Teen angst. Oh poo.
Chapter 6
Nowhere
There were people who loved her. There were people who cared. They were always there for her, they were always caring, always loving, never hurting. She should feel happy, should treasure these feelings, but deep inside she wasn't.
The more they made her feel like she belonged, the more she began to sink into her own body. There was a deep black hole that threatened to tear her apart. It was swallowing her whole, silently. She felt alone, she didn't know how to feel.
Was I being conceited? She asked herself.
Even though, she was loved, even though she was cared for…these feelings of sadness wouldn't stop. Words couldn't describe these feelings she felt. She belonged and yet she didn't. She was there and yet she was not. It hurt just to be around.
Even though she was surrounded by people…
She was all alone.
Freddie POV
It's been a week since Sam moved in with Carly. Spencer Shay being the new guardian of the blonde headed demon. Sam had no problems with it, she even seemed happy about it. Things have since settled down since the drama of last week.
"So how'd you like your new room," Spencer concluded. Carly squealed and shoved Sam into the room. The walls with pictures of fat cakes. There was a mini oven in the room and a fridge that had a huge amount of meat in it. Freddie cringed at the sight of a fat cake designed bed that Spencer had made.
"Whoa nice!" Sam exclaimed, running into the room and jumping onto the bed, rolling around in it.
"And here you can roast your meat," Spencer said proudly, placing a steak on a grill that sizzled.
"This is not a bed room anymore," Freddie muttered, "This is a kitchen."
"Wrong, Fredwart, this is mama's room and nerds aren't allowed," Sam said, pushing him out of the room and hugging Spencer. "Thanks my brutha," she said. Spencer smiled and rubbed her head.
A stab of jealousy shot through Freddie. When did Spencer and Sam get so close?
"What's the matter with you Freddie?" Carly voice sounded before him. He blushed and looked away.
"Anyway Sam, since you've just move in, I was thinking we should but some utensils, pajamas…well lots of things for you," Carly said and Freddie nodded. Carly had told him just now about her plans to go shopping and he just invited himself into that plan.
"Nah uh, you guys already did loads for me, I'll buy the stuff myself," Sam said holding up her hand.
"Don't be such a drag Sam," Freddie said, "Get rid of that pride of yours."
"Watch your mouth Fredwart, before I stick my fist in it!"
"Ha-ha I'm very scared," Freddie said. Though truthfully, he was very scared. Sam had that mad glint in her eyes and he was very sure, she would do it.
"Hey come of it you two," Carly said, pushing Sam and Freddie back from each other.
"You," she said pointing at Sam, "Are coming no matter what."
"And you-"she said pointing at Freddie, "Erm…"
"Should stop being such a dork," Sam finished for her. Freddie clenched his fist, clutching the paper he was holding.
"Well, insult me any further and you wouldn't be getting any of the free vouches I'm about to sacrifice," he said, holding the pieces of paper up.
"I'm sorry Fredwart," Sam said immediately and Freddie smirked.
"Ok let's go," Carly said, grabbing both their hands and pulling them out of the apartment.
"Be back by dinner," Spencer shouted after them, "Though I wonder what time is dinner?"
"6." Carly shouted back.
"Oh yes; be back by six!"
Freddie shook his head at Spencer's antics. "You sure you girls are ok living with Spencer?" he asked the two girls who were now walking in front of him.
"Better than living with Momzilla," Sam said nonchantly. Freddie was about to argue before he paused. "Point taken," he said. Sam would have driven his mom up the wall. They walked past the busy streets into a bus. Taking the bus, they travelled to the mall which was just a few roads away from their apartment building.
It was a huge mall; they called it Mall of Everything. Creative, neat and simple name isn't it.
Mall of Everything was a teenage joint. A place for youngsters like them to hang out. The fountains that stood at the entrance were a place for young couples to gather.
"Man oh man, I'll get nightmares if I see Freddie kissing a girl here," Sam said.
"Sam," Carly warned and she shrugged.
