Chapter 4: Feelings

'It's all wrong! It needs more ribbons, don't you think?' Kitty bellowed angrily turning impatiently in front of the mirror.

'Mm…' mumbled Mary turning a page in her book.

'And I should pull my hair up, shouldn't I?' she asked twisting her locks in a knot above her nape.

'Mm….'

'Mary!' Kitty yelled, hitting her with the comb.

'What is it Catherine?' she sighed raising her head.

'Oh, it's dreadful! I look horrible!' she said throwing herself on the bed.

Mary pulled her up and looked at her thoroughly.

A tear rolled down Kitty's cheek.

'You look ravishing…but' Mary wiped Kitty's face with her lapel, 'you do not need to paint your face.'

'Mary! Why on Earth did you do that? I spent hours powdering myself!'

'And it only makes you look more like mama. If that was your initial plan, then pardon me,' she said smirking.

'I cannot show myself without having painted my face,' she said gravely.

'Why not?' Mary asked picking up the ribbons from the floor.

'It is impolite and it makes one look plain and ignorant.'

'I'd rather be plain and ignorant than have that,' she said pointing at her sister's nose where a dab of powder was left, 'on my face.'

'Pshaw, you know nothing of fashion!'

Mary settled back on the bed.

'But do I really look ravishing?' Kitty asked after a while.

'Yes, yes, Miss Bennet, like a summer's daisy…' Mary sang mockingly.

Kitty stuck out her tongue.

'Mr Prowler will like my dress, will he not?' she said twirling and flanking the veils of her bright blue gown.

'Yes, he will most appreciate you making such effort,' Mary replied bored.

An effort of four damned hours I should say… she thought amused.

'Mary! What are you doing?' Kitty shrieked scandalized as her sister lounged on the bed.

'Being listless,' she replied.

'For heaven's sake, get dressed already! There's no time left, you need to make yourself look decent.'

'Oh, yes, there are only six hours left till the Ball and I am afraid I shall not have time to twist the nod of my ribbons tight enough,' Mary replied sarcastically.

Catherine however, snatched her dress from the wardrobe and placed it neatly on Mary's bed. It was of a dark green colour with nothing to enhance its elegance.

'How plain…do you intend to get dressed in that faded thing?'

'No, I shall ask for a sack of potatoes from the larder,' Mary replied opening her book.

'Get up at once! I'll do your hair at least,' Kitty said soberly.

'I need no help with my apparel…' she tried saying but was hurried off on a stool in front of the mirror.

'Now, do not move a muscle, this is crucial,' Kitty said as she started working with Mary's hair.

'Do I really have to dance with the Colonel?' Kitty asked after a while.

'You do not want to?'

'He must be a terrible dancer…'

'How would you know?'

Some minutes passed in silence.

'If he isn't a terrible one, then he must be a boring one…'

'Yet he talks of many interesting things.'

'To you only, he's as silent as the grave with me…or in any case speaks of odd things,' Kitty reproached.

Mary smiled knowingly.

'Ah! Your hair is impossible,' she said abandoning it and fetching her ribbons. 'It is so plain and dry.'

'It does not like your hands,' Mary replied yawning.

She stood in front of the mirror and saw a pale face's reflection.

'Rubbish,' she whispered.

The Bingleys' Ball room was by no means inferior to the one at Netherfield, in fact it allowed more room for dancing and more corners for feeble gossip between intimate friends.

On this occasion the tapestries and china glittered with lavish and the portrait of the Bingley family was one of the main attractions in the room. Mr. Bingley had already decided the place for his wife's portrait and planned to show all the guests its future location, pointing out how the light from the chandelier would fall softly on his wife's immortalised physiognomy.

Red-cushioned chairs had been placed around card tables and coffee tables in an adjacent room which could be reached after walking along an arched passage.

Jane was walking through that passage with her husband, being a bit anxious about her first Ball as a married woman.

