Chapter 31

Dr. Johnson and I are sitting in Carlisle's office. We've just started the latest session…which is basically just each of us sitting and talking with him for a little while. "Last time we spoke…" He starts. "…you told me the worst and best days of your life. You don't have to go into detail on those, but this time I want you to tell me about the day you and Jacob found the items under your floorboards…"

"What, like, go through that whole day?" I ask.

"If you wouldn't mind…?" He says.

I close my eyes and slowly relive that day…My eyes had opened to see another day just like the one a year before. It was the 1 year anniversary of the worst night of my life. I glanced at my calendar and used a red magic marker to fill the square before calling out to see if my dad was around.

"Uhm…ok…well, I woke up and looked to see if Charlie was around, but he'd already gone to work." I pause to glance over at him.

He nods encouragingly.

I go on. "I'd been dating Jake for about a month and I knew he would be on patrol until after lunch time, so I dilly-dallied around the house…watching TV and getting boxes into my room and waiting for Jake to join me. He'd promised to help me pack some stuff for college."

"But this was 3 weeks into the semester. Why were you so late in moving?" The doctor asks.

I smirk. "Well, most of my things were in the dorm by then so it was really just the sentimental stuff I wanted with me, that we were packing…pictures and the like."

"I see, go on…"

"Jacob wasn't due for a while, so I made myself a sandwich and took a short walk into the forest after eating. I knew the moment I came to the spot. I felt… some-thing like a connection... to my past. I took a few more steps and stood in the spot where he had looked at me…" I trail off making sure to breathe.

A tear of sadness and longing ran down my cheek as I stood in the exact spot where the love of my life had left me. I resolved that every year I would come to that spot, on that date. I found that year difficult…I was going to classes at the University of Washington and I was home packing some of my things for the move to the dorm.

"I don't know how long I stood there, but I heard Jake call out to me. I knew should answer…but I didn't want to…I texted him instead to meet me at Charlie's house. I just needed another moment there alone with the memory of Edward. The connection intensified as a ray of sunshine broke through clouds to land on my face." I narrate what I'm seeing in my mind's eye. "After that, I walked back the same way I came. I stepped out of the forest into the back yard and took a deep breath before walking into the house because I knew my boyfriend was waiting for me and would probably ask questions…I tried to distract him. I thanked him for being sweet enough to help me finish packing and invited him upstairs. As soon as we got to my bedroom, he started asking me why I was doing this to myself…and why I'd want to remember that horrible day…"

"What did you say to him, Bella?"

"I sighed and said that he would never understand." I look into Dr. Johnson's eyes. "No matter what anyone said…even after a whole year of not having any contact with any of the Cullens…I couldn't believe that Edward would just walk away. It just didn't make sense…He told me that I was his life and I couldn't shake the feeling that he'd lied to me. Jake just shrugged and started shifting some of the stuff near my closet. I moved to help him, but tripped over the loose floorboard."

"That's when you found the gifts…" He states.

I nod. "Jake noticed that something was under it and made me sit on the bed. He then brought the items to me one at a time…the homemade CD has all of the music Edward ever played for me…and the thin white box held tickets for me and Edward to visit my mom in Florida…the envelope…that held all the pictures I had of him and his family members with me…and that's when I knew he'd left out of a misguided sense of protectiveness. I smiled and tears ran down my face as I yelled that Edward Cullen still loved me. That thought alone was enough to bring me back to reality. I knew he'd never come back to me, but I might come across him or one of the Cullens one day. I could tell him or them that I knew he had lied to me… I could tell him or them that I still loved him the whole time, too."

"How did Jacob react to this revelation?"

"He looked stressed and panicky. I realized then that I'd made a mistake, so I tried to explain. I said that a girl just never forgets her first love and just because I loved him first doesn't mean I'd love Jake less…I wanted him to know, that I knew that if and when he imprinted…which he did…on Valerie…he would still love me…in a different way but not less. He just nodded his head and kept packing."

"What happened after that, Bella?"

"He became very distant for a while but by dinner-time, he was his normal peppy self. When he dropped me off at the dorm that night, I kissed him and then fell asleep feeling truly safe for the first time in a year."

He wrote something on his notepad and then looked up at me. "How did the relationship with Jacob go from then on?"

I sigh. "Slowly…and it was a good thing, because I'd been hurt and needed time. A vampire named Laurent tried to get me about 3 months before the day I found the gifts, and when Jake and his pack saved me, I kind of latched on to them for protection. So that's how we became more than just friends. Living in Seattle was nice but I kept to myself mostly until Jake got accepted. He was 2 years behind me in school, so I had moved out of the dorms by the time he moved into them. I thought I'd healed but when Jake asked me to marry him after almost 3 years of dating, I still wished it were Edward. I stayed in Seattle for his last 2 years and then we moved into a little house near Billy's property in LaPush."

"…And when did you get married?"

"Just before his last year of school began, we married and he moved into my apartment. It was a lovely ceremony, but I still wished for Edward… After a while, probably around our second anniversary, our parents wondered whether we would give them any grandchildren. I kept saying 'what if he imprints away from me' and 'if he leaves me, I'll be lost'. They didn't understand. So one day I said to my mother, 'I don't want to screw up someone else's life like I screwed up my own' and she hugged me and let Jacob try to convince me that we wouldn't screw up and we were ready…Just before our next anniversary, I had missed my…that time of the month and we made the announcement."

"So you didn't really want a child at that point?"

"No, but I knew that Jake imprinting might never happen and I wasn't getting any younger so if I wanted kids at all I should do it with the man I loved right now. I couldn't wait around for conditions that might never happen." I say sadly.

"So you announced the pregnancy and then what happened?"

