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chapter 2

Damon walked over to her house in the dusk, smelling of his dad's cologne. He was so happy. He wondered if people looking at him could tell he wasn't a virgin. He thought about that night. He could just imagine what would happen...
He would walk in and give her a kiss damn, why didn't he get her some flowers? He'd look for a nice one to steal on the rest of the way.
"Hi honey," she'd say.
"Hi sweetheart," he'd answer. Maybe they'd make dinner together.
He was hungry. He knew her parents were out of town a lot, Mike had told him. Mike knew a lot about her, since her best friend was his sister. She was a good cook he'd heard.
Then maybe they'd do it. Maybe they'd go to a movie after, or before actually. He had $20 in his wallet. He felt embarrassed that she'd have to drive. However, it couldn't be helped.
He turned into her circular driveway. Right away, he knew something was amiss. Caroline's black Honda Accord was there. He thought he could hear music.
Dammit, he thought. What's Caroline doing here? Slowly, he walked up to her doorstep. Maybe she's about to leave. He wanted to be alone with her, without Caroline. He rang the bell. It seemed so strange that he had been there less than 24 hours ago.
His heart leapt to his throat as the doorknob rattled, the door flying open. Caroline stood there. She looked him up and down he swore she did. They were best friends, of course she knew what they'd done. Girls told each other everything.
"Hi Damon," she said.
"Hi," he mumbled.
Caroline opened her mouth to say something then closed it. She just looked at him.
"Is she here?" he asked finally.
"Uh, yeah. Come in", she said, stepping aside to let him in.
He followed Caroline down the hall to her bedroom. Elena was making her bed he guessed; she had a pillow under her chin, and was putting the pillowcase on. Elena looked beautiful. Damon fought off the desire to jump on her right then. Her hair, freshly washed, shined in the light as it hung down her back. She wore a white t-shirt and cut-off blue jeans, unravelling at the ends. Her legs were so tan. She looked over at him for a second, her eyes cool, no emotion, then turned away, facing the sliding glass door that revealed all their reflections.
"Hey, will you help me with this?" she asked, sounding a little annoyed, stretching the clean sheets across the bed. He realized the sheets must have been really dirty, but an unreasonable part of him was slightly insulted that she washed them, like she was washing him away maybe. He pushed those thoughts aside as he stared at her ass when she bent over, not quite believing that he'd touched it the night before. He jumped and said, "Who, me?" It was pointless, his words just hung in the air; Caroline had already started helping her make the bed. Damon got that familiar sick feeling in his gut. He felt so isolated from them. Then he felt angry at himself. She didn't want him there, he could feel it. She hadn't even said hi to him. He desperately wanted to leave right then, wanted to run away and hide in his bed. Yet she hadn't done anything mean to him, just hadn't done what he thought she'd do. He hated her for an instant. Then he felt ashamed.
Caroline was giving her a look from across the bed, he thought. He couldn't tell what it meant, except possibly, "Well? Aren't you going to acknowledge Damon?" He couldn't see Elena's eyes, her reaction, but he felt vibes was he paranoid? That they were negative toward him, like she was rolling her eyes, laughing at him. Damon still stood there, wanting to cry, hating his reflection in the glass. His hair was gelled. God, I must look like a dork, he thought, his vision blurring as he stared at his shoes.
Caroline moved, and she left, giving him a slight smile as she walked out of the room. She even closed the door. It was just them.
She still stood with her back to him, no longer making the bed.
"Hi", he began. His voice sounded too high. He sounded like a fricking girl he thought. She scratched her head, and then ran her fingers through her long hair. She turned around, and she smiled at him, a genuine, warm smile.
His heart leapt, it was okay! He walked toward her. He kissed her, on the cheek though, and hugged her. She didn't hug him back.
"Hi," he said again. He grinned at her. She sat down on the bed.
He heard Caroline's car. They were alone. He sat next to her, and pulled her to him, so that her head rested on his shoulder.
"How are you?" he asked.
"Fine," she said.
"Not hung over are you?" he asked, teasing her. "No, not much. Damon?"
His heart skipped a beat. "Yeah?" he asked. "You and I need to talk..."
No! His mind screamed. He let go of her. "It's about us, you know? What we... about last night," she explained.
"Yeah?" he asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.
"You know I was drunk," she started to say", and I, well, I don't know."
He didn't say anything. His heart broke. "I'm sorry," she said. "I should have been more responsible."
His head was ringing. Responsible? What was she talking about? Was she pregnant? No, she wouldn't know already. Besides, Mike had said she was on the pill. He'd even seen them.
"I just hope that you don't expect anything from this," she continued.
"Why not?" he demanded. Oops, he shouldn't have said that.
She was taken aback. "Well, it's just that Damon, you're just a baby, like, you, I didn't mean that, no I didn't mean you're a baby like that," she said quickly. "I mean that it just wouldn't work out", she stumbled. His mind reeled as his eyes filled with tears. "I don't think you're a baby," she repeated, knowing that remark had gone straight to his heart. "I think you're a great guy!"
" Then why don't you like me?" he asked, sadly. In all truth he didn't want to know, he wanted to run out of there as fast as he could and never face her again. However, part of him was waiting for her to say that she did like him, that she loved him like she said last night. "Oh Damon," she said. "I do like you-just not like that." She touched his shoulder.
"Fucking bitch!" he screamed. Actually he didn't say it aloud, like he wanted to, but in his mind he screamed it just the same. He was such a goddamn fool. Stupid fool! He yelled at himself. She hates me she doesn't love me she doesn't like me she DOESN'T love me... It ran through his mind over and over Fucking bitch stupid fool goddamn fucking bitch stupid fool... He stood up suddenly and walked out of her room, without saying anything. She jumped up and followed him, saying, "Damon, wait, comeback..."
She tried to grab his hands as he walked down the hall, trying to make him see, oh, why couldn't he see? He pushed her away, pushed her groping hands away as tears streamed down his face, tears he was determined that she wouldn't see.
" Leave me alone. I don't care," he mumbled, pushing her away from him once and for all. His forearm covered his eyes and wiped the tears away as he went out into the night. She stood on the doorstep, one bare foot on top of the other and began to cry as he left her. She ran back into the house, threw herself on her bed, and cried.
Crying himself, Damon walked home in a daze.

