Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Bren's buried in her wardrobe when I knock on the door frame that connects our rooms via the shared bathroom. "Hey, did your meeting go that bad that you need to do a wardrobe clean out?"

The last time I saw this many clothes on her bed it was after the hold up.

She calls out, "No, the meeting was fine. Good actually." She comes out with her hands full of items. "They made me read through a number of scenes. They haven't found the lead female role and they are wanting to cast an unknown- I think to keep the costs down. Anyway I have a screen test next Wednesday morning before graduation with the older two brothers."

"That's amazing. It sounds like they loved you." I look at her obsessively folding and bagging clothes a lot of red clothes; this was a new path for her OCD to take. "What's with the crazy wardrobe clean out? And don't say it's nothing, I know you."

She sighs and sits down. "I'm getting rid of all my red clothes, nothing good comes when I wear red."

Huh? "I would ask if you are okay, but that response was like a red warning sign." She doesn't laugh. I move over and sit down next to her. "Want to tell me what's going on?"

She does. She starts at walking the beach, her indecision about staying here. She goes on to tell me all about her run in with Dylan, word for word like she needed to hear it again to believe it, understand it.

My head is in my hands, this was a mess. A whole fucking mess.

"Brandon?" When I look up she has an expectant look on her face.

"I don't even know what to say. Dad saying that to Dylan after those months, after me even laying into him telling him to back off as well. It doesn't excuse it, but it makes a weird sense why he threw it all away. Gave up. I even get that it could be a test, I once yelled at him for never letting anyone in, never letting them close enough- he did though he let mum, dad, me and you in. By the time you were on that plane three out of the four of us had shown him that he wouldn't give him unlimited support, we had limits. That we may say he's a part of the family but that he wasn't the same as us. I can get him questioning whether you really felt that same. It's twisted but I understand it."

"Yeah, I get it too. I can't believe Dad did that."

"Dylan may have said he didn't want anything to come of it, but are you going to stand by that? Honestly, I'm not even sure I want to stand by that."

"I don't know. They've been great to Dylan with his dad. Iris and Mum are great friends. I'm not sure if he needs the drama of me saying anything, it could impact this stable place he's in."

"So we do nothing?"

"Samantha has got the Malibu beach house for Steve and us for the summer. I'm thinking once that finishes I don't move back here. If I get the pilot, and work at the club if the network doesn't pick it up for at least another eight… I'll say I want a college experience living close to campus. I don't think I can live here anymore, they've always had an issue with me growing up. You you were allowed to get a job, have girls here, you were given responsibility. Me, I was allowed to babysit I was allowed to work in a clothes store over Christmas. Jake is still not allowed in my room with the door closed, and even then they still check. I'm six months off being nineteen, I'm old enough to marry but the door must remain open. Dad said that to Dylan knowing his history, what's he going to do next time he doesn't like the guy or it gets too serious? Brandon I can't accept that this is okay, that he will go behind my back and force me to fall in line regardless of the cost. Dad knew what we was doing in threatening Dylan like that, he knew twelve months before he was pawning his stuff afraid that he had nothing, Dad was threatening to put him back there. I can't live here with them having that much access to my life anymore, with him being able to hurt the people I love, and as much as Dylan says they are good- he choose because Dad said I couldn't go to that party. It hurts him. Dad hurts him and living here I give Dad access to keep doing it."

My hand finds her's, "okay we find something close to campus. It could be you and me, or we can see if Steve wants to join-"

"Bran-"

"He's my family too, and I didn't have his back. I didn't have your back. I don't want you living alone and I understand why you don't want to stay here, why you can't." I breathe loudly out through my nose expelling all the air, "he knew what he was doing. Dad isn't naïve he knew the words to put fear into Dylan, to say that he wasn't wanted."

Her head touches my shoulder, "Thank you."

Mine lands on top of hers, "what are you going to do about Dylan? I get asking for time to process all this, to figure out what you are feeling-"

"Knowing this doesn't make me trust him and that's the problem, even if I can forgive and understand the how it happened, the why, I can't get past the fact I was lied to repeatedly. That on some level I even knew I was being lied to and I let it slide; that earring I knew it wasn't Iris's. I knew he was weird when I got back. I let it slide because because I lied about Baja and started this whole thing. I lied first and didn't tell Dylan till we were there. I lied and then I told myself that as long as he was with me it was okay. He said he wanted to stay to still be together, I let that wipe the slate clean knowing that I felt there was something- I dismissed it because I thought if there was something it was unimportant. He lied, and I don't trust him, but I also don't trust me with him as well. Look at me with those cookies, what I allowed myself to become for him. I love him too much maybe that's not healthy, maybe that's a problem. Maybe we aren't good for each other."

