Sorry that these are so weird but they are a mixture of friends stories and a very weird imagination.
Chapter 10 Dude where's my laptop?
It was a beautiful morning. The birds were singing; the grass was green and still wet with dew; the sky was the kind of blue that can usually only be found in an artists water colour box.
Kenny stretched out his small arms and brushed a butterfly from his sun warmed and contented face.
"Hmmmn" he purred happily running his hand along the crisp ground.
"Hmn?" he squeaked panicked and began to grope around him. "Grass?"
Kenny froze and listened he could hear a bee? He sat up quickly letting out an anguished scream at the sharp stabbing pain that had leapt into his head and proceeded to drop kick his brain.
He opened his eyes (not that anyone would have noticed) rubbed them, stared and then rubbed them again.
"I'm in a field." his voice was a lot less high pitched. "I can deal with this. I'm in a field…WAIT HOW DID I END UP IN A FIELD?" There was a moments pause. "AND WHERE'S MY LAPTOP?" The panic was back.
He heard the high pitched laughing coming from across the grass, "Don't I go to a boys college?" he asked him self distractedly as he frantically searched the grass. He began to crawl around, stopped, then stared and then poked his leg. "AND WHERE ARE M CLOTHES?"
"OH MY GOD!" screamed one of the nearing girls and Kenny had to make a split second decision; he could cut his loses and come back to search for his laptop when he had clothes or he could carry on searching naked and hope that he wouldn't be arrested.
He was about to carry on looking (He loved his laptop ok, it was like family to him. Do you give up looking for your brother just because you're flashing strangers? What if his laptop was hurt? Or lonely?…or…anyway moving on…) When he noticed several suited men being cheered on by the girls and coming his way.
Nothing to do about it but run.
While he was running Kenny gradually began to realise his surroundings. He was at the girls college near the other side of town. He hoped he had lost his clothes at this college because he did not even want to entertain the idea of crossing town naked.
An idea formed in his half panicked very confused mind. It was one word 'Hilary'.
A girls bedroom somewhere on campus…
"And then do you know what he did?" asked Hilary angrily shoving a piece of dairy milk into her mouth.
"What?" asked Julia bored as she searched for the large shirt she'd stolen off her brother.
"HE said 'Sorry Hilary it's an all boys college and even if girls could go, which I am sure they can't, it's not your kind of party. It's too fun for you.' TOO FUN FOR ME!" she shouted crushing the chocolate bar between her fingers.
"Well I wasn't invited either and I don't care. It's not like any of the men there would be any good to either of us."
"What do you mean?" asked Hilary transfixed by Julia's strange tone.
"Well…" started Julia throwing down the newly found shirt and turning towards Hilary with a sly half smile on her lips. "From what I hear…"
She was interrupted by a knock on the door.
Hilary got up annoyed and ready to shout at whoever was there when she opened the door to a very naked and very red Kenny.
"Kenny?" she asked but was cut off from any further questions by Kenny pushing past her and slamming the door.
"HIDE ME!" he cried jumping behind the bed, "SECURITY WILL BE HER ANY MINUTE!"
They waited and waited and waited. The two girls were too shocked to say anything (wouldn't you be, c'mon it's Kenny) and Kenny convinced that any minute security was going to burst in and drag him off to jail.
Finally Julia broke the silence with a loud "Aww!" followed by, "Look Kenny's got a full body blush."
Hilary's mouth fell open and she turned to look at Julia like she was mad "What?"
"Four rosy cheeks" she explained wickedly as she watched Kenny's body changed like a colour chart getting redder with every second.
Hilary blushed and threw a discarded shirt at Kenny "Put something on!" she ordered.
"So Kenny" asked Julia after a moment "What brings you naked to an all girl's college? Oh no wait don't answer, I get it, you were in bed with some girl right and her boyfriend caught you, got all jealous and threatened to kill you. Right?"
"No I…" Kenny paused he was still not sure what had happened. "I …"
"Kenny don't be stupid what were you doing?" asked Hilary slightly affronted that even Kenny probably had more fun than her.
"I don't remember. The last thing that I remember is being back at Kai's place…" Kenny stopped.
"And what were you doing…were you naked?" asked Julia interested in how Kenny was seduced to the dark side.
"No! not then. We were…it was a small gathering…"
"Translation: a party that we weren't invited to" said Julia helpfully.
"No the last thing I remember is Max juggling alcopops and…"
"And?" asked Hilary.
"And nothing. It's all blank."
