Summary:Holly J & Fiona starting just before rehab everything that has happened up til then is as it was in the show. Holly J finds the journal page but doesn't give it to Adam instead she keeps it with the intent of talking to Fiona about it after rehab.

Disclaimer:I don't own any part of Degrassi.

Author's Notes:This is inspired by the promo of Holly J and Fiona kissing. As well as the theory I recently thought of where the journal entry was actually about HJ and not Adam. We never saw the entry itself very clearly so we don't know for sure if it says that it's about Adam or not.

**The POV will switch much like it did the last chapter. It is likely to happen every chapter.

Chapter 2

'I don't want to be here. I just want to be at home. I want to see her.' Fiona thought to herself as she lay on the bed in her painfully small 8ft by 10ft room , staring at the ceiling. She hadn't been able to sleep at all with the thunderstorm that was raging outside her window. She couldn't believe how different this was from her spacious brightly painted condo. The walls were a flat off white color. The cream and beige colored bedding was nothing like the expensive high thread count bedding she had at home. She couldn't imagine spending the next 3 weeks here. She had already been through 3 weeks of the intense therapy the clinic provided.

'Why am I still here' Fiona wondered out loud remembering she could just walk out. This was in patient volunteer therapy so she could leave if she wanted. She rolled onto her side as she began to think about getting up the next morning, packing her things and going home. She was comforted by the thought of her bed at home. As she started to drift off to sleep a loud clap of thunder rumbled through the sky, jolting her awake. Not long after another bolt of lightening lit up everything and in that light Fiona saw the picture of Holly J and herself that she had on the night stand. They were both smiling and Fiona had an arm wrapped around Holly J, they looked so happy. In that moment of light she remembered why she couldn't leave. Holly J would never accept her the way she wanted if she left rehab early.

'Oh Holly J I wish you knew that you are the only reason I want to get better' she whispered to the picture as she reached for it. She took the picture off of the night table holding it close to her chest as she drifted off to sleep.

…

…

Holly J's whole room shook as the thunder rolled outside. 'Wow the storm is really bad' Holly J mumbled to herself, the storm having woken her up. She rolled over to look at the time. Realizing that her alarm would be going off in about ten minutes anyway she decided to just get up for the day.

She grabbed her laptop to check her email as was her routine every morning. Seeing none that looked very important she set her laptop back on the desk next to her bed. Reluctantly she got out of bed mumbling about wanting to sleep a little longer. She gathered her school clothing and headed to the bathroom to shower.

"Holly J! Breakfast is ready"

"ok mom I will be out in a minute" she mumbled just loud enough for her mother to hear as she headed back to her room to gather her school books. Heading to the kitchen she saw a bagel smeared with strawberry cream cheese which was her favorite. She quickly ate and headed out to catch the bus.

Upon arriving at school Holly J was greeted with a hug and a kiss from her boyfriend, Sav, before heading into the school. He was a sweet guy but she was pretty sure once graduation came she wouldn't find it hard to go their separate ways. They headed to the Student Council room to put together the morning announcements.

After helping Sav give the announcements they headed their separate ways to class. Holly J walked into her classroom and immediately took her seat and started to take notes as her teacher gave the typical beginning of class lecture. She stopped writing and looked around the classroom her eyes falling on the only empty desk in the room, next to her. It was Fiona's desk. It still seemed weird, even after 3 weeks that Fiona wasn't sitting next to her planning their next shopping trip or movie night. Holly J made a mental note to call the clinic and leave a message for Fi to call her since she didn't know when Fiona wouldn't be busy with whatever rehab entailed and she hadn't heard from her in a little over a week.

…

…

"Fiona the receptionist told me there was a message left for you to call Holly J when you were available too" Fiona's therapist said. "Is it ok if I go use my computer instead"

"Yes that's fine but remember you only get 30 minutes a day right now" the doctor said and Fiona stood and headed to her room pulling her laptop out of her bag. She hadn't used it since she got there but Holly J had been nice enough to pack it for her. She sat down on her bed with a pillow behind her and turned it on immediately signing into her Facerange account as soon as it was on. She moved her cursor to the bottom right corner and clicked the list to see who was online. She smiled and clicked Holly J's name and began to type.

Fifi-Coyne: hi HJ I got your message.

HollyJS: Hey Fi how are you doing?

Fiona started to type im doing ok I miss you so much but quickly back spaced it and simply put 'Im ok I miss Degrassi'

HollyJS: We miss you too Fi but you are doing something that needs to be done. Listen I would love to stay and talk but I have so much work to get done and I have to work in about an hour. Talk again soon ok?