'And the cook has everything prepared? Do the servants know when to enter?' she asked again.

'Yes, dear, they are all ready to comply with your orders.'

'Wishes not orders,' she said pouting slightly.

'Yes, you could never possibly order…but if you had ordered me to marry you, I dare say I would have conformed the first minute I saw you,' he said laughing and waltzing her out of the room.

They bumped most unceremoniously into Mr. Bennet and Mrs. Bennet who wanted to inspect the Ball room, mostly Mrs. Bennet.

Jane sighed and ran away to get ready, laughing as if she was back at Longbourn and she had never met Charles.

She joined Lizzie and they both reminisced old times as, a floor above them, two other sisters were living those times.

Kitty exited the room in her celestial gown, turning around to examine herself and considering she was finally complete, physically at least. She did look perfect, but she felt chipped, as a beautiful chipped saucer.

'Ah and now you have spoilt my surprise, Miss Bennet.'

She turned. Mr Prowler was standing in front of her, smiling warmly.

'Oh, Mr. Prowler, you sneaked up on me!' she tried laughing though she was disappointed he had seen her.

'Now you will think me plain…' she muttered.

'Many things could characterise you, Miss Bennet, but plain is not one of them…you look breathtaking,' he said kissing her hand. 'And I believe you would have made me suffer to wait so much for your astounding appearance.'

Mary was watching them from behind the door, two locks of her straight black hair falling in her face. Her rosy lips were pursed as her eyes watched them curiously.

As Mr. Prowler bowed to kiss her hand he caught her looking and she quickly hid behind the door.

'I believe Miss Bennet is trying to tell us something,' he said eyeing the door.

Mary came out proudly and said nothing.

'Oh, it's just Mary. I can trust her, can I not?' she asked turning towards her sister.

'What are you planning Kitty?' she asked crossing her arms.

'Oh, I am simply making Miss Bennet promise me she'll give all her dances to me,' James answered instead politely.

'Sir, well you have taken much liberty, but I can only accept,' Kitty said and bowing took her sister by her arm and rushed with her downstairs. Mr. Prowler smiled at Mary ironically as she turned her head.

'Kitty what about the Colonel?' Mary asked frowning.

'What about him?'

'You promised to dance with him.'

'I made no such promise. You did for me.'

'Well then, be a good sister and don't make me go back on my word,' she replied haughtily.

'Well, since he seems so eager to dance he'll have an excellent partner in you,' she said smiling sweetly.

They both walked towards the Ball room in silence. Before entering Kitty took Mary by the elbow and whispered in her ear.

'But I'll tell you when I want to have a turn with him, so pay attention, I'll give you a sign of some sort and then I'll come and you must say you are tired and must sit down.'

After saying these Catherine hurried into the Ball room leaving her surprised sister in the hall, laughing loudly.

After some minutes Mary dared enter as well, but regretted instantly, when she found herself crushed by dozens of ladies and gentlemen she had never met.

How in the world…I thought we must be one of the firsts to come…

She tried to count the carriages that might have arrived, but she lost track as she couldn't possibly imagine there being enough room for so many people.

Mary tried to squirm herself through the crowd, but found it half impossible, until she discovered most people had just arrived and were trapped in one part of the room, not advancing at all.

At length, she found herself free from the madness and hurried towards a chair. Most of them were occupied. There was however a free place next to her mother but she had no dying wish to sit there.

Instead she went to see the Bingley family portrait. As she peered at it through the fog of cigar smoke that already emanated around her, she considered that the picture was very plain indeed and rather silly. She discovered what was missing. Jane. Without her the painting looked bland.

'Fascinating likeness, is it not?' Caroline Bingley approached her from a corner of the room.

'Breathtaking…' Mary murmured.

'How are you, Miss Bennet?'

'Quite well, madam, I hope you are well too,' she replied politely.

'I am in a cheerful disposition, thank you.'

'How is it that Mrs. Hurst didn't come to the event?'

