As usual... i own nothing...just playing with the characters because I don't think Miss Austen will be anytime soon...:-)
Chapter 5
As Elizabeth ran up the remarkably large staircase that she was guessing led to the upstairs bedrooms, she wondered what game she was playing. True, what her and Mister Darcy had done had not been proper, but she was not ruined yet. She knew he would never say anything about it if she asked, and that nobody ever had to find out. So if she just left now, as she knew she should, she could continue on with her life with some semblance of order to it still. And yet, she found an almost overpowering urge to really have him show her what he had meant.
'If I do this, there really is no going back. I'll be his forever, no longer able to make my own decisions, to be at his bidding for the rest of my life. Can I live with that?' she wondered to herself as she sat on the stairs lost in her thoughts. She heard him before she saw him, his footsteps heavy on the marble, running to try and catch her.
"I did not think you'd be so easily caught my dear. Sitting here like a deer caught in a trap, as if you cannot move. But I can make you move" he murmured as he reached out to her, only to have her shrink back away from his hand. He looked into her eyes, surprised at the fear he read there. "My love, please do not look at me like that. I would never hurt you for anything in the world. What is the matter?"
"I cannot do this. No matter what I feel, or what I want, I know this is wrong. We are not married, or even betrothed! How can I let you touch me like that again, fully knowing what is to come from it? The first time I didn't know what was happening, but this time... this time I asked for it. I will not, cannot, let it happen! I'm truly sorry for letting you think...well, you know what you thought, but I cannot go through with this. Forgive me please. I think it would be best for me to leave now, Mister Darcy."
"Elizabeth, do not go. We do not have to do anything you do not wish to do, but please, at least allow me to explain my work in finding your sister. Please, I will not press myself on you if you are not willing. What kind of a man do you think I am?" he asked, trying to control his temper.
"Mister Darcy, you misunderstand me. It is not you I fear, but myself. I know you to be a man of strong character and moral, and to have firm control over yourself, but I fear when I am near you, I lose control of myself. Whether it is by laughing at you or yelling at you or...other things, I cannot help myself. You must understand my leaving now has nothing to do with my opinion of your control, but of my own."
"If you would please have the Colonel see me home, I would be ever so grateful. And I will come back tomorrow to talk to you about Lydia and Wickham. Let us give ourselves some time to calm down and to review the situation, shall we?"
"Of course, Miss Bennet. I'll see to it at once. Until the morrow then. Good Day" He said, his controlled voice and face back in place as he turned from her and descended the stairs to find his cousin.
"Miss Bennet, shall we?"asked Colonel Fitz William when he had reached her, holding his hand out to help her stand. "I understand you asked me to see you home. Well I am only to happy to oblige. You see, when Darcy's here, I find myself at a loss. He always has all of his affairs in order and never needs my assistance in any matter. I find it truly exasperating at times, I confess. But now he requests me to help see his beloved home, a task I'm sure he would not trust too many with, I find I'm rather flattered."
"His beloved? Colonel please explain yourself. Does everyone think of me this way then? As his? Please let me assure you it is not so. He may feel a certain way towards me, but if I do not return those feelings, how can I be his? If I have never agreed to marry him, how can he own me? He cannot, you see. He can only tell people to stay way from me, that I am his intended. But it is not true. I will admit, there is a certain attraction between the two of us, but that is all it is on my part; attraction. Nothing more, nothing less. I do not think it could ever be more. At least not with him not being able to bend. It cannot always just be his way and his word. I am my own person, and cannot submit myself wholly to any one person on this planet."
"My dear girl, I had no idea of your feelings in this matter, let me assure you. I knew only of how he feels about you. I would never presume to know your feelings about him. Personally, I always thought you better than him, that you deserved someone who would worship the very air you breathe, not berate you for breathing it. Someone who sees the many different facets of you personality, someone who adores your every mood. Who sees you for the truly remarkable woman you are" Colonel Fitz William said, staring at her with a look very similar to his cousins; desire, respect, and love.
"Colonel...I..." she began, only to be silenced by the gentle pressure of his lips against hers, not a unpleasant feeling to tell the truth. When he pulled away, he looked her in the eyes, staring before he said anything. When he did, you could have knocked her over with a feather.
"Miss Bennet, I love you. From the moment I first saw you, I knew you were the one woman I could spend my life with, the one I could share my home with, and the one I could make a family with. I do not dare to hope you feel the same about me, but if you could find it in your heart to at least try to, know that I would never betray you or disrespect you. Marry me, my darling Angel"
"Yes, I do believe I will" She answered before she kissed him.