Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.
A college try
By the time we are finished our meal I feel ready to begin. I've had hours travelling across the Atlantic and across America to figure out what I want to say. When her cutlery is placed neatly in front of her I begin.
"I've been travelling around Europe by myself most of the summer." Her eye's get large but she doesn't speak, "we made it till the end of the second week before she went by herself back to Paris for a break from me. By the time she got back a few days later… Well I was spending time with the locals-"
She picks up on my subtle remark instantly, "in other words, you were now cheating on her. I'm not surprised at all considering the line you feed me, I've known those eyes too long, you were willing to cheat on her back in LA when I came to visit before graduation." Her eyes are fierce like she wishes they could shred me, it makes me move slightly in my chair. "Can I ask how many?"
"Nothing really happened with the girl in France-"
"No I'm not interested in that, that's between you and her. How many were there when we were together? You've shown that cheating and lying about it is something you are okay to do, I can't imagine that this is a new skill, attitude you've acquired. I mean Emily, Betty and Stacey-"
"Stacey, you know we were broken up, you had dumped me and nothing even happened with her. I took her down to Baja in hopes that I could forget about you but instead it just made me miss you more. She had her own room and the most that happened was that we shared a very brief kiss which I stopped, it felt wrong, by the end of the weekend she was getting it on with some local. And Emily you know we were broken up, you had rejected any attempt for us to get back together and even then I told her about you, told her that I couldn't begin anything important that I wasn't over you. And Betty, she kissed me and I stopped it, and then I immediately told you about her."
"Well what about all the others, how many were there? I don't believe you just started being capable to cheating out of no where."
"Bren I never-" she begins to stand up, I immediately grab hold of her hand. "Stay." She stares at me definite, but eventually sits; though she quickly withdraws her hand away from me. "Look Kelly was the only one, and honestly I don't know how it all started. I've been trying for weeks now to figure out how I got there, traveling around Europe by myself, traveling with a girl that I had never had one bit of interest in before that summer, trying to figure out how I went from only being able to see you you being my future, to this. To you alone in Minnesota moving back here, to me alone in Europe not wanting to go back home to LA because without you there it just didn't seem right. I don't know how I messed up my life this bad. How does one overnight trip to Baja destroy everything?"
She looks at me and I know she is reading me, judging my sincerity, looking for potential cracks in it. "I don't know. I've been asking myself the same thing for six months now, since the park and I haven't got any closer to figuring it out." She looks out the window, at the campus lights that are obvious in the distance; I know she is asking for a moment to process this. "Maybe you were right back before the summer, maybe we loved each other too much maybe to love like that is a problem, because honestly it's caused me nothing but problems. My relationships with my friends are strained, my parents and I after Baja never really recovered, and Brandon and I… even my twin and me have lost our connection."
"You know, the one thing I have figured out in my weeks of sitting around the French countryside alone lost in thought was that that was bullshit. I choose a lesser feeling because it appeared easy, that that feeling would be easier to be myself in, not challenge me so much, not try and make me want to be better; the man you deserved. It wasn't easier, it was constant fighting, constantly looks of not measuring up, constant striving to figure out how to make it work. The reality though is I wasn't willing to make it work, I loved you more than anyone and would do anything for you; her I wouldn't even pretend compromising was an option, and the only times I did comprise, I resented her for it and made sure she knew it."
She looks down at her plate and moves the cutlery, straightening up the already perfectly straight set; it's a sign that she is uncomfortable. "Dylan why are you here?"
"I want to come home."