Freddie blushed at the thought…because the image he got was him and Sam kissing passionately beside the fountain.
Cool air conditioned air greeted them as they entered the mall, shops lined the corridors. People move in and out, passing them.
"Ok, what shall we buy?" Freddie asked the girls. Carly pulled out a sheet from her handbag and Sam grimace at the length of the sheet of paper.
Freddie looked at the paper and snatched it away from a protesting Carly. He snorted, typical Carly. She had a list of everything that was both relevant and irrelevant.
"Why does Sam need a dress?" he asked, snorting at the very idea.
"Let me see that," Sam snapped, snatching the list away from Freddie.
"Why do I need a butt warmer?" Sam asked, reading the lists.
"You need those because you need those!" Carly said.
"Sam wearing a dress, really Carly?" Freddie said raising his eye brow.
"Butt warmers? BUTT WARMERS?"
"Ok, now's not the time to look at the list, what we need to do now is buy Sam some bed sheet covers and…utensils and stuff," Carly said, snatching the list back.
They began making their way towards the super mart when Sam turned to face him. He gulped when he saw the fierce look in her eyes.
"What's wrong with me wearing a dress?"
Freddie almost tripped, he wanted to laugh but swallowed it down when he saw Sam's clenched fist waving at her side.
"It's weird," Freddie said, "I mean…yeah…it's weird."
"So you mean it's weird for a girl to wear a dress?" Sam asked dangerously.
"Technically Sam…you're not a girl…"
"Why you little-"
Freddie flapped the vouchers in front of Sam's face and she scowled. She stormed off, even walking past Carly. Freddie heaved a sigh of relief.
They marched into the store and bought the stuff that Sam needed to live in Carly's apartment. One included helmets…and a fire extinguisher. Two in fact, Carly said she needed one for herself. They had fun, playing around with the equipment. Well…most of it was fun…Sam hitting Freddie with a baseball bat wasn't what he would liked to call fun.
They bought the stuff and they began to make their way home. Freddie had no idea how he ended up carrying two fire extinguishers…but it was heavy. As the girls talked and laugh in front of him, he couldn't help but look at the blonde from behind.
He vaguely imagined Sam in a dress and he shook his head. That image was so wrong. He looked at her now, with her loose blue t-shirt and those canvas shorts she wore, her blonde hair swinging by her side. That angry look on her face.
The way she walked, the way she talked…the way she acted.
This was Sam.
She wasn't some girl who wore a dress…wasn't that at all.
"You're not a girl," Freddie muttered, smiling.
Sam was not a girl…Sam was Samantha Puckett, the person he loves.
Carly POV
Instead of taking the bus home, Sam had insisted on walking home by foot. Upon asking the reason why, Sam had simply said that she wanted to see the river when the evening sun shone upon it. Carly had no idea why Sam had wanted to do so, but she let the blonde be.
Freddie and her walked behind the blonde girl as they passed the bridge silently. The river shimmering beside them. The sky was turning a faint orange and it was beginning to cast a golden glow onto the bridge and the river.
"It's been a long time since we walked home, huh," Freddie said beside her. He was sweating and panting. The fire extinguishers he held were beginning to tire him out.
"Want me to carry one?" she asked him. Freddie paused for a moment and she noticed the dilemma in his face.
"Nah, I can't let a girl-"
"Give me one," she said, taking one from him before he could answer. The boy sighed in relief and Carly grimace at the weight of the fire extinguisher.
"Much better," she heard Freddie mutter beside her and Carly couldn't help but giggle. The sun was beginning to set and the sky was a deep orange, a deep purplish orange. It had a nostalgic feeling to it. As the sun rays hit the river, the river shimmered orange golden reflections.
"Hey Carly, why do you think Sam brought us here?" Freddie whispered to Carly. She had no idea, turning instinctively to look at Sam. The girl was walking slowly in front of them, looking at the river. Her eyes blank…
A moment of loneliness entered Carly's heart.
