Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

As we click our fingers together I great my brother, "D what the hell, I didn't think you were coming till tomorrow?"

"Managed to get the late night flight off Maui last night to Honolulu- meant I didn't need to spend seven hours wandering the airport this afternoon." I nod. He waits and then smirks, "Jones you going to let me in, or are you hiding a Weekend at Bernie's thing and afraid to move aside?" I laugh, shit after months of him being away I guess I'm a little surprised by his entrance. As I draw him away from the entry way, I pick up on his joke.

"Believe me Steve has tried to recreate that vibe here, but between Celeste, Brenda and Andrea he's begrudgingly been tamed. No dead bodies here on strings."

His voice is full of sarcasm, "I bet he's loved that, the taming that is."

"Well from what we all hear he loves Celeste's version of that." He lifts an eyebrow and smirks; he wasn't a kiss and tell guy, thank God as I already had more than enough reasons to kick his ass, but it didn't mean he was above teasing us about ours. "My… the Chief well she caves to him, if he gets her laughing she'll go along with his crazy ideas to a point. Bren is the only one he's actually scared of. She's done her best to save Samantha thousands in cleaning costs and damages from his parties."

At the mention of her he looks around, but when he doesn't see her he doesn't ask. His eyes land on my girl and he nods and smiles to her from across the room. "My Chief, you finally took the leap?"

"Yeah, I'm not sure it was a leap or simply just a realisation that I was out of chances. I didn't want her to be the one that got away."

The pain that fills his eyes and the swallow tells me who he is thinking about.

"Yeah, believe me you chase that line until it drags you under, if she is willing to bite you do everything you can to make sure she doesn't let go." His eyes go large, "shit sorry man I forgot about Yale."

"No, no it's fine- she is not going. Her grandmother got sick early this summer and its damaged her inner ear, her balance is completely off. Unfortunately, it's resulted in her having some nasty falls. She has damaged her hip badly with them. They think she might need a hip replacement if she has another one. Anyway, Andrea's parents they have been on talking terms with her Grandma since she moved there during the week to attend West Bev but they still aren't close close. She has hidden some of her falls thinking they were minor, Andrea though she won't hide that from her. Until her grandmother is able to take care of herself, or a home is recommended Andrea doesn't feel comfortable moving across the country. CU also gave her a very compelling offer to stay."

"I'm sure you added some incentives too." It's my turn to smirk. "She okay about all that? She has worked hard for the Ivy League."

"Yeah, family. Family comes first to her. It's one of the things I've seen this summer to be more than just words with her. It's… it's something we share in common, even if I sometimes have been caught between two family members and have… not done my best." I still regret not asking more questions once they broke up, I still regret not questioning the jump out of his long term relationship with my sister to Kelly. Even if the summer hadn't happened I should have asked if it was revenge, taking out her best friend as punishment for leaving him again. I should of thought it strange to like someone so soon after being so in love. I didn't, I didn't do any of that.

"Jones, it's cool your better half- well I would always expect her to be the priority I should have always made that clear. It doesn't mean we are any less brothers, but you know she is my priority too even if we are just friends, family now." He again looks around, "speaking of my pint size Walsh twin, it doesn't feel like she is here."

I don't comment on the feel. I feel her because I've always felt her since we were babies and mum used to put us in the same crib when she couldn't calm one of us down. Feeling her has been the norm for longer than I have been out on the earth. He I know has an idea of that feeling, I've noticed the awareness in him before she is even visible; I have never been brave enough to ask who's raider of her is better. At times I knew I might not win.

"She has flown to San Francisco, the network wanted to do some promotional shots there around the bay and then the show launches in two weeks so she's doing some magazine interviews and stuff."

