DC: Welcome back! How come I have over 200 hits but less than 20 reviews? I apologize for the mediocrity of my last chapter. So now, I no longer care about the length of my chapters. They'll be as long as it takes to tell the story.

Yawackhary: MEGA-WOOT!

DC: Amen, duck. So, on with the story.

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"So, how are you?" asked Pippen to Carnage. They had been carried by the Uri-kai for hours with no sign of stopping.

"Whatever." replied Carnage, still in her depressed slump.

"We could play a game." suggested Merry.

"Which one?" asked Pippen.

"I SPY!"

"Good God, no." muttered Carnage.

"Okay," said Merry, "I spy something purple and black."

"Me?" asked Carnage.

"You're right!" said Merry.

"My turn!" exclaimed Pippen. "I spy something with quills."

"Me."

"Good guess." said Pippen.

(2 hours later…)

"I spy a member of the Erinaceidae family." said Pippen.

"For the love of Christ!" exclaimedCarnage, "It's me!"

"Wow," said Merry, "you're good at this game." Carnage fumed.

About a mile back, Aragorn and Legolas had discovered a shuriken.

"The blades of Carnage do not idly fall." said Aragorn wisely. Gimli ran up to them.

"Stupid high cholesterol." muttered Gimli as he died of heart failure. Legolas and Aragorn came to a rock cliff.

"Legolas, what do you're elf eyes see?" asked Aragorn. Legolas pulled out his pair of Elf Eyestm binoculars.

"The Uri-kai turn north-east," stated Legolas, "They're taking the hedgehog to Isengard!"

Way, way far away on a misty mountain, Yawackhary walked alone. He was determined to find the fourth emerald, Bane or no Bane. Suddenly, a strange creature descended upon him.

"Where is it, precious?" hissed the creature, "I think it has it, precious."

"Good Gravy, who are you?" asked Yawackhary.

"Do you know who we are?"

"No, that's why I asked."

"Do you know who we are? We're the Juggernaut, precious!"

"Really?!?"

"No, gollem, gollem, we're Gollem, precious."

"Oh," said Yawackhary, "Can you take me to Mordor?"

"If you give us the precious when we get there."

"Okay!"

The Uri-kai had finally made camp for the night.

"Let's eat their legs, they don't need them." said a random orc.

"No, fool," said an uri-kai, "Saruman says he wants them whole."

"Screw Saruman!" said the orc. Suddenly, he was struck by lightning and died.

"Meats back on the menu, boys!" said the uri-kai. The orcs fell upon the fallen one.

"That's disgusting." commented Pippen.

"It's not that bad." replied Carnage eating a hand. "It's actually quite tasty." The hobbits fainted in disgust. Carnage shrugged and walked off. Suddenly, a group of horsemen came out of nowhere.

"Huzzah, Riders of Rohan!" said the leader. The horsemen killed all the orcs along with Merry and Pippen. Carnage ran away into the forest.

"Riders of Rohan, lets bounce!" The horses literally bounced away.

Yawackhary and Gollem walked on through the Dead Marshes.

"So, are we there yet?" asked Yawackhary to Gollem.

"No."

Now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No."

Now?"

"Shut up, precious!" exclaimed Gollem.

"Fine." replied Yawackhary. They walked on further.

"Now?"

"For the last time… Get down!" A Nazgul flew over head.

"Holy pastrami!" yelled Yawackhary as he ducked under a rock. Gollem wasn't so lucky. The Nazgul flew down and ate him. It then flew off toward Mordor.

"Maybe if I follow it, it will take me to Mordor." thought Yawackhary. He took off after the beast.

Carnage was wandering the forest. She was bored. After about 10 minutes she sat down under a tree.

"That's odd," thought Carnage, "I didn't know trees breathed like that."

"They don't." said the 'tree', picking up Carnage.

"Ah, demon tree!" exclaimed Carnage.

"I am no tree. I am an Ent, Treebeard by name."

"Okay then, Treefreak, I'm lost and need some help."

"I'm Treebeard, and the white wizard may help you."

"Wizard," thought Carnage, "It must be Bane."

"Take me to him, Treeman!" Treebeard sighed. After 10 minutes of walking, they arrived in a clearing.

"I return to you now, at the turn of the tide." said the wizard. Carnage sighed.

"Oh, it's just that old guy from the last chapter." she thought. "Who are you?" she asked him.

"I am Gandalf the White," replied the wizard, "Do you need assistance?"

"Yes, I need to find my friend and a chaos emerald. Can you help?"

"Most certainly. But first I have to handle a little problem. Come with me." Gandalf grabbed Carnage's arm and flew away.

"Goodbye, Treegoatee!" called Carnage from above.

"Screw you!" replied Treebeard. Gandalf and Carnage busted into Saruman's keep.

"Ah, Gandalf," said Saruman, "A pleasure to see you."

"Stuff it," replied Gandalf, "Since DynamicChaos can't come up with anything else; we're going to have a magical duel."

"Sounds fine." said Saruman.

"It's time to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!" said Carnage in perfect Yu-Gi-Oh voice.

"Well, that was weird." remarked Gandalf. Saruman agreed. They stood facing each other.

"I cast Ice blast." said Gandalf. Saruman countered with a Spell reflection. Gandalf reflected it too. The two wizards kept reflecting the spell back at each other.

"This is lame." muttered Carnage. She grabbed Saruman's Seeing Stone and left the tower. On her way out she noticed a dam.

"Why not?" thought Carnage wickedly. She threw a shuriken at it. The dam broke, Isengard was flooded, and Carnage floated away on a piece of drift wood.

"If only Bane could see me now." she thought.

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I stopping now only because I'm out of ideas. I hope you like the spoofiness. Will Yawackhary get the emerald? Will carnage catch up with him? Will bane return? Will I kill off the remaining LOTR characters? (most likely).