Alright, sorry the last chapter was so short, sorry I suck at updating, and sorry for anything you don't like about the story. (:
v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v
"When are we going to do the assembly?" Angel asked calmly after giving her a moment to gather herself.
"I'm not sure yet." She sighed and took in a deep breath, "Giles will have to figure all that out, that's his job. But you'll both need to be there, so the students can see who they're supposed to be looking out for and know why." One of her hands moved up to run through her hair as she glanced at him. "Do you think life will ever be easy?"
"Life isn't meant to be easy," Angel shrugged and looked down at the bed, knowing she was in a rough spot. This wasn't exactly what he'd wanted when they'd come here, the last thing he wanted to do was put Buffy in a bad position. When they'd made the decision it was because they had nowhere else to go. Now he was sort of regretting it. All they seemed to be doing was complicate her life, but sadly they couldn't leave now. That would only make things worse.
"I guess." She nodded, knowing he was right. Before standing, she glanced at him once more. "I know you didn't mean to make things so messy. Either of you." The last part she added quietly, before making her way out of the room and down the hall. Giles was sitting at his desk on the computer, probably planning some lecture to give his students the next day. Without stopping on her way out she told him they'd be having an assembly soon, "Since you're in charge, you get to plan it." She added and closed the door behind her ready to go back and have a beer with Faith. Drinking was never Buffy's favorite thing, but occasionally she fell victim to the need for intoxication. She had a feeling it would be a long night. Thankfully, her classes on Tuesdays were scheduled for eleven to three instead of nine to one.
v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v
"You honestly think he's gonna forget, B?" Faith laughed as she watched Buffy open her third beer for the night, a new record. It was only nine and she'd gotten back around three thirty. Faith knew Buffy would never really let herself go and drink the way she did almost every night, but three was a big number for someone who never drank more than one. Most the time Buffy would drink she'd give half to Faith, so she knew this was about to be a long night. "I think I might go stay at Willow and Kennedy's. Give you guys some space, you know? If you need me I'll have my phone. I just think it's best if you've got the place to yourselves…" her words trailed off as she watched Buffy stand and begin pacing, beer in hand. At this point she wasn't sure if Buffy heard a word she was saying. "I'm gonna go kill some people, you know, raise hell like the old days. That sound good to you?" she asked, with a smirk on her face.
"Very funny," Buffy scowled shooting a look in her roommate's direction. "I'll call you when he leaves, in case you want to come back." Buffy added before resuming the pacing she'd begun. When she heard the door closing ten minutes later, Buffy let out a noise similar to a groan and walked to the kitchen to lean against the counter. "What the fuck." She whispered to herself, before finishing off her beer and setting the empty bottle on the counter beside the sink, where the other empties sat waiting for recycling. "Why did I have to open my mouth and tell him the truth? Why did I let this all happen…" she added and closed her eyes, her hands finding their way up to her temples to gently rub circles as she tried to dismiss the migraine that was creeping its way in. Slowly she began to take deep even breaths, hoping to calm herself down and relax before he showed up. There was no way he was going to forget. Spike, of all people, was never one to forget the plans he made. No more than ten minutes had passed when she heard a knock on her door, and everything was making her dizzy as she very slowly walked to the door. Her hand gently wrapped around the handle, and she pulled it open, and there he was. The man she'd never know how to get over. The man she could nearly cry when she saw him. Her heart bled for the man before her, and he would never understand that.
"Can I…" he gestured inside and she nodded before swallowing and stepping aside for him to come in. For a second, her eyes glanced around outside to see if any of the students had seen him before closing the door and turning to see he'd taken a seat in her favorite chair. 'Lovely.' She thought to herself before walking over, slowly once more, and taking a seat on the couch.
"Look," she began as she sat straight up, "I don't know why you're here. I don't want to talk about this, and I don't want to talk to you." She said, with a blank face, trying harder than ever to mask her feelings.
"Then don't talk. Just listen." His words were firm, so she'd know to just shut up. "I love you. I didn't even know love until I knew you. I spent the best years of my eternal life loving you, even if I didn't know it yet. When I finally made love to you, I attained something I didn't know I'd been waiting so long for. The time we spent in what I'm still unsure about calling a relationship meant more to me than I'll ever be able to express to you. You taught me more about life than I bothered to learn in the many years I've spent on this bloody Earth. When you let me stay with you and trusted me around those potentials, even after you'd seen me crazy… I couldn't begin to describe how much it made me love you all the more. You showed me you had faith in me, that you trusted me. Those nights we spent together, just holding you… Nothing will ever matter more to me than those nights. You'd never looked more beautiful to me. I could've sworn my heart beat when you said you were there with me. I was so happy, more than I'll ever be again I'm sure. Then you told me the amulet was meant for a champion and you gave it to me. To me," he repeated quietly to himself, the memories flooding into his mind, "I knew you loved me, before you even said it. When we were down there, just us, and you were looking at me before I died, I saw in your eyes…
"I had to say it though. I had to let you believe I didn't believe you. You would've tried to get me to go with you, or worse you would've stayed with me to burn. That was my end Buffy. I needed to do that so you would have a normal life, because if I went with you, you'd never be able to live. Life with me would've been nice at its best, but I'd never be able to give you a family, or the happy ending you deserve. You know that as well as I do. You would've grown to resent me." His voice was cracking as the words came out more rushed. Tears were silently falling down her cheeks as she slowly slumped down into the couch during his heartfelt speech. The words he spoke were crushing her, and she wasn't able to mask the pain anymore, this time she just let it show. "I know you'll try to deny it, pet, but you know it's true. No matter which way you look at it, happily ever after isn't in the cards for us." He spoke softly as he finished, trying to control the emotion in his voice. "I love you Buffy. I had to let you go because I love you. I'll always love you." The end last part came out just barely audible, she wouldn't have heard if it wasn't so silent in the flat. It took her a few moments to gather her thoughts, so he sat there in silence waiting, letting her take it all in.
"I would've been happy. You would've made me happy. I don't care about having a family, I care about you. Letting you go was the hardest thing I've ever done – I'll ever do." She had to stop to take a breath as the tears started to flow more rapidly, "My soul died with you that day, my heart stopped beating right the moment I got off that bus and looked back at what was left behind." She whispered, between small silent sobs. The hole in her chest had never felt more empty as she sat there looking at the man she'd never be able to quit. "I died when you died. You didn't give me life, you gave me death."
v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v
There you have it. The chapter that took me four hours to write, although it's short. I have a feeling you'll all be terribly upset with the upcoming plot twist, but rest assured there will be happiness for our favorite couple in the end.