Chapter 8

The next month went by at a quick pace. Draco was gone for chunks of it and colder weather was setting in. Most of the school was slowly starting to wind down from the war. At first, being at school seemed so redundant, but life was starting to return to a more even keel. The first Hogsmead week end was coming up and the common room had a bit of a buzz to it.

Ginny had started questioning her about romantic interests. Hermione had done her absolute best to distract her onto conversations. She still didn't want to tell anyone about her thing with Draco. It wasn't anyone else's concern, she justified. She did manage to convince Ginny that her main and only focus was on her studies. And if all else failed, she would bring up Quidditch because it was a guaranteed topic changer.

The release of Lucius Malfoy seemed to quieten the buzz for a few days, but everyone moved on. It seemed to put a spring in the Slytherins' step too and Draco was back to being king.

The Daily Prophet seemed to have moved on too. There was the odd mention of Deatheaters being chased, but on the whole, the war was yesterday's news and no one was really complaining.

Quidditch rivalry was as strong as ever, and while Hermione rolled her eyes at it, her support was demanded from both sides. Hermione went to the games with the Gryffindor crowd and she had to admit to herself that watching it was much more amusing now that she could muse on how spectacular Draco looked in the uniform.

They still met up in the library late in the evenings. Draco's mood was starting to change a bit with his father's release. All his worries seemed to have gone and he was enjoying being back at school. Particularly the part where he was yet again a paragon of Slytherin virtue. He even asked her to sneak away with him to Switzerland over the Christmas holidays, not that she could, Christmas was for family and hers, nor the Weasley's would understand if she wasn't there.

"Why would you want to spend Christmas with them?" He asked with an incredulous look. "Shivering in the dusty hovel they live in."

Hermione shoved his arm.

"I love spending Christmas with the Weasleys, they have invited my parents this year, so we will all be together."

Draco made gagging noises.

"You're not suggesting that I spend time with your parents are you?" She asked.

"Only is you're suicidal." Draco snorted.

"So they wouldn't accept me coming over for dinner then?" She continued somewhere between joking and serious.

"You know they wouldn't."

"So under no circumstances, would they accept that we're... you know?"

"They never need to know." He said. "Father has always had a mistress, mother has never asked, neither will my wife."

"You're wife." Hermione repeated.

"I will keep you in whatever style you want. You can have the best of everything. Your own apartment. Jewels, whatever."

"You can't be serious." She said.

Draco look let her know that he had been anticipating this conversation.

"You know I can't give you any more." He said quietly.

"You can't seriously think that I would be happy with that."

"Its the only way."

Hermione was having a bit of trouble keeping her emotions in check. She searched his face but he wasn't joking. The turn of the conversation was making her feel like she'd been winded and she was starting to feel a bit nauseous.

He came up and folded his arms around her.

"Its the only way." He repeated with a hint of sadness. "But it will be fine. You'll see."

"I..." She started. "I can't live like that. I won't."

She could feel the tension in Draco's arms as she said it.

"I have to go." She said and walked out of his arms. She could feel her pulse buzzing in her ear as she grabbed her bag and made to leave.

"Don't walk away." She heard Draco saying quietly behind her.

"I have to go." She said again, not able to look at him. She was walking to the door.

"Hermione." He heard him call behind her, but she didn't stop.

When she got out into the hall, she let out the breath she'd been holding but was struggling to draw breath again. She felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. She had to stop and bend over to catch her breath again.

She hadn't seen that coming. Tears were stinging the back of her eyes as she made her way back to the Gryffindor common room. She'd never stated any expectations to herself about this relationship, but being confronted by its shortcomings was just crushing.

She headed straight through the common room and up to her bed where she curled up under her blankets and cried as quietly as she could manage.

She felt like someone had taken her world and given it a good shake. Her expectations of the world had proven false. Or maybe it was just her expectations of him. How could she have been so stupid? She'd talked herself into believing that he had changed, but he hadn't. And she recognised that he probably hadn't changed at all, but somehow she had read all these untruths into it.

