Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

The Places to Love

Chapter Three

Holding the envelope in one hand, she let the other letters fall to the table. She suddenly felt as if all the strength had drained out of her body and she sunk into the nearest chair, staring at the handwriting that she hadn't seen in years. It was his father's handwriting, strong and sloping. He was his father's son. Closing her eyes she imagined him, muscular and lean standing before her. His eyes were blue when he was little, not brown like his father's and she couldn't help but wonder if that had changed. Piercing blue eyes that could look into your very soul.

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, looking up now at the return address. Colorado Springs – her heart skipped a beat. He was so close, her son – her baby boy was so close. The thought of seeing him, of hugging him again overcame her and she found that she couldn't make her fingers open the letter for fear that he wouldn't want to see her. Setting it carefully in her lap, she looked up at the clock and tried to calm her heart beat. Max wouldn't be home for another few hours but if it was bad news she would need his support.

"I hate this," she whispered to herself. The desire to know fighting with the fear of rejection inside of her. Again she picked up the envelope and turned it over in her hands, letting her mind run wild. Was he married? Would she have grandchildren? An artist like his father? There was only one way to know and with curiosity overpowering her she ripped at the envelope. Two sheets with the same sloping handwriting tumbled out and she found herself smiling even though she knew there was no reason yet for happiness.

Unfolding the pages, she closed her eyes and calmed herself momentarily praying that this was good news. When she opened her eyes, she read…

There is no greeting because I am not sure how to begin. I know you are my mother but you have been out of my life for so long that it seems odd to use that word but your first name seems too distant. I was surprised to get your letter. I'm sorry it's taken me a while to respond but to be honest I wasn't sure I wanted anything to do with you. Things in my own life have changed recently and I realized that I need to heal the past as much as trying to run from it. As my wife reminded me, we all need second chances sometimes.

Yes I am married. Her name is Michaela and she is the love of my life. There is so much to tell that I don't know where to begin. Perhaps some things will be better said in person anyway. I have so many questions for you, things I really want to know. I never stopped believing you would come back for me. And when you didn't, it was easier to tell myself you were dead just like my father. I've lived believing that for years so as you can imagine your letter was quite a shock for me.

I don't know if I want you as part of my life again but I am willing to give it a shot, if you are. I've included my phone number at the bottom of this letter and when you are ready to talk give me a call. Figure we should start off slow at first.

Sully

Her eyes settled on the numbers as a smile slowly formed on her lips. Immediately she went to the phone and dialed the number, euphoria rather than clear thinking carrying her along. Voicemail picked up and she heard the voice of a young woman, confident and clear with a slight hint of laughter. And then she heard her son's voice and she realized they were newlyweds- only now beginning a life together. At the beep she hung up, too much in shock to actually say anything.

"It's a beginning," she whispered pressing the letter to her heart with hopes of what could be.

"Sully." Slowly he blinked his way to consciousness, cognizant only that Michaela was speaking.

"What time is it?" he asked wiping the sleep out of his eyes. "Did ya get called in to the hospital?"

"No," she said rather forlornly. "I've just called Cassie. She'll meet us there… I think… I think I'm losing the baby."

Sully sat up abruptly. "Michaela?" He could see a dark area on her side of the bed sheets and it frightened him. "Oh God, Michaela." As he reached out for her, she moved away, gripping her abdomen tightly as a new wave of pain hit her. "'Chalea?"

"I'm alright Sully. I just think it's best if we go to the hospital."

Still disoriented, Sully tried to understand what was happening. "You're bleeding?"

Michaela nodded, her eyes clouding over for a minute as she let the objective side of her fall away. "I don't know when it started but its heavy and the pain…" Her voice trailed off unable to speak the horrible truth of what was happening to her once more. Sully tried to pull her into his embrace but Michaela moved away again. "We need to go."

Slightly hurt Sully rose from the bed and hastily pulled on jeans and a tee shirt. Michaela was already dressed, agony plain to see on her face. Whereas a few minutes ago she'd pushed him away now she clung to him as he moved towards the door. Sully lifted her into his arms. "Hold tight, I ain't gonna let anything happen to ya," he whispered against her ear.