"I was about two months along when Victoria showed up. She was the mate of the one who'd tried to kill me in Phoenix. She kidnapped me one day after a visit with Charlie. She beat me up pretty badly and by the time Jake and the pack found us and killed her… I was nearly comatose." I feel the tears start to run down my face and take a tissue from the box on the desk. "I lost the baby…and was told that it would be a miracle if I ever got pregnant again…"

"How did you handle that news?"

"Well, I thought I'd be ok, but a week after that, Jake's sister came for a visit and she brought a friend from college…Valerie…Jake was one of the few in his pack that had yet to imprint. He took one look at her and I saw it happen. Right in front of me, he literally dropped to his knees with a shocked look on his face. I was very surprised, to say the least, but I wasn't angry. After a wonderful 3 years of being married, I just couldn't find it in my heart to be mad that he found the love of his life. I simply took my wedding ring off and went looking for my old high school friend, Tyler. His dad is a lawyer."

"So, you got a divorce and set Jacob free to follow his imprint… That's very unselfish of you."

"He means a lot to me…He was my best friend and I loved him. The divorce took a year to finalize, during which I reverted to my crying, moping self…I even had abandonment nightmares again… but it went through amicably. Anyway, about a year ago now, I got the call from the dean of Dartmouth asking if I would like to teach a creative writing course at an Ivy League school far away from all the memories of lives I didn't get to live. He didn't phrase it that way, of course, but my heart heard it the way it wanted to. I said yes instantly, and whole semester after that the Cullens reentered my life. I've never been happier to see anyone than I was that day to see Alice and Jasper sitting in my classroom."

"Wow, that's some life you've lived, Bella. How did Jacob take the news that the Cullens were back in your neck of the woods?"

"Nice choice of words…Jake still looks out for me and I still care about him, but his love for me is now supposed to be more brotherly. Instead of being the loving, supportive husband…or even ex-husband…he tried to become the brother I never had."

"How do you mean?"

"Valerie talked him into helping me get Edward back. In the end, Jacob had to pound Edward's face to make him see all I wanted and needed was him, but he's become very jealous of Edward having me. When I told him I want a child with Edward, he sounded very sad and even a little bitter… Uhmmm, Dr. Johnson, how is this helping Jake? I don't mean to sound unhelpful or anything, but I don't really see how you hearing my life story is going to help him?"

"Well, Bella, I needed to see the connection between you and Jacob and Edward and Valerie to be able to tell all of you as well as the elders what I think is happening with him. That's why I met with all 4 of you."

"…And you'll be able to tell us that soon?" I ask.

"I'm pretty sure I can tell you that now, but the Elders want everyone to find out at once. So they will call you when they set up a meeting. There's one more thing that I'd like to ask you, Bella… Edward showed me the photos. I can see how deeply you love them. In the picture from your wedding to Jacob, you looked a mostly happy but still a little sad; while on the porch with Edward you looked radiant. Why do you think that is?"

"Well, doctor, I think it's because I knew from the very bottom of my heart that Jake wasn't the one I was meant to be with. From the moment I met Edward…I knew he was my destiny."

Hours later, we stand in the LaPush community meeting hall. Old Quil and the council of Elders sit at a large table and they call Dr. Johnson up to tell us what's going on.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my professional opinion that while Jacob Black has made a full imprint upon Ms. Valerie Kentish, there was a partial imprint on Ms. Bella Swan. Maybe it was due to her status as a danger-magnet, but it may also have to do with her very close relationship with the Black family. I recommend that he keeps in close contact with her and sees her every few months. He needs to know she's happy and safe for his own well-being. As far as the jealousy goes, I'm sorry but I don't know what could lessen that. Perhaps when he and Valerie have married and begun their family, things could be better. I noticed while I spoke to Jacob, before Bella got to Forks, that when he got letters as to her welfare he seemed to be less stressed but he was not acting jealous when he read of her quest to become pregnant."

I look over at Jake. "…A partial imprint…wow…I can't believe we never thought of something like that…but it does make sense."

He nods thoughtfully.

Dr. Johnson turns to me. "Bella, I think you should know that your connection to Edward sounds like Jake's description of his imprint to Valerie. If you were a Quileute, I'd say that you'd imprinted on Edward. As for your pursuit of having children, I've known women who have tried and tried to get pregnant and failed time after time, only to give up and finally relax. Once they didn't try so hard, they found themselves blessed with a miracle. So, my advice to you, is relax and enjoy being with the love of your life and the family you've been missing for the past 9 years. Make the most of your time."

Jake comes over and hugs me. "Well, Bells, I guess I'll be seeing you every few months during your newborn year. I'll make sure to bring Valerie and that way she'll see the world along with us…"

"Partial imprint…wow, but that's good. This means that when I'm gone Jake will still have someone who cares about him. You'll have to see him every few months forever." Valerie says softly.

Jacob turns to face her. "I'll stop phasing after a while, Babe. I'll grow old with you. I don't want to outlive you and our kids. I don't want to live forever. Bella will remember me and she'll keep in touch with our kids…that's all I'll ever ask of her when I finally stop phasing." He stops talking and takes my face in his hands. "Bells, would you do that for me? Would you keep in touch with our kids and grandkids and so on…for as long as you stay on this earth?"

I feel tears prick my eyes as I nod frantically. Turning to Edward, I say, "It's the least we can do…He's done so much for me…"

Edward's arms close around me as I hear him agree. "We will, love, I promise you we'll keep the Black family in our hearts and our memories…For now, though, I think we'll take a week off from them and come back in time for a little sight-seeing before their wedding. I want to be alone with you for a bit."

I smile and nod. "Ok, Edward…"

AN: Next chapter will fast forward to Jacob and Valerie's wedding, and then to her birthday and the anniversary of Edward's leaving. Christmas will be next and then New Years. I promise to cover her change and any other major developments. I'll update soon.