Chapter 5 – Memories
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.
- "Starts with Goodbye", Carrie Underwood
October was my least favorite month all year. It was the month that my future died and I had to rebuild it alone.
Today was my least favorite day all year: October 13th.
Alice was driving me to meet Billy and Sue Black, Jake's parents, at his grave. This was her first time there and my second. I couldn't bring myself to come back after I was here for the funeral, even though I live less than an hour away.
Stepping out of Alice's yellow Mazda 3, I had to hold onto the roof of the car to balance myself. I was empty. I couldn't feel myself breathing; I couldn't hear my heart beating; I couldn't tell if my brain was working. I was empty.
Alice walked around to me holding the flowers she had brought home for me to take, "Bella, honey, are you ok?"
I looked up at her speechless, hoping she would just read my eyes and know that I was reliving every moment again. I could see Jake laying in his coffin at the viewing; I could see his fellow Marines loading Jake into the hearse; I can still say the speech I gave at Jake's funeral; I can still see his best friends carrying Jake from the Hurst to where he would permanently rest. Where I was now walking.
"Bella." Hearing my name I looked up, with my eyes full of tears. Sue.
"Hey, Mom." I let my tears fall just like hers were down her face. She brought me into a hug, pining for the last hug Jake gave me. When she released me, I turned to Billy. I had always known Jake looked identical to his dad, but right now it felt like I was standing next to Jake, aged twenty years. I couldn't imagine having his face, looking into a mirror and seeing his son, not himself.
Billy brought me into a hug and gave a little extra squeeze, "You ready?"
Turning to Jake's grave, the four of us walked over silently. The headstone looked just like I remembered. In solid granite, Jake's name, rank, and dates with the Marine Corps insignia and the Oregon 'O'. I couldn't help but smile: Oregon. I just wish I could tell him that I had made it.
Sue bent down and put the yellow roses in the vase attached to his headstone. Alice turned to me and gave me a hug, then put the Gerber daisies in my hands whispering, "Give him your love."
I took the two steps to his headstone and placed the daises in between the roses. I laid my hand on his name, getting as close as I could to him. Tears rolled down my face without my consent, making my mascara run. I felt a hand on my shoulder, knowing it was Alice, and slowly stood up. I walked over to Sue and hugged her again, knowing that we had both lost part of ourselves over the same person.
"I forgot to introduce you to Alice, she's my best friend."
"She beat you to the introductions while you had your moment with Jake."
"Sue, it hurts so much." The tears began falling harder than I thought they could.
"Me too, honey. Me too."
xxXxx
The weeks that followed visiting Jake were a blur.
I don't remember what I did besides going to classes and work.
I don't remember if Jasper, Emmett, or Rose came by.
I don't remember what Alice did or said.
I was just trying to live; trying to get by.
Obsidian helped, he gave me something to focus on besides myself. And a cutie to cuddle with.
xxXxx
"Bella, are you busy?"
I looked up from the kitchen table to Alice. I had the maps I had been working on spread all over the kitchen. "Nope, just trying to figure out how to drill to China to get real orange chicken."
"Orange chicken is an American thing and I know you can't drill to China, I've heard you rant about the Earth enough to know it's not possible."
"Then what's up?" I went back to tracking faults along a hill side, knowing Alice would just talk my ear off.
"I wanted to talk to you about Halloween."
"Not happening this year. Go do something with Jasper, I'll stay and watch the cats."
Nothing? No Alice rant? I looked up and Alice was gone. Shit.I think I pissed her off. I got up from the table and walked towards her room, where I knew I would find her.
"Alice?" I leaned against the door jam, hoping I didn't piss her off.
"I figured you would say such a thing, but I'm not going to let you sit on the couch and watch 'Nightmare Before Christmas' over and over, while you yell at the kids who come to the door for candy to go away. And you're not staying here to watch the cats; they can stay in the bathroom for an evening. Besides, you've been anal and have them already house broken."
I noticed as she talked, she was pulling things out of her closet and setting them out of my line of sight, deliberately. Sneaky woman. "What are you doing over there? I can't see you but I know you're up to something."
"You better believe I am. I got you this." She handed me a black corset, faux leather leggings, a black cat ear headband, and a black clip-on cat tail.
"I guess I'm going to be a black cat?"
"Yeah, And look." She was holding a white corset, a white mini skirt, a white cat ear headband and a white clip-on cat tail.
"What are we going as? Our cats?"
"Sure, if that's what you want to tell people. I was thinking more along the lines of basement cat and ceiling cat."
"People? Alice!"
"Oh, I guess I forgot to tell you that Jasper and I planned a Halloween party at his place. Emmett is game, and so is Rose. I guess their third will be there too. Did you know the guys had a third in their group?"
"Yeah, Edward. Alice I'm not going."
"Yes you are." Alice used her firm voice. I really did piss her off.
