Act I, Scene ii
Enter Caesar with Marc Antony, Calpurnia, and Brutus, as they come into a crowded scene. Antony is smoking a cigarette, his tenth that hour, and Brutus is scolding him about how bad that is for him.
Caesar: Caesar is glad to be here at this event. Caesar also wishes that Antony will touch his wife so that she will be able to have baybayz.
Antony: 8D
Caesar: Caesar does not mean in that way.
Antony: D8 I guess I'll try, Caes- -coughing fit-
Caesar: Caesar is not very assured by your coughing. Perhaps Caesar should consider getting someone else to run and touch his wife, so that she may have a-baybay.
Antony: I'll do it. I swear. And I'll run and I'll- -coughing fit-
Caesar: He is still not very sure...
Calpurnia: Just let him...
Pleased with Calpurnia's settlement, Caesar orders Antony to get ready for the race. Calpurnia, Caesar, and Antony start walking that way, when some old idiot runs in.
Soothsayer: Beware the Ides of March!
Caesar: WTF was that, Caesar wondered all of a sudden!
Soothsayer: Beware the Ides of March! Beware the Ides of March! Beware the Ides of Mar-
The Soothsayer is trampled by a herd of buffalo, led by the Great Pointy-Footed Buffalo of D00m. He tragically dies, the true hero of this tale.
Caesar: ... o.o Caesar is shocked by these strange events. He thinks we should move on.
Brutus: I'll wait here, Caesar-man. I'll catch up.
Enter Cassius, some low-down dirty punk.
Cassius: Brutus! My good, good friend!
Brutus: -unenthusiastically- Cassius. My man.
Cassius: Why do you not respond to me as lovingly as you once did? Aye, Cassius knows that Brutus doth not love him...
Brutus: That's kinda what I've been trying to get everyone believe, man. I don't love you in that way. So stop. Saying. It.
Cassius: But it is a common Roman trend!
Brutus: A very gay one.
Cassius: Happy indeed!
Brutus: -.-' Why don't you just... scurry away?
Cassius: I wanted to talk to you. Come, let us discuss things in the 'Door That Swingeth the Other Way'.
Brutus: -very shocked look- Dude, that's a gay bar!
Cassius: Hm, that explains why they're so nice to me in there... ANYWAY. I was wanting to discuss with you about Caesar.
Brutus: No, I will not, never, ever, neverevernevernever...
Cassius: o.o No. Not that. Don't you think he is a tad... ambitious?
Brutus: ... Go on.
Cassius: He is a powerful man, full of ambition. -dramatic pause- LET'S KILL HIM!
Brutus: LYK YAH WAI!!!!
Cassius: CHEYAH!!!
Brutus: O RLY?/??
Cassius: YA RLY!111
Brutus: Why is it that in every one of these there's an 'O RLY YA RLY' talk?
Cassius: Because the author is a fool.
Erilis: I resent that.
Brutus: Anyhoo, we're on for the Ides of March?
Cassius: It's a date, Brutus. ;D
Brutus: -shivers, walks away-
Exeunt.
Erilis: Hey, I made an appearance in this.
Diego: Whoop-de-doo. Read and Reveiw.
Erilis: ZOMG THAT RHYMES.