'Oh, she could not, the poor soul. She is in Paris with Mr. Hurst on business.'

'I see…' Mary whispered.

'Have you seen my brother? He promised to introduce me to some of his friends and I should like to remind Mr. Darcy that I saved two dances for him.'

But she did not wait for an answer, for having spotted Elizabeth rushed towards her.

'Miss Elizabeth…' she said loudly.

Mary shook her head.

'There you are, come quick, you must see, Lady Catherine has arrived!' Kitty said taking Mary by the hand and leading her through the passage.

They both reached the room where the couples had already formed. The chairs lay in disarray behind and the orchestra had already started playing happily. In front, Jane and Charles were smiling warmly to everyone, welcoming them with the air of a bohemian couple.

Jane was blushing from so many people congratulating her and hoping it would be a strong healthy boy.

Lady Catherine paid no such congratulations however, but simply sat down next to Caroline and Mrs. Bennet, who tried her utmost to please the lady.

Mary looked around the room to try and find Colonel Fitzwilliam, but instead she noticed a tall figure near the orchestra. The gentleman had such deep green eyes that she had to look away. Nevertheless, she couldn't help looking again and noticed him glancing proudly at her as he arranged his waistcoat.

Mary did not much notice his lavishing appearance, but only focused on that sharp physiognomy.

'Kitty, isn't that the gentleman who…' but when she turned Kitty wasn't by her side.

'Kitty, where have you gone?' she asked aloud.

But upon looking at the couples dancing, she noticed one pair consisting of her sister and Mr. Prowler. He had already swept her away.

Mary decided to keep a close watch on her sister, not trusting Mr. Prowler as much as she could trust a possible suitor.

She walked about the room, following the couples across the floor and smiling whenever her sister burst into a fit of laughter.

However, when she looked back at the orchestra the gentleman was gone. As she passed a servant, she took a glass of wine from his tray and kept walking silently.

Suddenly she saw the man entering the passage into the small room with card tables and thus she hurried into his direction. She knew not what she was doing, but knew she had to find out who he was.

She saw him sit at a table with a couple of gentlemen and two ladies. He seemed to have an instant effect upon the women as he started chatting with them as if he were discussing important state affairs, yet the ladies seemed fully engrossed.

Mary turned to leave, but at that moment she met Elizabeth who was walking with Jane about the room.

'Oh, there is Mr. Fowler, Lizzie, the man I wanted to acquaint you with. You'll find him a most interesting character,' Jane said drawing her towards the gentleman's table.

'Mary, come along,' Lizzie said cheerfully, taking her sister's hand. Thus Mary found herself in a most embarrassing position as she went with her sisters to Mr. Fowler's table.

So it was he…Mr. Fowler that day…she thought.

Mr. Fowler got up to meet the ladies and kissed Mrs. Bingley's hand in a respectful way.

'This is Mrs. Darcy, my sister,' she replied.

'Oh, I have heard of the Pemberley estate acquiring a mistress. We are to be neighbours, Mrs. Darcy,' he said in reserved tones.

'Thank you Sir, I look forwards to it. This is one of my sisters, Mary Bennet,' she said as Mary stepped aside to smooth out her dress.

'Miss Bennet,' he bowed and kissed her hand.

She bowed as well and remained silent.

As they sat down the ladies went away leaving room for Jane and Lizzie to sit next to Mr. Fowler as Mary sat at the opposite end of the table placing the cards into decks.

A conversation soon ensued and the gentlemen started debating on the subject of Adam Smith's The Theory of Moral Sentiments.

'David Hume was his inspiration…that is how he divided the moral systems,' one gentleman was saying.

'David Hume? I shouldn't think so…' Lizzie laughed.

'Actually, Smith followed the views of Francis Hutcheson, his mentor, who divided moral philosophy into four parts: Ethics and Virtue, Private Rights and Natural liberty, Family rights and State and Individual Rights. Though, he didn't agree with his teacher's idea of the sixth sense when it came to morality,' Mary suddenly spoke up in grave tones.

