"This isn't fair." She whispered, finally gathering herself. "This isn't fair." She whispered again, shoving off the floor to a standing position and beginning to pace. Her arms were crossed tightly across her chest, and her eyes were on the floor. It had been nearly a year, and she'd tried her damndest to move on with her life. "Why is this happening?" Buffy shook her head. A light tapping on the door shook her out of her thoughts. Instead of yelling for them to leave – like she wished she could have – she opened the door to find Angel waiting for her. Thinking for a moment, about how to react, she stared at him. It was either talk to one of them, or talk to everyone. At this point, Angel was her best bet.
"Thanks." He mumbled, walking past her into the room after she nodded. The door was pushed closed behind him and she walked to sit on the bed. "Look, I know this is hard for you. I know you didn't ask for this – you don't deserve this – but we're at a loss. We've got nowhere to go, and you know we wouldn't have come if it wasn't absolutely necessary." He looked at her, hoping to see forgiveness, or understanding.
"That's the whole problem, Angel." She stated, her words were sharp like knives. He was about to speak when she began again. "The both of you treat me like I'm some porcelain doll, easily broken. You act like I don't have the right to make my own decisions, like I'm too fragile, but I'm not. I'm old enough to think for myself, I've been doing it for a while now. I know you'll never admit it but you understand me. You know exactly what I mean. It's got to end now, or I'm not going to deal with either of you. Either you accept that I'm a grown woman, or you get out, because things have changed. This is my life now, and you can't just come and screw with it as you please anymore." Her eyes were cold and her arms were crossed again. The way she stood, flat on both feet shoulder length apart, it all told him that she was serious. Her words were more than just facts, they were promises.
"I get it. I understand." He nodded, begrudgingly admitting defeat. There was no way he could fight her on this, not after all the damage their showing up had already caused. Buffy was right. They needed to treat her like the woman she'd become. "You've got to know though; we didn't want it to be this way." He looked at her before whispering the last part, "I don't want it to be this way." His eyes lingered on hers for a moment more before he turned to walk to the door. "Even if you're cookies for him." The last sentence was silent as he stepped out into the hall. He knew she probably wouldn't hear it, but said it anyways. Closing the door behind him, he made his way back to join Spike and Faith, who were sitting awkward and silent on the couch awaiting his return.
"So?" Faith looked up first, with a hopeful look in her eyes. "Did you sort it out?" For the past year, Buffy had done her best to make Faith feel as though she had a home. Their friendship had developed, and she'd never admit it, but she'd lay her life down for Buffy. Seeing the pain this was causing her was killing Faith. The entire situation sucked – to say the least – but the worst of it was not knowing how things were going to turn out.
"We've got to let her think for herself. Give her space. She'll sort it out for herself and come find us when she's ready. For the time being though, I think it'll be best if we're not here." Faith's confused look made him smile "We're not going far, just back to Giles' flat. We don't have many options. You should get some sleep. We'll talk tomorrow." He smiled at her before nodding for Spike to come with him. After another moment of staring down the hall to the door Buffy was behind, Spike stood and walked out. His heart stayed there.
"How long do you think it'll take her?" he asked Angel, as they made their way back. "I'm not so sure I can promise to keep my distance…" he looked over his shoulder, though they were already far enough away that the door was no longer in sight. Angel sighed as they rounded a corner.
"I'm not sure. But let's hope it's not long. She can't be distracted." Instead of getting into a discussion about it, he let the conversation end there. There was no good to come of them talking about her. It would only get them into trouble. Both men wanted nothing more than to hold her in their arms once more. Sadly though, it wasn't an option for either at this point in time. The most they could do was find a dark part of the school to spend the day in.
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"They're gone." Faith's voice was gentle following the slightly rough knock on the door. Buffy mumbled something along the lines of 'come in' and laid back on the bed. "You gonna be alright, B? I know it's hard to grasp, but they're here to stay for a while." When she reached the bed, Faith kicked her shoes off and fell backwards onto it beside Buffy, facing the up like the blonde. "The last thing they meant to do by not telling you was hurt you. They thought they were doing what was best."
