Act I, Scene iii
Setting is a stormy street. Thunder and lightning. So much, in fact, that every now and then lightning strikes and makes a part of that sidewalk asplode. Someone's head asplodes too. Enter Cicero and Casca.
Cicero: Yo, Casca, whut up mah dawg?
Casca: Aw, I ain't be havin' such a good ol' time Ciccy mah man.
Cicero: Whut be da crazeh turkeh, Cassie?
Casca: You know the light be makin' it all lit up and crackas heads be up asplodin' while they're a-movin' their white feet up dis here sidewalk 'n the whole world just bein' crazeh. Da gods be crankin' all up in da joint makin' bruthas poppa caps in ya.
Cicero: Ya know it.
Enter Cassius, who doesn't speak jive, and is totally lost. He narrowly avoids a bolt of lightning, and does so by jumping rather girlishly into Casca's arms. He giggles a little, and is dropped.
Casca: Hey, Cassius, what be goin' up in y'all's cracka joint?
Cassius: Hello there, Jive Brethren! Might I interest you in a murder conspiracy?
Cicero: Man, I ain't playin' my deck without knowin' what be da crazeh turkeh, Cassie.
Casca: Crazeh turkeh done stumped me too, Ciccy.
Cicero: Man, I wouldn't blowin' yo' way.
Casca: Well, you sho' bein' like it.
Cassius: Now then, men, I'm sure we can all agree that there are plenty of spots you can fill by yourselves! Why, I've already invited Brutus into our little 'game' we're going to play with Caesar. ... Caesar, that vile man, whose name is held higher than ours just because it is - gasp - his! O, cruel fate, dealing us all poor hands. Why, just last year I beat him in a swimming race-
Casca: Nawww, we ain't wantin' ta let dat turkeh come in our ears, man. Keep ya door closed.
Cassius: I was just talking about how he nearly drowned in the River Tiber...
Cicero: Yeah, y'all's talkin' 'bout da funky pants dance, fo' sho'.
Cassius suddenly grabs Cicero by the collar, nearly throttling him for his vile remarks. Obviously he has no idea what the Senator really meant; he's just taking a rough guess.
Cassius: Now you listen here, Ciccy. My pants are very well ironed, thank you, I press and crease them myself every evening before I go to bed! I wear the same pair! Same pair!
Casca/Cicero: o.o
Casca: Uh... ya talkin' bull?
Cicero: Same?
Cassius: I talk no bull! Same pants! Same fold, same crease! SAMEFLIPPINPANTS.
Cicero: Hey, hey, hey, I'll come wi'ya on dat mackdaddyquest.
Casca: Fo'shizzle. Now where da Narnia at?
Cassius: ... What does that mean?
Casca: Where da Narnia at? Where da peeps at?
Cassius: Oh, they're here. See? They're pink bunnies and yellow chicks!
Cassius holds up a little box of Peeps; for a moment both Casca and Cicero stare into the pits of darkness that are Peeps' pupilless eyes, before they finally force Cassius to take them away.
Cicero: Man, el diablo be in dat joint!
Casca: Ain't neva seen nuthin' blackah!
Cicero: 'Cept fo' yo' sistah.
Casca: Fo' shizzle.
Cassius: Fo' shizzlerizzledizzledawg. Yo E-to-the-Vizzle, I-to-the-Lizzle.
After a long period of just standing and staring at Cassius, he finally starts walking on, and Casca and Cicero continue walking. Somewhere down the road, a bolt of lightning strikes Cassius and turns him into MC Hammer. Stop. Stand, for it is HAMMAHTIME!
Entire Cast of play: -comes out to dance with MC Hammer-
Caesar: Caesar can touch dis!
Marc Antony: Antony can't! -passes out from lack of oxygen-
Exeunt.
Erilis: I know, been a while since I updated, and it's not a great update. Sorry.
Diego: Just read and review.