My hand squeezes hers. "Maybe…" I didn't know. My sister compromising herself for those months after the breakup wasn't something I'd consider normal for her, it's why teasing her and having little sympathy had been easy- to me she was putting herself in that position. Her not being able to walk away after everything they had, when he was treating her like it all meant nothing, her not calling him out when she calls out so much… maybe it was a problem.

"You going to tell him that?" Her head lifts from my shoulder.

"Yeah, but it's all just too fresh, too mixed up. I just need time to figure out if this is what I'm feeling."

"Josh-"

"He's leaving straight from his final tomorrow for Nashville. His mum launches her world tour and he's going to the first concert; it's their tradition." She stands and goes back to folding the items on the bed. "He asked me to go. Fly to Nashville with him meet his mum before graduation." Bren didn't open up much about her and Josh, I didn't know if it was because she was afraid to jinx it or she was just no longer wanting to let people near her love life. "I said no, I didn't think Mum and Dad would go for it, but I also… it's too soon to go away together isn't it? I've spoken to his mum on the phone. She's rang when I've been over there for dinner, she asked to say hi. She's nice, though I kept thinking Aunt Sheila would be so jealous. That she'd have loved to have met her."

"She'd have made you go to that concert and got her a ticket too." Bren kept a picture of her and Aunt Sheila on the wall, my eyes fall to it. She on the Beevis side was most like Bren, they were both dramatic and dreamy romantics. Grandma Walsh was where her stubbornness came from.

"Are you going to tell him about all this?"

She ties the now full bag and looks at me, I knew her prom dress wasn't in there but everything else red was. I couldn't imagine seeing that colour on my sister again. "I didn't tell him about the cheating, I've kept Dylan and I private. He knows because of putting the pieces altogether. Telling him this means sharing parts of Dylan's story, his private struggles with alcohol, his family history. I can't tell him any of that, and I can't explain why Dad threatened him like that without Dad appearing like a controlling monster. Then how do I explain why Dad talks about him now like he's part of the family? No, I can tell him that I forgive Dylan, or trying to. That I'm putting that all in the past, but that's it."

Her eyes turn to mine, "is that okay? Is that being dishonest? I don't know how much I'm supposed to share with my new boyfriend about my ex."

"Yeah, yeah that's okay. From what you told me when he asked you out, he knew it was complex and really soon after it all. He still wanted to give it a go. He can't expect that to change just because your seeing him, and Dylan's family. Besides us no one knows all the ins and outs," I pause wondering if I say it, I decide to. "From a comment made by Kelly when Iris came for the trust she had no idea about the threat Jack made to Iris and the history of the money. I don't even think he told her about Jack hitting him, or the kicking out. She seemed to think Dylan's issues with him were because he traveled a lot for work and wasn't around much-"

"That's her issues with her Dad. She might know more but she can identify with that element maybe that's it."

"Yeah, I'm not convinced. My inner reporter told me that she didn't know much, that it wasn't adding up." She shrugs and says nothing. I can understand her not wanting to know everything, talk about them.

After dropping off the clothes at a local charity, we come home for dinner. It's a strained conversation throughout dinner, I think my parents believe it's the stress of finals and Bren's college decision. The next few days are the same level of uncomfortable at home, Bren spends most of her time out of the house especially if I'm working. She goes to a movie with Andrea on Friday night, Saturday she hikes with Iris. Samantha and her run lines and work on her scenes for Wednesday. Somewhere over the weekend Steve now he's confirmed to be graduating; in part for his grades, behaviour and because of his anonymous donation, he convinces us all its time to go out with a bang.

The sign isn't a bang, it's a crazy illegal act. We somehow all agree.

She doesn't see or speak to Dylan over the weekend, I know that. I had though.

He looked at me on Friday night at The Pit and knew I knew. Something in my D had given it away, he had shaken his head and said Jones. That was it, it was our nicknames and a look, and in them an acknowledgment of that it was shit. That I got it. That I was sorry for the lack of support then, he was sorry for the mess and hurt that had resulted from it all.