"I know." Buffy spoke quietly, just above a whisper. "That's what sucks so much. They treat me like a child, but they do it with the best intentions. It's hard to be so pissed when I know I should be." She closed her eyes for a second before returning her gaze to the ceiling. "I told him I loved him…" she swallowed hard, trying to focus on the thoughts racing through her mind. "...just before he died. I hadn't realized until then." Her voice had gotten softer, but she was still speaking loud enough for Faith to hear. "All that time I spent with him, all the times we defiled each other…
"He always loved me. All he ever wanted from me was love. I disgusted myself. So I told him I couldn't do it anymore." Her breath hitched as she remembered the time they'd spent together before his soul. "Then, when he came back… He was so helpless, so pained. I hated seeing him like that, but I couldn't love him. It wasn't until I saw him there, fighting to save our asses. To save the world that had done nothing but wrong to him." She closed her eyes as a tear escaped her. "I saw him fighting and I thought 'that is the man I love. That is a champion.'" One of her hands moved up to brush the hair off her forehead. "He was a champion and he died a champion. And all I'd ever done was hurt him, like everyone else." A silent sob escaped her as more tears fell from her eyes. "He just loved me Faith, and I hurt him. He thought he hurt me, but I hurt him." She whispered, more to herself than Faith, "I hurt myself."
"He doesn't blame you B. He loves you." She said, her hand finding Buffy's and holding it tight. "I may never understand how you can feel that way, I may never like it, but I see it - in you and in him." Her words got a bit quieter at the end, because she wasn't sure if she was talking about Spike anymore, or Angel. The looks both men had been giving her were more than Faith's stomach would normally be able to handle. "Just let yourself heal. You'll know when you're ready to talk to them." She said, stroking the back of Buffy's hand with her thumb.
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"Well?" Dawn asked once they got inside. "What happened?" she looked at Spike, who seemed drained more than anything. After catching Willow up they'd all sat around discussing the possible outcomes – all of them were more than curious as to the way things would go down.
"She needs space." He shrugged, turning to look at Angel who nodded before looking back at Dawn.
"So that's it? You told her and you left?" she looked shocked. Most of them did, really. Giles seemed to be the only one accepting their answer. Willow still looked as though she wasn't sure if she was dreaming.
"Look, when Buffy's ready to talk we'll tell you more. Until then, there is no more to it. We told her what happened, she asked for space. We're giving it to her. End of story." Angel spoke up, his eyes on Xander, who seemed the most irritated by the outcome.
"Why don't you all go get some rest?" Giles suggested, taking his glasses off for a routine cleaning. "I'll get them settled in and we'll discuss this further in the morning. I think it's been a long night for us all, but that's no excuse for canceling or skipping classes tomorrow. Let's not forget we're running a school here…" he gestured around him, trying to remind them all that they weren't just the Scoobies anymore. Everyone seemed to understand that Giles wasn't going to negotiate, and left one by one except Dawn.
"I'll walk you back, lil bit." Spike smiled defeated at her and walked out. Once they were down the hall, she looked up over at him, but continued walking.
"What really happened?" she asked a look of worry in her eye. 'Leave it to Dawn' Spike thought, 'To assume the worst of the situation.' He chuckled and shot her a tired smile.
"Really, nothing happened. She hit us each, talked with Angel about us treating her like an adult, and we left. You know your sister. She'll work it out. Bloody well better." Dawn smiled at that, and he smiled back. They reached her dorm then, and he gave her a hug. "I'm guessing we're going to stay with Mr. Librarian tonight, so if you need me you know where I am." He looked at her, a shred of hope shared between them. Both wanted nothing more than to see Buffy live again, happy.
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"I've got coffee!" Xander shouted down the hall after Buffy let him in the next morning. Willow was in the kitchen making bagels, and Faith was still in her room getting dressed. "How'd you sleep last night? Did you sleep?" he looked at his friend for the first time that morning. Buffy's eyes had light rings around them, which meant she either hadn't slept much, or hadn't slept well, and neither comforted him.
"I slept well enough." She shrugged, "As well as was expected." She laughed lightly, trying to lighten the mood. Willow hadn't said a thing yet, so she knew she was in for the third degree. They were just waiting for their moment. "Before you try, I'm not talking about it. Just let me think, guys." She looked at them pleadingly as she took a drink of the coffee Xander had set in front of her. "Are they at Giles' flat?"
"That's what we're guessing. I mean, they were when we left last night." Willow shrugged and took a bite of her bagel as Faith walked in. "Not many other places for them to go, seeing as one wrong move and they're fighting a pack of teenage girls." Willow laughed lightly at the thought and returned her attention to her bagel.
"Speaking of, in each of your classes you've got to warn the students. We'll tell the girls." Buffy reminded them, before taking a bite of her bagel. "Don't forget!" With that, she grabbed her coffee and left to find Dawn. They hadn't talked since the day before, and Buffy had to know how Dawn was handling it all. Of them all, Dawn was closest with Spike. She knew him being back would be weird for her little sister, especially since she was the only other one who had really felt the loss.