The rain lashed down in torrents, Ying gripped the raft until her knuckles turned white. She could see Yun furiously paddling in the water. A small dark haired girl clung to Ying's side. Ying had known it was too early to take Xing Cai in battle. Ying gasped as another wave crashed over them. Ying was thrown across the boat and she heard Cai scream. Cai slipped from her side and as Ying rose frantically up saw Cai being dragged away by the current. Ying let out a heart broken scream and fell to her knees head in hands. Liang put a comforting arm around her shoulder and Ying's tears soaked into his already sodden cloak. The next thing she knew the boat had turned over.

Ying awoke with a start, her heart racing. It took her a moment to remember where she was and where Liang was. And then it came back to her, Yan's injury, the surgery, the herbs…

Ying had thrown Liang from the tent and stayed the night by Yan's bedside. Liang had attempted to apologize but Ying heard none of it. Never before had she been so mad with him, well not for a while. Ying looked into Yan's half opened eyes, he still didn't look great but he was definitely looking better.

Ying rose to her feet feeling strangely woozy, she peeled back the flap of the tent and peered out, the fire was burning out it's last embers. The other Shu generals lay around the fire, their mouths open in sleep, every now and then Ying could almost hear Fei snoring.

Ying decided to head down to the river and wash herself. The river ran right through the trees, forming little waterfalls here and there before it shrank into a tiny trickle, which met the seafront. Ying reached the river feeling unnaturally hot for the cool forest. She stripped off and stepped into the water; though she was alone she couldn't help feeling embarrassed and covered her nudity until she was completely submerged in the water. The cool water soothed her nerves, and she splashed some onto her face. For some reason, the tranquil water reminded her of Cai but only because they were the exact opposite. Cai was hotheaded, loud and generally over the top and Ying loved her like a daughter. And Ying loved feeling as though Cai were her daughter, not just her student, to be able to use her pent up maternal instincts was all Ying could have ever hoped for.

Ying let out a sigh and began to get out and dry herself. Even after the water she felt unnaturally hot. Her throat felt tight and unnaturally runny. Suddenly without warning Ying fell to her knees and began to throw up right into the river. Her naked body heaved and her throat burnt with stomach acid. Tears ran down her face, and then dots appeared in her vision. Ying felt terribly sleepy and like that collapsed by the riverbank.

Ying remembered her child. Though he was never named. The few hours they had together were the best of her life. The tiny baby held onto her thumb as loosely as he did to life. She practically smothered him in love, and whatever the doctors said, she was certain he would survive to continue his fathers legacy. She could clearly remember his eyes, practically as big as his hand two bright vivid blue eyes. She wrapped him in cloth and held him to her breast, but he refused to feed. As though merely to prove a point he refused to drink her milk. A wet nurse wouldn't work either. Ying was fearful he might starve. Of course the little baby died long before he had time to starve. Ying could remember the funeral as well, the tiny toy coffin being lowered into the ground it was like some cruel joke. Like giving a woman what she had always desired only to take it away leaving more misery than before. Sometimes Ying still cried about that baby, Liang had clearly quickly put it to the back of his mind, but Ying could never forget.

Ying awoke with Liang's troubled face above her. Her first thought was of her nakedness but Liang had already pulled her dress across her.

"Ying? What happened?" Liang asked, clearly worried

"Nothing, My lord. Don't worry about me." Ying answered rising shakily to her feet and pushing past Liang. Then as she was about to go she turned back to him.

"Do you ever think about our baby?"

"Baby? What baby?"

"Never mind" Ying averted her eyes from Liang's and hurried away from the river pulling her dress on.

She made straight for Yan's tent and bent down to examine his wound. Without thinking she traced a line along the stitches with her finger. Suddenly her finger was held in the warm grip of another's hand. Yan lifted his head slowly her finger still held in his hand. Yan looked at her tears questioningly but she chose not to explain, taking his hand to caress her face she leaned forwards to him. Her lips brushed against his and he breathed in, in ecstasy, but then he pulled away from her.

"Ying, I can't"

"Why? Am I not what you want?" Ying replied gazing deep into Yan's eyes.

"I couldn't. Not to Liang. I'm sorry."

Yan looked truly sorry, Ying rose to her feet, nodding sadly.

"Of course. Liang. Yes, you're a good man."

Her mind flitted quickly to the poisoned herbs but she decided against telling him. Bidding him good night she stepped out of the tent and back into the twilight straight into Liang. Before she had time to say a thing he had begun talking.

"Ying, I know you're mad at me." Ying gave an indignant look.

"Really, mad at me. But I'm sorry; I messed up with the herbs. And I know that's why you're upset… but…"

However at this Ying had interrupted angrily, "You think that's why I'm sad? No, I know you made a mistake, and I was angry yes, but, the reason why I'm "upset" is because when I asked you about our baby you said, "what baby?"

Tears ran down her face, but she continued

"You have no idea what I went through, you were off at war, and I was all alone, and then the baby comes and I was so happy for him, for us, but then I lost him, and it was all my fault, and don't you say it wasn't!"

Liang looked sadly at his wife,

"I didn't know,"

"No," Ying yelled, "no you didn't"

And with that she turned away from and walked off, not to Yan's tent, not to the river, but just along the beach. Liang watched his wife leave sadly and then with a sigh he pulled back the flap on Yan's tent and walked inside.

YAY. 2nd chapter done!

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