He runs his hand through his hair, he doesn't need to tell me he is disappointed. Three months away from each other is a lot, it's the longest he's gone without seeing her ever. Even when she was refusing to see him after the park. "I kinda needed to tell her something." I look down uncomfortably, she's not going to want for him to try and beg forgiveness. I see how hard it's been for her to move on, though she pretends it's not- I even know none of his postcards have managed to see the trash can so unless Steve is keeping them that only leaves one person who would be. Him bringing that all up is not what she's going to want, not when she is trying so hard. He must see my less than eager status to encourage them to talk, "no. No I don't like it but I'm respecting her choice, and if all I get is friendship from now on then I'm lucky to get even that. No Jones, it ain't that. I had dinner with your parents tonight, they know that you both know. Cindy is… I've never seen your Mum put your Dad in his place like that- she's pretty upset that he did that, threatened that."

Shit. Shit. Shit. "Come on let's go out on the deck and you can tell me what happened."

San Fransisco had been fun, and I had been asked to spend an extra day there to do a few radio interviews. I had known my few days there would mean I'd missed the guy's move out of Malibu, the last couple of days of parties; though I had taken my stuff to our new apartment before I had left giving me a chance to say goodbye to the beach and at least have a bed ready in the new place. The extra day though had cost me to miss freshman enrolment. It was continuing today and tomorrow, though as I walked into The Pit my first morning back I hadn't decided if I was going to turn up. Getting home to an empty fridge, an apartment needing to be set up, and after the thrill of working professionally in my chosen industry I hadn't decided if I had the time or the motivation to go and try and complete my first semester at College. As I'm tossing it up I walk into a packed Peach Pit and move to the only counter space free.

He must feel me because he turns from his newspaper with his coffee in hand. "Hey there stranger." His smile sends vibrations to every nerve in my body.

"Hey." I give him a one arm hug and he returns the gesture from his seat. "Mind if I join you?"

"Of course. It's pretty packed I'm lucky to have got this coffee, still waiting on my order to be taken."

Just then Nat comes over and smiles his genuine smile. "Brenda honey it's good to see you. I've missed you, you've being so busy this summer, I've missed the both of you. Any chance you can tell your brother I miss him too, he might take pity on me and come back."

I laugh, "sorry Nat he misses you but I can't say he misses the aqua shirt."

He sighs, "worth a shot. What can I get you both?" Once we have given him our orders he looks at us, "sorry kids it may take awhile Willy is pretty slammed on the grill."

"No problem Nat, I'm in no rush." My eyes go to my ex.

"Me neither, and I'm sure Bren and I could use the time to catch up on our summers."

We do. He must sense I need an easy morning as we spend the next ninety minutes going through his trip, Hawaii, and my experience on set and living with Steve. Once our breakfast plates have long been cleared and neither of us can have any more coffee he looks at me, "what's your plans for the rest of the day?"

"Honestly, I've got no plans. All I know is I've been up for hours trying to organise the apartment and I can't go back there, I can't look at another box or organise another kitchen cupboard."

"Want to get out of here?" The with me is left unspoken.

I nod, a few minutes later I'm jumping into his Porsche- I'll worry later about why this feels good, natural.

I drive us down to the beach. Her eyes had sparkled when she had spoken about living by the beach, about her morning walk's. I had wanted more of that, I wanted to give her more sparkle.

As we stepped on to the pier both of us knew our silent agreement to only be light had reached its shelf life. "I'm sorry I didn't discuss with you that I was going to tell your parents that you both knew. If I had planned it I would have, but I… they had spent most of dinner telling me how proud they were of you and your role and how Samantha had been filling them in on your success. They had… they were sad, they seemed sad about you both growing up and not needing or even wanting them in your life anymore. After everything they have done from me, after everything I have caused your family. I just-"

"Dylan it's fine. You don't have anything to apologise for. My Dad's threat happened to you, it may have been about us but it's you who had to deal with it. You can tell anyone you wish and us knowing well it wasn't a decided upon secret-"

I've wanted to hold her hand the whole time as we walked and to stop myself I have been wrapping my hands up in my t-shirt, I look down at that now. I look down at my stretched fabric and focus on that as I try and word this right, "I'm not going to tell anyone about it. It's family stuff, and… Bren our mother's are pretty much best friends, my mother thinks of you as her daughter, Brandon and me… your dad even- he and I have finally got to a place that we understand each other. That we are not bringing our own baggage to the table every time we speak, well we at least understand the baggage the insecurities now that we bring. And you and I… look what's happening here, your Dad's threat is family business and I think the McKay's and the Walsh's are family."

