Remus was horrified. Amber was in the order? Now he would never get a moments peace!
He was right, of course. Tonks, Bill, and Sirius had already clued her in on their list.
"I'm Keen!" Amber said, starting to smirk. "I'll make things very awkward…"
The next morning when Remus got up to have a shower (only wearing his boxers) he found Tonks and Amber at the top of the stairs. Amber looked at Remus and started sniggering. She elbowed Tonks, who joined in.
"What's so funny?" Remus asked. Amber suddenly stopped laughing and turned serious.
"You're a werewolf, aren't you?" Remus nodded nervously. Amber turned to Tonks.
"How do you stop a werewolf from attacking you?"
Tonks shrugged. "How?"
"Throw a stick and shout fetch!" The girls collapsed in fits of laughter. Tonks pointed at Remus.
"That's funny!" Remus rolled his eyes and went to have a shower. He could hear them giggling for ages.
When he came out, Sirius was in the hall talking with Amber, who he had taken a liking to, and Dumbledore. As he passed all three turned to look at him. Then Amber and Sirius started laughing. Even Dumbledore gave a small chuckle.
"Why is everyone laughing at me?" Remus demanded. "What is so funny?"
When no one answered, Remus marched off, frustrated.
"You know, for a werewolf, I always expected him to be more rugged looking. He's too pretty." Amber said loudly to Sirius.
Remus ground his teeth, clenching his hands into fists.
"Pretty's still hot," Tonks assured him, sticking her head out her bedroom door.
At the order meeting that night…
Remus was giving a report on the werewolf attacks from the last full moon.
"Any Questions?" He asked. Tonks raised her hand.
"So Greybacks targeting muggles? But that's useless! They don't have wands, they wont be able to-"
Remus cut her off. "They still make up numbers. And they'll be able to rip… and bite."
Amber raised her hand. "Do werewolves have orgies?"
Tonks, Sirius, and Bill burst into laughter.
"I… I don't think that's appropriate." Remus stuttered. "Anyway… I have to go."
Everyone else was laughing now, as Remus blushed profusely.
"Oh my God! They so do!" Amber whispered loudly. "And he's so been to one! No wonder he's got all those scars!"
"arrgh!" Remus turned, his face set in an ugly scowl. Kingsley and Moody grabbed his arms as he fought to reach Amber, his arms outstretched. She turned to Tonks.
"I've always said he's insane. I've known it for years."
"What the hell?? You only met me yesterday!!" Remus yelled, fighting his restraints harder.
"Right, come on, didn't you have to go somewhere?" Kingsley said loudly, dragging Remus from the room.
The next day…
Remus came back to Grimauld place, after he had calmed down a bit.
"Sorry for trying to attack you," he told Amber.
"Its all good." She smiled. "Hey Tonks! Remus just invited me to an orgy!! You down?"
Tonks ran out of her room, grinning. "I'm so down!"
"No! there's no orgy, I swear!!" Remus insisted.
"Great! Now he doesn't want to have sex with me! What a bastard!" Tonks muttered. "Well, have fun at your orgy without me!" She joked with Amber, before throwing Remus a dirty look and saying loudly "Werewolves are all the same! Selfish bastards!" then she slammed her door.
"Thanks," Remus said dryly, glaring at Amber.
"Your welcome." Amber turned to go, and whispered loudly to Sirius as he came out of the study. "Remus has terrible flirting skills!! That was worse than watching Edward Scissorhands masturbate!!"
Remus stood, stunned, spluttering. His flirting (not that he had been flirting with Tonks. Or Amber) was worse than watching who? He didn't like the sound of those scissor hands…
Urgh… bad mental images…
The next day…
Remus crept downstairs, hoping to avoid being seen by anyone (well, namely a certain someone with pink hair) but, Tonks and Amber were already in the Kitchen. Tonks glared at Remus, who had started to back out of the room slowly.
"Don't worry, we were just leaving," Amber said, grabbing Tonks and pulling her past Remus, muttering something in her ear. Tonks smirked as she passed him.
"I bet he's no good in bed anyway." Amber said loudly.
"Hey! I resent that!" Remus yelled.
"Well then prove it!!" Tonks yelled back.
"Fine!" Remus shouted without thinking.
"Fine! My room, 8:00!" Tonks yelled, before running upstairs, giggling.
"Fi- what? What? No!! no, no, no!!" Crap! What had he just agreed to? Remus stood stuttering, as he realised. Her room, 8:00? That could only mean one thing… "SIRIUS!!"