When she stopped everyone looked at her at a loss for words. Mr. Fowler, who had wanted to correct the gentleman himself, closed his mouth and smiled warmly at her.

'May I have a dance with you, Miss Bennet?' he asked out of the blue.

Mary looked up and without thinking agreed to take a turn with him. They both got up mechanically and started walking towards the couples who were aligning for a new dance.

They faced each other, Mary looking confused, the gentleman eyeing her shrewdly as the music started and they began moving to the sound of it.

Some minutes passed in silence as they danced stiffly, before Mr. Fowler noticed she was not indeed a professed dancer.

'I admit I could never dance very well…I might have other attributes, but not this one,' she said sadly.

'I find that quite charming, Miss Bennet,' he replied slowly, smirking at her. 'Honesty is the best policy.'

'Indeed, though no one undertakes it…'

He chuckled. 'Would you be an exception?'

She smiled uncertain of what to say and turned to catch his hand. Kitty noticed her from the crowd as she danced with James and laughed bitterly thinking it was the Colonel, but upon seeing Mr. Fowler stopped dead and dragged James towards them, interrupting other couples and trying to reach them while fighting the sea of people.

'Mary, who are you dancing with?' she asked sweetly, eyeing the gentleman.

'This is…' Mary started.

'Mr. Fowler,' he bowed politely.

'Oh, Mr. Fowler, I am Kitty Bennet, we have heard so much of you…' she said curtseying.

'I doubt it, since not even Lady Catherine herself can give a clear account about me,' he said smiling cynically.

'This is James Prowler, a lawyer from London,' Kitty said not knowing what to add.

Both gentlemen nodded to each other.

'It is true what they say…the Bennet family is full of charming ladies,' Mr. Fowler added eyeing Kitty. She blushed deeply and James frowned as he looked at Mary accusingly and grasped Kitty's hand.

'Yes and they do have a knack for bewitching men too,' Mr. Prowler replied.

'Perhaps not always the appropriate ones,' Mary replied herself.

'That is their fault only,' added Mr. Fowler.

A tensed silence passed as couples surrounded them dancing.

Mr. Fowler kissed Mary's hand and bowed politely to the other couple as he made his sudden exit from the Ball room.

Mary was left in the middle of the youths, looking at the chandelier lost in thought.

The moment he was gone Kitty burst into a fit of anger, proclaiming that he had been a most impolite and insolent man.

'He paid no appropriate attentions to me…and he left Mary just like that,' she added at length.

James tried to calm her but she went on.

'Oh and he is so terribly old! He looks fifty indeed…pshaw!'

'Well, perhaps only this way can he reach the expectations of Miss Bennet,' he said as he took the hand of his partner and led her across the room.

'Where has Mr. Fowler gone to?' Jane asked Mary as she came to her with Lizzie and Charlotte, who had just arrived.

'He left,' she said turning and walking out of the Ball room, to the surprise of her sisters.

Mary walked across the Hall pondering on what had happened, but she could not tell how she felt about Mr. Fowler, only that she was fascinated by his person.

Mr. Prowler and Kitty had perhaps ruined her chance of finding out more about him, but she told herself she felt nothing inclined to an attachment towards the man.

It was then she remembered Colonel Fitzwilliam.

With great mortification she closed the door of her room and flung herself on the bed, thinking that she had probably neglected the Colonel's presence all night since she had not seen him.

However, one of the maids brought a new stack of sheets and a letter for "Miss Bennet" from the Colonel.

She immediately opened it and read the few lines it contained.

"…Could not attend the happy event because of a sudden cold I caught on the unfortunate windy day when we had our lovely drive…" she read from the paper.

She sighed and placed the letter on Kitty's bed so she might see it when she came to bed.

Refusing to think more about Mr. Fowler she made her bed and fell asleep.