Her no nonsense "we are" makes me feel relieved. We walk on a little while longer with my hands still in my shirt and us looking at the water. "You understand my Dad's insecurities, was it the money? The lack of control of me?"

"No. I'm sure he'd want to say this to you explain it himself, but while the threat happened to me, it was all about us. You have always had the right to know everything about us, I… I didn't always give you that." I take a breath, "he thought after the holdup well how we were during that and then us disappearing to my house more. He could see we were really serious. He got scared, and wanted to slow us down like he said. Not because he didn't think we were right together or that I was wrong for you, though I think my response did give him pause on if I was mature enough for our relationship and if I was done with drinking. He panicked when you moved in with me, he knew if he gave us too many days there together we'd get our teething issues sorted out- his words. He thought you'd never come home then and that I wouldn't want you to leave after we figured out how to live together. He thought we'd either decide to live together permanently even if we worked it out with your parents or… and that we'd end up pregnant. He got scared, and thought the only way to slow us down when we weren't listening to what he assumed was reason was to separate us anyway he knew how. He thought you away for part of the summer would slow our momentum, that he'd at least gain them another year with you there before we would refuse to live apart any longer."

We stop and look over the pier, my hands unravel from my shirt and rest on the rail beside hers, our elbows are nearly touching.

"So if we had slowed down agreed to take a break from each other for a couple of weeks after Baja then…" she pushes the air out of her lung's fast, like that would push out the what if's running through her brain; what if we had given them that a few weeks of distance to calm them down.

"Bren we can't live in the what if's, my Doctor and even Ben has been drilling me into believing that. We can learn but not go back and fix. I made terrible mistakes, your Dad made a terrible mistake. We both in our own ways made them because of fear, fear of losing you. It doesn't excuse it, the pain it's caused you, but we also can't change it. There's no time machine though I have wished more than once there was."

"I wished that too. When Steve found me that day, I just asked him to get me away- your car was at my house. I couldn't see either of you. I didn't speak much not until his driveway at least but I asked for a time machine. In that moment I wanted to go back, so many times I've wanted to go back." Her breath out is soothing this time like it's cooling her insides, "you are right though. We can't and we can't live in the what if's. Dad's been reaching out, leaving messages for me asking to see me and to see Brandon, together or separately, it's up to us." She turns her head to look at me, "you've forgiven him? Haven't you."

"I look at his one sin and then I look at the pile of all mine. My massive pile. I've asked so many people for forgiveness and not just because it's part of the program but because I want to truly make amends. I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't give him forgiveness, and I've been that enough this year. I told you on the beach, it's on me. If I blame him, even though he blames himself. But if I blame him I'm saying I had no control, no free will, I'm saying I didn't know what I was doing was wrong. I hid it for so long because I knew it was wrong. I knew I had fucked up and then tried to justify it. I'm not that guy anymore. I've forgiven him because he asked and every day since I entered your house and saw you come down those stair's and realised how badly I had fucked up, he's the only one out of me and him who tried to atone from the start. He didn't say anything when we broke up, didn't say anything when I dated her, he kept out of our relationship- I think that was him atoning."

"Yeah if anything he was pushing me to not kick you out of my life. I mean he didn't know everything but-"

"He's had more than enough to bury me, he's had more than enough to rub it in my face and yours that he was right all along about me. He didn't even intervene when he heard about the coo- choice."

She snorts a laugh, "you can say cookie. I can't even eat them anymore not even cookie dough ice cream."