"Al..."
"No, don't Alice me. Look, I know you are comfortable being the old cat lady who drinks wine and cooks all day, but I'm not letting you. You aregoing to the party, whether I have to drag you there by your hair or not."
I stood baffled. I didn't know what to say.
So Alice continued, "And besides, I worked hard finding things I knew you would wear. Plus, you have your black heels that you love to wear and they go perfectly with what I got you. Please come to the party, Bella. I need you there. If you don't like it, you can lock yourself in Jasper's room since it's his house."
"Ok, fine, I'll go."
Alice let out a screech of excitement as she ran to give me a hug. "Trust me, this is just what the doctor ordered."
"Thank you Dr. Brandon."
"So, tell me, who's Edward?"
I walked back towards the kitchen, not really wanting to have this conversation.
"Come on, I know you know."
"He's just a friend of Jasper. He's mentioned him in emails but I've never met him and I don't know what he looks like. And don't you dare think about devising a plan to set me up with him."
"And why would I do a thing like that?"
"You're Alice. I don't need more of a reason than that."
Knock. Knock.
I went to see who it was. As I opened the door I saw the long blond hair. Rose. Thank God, I was saved.
"I'm ready for movie night!" she yelled.
xxXxx
I stood in front of the mirror trying to decide what excuse I could give Alice for the night. The dog ate my homework? I ate something funny? I'm sick? I shut my finger in a door? Yeah, right, like I could get away from Alice. When she had her mind set on something, there was no way you would be getting out of it.
So here I stood, still looking at myself in the mirror dressed and ready to go for Halloween. You can do this.I didn't know if I could, but I knew I would for Alice.
"Bella, come out of your room! I want to see how you look!" She yelled, pounding on my door.
I dragged my feet to my bedroom door. I took a deep breath before opening the door; opening a new chapter of my life. Something I was scared to do.
"Wow."
Shit, I looked bad. "Does it really look that bad?"
Before I could turn back into my room, Alice grabbed my arm to stop me. "Bella, you look smokin'. The guys are going to be all over you tonight."
"Alice, I'm going for you, as your wing man. Not that you really need it, since I bet you are gonna shack up with Jasper tonight if you already aren't." Her eyes got huge. She knew she had been caught. "Let's hit the road."
"Okey dokey, let me just call Rose. She is going to ride over with us."
As Alice called Rose, I looked back in the mirror. Hot? Really? I had my comfy back heels that were tall; faux leather pants that made my legs look long; and a black corset that did wonders for my boobs. My hair was in high pony tail that cascaded over my shoulders. My makeup was simple, but I had dark smoky eyes. The cat ears and tail completed me. Hot? I hope Alice was right.
"Bella! Come on! We're ready to go!"
I let Alice drive tonight. It was special occasion. I knew me going out for a night meant a lot to her, especially since she knew I didn't want to be here at all. So I sat dressed up as a black cat hanging on for dear life, as Alice, the white cat, and Rose, the French maid, chatted away.
"So guess who I met this week?"
"Who?" Alice of course was interested, I really didn't care, but I tried to pretend that I did.
"You know Edward? The mysterious third of the guys?"
"You did not! I haven't met him yet! Oh my God, tell me all about him!"
Here it goes, again. I hear about Jasper from Alice, as if I didn't know him. I hear about Emmett from Rose, and it was things I really didn't need to know. Now, I'm to hear about a guy that I don't care about at all.
"Well, he's tall, maybe six feet for so. Tall, dark, and handsome. And his eyes! They are an amazing deep green!"
Alice let out a squill. Her 'I have an idea' squill. "Rose, what if Edward ended up with our third?"
I had enough before it even got started. "So you two both know I'm sitting right here? There will be no Bella and Edward. I will remain the fifth wheel. I have obsidian; I have need for no anyone."
In unison they complained, "Bella!"
"No. I'm here in the car, going to the party. I'm going to get plastered and hope for a good time. Isn't that enough?"
Alice reached for my hand, "It's enough."
I braced myself as Alice took the final turn onto Jasper's street. This was it.
As we got out of the car, we all adjusted our costumes. I wanted to make sure the tail was in the right spot, but I knew Alice and Rose were making sure that their boobs were in the stars.
"It's time!" Alice hurried to the front door. I dragged my feet, but made it there.
As I walked inside, I noticed that there were decorations everywhere. It wasn't like a haunted house, but it wasn't crazy Halloween decorated either. It was perfect.
"Baby coz!"
I turned around to find Jasper dressed as a cowboy. Perfect, I bet me made Alice watch his favorite John Wayne flicks too.
"Hey Jazz, some party."
"Bells, I know you don't want to be here, but it means a lot that you are." He gave me a hug that could have broken ribs.
"How many beers have you had?"
"No clue, but it's in the fridge. You better start drinking if you are going to make it through the night."