The next two hours were full of a lot of waiting which only made their anxiety worse. Sully could see that Michaela was in a great deal of pain and he wondered why Cassie did nothing for it as she continued her examination. Really Sully knew better than to complain – Cassie had arrived before then and cleared a bed for her right away. As she worked, she asked questions making little noises in response to Michaela's answers. No spotting before this?"

"No," Michaela whispered as she held tight to Sully's hand. "No cramping either. Just this intense pain that started about an hour ago and then the heavy bleeding."

"The ultra sound technician is on his way down Michaela. I think the pregnancy may be ectopic. That would certainly explain the pain and the bleeding."

Michaela nodded in understanding but the word was foreign to Sully who wasn't sure who to ask. His wife drew up her legs again in pain and for the moment that distracted him. He held tight to her hand, stroking her cheek as she tried to breathe even and deep. Inside their conversation from the day before was playing out. What if Michaela was wrong? What if they had in fact hurt the baby? A surge of guilt swept through him as he looked down at his wife.

"Michaela I'm going to give you something to help you relax and then see if they are ready for us in the ultrasound room." Michaela nodded but then closed her eyes again, trying to block out the reality of what was happening. Logically she knew that early miscarriages were normally a sign that the fetus wasn't viable but the word ectopic panicked Michaela temporarily. What if there was something wrong with her fallopian tubes? What is she'd never be able to naturally conceive a child.

Sully on the other hand watched the doctor's movements and felt relieved when she pushed the clear liquid into Michaela's IV knowing that meant she would get some relief. "I'll be right back," she said quietly and Sully nodded in response moving closer to Michaela as soon as she was gone. He felt so helpless unable to do anything constructive and so he spoke words that he hoped would comfort her.

"I'm here."

Michaela opened her eyes as she let go of his hand. Both of her arms wrapped around his neck as she pulled him towards her. There were no tears but he could feel how she trembled and he knew it wasn't from the pain she was in. "Don't leave me."

"I won't," Sully promised. He held her without speaking for a few minutes before pulling back a little. "What does ectopic mean?"

"Oh Sully, I'm sorry," she whispered. "I forgot."

"It's okay," he assured her.

"It means that the baby is growing in the wrong place. She isn't in my uterus but in my fallopian tube." She closed her eyes as her words made it real for her. "The fact that there wasn't spotting and so much bleeding…. Sully I might need surgery."

Sully felt his heart begin to thump hard within his chest, visions of Abby haunting him once again. "What are ya saying?"

"Don't worry," she tried to assure him, feeling rather unsure herself. "I'm going to be fine."

"Do you want me to call…"

The words had barely left his lips before Michaela was interrupting him. "Don't call anyone Sully… I just need you."

"If anything happens to you…" He couldn't finish the sentence as emotion became too much for him to control.

"Nothing's going to happen to me Sully. You'll see – I'm going to be fine."

The words did little to soothe him as the doctor returned to the room. The next hours were a blur. The pregnancy was confirmed as ectopic and a laproscopic procedure quickly scheduled. Making special provisions for Sully, Cassie let him stay with her even walking to the operating room. It was only as they started the procedure that she had to ask him to leave.

Spending the next time alone was draining. He paced back and forth in the nearly empty waiting room, praying silently to himself. Memories of Abigail and Hannah haunted him and though he'd been assured by Cassie as well as Michaela that the surgery held little risks, he couldn't stop the fear that invaded him. The relief was overwhelming when the doctor came into the waiting room and he instantly hugged her when she smiled.

"Sully she made out wonderfully. The tube was not ruptured and I don't think she'll suffer any permanent damage which will make conceiving in the future easier."

"Can I see her?"

"She's still groggy and I need her to rest." Sully nodded anxiously, simply wanting to see his wife. "If everything goes well she should be able to go home this afternoon but she'll need at least a week to recover."

"Can I see her?"

Cassie laughed. "I'm sorry, Sully. Yes you can see her."

In minutes he was at her side, taking her hand in his. "Sully?"

"I'm here Michaela. I'm here." She rolled towards the sound of his voice slightly as she opened her eyes. Sully leaned over bringing his face only inches from hers. "I'm here."

"We lost our baby," she whispered, tears filling her unique eyes. All pretense was dropped and the true sadness came through for the first time. Sully was scared to hurt her but he felt the urge to take her in his arms. She was so vulnerable, so sad. Before he knew it, his tears were dripping onto her cheeks mixing with her own before running to the pillow below.