Monday it's the senior breakfast. Bren sits next to me and Steve. Josh's flight got delayed due to a storm and he unfortunately would be arriving late. I'm not sure if Bren was relieved or disappointed, maybe a mix of both. It means it's the original eight on the table- it seems right in someway. Kelly sits with Donna and David, Andrea acts as the buffer between her and Steve when Donna and David go to start the events. Dylan's next to me. Throughout the clips of the last few years I know he looks at Bren a lot, I know she tries not to but does look at him as well.

We had all joked about some of the Senior Wills. The Sheep's brains, Steve's car getting stolen by those girls, Bren watching Gremlin.

Some we don't laugh about but our looks of thanks and acknowledgment say it all. The cliff face where Dylan saved my life, the green room he gave me in return, Bren giving Andrea a sidekick self defence.

Then there is one's that we don't mention, Kelly giving Bren skydiving, and Dylan giving Bren a house in Palm Springs. I don't get the house but from the way her eyes closed as she saw it I knew it was something important.

Monday afternoon we are all on the driveway painting, it's the first time Kelly, Dylan and Bren have been at the house altogether since February. I don't miss Mum's look at Bren like she is finally doing the right thing. Dylan doesn't either. In light of everything I hate the looks but I know why Dylan fears them cutting him off, with Bren refusing to see him for months, his Dad gone, me and him struggling to find a way to get past it all, my parents and Iris became his structure and all had shown to be flaky.

I didn't consider Kelly in that list. Unlike Bren, I had seen that relationship if we can all it that, it was not one of warmth. It didn't even look like they knew how to talk to each other.

Kyle and Miller are with us helping with the painting, they are good guys that are the buffers of the group now. They love Bren, but I know Kyle has a soft spot for Kelly. It's when we are finally onto the painting after following Bren's detail plan to stencil out the letters first to make sure they fit that Josh arrives. He walks up the driveway and looks down at the paint on the W.

"Darlin they're painting outside of the line." Bren looks over from where her and Andrea are discussing rope lengths and knot's- as the only boy scout I had been dismissed from the conversation when I recommended a Buntline Hitch. Their eyes were less than impressed as I showed off the complex knot. Andrea had declared Val maybe onto something, seemingly I was a little arrogant Boy Scout when I was a kid.

My sister looks over at her boyfriend and smiles, and then looks down at Steve with a glare. He knows that look, he grabs the black paint to touch up his lines. Bren had insisted if we were going to break the law we were at least going to do it well, when she said that Dylan and I had shared a look- she always liked things neat, now even her crimes. She walked over to the dirty blonde surfer who has gained a more noticeable twang from his weekend away. It's just a peck on the lips nothing bad, I look at Dylan anyway, his head is bent to look at the ground. I can still tell that his eyes are closed that he breathes deep- this hurt's. If his face didn't give that away his death grip on the paint roller would have, his knuckles are nearly white.

His head stays down most of the afternoon if they are around each other, though my sister keeps mainly with Andrea, putting Josh on Steve touch up duty. The afternoon even with that is fun. When Dad arrives home him and Dylan share a laugh, joking about the first time he met that he was that filthy. Bren and I are unable to pretend that we don't get on edge when they speak, Dylan is normal though he even jokes he might need to ask again to use the shower. He looks over Dad's shoulder at Bren who is watching the interaction closely when he say's it.

Tuesday it's an absolute bludge, it's trying on gowns. Practising the graduation procession and a massive football game with one of the tiny footballs Steve threw at Tony during his picture. Some how with people subbing off to go get their gowns Dylan and Bren end up on the same team versing Miller and me. Miller literally picks up Bren stopping her from running to help Dylan score a touchdown. It's a funny moment of mock outrage from Dylan as he looks for an explanation, and she simply opens her arm's- it's one of the only acknowledges that she ever gives that she is small.

When Dylan says he has to go because he has a meeting with Dad, both Bren and I give him a nervous look. He smiles, "I got this woman. Though try and make sure we win." He surprises me by touching her hair gently in passing.

I know they haven't spoken yet, but the look he gives her is full of the love that has marked so much of our time at West Bev.

I'm not sure if the maybe is the right answer.