Damon's mom had listened to the tape twice, and then played it for her husband. They'd both listened awkwardly, not quite sure what to do or how to punish him, if they should at all. It was strange, listening to their son's voice, swearing and saying those things to his friend. He had no idea that the answering machine that had gone on had never stopped recording the message.
"Did she suck it?" asked the friend.
"Hell yeah she did. Oh my God*..."* Damon's voice groaned into the phone. "Then I fucked her twice..." They heard the door slam. Damon was back. He walked past the kitchen and ran upstairs without even looking at them.
His dad looked at his wife, and then followed him up the stairs. He knocked on his door. No answer, then an annoyed and muffled, "What?"
He opened the door. Damon was lying on his bed facing the wall.
"Hi..." he began.
Damon did not respond. His dad knew he was upset, knew something had gone wrong at the girl's house. He sat down on the corner of his bed, saying,
"What's the matter?"
" Nothing."
His dad paused. "So, where'd you go?"
" Out".
"Damon, I know where you were."
Damon panicked. Had she called after him? Had she told his parents? How much did they know? He turned around. His tearstained face startled his dad. He hadn't seen Damon cry in awhile.
"Damon, we know what happened last night." "How? What happened?"
"I know that you had sex... Damon, I should've talked to you long ago".
"What? I did not," he lied. God, my life is getting worse every second, he thought angrily. "You told Tyler-it got recorded on the machine." Damon turned away again. "I just want to say that your mother and I aren't mad at you. Just a little surprised, that's all."
Damon wanted to run away right then. My life sucks, it sucks so much shit, he thought, staring at the wall. He just wanted her, he still just wanted her. He desperately wanted his dad to disappear. "Did you use protection?" his dad asked him. "Dad..."
"Well, it's important. I really should have talked to you before this. Did you?"
" Not exactly. She's on the pill so she won't get pregnant. You don't have to worry about that." "You should have used a condom," he said. "Don't you know that? You could have gotten a disease." "She doesn't have any diseases!" he said angrily. "She's not some slut, she's not like that." "How do you know?"
" Just do. She's only done it with one other person. Not that it's any of your business."
" Still..." he said, feeling a trifle bad. "I didn't mean to imply that she was a tramp or anything, it's just that you have to be careful."
Damon said nothing, still facing away from his dad. His dad coughed. "So, do you want to tell me about her?"
" No... She's just some girl, really dad." "Your first time was supposed to be special." It was special, Damon thought to himself bitterly. Screw you what the hell do you know?
"What's the matter?"
" Nothing!"
" Why are you crying? What just happened? I know you went over there again..."
"Nothing happened."
His dad paused, looking at the back of his son's head. "Do you like her a lot?" he asked gently. "Yeah," Damon whispered, trying to fight back tears. "Does she like you too?"
" No..." he whispered after a moment, as he started to cry again.
"Oh Damon," he comforted, patting his back. "You'll get over her, really. I know that's no consolation right now, but you have to realize that... Also, although it's enjoyable of course," he said awkwardly. "Sex is much more enjoyable with someone you love; it's much better then." I do love her! His mind screamed. I love her, I love her, I love her!
"So, um, just remember that. We can't stop you from having sex. It's not that we want to prevent you from having a good time, but we just don't want to see you get hurt. We love you so much you know. You're hurting right now and that hurts us. In addition, of course, look out for yourself. You need to know about AIDS and stuff." He still said nothing. His dad leaned over and hugged him.
In the hall, his dad felt like a royal fool. He remembered losing his virginity: awkward at first, but a memorable night at 17. He thanked the lord his dad never found out, it had spared him from hearing the humiliating talk he'd just had to give his only son. He felt angry with this girl, a senior, who'd hurt his son this way.

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