Later after they had combed the grounds for Kenny's clothes (They found his trousers stuck in the barbwire on top of a fence and his shirt was found on top of a rabbit hutch in a near-by neighbours garden) and his laptop (still unaccounted for). In the end they decided to make the long journey back to the boys college to investigate.
Kenny, Julia and Hilary stood in front of the college in deep thought.
"And you're sure that they won't mind us coming here?" asked Julia smirking.
"Girls are allowed in campus you know." snapped Kenny nervous.
"They are?" Hilary growled. "Tyson will die."
Kenny cringed a little and led them towards the door which promptly hit him in the face as Max and Wyatt made there way out.
"Hey Kenny you alright?" asked Wyatt leaning over him.
Kenny nodded holding his nose, "I'm fine."
"Oh hey chief." said Max finally seeing him, "What you and the girls doing?"
"Oh nothing just hanging out" Hilary lied determined to get into the college and kill Tyson.
"Cool. And why is Kenny wearing girls clothes?" Max's voice was so light that Kenny barely blushed.
"Oh I ripped his clothes off him last night." laughed Julia evilly.
"Oh so that's where you went. Cool, well Wyatt and I have got to go shopping. See you later."
Kenny just waved stupidly as Max and Kenny left.
"That was easy." shrugged Julia, "What the hell do you usually get up to that makes this seem normal?"
"Not me! But the guys get a little crazy. And why is Hilary muttering to herself about Tyson."
"It's probably best not to go into that." shrugged Julia.
In the courtyard of the campus apartments…
"So where does Tyson live?" asked Hilary rubbing her hands together forcefully with a strange gleam in her eye.
"4B that block" pointed Kenny scared.
Hilary ran off without even saying bye. Seconds later screaming was heard, girly screaming in a mans voice (well Tyson's voice).
That left just Julia and Kenny.
"Well let's try Kai's place then if that's your last memory."
"Ok" agreed Kenny reluctantly hoping that there were no orgies or parties taking place.
Inside Kai's apartment…
It was Rei who answered the door, he looked Kenny up and down but said nothing. He nodded his head at Julia and raised a finger to his lips to shush them. "Don't speak to loud you'll disturb them." he whispered.
"Are they asleep?" Julia whispered back.
"No they're…calm. Come and see." he whispered pointing towards the kitchen door.
They peeked through the door to see a rather sweet moment. Kai was sitting in a plastic chair playing solitaire with some porn cards his reading glasses low on his nose and his flat hair done up in bunches, while Bryan was reading Watership Down and tapping his fingers in time with the radio.
They moved back out into the hall again smiling.
"That's so sweet." said Julia her grin almost bigger than her face, "Almost sickeningly so. Completely different from the way I've heard those two act."
"Rei have you seen my laptop?" asked Kenny trying to change the subject.
"No man you left with it last night. Have you lost it?"
Kenny nodded.
"Did you check Tyson's place? You let with him and Raul. Tala stayed for you know, the after party."
"After party?" asked Julia.
"Well lets go find Tyson. I think that I heard him screaming in pain earlier."
"Well cool are you coming back for the game later?" asked Rei politely.
"No strip twister is not my game." answered Kenny pushing Julia towards the door..
"See you later chief." Rei called after him quietly.
8
Tyson's apartment…
Tala answered the door and laughed "Kinky Kenny" he laughed, "If you're here to see Tyson then you're out of luck. I think that Hilary killed him."
Kenny nodded and walked past Tala into the flat. "You know Julia." he muttered.
"Do I?" asked Tala looking at her strangely.
"Yes you and Kai fought her and her brother in the world championships a couple of years ago."
"Oh you look a lot less colourful. Do you want me to get your brother?"
"No. I want to see what Hilary did to Tyson."
"Oh it's not pretty." laughed Tala, "This way."
Tyson looked awful his body flopped on the floor, his face a frozen mask of horror and pain.
"Tyson where is my laptop?" asked Kenny stepping over him.
Tyson's hand raised and pointed towards the desk where Kenny's laptop lay closed and in one piece.
"My love" called Kenny throwing himself towards it in slow motion. "My soul."
Julia looked at Tala and shrugged. "So I hear that there are orgies…"
Later that night Kenny sat alone in his room he had put off opening his laptop all day as he had enjoyed a long period of sleeping in his own bed and wearing his own clothes.
He sighed and opened it happily turning the power on and waiting. The screen loaded and he entered his password when the whole screen freaked out and filled with pop-ups. That was when it all became clear, Tyson had used his laptop to download porn. The laptop had more viruses than a prostitute in Ibiza.
Kenny screamed.