"Me either."

She's quiet for a long time, "I'll talk to him. Hear him out, and I'll see Mum. From what Brandon tells me she's put Dad on the couch."

"Yeah she's pretty mad, she's rung a few times to apologise and check in on me. Though she's now back to being a little disappointed in me-" she raises her eyebrows. "I blew off enrolments yesterday, stood in the line for over an hour the first line of many."

"Maybe I won't return her call then." Huh? It's my turn to lift my eyebrow in question. "I didn't ask for permission to enrol early and I stayed an extra day in San Fransisco. I was supposed to do the late enrolment today but…"

I laugh, we had fought over College and now it appeared we were on the same page. I should have known, we often found our equilibrium together, once the teething issues would be worked out we would find our way. In everything. She must understand the humour in the situation as she laughs too.

"Okay so we are just two bums now together on a pier. Any ideas what we should do? Thailand was pretty epic, Baja we could be there tonight."

She looks around and see's an old man fishing, I instantly know. Thailand would have been better but a few hours with her alone I'll take. While we fish we talk about the books we've read all summer. Bren reads nearly as much as me, she though read's everything from the classics to romance novel's- wherever her brain feels it needs to escape to.

"You can not be serious Bren. I am not reading a book about adultery after the year we have had."

"It's been on the New York Times best sellers list for weeks, and what, if you aren't reading about adultery are you going to give up on reading Byron as well then? He did not discriminate between married and not."

"I'm not reading about no photographer, no bridges and no Madison county. Just because something sells a lot doesn't make it good." She rolls her eyes.

I begin to reel in my line, I swear these bloody fish were eating my little shrimp like I was offering it on a cocktail stick. Everything around the hook was gone except on the part that would actually catch them.

She see's my frustration, "you know they keep eating it because you are baiting it wrong."

"Okay Woman who grew up in the State of a thousand lakes, you try and do it, but I just think LA fish are smarter. There has to be some positives for all the chemicals they ingest." She rolls her eyes again at me and grabs my line, within less than ten seconds she's hooked me. I raise my eyebrow.

"Shit. Stay there, I'll get it out." It's the closest well the longest she's been this close to me in what feels like forever, as she works the hook out of my shirt, I can't stop myself from leaning down slightly and smelling her hair. Once the hooks out she realises her proximity and looks up.

"Dylan."

It's a breathy reprimand a begrudging warning, "I know. Just, can we just stand here for a moment?"

She doesn't nod, shrug, or say anything, but she also doesn't step away she stays there looking at me listening to our in sync breathes. It's only when her rod moves slightly, the sound of the reel being tugged on is our moment broken.

Her fish isn't big enough to keep and even though we have another hour with the rods we hand them back. As we walk the pier I try and break the silence, I don't want us to get awkward with the other. "You know you like books, you love to argue them even rubbish romance novel's… you could do that at College for a few months. Have the college experience that you may never get again."

"This from the guy, who spent the last six weeks travelling and reading Eastern Philosophy, because anyone who does that for fun should be in college."

"The line was really long though."

"And I might be only there for a short term."

We sigh, but it's me who voices it "we'll regret it."

"Yeah, yeah if we don't at least try we will. And you never know you still might get Berkeley next semester and-"

"And they'll take it back if they see I haven't attended." I rub my hand through my hair. "Come on there's a good coffee place on the way it might help us suffer through that line together."

That night I'm looking over my books, and class schedule. For the first time since knowing I couldn't just follow her to whichever college she went, hearing that I had been waitlisted for Berkeley, it's the first time I have hope. It's the first time since that guy didn't shoot that I think the universe maybe on my side.

I will see her for romantic poetry three mornings a week Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and French literature Monday afternoon, and a double on Thursday morning. She got two prerequisites for drama as well but she'll be doing her educational core courses her English and Foreign language one's with me.

Classes start next week, they can't start soon enough.