"Carly?" Freddie called out to her. Carly realized her had stopped in her tracks and blushed when she realized how stupid she must have looked.
"What happened?" Freddie asked her.
"I don't know," Carly replied, looking at Sam again. The girl was now a far distance away from both of them. The distance seemed huge and wide…like a gaping hole threatening to swallow all of them whole.
Suddenly, Carly was afraid. She was afraid of the distance…afraid of this gaping hole. This gaping hole that seem to have appeared so quickly.
"Sam!" Carly called out to the girl who was walking before her.
Sam did not stop…neither did she appear to have heard Carly. Carly's heart beat faster and she quickened her pace.
"Carly, what's wrong?" Freddie said.
"I don't know…I don't know but something is wrong!" Carly said.
A look of worry crossed Freddie's face and he too quickened his pace.
"Sam!" Carly called out, trying to get closer to Sam. However the distance seems to get bigger…and longer. Sam seemed to be getting further and further away.
"Sam!" she called out again, her pace quickened into a run.
The river beside them was bright with the reflection of the setting sun…it casts reflections onto the bridge, the atmosphere felt like a dream.
"Sam!" Freddie shouted this time. Carly stopped and was surprised to see Sam stopping too.
"Sam wait up!" Freddie shouted again.
Carly watched as her blonde friend turned slowly facing them, a look of annoyance passing her face.
"What is it Fredwart!" she shouted. "You better have a good explanation for calling out my name so many times!"
"Come on," Freddie told Carly, pulling her along. They closed the distance, walking and standing beside Sam who gave both of them a puzzled expression.
"What?" she asked both of them.
Carly took a hold of Sam's hands and gripped it hard. Freddie smiled and took Sam's other hand.
"What is going on?"
"Let's go home," Carly said and together, both Freddie and her, pulled Sam along.
Sam POV
The river was hypnotic. The evening sun had casted a spell onto the river. The orange glow seems to call out to her…the lonely feeling she had begun to overwhelm her, taking control.
Before she knew it, her heart seemed empty again. Her feet were moving…but they seem to be aimless. Sam knew she should stop, she should stop walking and answer Carly's calls to her, but somehow Sam couldn't bring herself to do so.
The kindness and the love she felt this week felt unreal. She wanted to escape it all. Afraid of being liked…she was afraid of ever being liked. People who liked her usually betrayed her.
It was the same for her Dad, her Mom…her sister.
Carly and Spencer liked her…Freddie and Freddie's mom liked her…
They were kind…
They were nice…
She was supposed to be grateful for this. However, something dark was threatening to swallow her whole. It was whispering to her, telling her that this was wrong. People were meant to hate her…were meant to ignore her. Another part of her wanted the attention…wanted to be liked.
She wanted to be ignored…and yet she wanted to be cared for.
Sam had no idea what she wanted.
Her feelings were in a mess.
As the days past, Sam wanted to scream. The feelings she had accumulated turned into a frustrating lump. It stuck in her throat, forcing her to keep her lips shut. It grew in her heart, making her want to tear it out.
Nobody could understand…Sam couldn't understand it herself.
What was this feeling?
As she watched Carly and Freddie interacting with each other…Spencer cooking his meals, Mrs. Benson fussing over Freddie…as she watched life going by…
Sam felt lonely.
The river reflected the glow, casting orange light onto the bridge. The sky above them was deep purple and orange…
The lonely feelings in her chest tightened.
If only…
She could just disappear now…
"Sam!"
She heard his voice, breaking through. Feelings in her chest threatened to explode but instead she stopped and turned around. The boy and the girl were looking at her. They were there, the distance between Sam and them shortened in a second as they came running over.
Why were they smiling? Why did they look so relief?
Why are they holding my hands?
Stop it…
Please…just…
Stop it.
It was easier to be hated then to be loved. Because to be hated brings no expectations…but to be loved brings great responsibility.
So how you like the chapter? Did you understand it? ...cause I most certainly don't :D
Anyway thanks for your reviews and story subscription. Shall update soon :D