I smiled, he knew me too well.
I headed into the kitchen in search for the El Dorado of beer. Finding the fridge, I opened it to find nothing in it but Coors Light. I think I found heaven. I grabbed two. I popped the first open and shot-gunned it immediately.
Finding my breath, I looked around the room. In the door way to the living room stood a guy dressed as Pee-Wee Herman. I let out a giggle. He smiled. Then I saw his eyes: they were green.
Shit.
I hurried out of the kitchen and began searching for my girls.
I ran into Emmett dressed as a fireman on the way and took a few shots of something that burned going down. I washed it away with my beer.
I kept going and kept drinking.
I found Alice and Jasper making out in the entry way. I bet they never got past there.
Rose and Emmett were kicking ass at beer pong.
I went back to the fridge for more beer.
Before getting there, I ran into green eyes. I mean, I think I literally ran into him.
"It seems like you need this." He handed me a cup of something clear. I prayed for it to be vodka. Upon, taste I found out it was water. Let down cold.
I drank down the water, muttered a thank you and found my beer. I sat down at the kitchen table hoping time would pass by.
I laid my head down in hopes I would be found when it was time to go home.
xxXxx
Thump!
Owww.I hit something hard with my head. I felt around with my hands, not ready to open my eyes. I could tell the lights were on, but my head was throbbing. I gave up on figuring out where I was and tried to get comfortable again.
Sometime later I woke up, needing to pee and thirsty as could be. I struggled climbing up off the floor. Looking up, I noticed a black leather couch. Mine was pink, did Alice paint it last night? Turning around I saw a glass coffee table and a flat screen TV. I definitely didn't have those.
A voice cleared behind me. Turning around I saw Edward's green eyes staring at me. I stared back, assessing him. He was in a grey shirt that had Oregon across his pecks and blue jeans that were slung low on his hips with a brown belt keeping them up.
Then he spoke, "I'm Edward, Jasper's friend."
"I kinda gathered as much. Rose already spilled the beans about what you looked like."
Shit.I woke up as bitchy-Bella.
"Here." He handed me a cup of water I didn't notice him holding before. "It seems that you might need this. You were out cold last night."
"When I drink, I sleep like a bear."
He gave me a puzzle look.
"You know, like, hibernation?"
"Sure, I know. I just never heard a girl compare herself to a bear before. It's strange."
" My strangeness makes me special." My bladder took that moment to alert me of its presence again. "Can I borrow your bathroom?"
"Oh, yeah. It's the first door on the left," he said pointing down the hall.
Once taking care of my over pressurized bladder, I took a moment to look at myself in the mirror. Wow, I looked horrible. My hair looked like I hadn't brushed it in years and my eye make was smeared. Great. What a way to wake up in Edward's place.
Oh my God. I'm at Edward's.
I hurried out of the bathroom in search for Edward. Finding him in the kitchen pulling things out the fridge, I took a breath. "How did I end up here?"
"I brought you here. Do you eat eggs?"
"No, I don't. Why didn't you just leave me at Jasper's?"
He stopped what he was doing. "Well, Jasper and Alice weren't all that quiet with their activities during the party, so I thought you might not want to stay there. Emmett left pretty early with Rose. I guess they hit it off real fast."
"They did. Why didn't you just take me home?" I was annoyed.
"You didn't have a key. You didn't have anything with you. And I wasn't going in Jasper's room to ask Alice. So I couldn't take you home. I brought you here and I let you sleep on the couch. I promise I didn't do anything."
"Ok, whatever. Can you take me home? I need to get my car and go beat Alice's ass."
He stared at me with wide eyes. What the hell was his problem?
"Edward."
"Yeah, sure. Do you want me to take you to Jasper's?"
"No. Home. I want to shower first."
xxXxx
Being in the car with Edward was interesting.
He drove a Volvo. A silver four door. A mom car. I liked my Jeep so much better.
There was a weird silence in the car. I didn't want to speak to Edward because I was trying to figure out my plan to beat Alice's ass.
"So, Bella? It's not a name you hear every day."
"I go by Bella, my name is really Isabella."
"Italian? Are you?"
"Yes and no."
"What? You are and you're not?"
I sighed. "I'm not Italian. The night my mom went into labor with me her and my dad were eating out at an Italian restaurant. So I got the name Isabella."
"Oh. Well, it's pretty."
"It means beautiful."
"I see why."
Did he use a pick up line on me? A pick up line at 9am?
Thank God he was pulling up to my place.
I got out of the car and turned around to him. "I'm not the kinda girl that appreciates pick-up lines. Don't you dare try them on me again."
I slammed the door and ran up to my front door. I fished out the spare that I hid and let myself in.
I needed a shower and then I was going to beat Alice.
A/N: Thank you for all that are reading!
Comments are better than memories.