Remus ran round the house like a madman. He didn't want to have sex… not with Nymphadora… it was just wrong! He found Sirius in the study, talking to Amber.
"Really?" She was saying. "I like dogs a little too much…"
Remus stopped in the doorway, face bright red. "Ahhmm…"
"Hey Moony. Whats up?" Sirius said casually. "Heard you gonna do my little cousin tonight. Good on you!!" Sirius smirked, watching his words take effect. Remus was starting to panic.
"Can you go?" He asked Amber, as he started hyperventilating. She rolled her eyes, and left, slamming the door behind her.
"So, was Amber joking, or are you actually getting some tonight?" Sirius asked eagerly.
Remus took a deep breath, and started to explain. "Well, see I told Nymphadora I would, because she said I was no good in… you know…, I said it was a lie so she said to prove it and I said fine and she said fine and then she told me to meet her in her room at 8:00 and I really didn't know what id agreed to till after and I really didn't mean it." Remus said in one breath.
"Ok. Let me get this straight… you told Tonks you'd get freaky with her, but you didn't know, and you don't want to?!? You are truly insane, my good friend."
Remus stirred uncomfortably. "Well, what can I do?" He asked. "I'm not going to… "Get Freaky" with her."
Sirius shrugged. "Just tell her you got the wrong end of the stick."
"She wont believe that!" Remus said, stressing.
"Then your kind of screwed. Literally." Sirius smirked as he got up to leave. "What ever you do, Moony, don't make a mess of the sheets. They're 100% Egyptian silk. Very hard to come by. I don't want to be cleaning your sex dirt off them for the next month." Sirius smirked again. As he reached the door, he whispered loudly, "Why does he never take my advice? Man, Moony is soooo stupid!"
So, at quarter to eight, Remus went up to tell Tonks that he had, indeed gotten the wrong end of the stick. He opened her door, only to find her jumping round on the bed (Sirius wouldn't be too happy about the condition of those sheets) in a purple bra and matching boy shorts, singing and playing hat he supposed was the air guitar.
"Can you dance the hippogriff?Ma ma ma, ma ma ma, ma ma maFlyin' off from a cliffMa ma ma, ma ma ma, ma ma maSwooping down, to the groundMa ma ma, ma ma ma, ma ma maWheel around and around and around and aroundMa ma ma, ma ma ma, ma ma ma!"
She stopped air guitaring when she slipped on the silk sheets, and almost fell off the bed, doing a mutated kind of ballet twirl. She blushed when she saw Remus standing in the doorway, watching her. She juped to the floor, switching off the music with her wand.
"I didn't think you'd come." She admitted.
"Well , I wasn't going to, but then I thought id better tell you…"
"Tell me what?" Tonks breathed. Remus could smell her shampoo, a nice, berry sort of smell. Tonks moved close, her face now inches from Remus'.
"I- I forget." Remus stuttered. She was coming closer- their noses were almost touching.
"You weren't gonna chicken out, were you?" Tonks asked, snaking her arms round Remus' neck.
"I don't think so…" Remus grinned wrapping his arms round Tonks' waist. Their lips were millimetres apart…
The door smashed open.
"Hey Tonks come downstairs, there been a…" Sirius faltered as Tonks and Remus jumped apart, Tonks in her underwear, and Remus looking very pissed off with himself. Sirius smirked how could he have forgotten? It was 8:00...
"Am I interrupting something?" He asked, eyeing Tonks' underwear. "Thought you were over the Weird Sisters?" Tonks poked her tongue out, covering the bands name on her bra.
"No." Remus blushed, as he answered. Sirius smirked again. "So my sheets are safe?" Tonks raised an eyebrow. "Since when did you care about your sheets so much?" She asked cooly.
"Since I was gonna have to wash your sex dirt off them." Sirius retorted. Tonks blushed.
"Well, weren't you saying something?" She asked.
"Oh yea… umm, its clean out of my head after that…" Sirius shrugged putting on a (rather bad) innocent face. Tonks hair turned black. "Thanks very much, Cousin, but, if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed! OUT!" She slammed the door in their faces.
"Sorry mate." Sirius clamped a hand on Remus' shoulder. "There's always tomorrow though. If Tonks will talk to you, that is!"
AN/ hey guys! im sooo sorry about how long it took to update!!! i feel horrible about it! ive been studying for exams, and this was my first chance to update. please bear with me, im sorry this one goes off the list a bit, but i thought we needed to see some stuff with just remus and tonks, not sirius, bill ect. please review, and if you have any ideas... im a bit stuck! it would be apprecited :)