Here's Sweden, done for several people who have requested the Nordics. Up next will probably be Finland or Norway.

"The Oresund Song" is basically a song about a Swedish/Danish/Norwegian threesome. In a boat. *hands out brainbleach*

Yeah, his speech is pretty normal, but I wanted to keep it that way for reading clarity.

Russia: America is quite a bitch, da.

Me: WTF do you expect when you show up out of nowhere and start whaling on him with a friggin' pipe?

Russia: I gave him a ten-second head start, though!

Me: ... *headdesks*

1. Sweden really should explain the "m' wife" comment to Sealand …

2. … and Korea, he's trying to claim Finland's breasts.

3. Sweden is not allowed to get into "furniture wars" with Denmark.

4. If Hungary asks him to be in a "Christmas movie", he really should decline.

5. … because she has a reindeer costume.

6. Finland is his wife, not his bitch.

7. He is not allowed to kill Russia for calling Finland his "bitch" …

8. … he calls everybody that.

9. Sweden is not allowed to kill Denmark for "being too drunk" …

10. … "speaking Danish" …

11. … "breathing" …

12. … "hitting on m' wife" …

13. … "selling awful furniture" …

14. … or "existing".

15. Glaring is not an acceptable replacement for talking.

16. He is not allowed to go into Viking mode at World Meetings.

17. He should probably give Sealand the Talk before Denmark does.

18. "Jus' get a room already" is not the appropriate solution for all of the world's problems.

19. … most, yes, but not all.

20. He is not allowed to kill France for what happened at Christmas.

21. … maiming is okay, though, and Finland will be glad to help him with that.

22. He is not allowed to rub it into Denmark's face that IKEA has stores in every continent but Africa.

23. … Denmark will just say that quality beats quantity, get drunk, and pull out his axe to go pillage IKEAs.

24. "The Oresund Song" is not a reason to kill Denmark/Norway.

25. … it is if Denmark mentions it more than five times in one minute, complete with suggestive gestures.

26. Sweden is not allowed to maim France for hitting on him …

27. … it's just French culture. Or he's drunk.

28. If Sweden breaks any of these rules, Denmark will give Sealand the Talk, and he will have to deal with the repercussions.