me. I was so focused on how much pain I was in, I didn't realize that the fire was right on our tails.

Then my jacket catches on fire and Sage beats it out. The fire stops and we rest for a bit. More bonding and then we go to the kiss. I can almost feel as if Sage is by me, right now, kissing me as I see myself on screen kissing him. I can hear people in the audience sigh and I just remember that electric bolt I felt when I kissed him. I yearn for that again, but I never will feel it once more.

More bonding, but then they go to the Mutts. I shiver when I see myself and Sage battle them. I see the one Mutt dig its claws into my back and I scream. Sage gasps as his side is hurt badly. I tell him to run and we do, leaving the meat there as we run farther. We finally collapse and rest. He takes my hand as we head on. Now it begins.

We run into the clearing, where the other Tributes are waiting. I want to close my eyes, because once was enough. But I know I can't. The camera zooms in and follows Sage's arrow as it pierces Dawn in the throat. They move around, going from person to person as the fight goes on. Then they get to Sage's death.

I feel like I'm going to breakdown now, because it's just so painful. I grip the seat hard and fight to remain calm. But the look of pain can clearly be seen on my face. They show my desperate cries to him as I beg him to live, then they zoom in on that kiss. Now I definitely feel that I'm going to cry right now. I can feel the tears well up in my eyes, but I don't let them release.

Sage falls limp in my arms and they show me sobbing and clutching onto his body. Sabine and Nyla come and they urge me to leave. But I refuse, just wanting to die along with him. Then they rip me away from them and I start screaming until the bomb comes. I'm thrown back into the mud and start sobbing again when Sage's canon fires.

I'm really thankful that whoever designed this put in the part when Nyla and Sabine tried to nurse me back to physical and mental health. During then I struggle to control myself, taking big, deep breaths. I blink away the tears and then turn my focus back when the Feast comes.

I shiver as I see Sabine run towards the large Turkey. It looks very demanding, and I'm sure I would have done the same if I had seen it. But it was a stupid idea, and Sabine was unfortunately killed. I can't help myself as I flinch when I see the Careers slice open Sabine's neck. I wish I had been there to protect her.

It turns to me and Nyla as we plan the Grand Finale and then switches off to the Careers. They had been eating the turkey and then checking each day to see if we came. Their idea was for to let us come and then to kill us. Then probably turn on one another and kill. That didn't seem to work out.

I watch as Nyla and I put the trap down and rush to the Cornucopia. The Careers, though, didn't take that path and then they show it begin. I watch in horror as we fight and when the Cornucopia Tornado comes out. The bullets come and Nyla and I dive for safety. I watch as Nyla tells me goodbye and I refuse, but she runs out. She drags out Zach and they're both killed.

I really hate this.

The bullets stop and I run out, fighting Kellie and Gray. The ground begins to shake and it splits open in different places. Kellie throws her axe, but I fall to the ground just in time. Gray gets the axe in his back and he soon is killed. Well, I did tell him he would get a knife in his back. Maybe it's not a knife, but an axe is close enough. As we battle, his body is taken. The battle, I now see, is bloody, gory, and horrifying. It was painful for me, and it's bad enough that I did it.

Finally, though, it gets to the part where I fall. They show me hanging onto the ground as Kellie jumps with glee. Then when her laughter dies, they zoom in as I reach up and stab her in the stomach. Her canon fires and I'm announced the victor. The last thing they have before ending it, is zooming in on me as I say "I love you, Sage" and then it ends.

Caesar bids them goodnight after many waves and smiles from me and I'm taken to the President's Mansion. It's the Victory Banquet, but it's not very interesting. I have to keep on that stupid smile as people take pictures of me and I try to eat as much as I can without getting sick. I sign autographs and then finally, I leave.

When I enter my room, I rid myself of my smile and collapse down on my bed. I cry myself to sleep that night, just wishing I was never chosen for the Games.