'I love you Holly J' Fi realized as she was about to hit enter what she had typed and she quickly changed it.

Fifi-Coyne: Okay talk soon :)

Holly J Sinclair has logged out. Fiona sighed as the words popped onto her screen. She went to her inbox and opened a new message. She had to talk to Adam and let him know what was going on. She knew she couldn't leave him hanging so she quickly thought of a reason why she might need to talk to him and typed her message.

Subject: no subject

Message between FiFi Coyne and Adam Torres

Adam,

I know the last thing you heard from me was telling you to leave and that I never wanted to speak to you again. My therapist told me that I should talk to you to help my recovery process. She thought it would help. I do miss seeing you. :) We should talk soon. I can't be online without permission right now and when I am on it isn't for very long that is why I thought it would be easier to just send you a message. I would like to talk sometime. I have some very important things to ask you and to tell you. Let me know when I can call unless you would rather talk through messages. I'm fine either way. Just let me know.

~Fi

After clicking the send button Fiona sighed and set her computer aside but not logging out just yet as she was hoping Adam would message her back before she had to shut down her computer for the day. After about 5minutes Fiona heard the familiar ping that meant she had a new message. She grabbed her computer and saw it was an IM from Adam.

Adam_Torres: Hey Fi. I got your message this is probably the easiest and most private way to talk. If you still have time that is.

Fifi-Coyne: We can talk like this I only have a few more minutes tho.

Fiona waited as Adam typed his message.

Adam_Torres: I am so glad to hear from you! I was so afraid that you weren't going to talk to me after you told me to leave. Fiona I was so upset I thought I had lost you and I just didn't know how I was going to handle losing you knowing that I have fallen in love with you.

Fiona was shocked she couldn't believe what she was reading. She knew she had to tell him now before he got his hopes up to high.

Fifi-Coyne: Adam remember when I said drinking made it easier to be with you?

Adam_Torres: yes why?

Fifi-Coyne: Well that's part of what I want to talk to you about.

Adam_Torres: …ok?...

Fiona sighed heavily and started to wonder how exactly to word what she needed to say. She thought for a moment and began typing.

Fifi-Coyne: I said that because I was being honest. I was drinking to hide feelings I knew I shouldn't be having and in order to be with you I had to bury those other feelings. I said I love you because at the time I honestly thought I did but now im beginning to understand that what I was feeling while I was drinking wasn't real. I was feeling what I thought I should be not listening to what I was really feeling in my heart. I am so sorry Adam. I didn't want to tell you like this I was hoping to tell you at least on the phone if not in person once I finish my therapy. Being sober these last 3 weeks I have started admitting to myself and my therapist my true feelings. I do care for you Adam. I truly do but Im not in love with you. I know this is hard to read so I will understand if you don't want to ever talk to me again.

Fiona waited patiently for Adam to respond or log out which would mean he never wants to talk to her again. After an agonizing minute or two Adam responded.

Adam_Torres: ….ummm wow im not sure what to say. So this whole time you were pretending to like and even love me but you actually like a different guy? This is a lot to take in Fiona im not sure I will be able to talk to you for awhile.

That didn't surprise her much although she was glad to see there was a chance for a friendship in the end or at least they could maybe be on speaking terms.

Fifi-Coyne: I understand Adam and I wouldn't be surprised if you never talk to me again. But I do want you to know that although I may not have been honest about my feelings as far as loving you. I do like you just as a friend tho. And it wasn't another a guy that I am having feelings for.

Adam_Torres:….

Adam Torres has logged out. Fiona suddenly felt as though she was going to cry. She logged off her account and shut down her computer. Just as she was putting it back in her bag she heard a knock on her door.

'yes' she answered. The door opened and a small blond woman stuck her head in the door.

"Just checking to make sure you have your computer shut down" the woman said with a smile.

'Yes I shut it down" Fiona answered.

The woman nodded with a smile and closed the door. Fiona sat there thinking about how she had finally admitted to someone, her now ex-boyfriend Adam, that she was actually in love with a girl. She smiled proudly to herself. She knew that admitting her feelings about Holly J to herself as well as to others, Holly J included, was going to help keep her sober.

So there it is! It didn't turn out quite as well as I would have liked but I hope you enjoy it anyway. I felt like i needed to address some of the time while Fiona was in rehab. Im excited for the next chapter already. All I can tell you for sure is it will be taking place when Fi gets out of rehab :D

So reviews? Good and bad but especially good will keep me writing and updating this story ^_^

~Lady Abegayle