What hurt the most was that he wouldn't fight for her. She had made her mind up that she would come what may, but he wouldn't. Withstanding everything else, that was a deal breaker.

She could certainly never agree to his expectations that she would be the other woman hidden away somewhere while he got on with setting up his family and general life. But he felt fine with her foregoing those things. He couldn't honestly expect that she would forego having kids, a husband, a nice loving family life.

Her relationship with Draco was over. He'd never actually deceived her, they'd just spackled over the uncomfortable truths and ignored them.

The next few days dragged at slow speed. Hermione felt like there was a Dementor following her around sucking every ounce of joy out of the world. Draco tried to catch her eye in class, but she refused to look at him.

She didn't go to the library at night, instead staying in the common room trying to distract herself. Ron was animatedly acting out something that had happened in the halls involving some spectacular fall down the stairs by a fifth year Hufflepuff. She tried to smile, but it was more of a grimace.

Of course they noted her distance and lack of enthusiasm, but she blamed it on women's issues which everyone seemed to accept without question.

She continually kicked herself for being so hopelessly stupid. She'd managed to dupe herself, all on her own and she couldn't really figure out why. And with him of all people.

She was so desperate for distraction that she had even started helping Hagrid with the feeding of his various 'friends'. At least he wasn't starting to give her concerning looks like the others and just let her carry on with the task at hand, while he chattered away about topics she didn't listen to. Her fingers were stiff with the cold, but she didn't mind, feeling like she deserved a bit of pain for being such a complete idiot.

On returning to the castle on the dreadful and rainy Sunday afternoon, she got cornered in the covered walkway by Draco. Hermione stopped as she saw him. She could either go forward or backwards, but didn't want to seem cowardly by running away.

"So you're ignoring me now?" He said leaning against the wall.

Hermione shifted on her legs, uncomfortable with the situation.

"So you're just not going to speak to me anymore?" He continued.

"What do you want me to say?"

"How about you explain what's going on. One minute everything is fine and then its not."

"Don't give me that. You can't act surprise. We just reached the natural limit to our relationship." She said.

He didn't say anything this time and just stared at her.

"You can't be with me and I can't be with you. That pretty much sums it up, don't you think." She stated.

"We can be." He said.

"Not in a way that acceptable."

"You mean respectable." He threw at her.

Hermione stared at him.

"Like I give a toss." She said. "How can you ask me to give up a life of my own, children? Sit around and just wait for you while you live your life. Don't you know me at all?"

It was his turn to shift uncomfortably.

"I am doing the best I can." He said quietly.

Hermione nodded. "Not good enough."

She continued to walk past him.

"Don't walk away from me." He said, same as he had the last time she saw him.

"You expect me to give up everything." He shouted and walked up behind her. "For some stupid romantic notion you have that it means something."

"I don't expect anything." She shouted back. "We had a great time, its over, get used to it."

"So that's it, thanks for the fuck and its over?" He said and grabbed her by the arm.

"Let go of me." She warned.

"You're a fucking tease, you know that?" He said.

"Tease you with what? Some idea that we were forever? That was always unrealistic. Better to end it now before someone gets hurt." She said. "It was a nice notion, but back to reality now.

She was trying to convince herself more than anything.

"You'll regret this Granger." He said.

"Probably, but I'd regret it more if I didn't sort this now." She shot back.

She walked for a few steps then started running because the tears were coming whether she wanted it or not. She wanted to get away before her resolve gave. It hurt more then she'd ever anticipate to walk away from this relationship, but what option did she have? Neither of them could accept the other's terms, so better to abandon this game before it got too far. Or before she couldn't walk away.

It was the relationship that was never supposed to be after all. You can't go against the prevailing wind, particularly is one didn't have the stomach for it. She wished she could hit something.