DC: Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed my LOTR spoof so far. Only three or so characters left to die. Let's boogie!

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Yawackhary was hopelessly lost. After attempting to follow the Nazgul, he flew through a fog bank and wound up near a city.

"Hey, it's the emerald city!" thought Yawackhary. He surveyed his surroundings. To his left was a rock face with rock steps carved into it.

"That must lead to Mordor." said Yawackhary, oblivious to the 'This way to Mordor' sign. Yawackhary flew up the cliff and came to an ominous cave.

"What's up with all these signs?" thought Yawackhary noticing a sign that said 'Ominous cave'. He shrugged and walked inside.

"Wow, its dark in here," thought Yawackhary, "I wish I had a light." He reached in his pocket and felt something. He pulled out a Glo-Stick.

"Oh, yeah." Thought Yawackhary as a flashback ensued.

"Here's a free First Mariner Arena Glo-Stick," said the vendor to Yawackhary, "Let it be a light for you in dark places."

"Okay!" said Yawackhary.

The flashback ended. Yawackhary held his Glo-Stick high. The green light gave him barely 6 inches of illumination.

"Stupid cheap Glo-Stick!" thought Yawackhary. He pressed onward into the cave. Suddenly, he heard a growl. He spun around and was face-to-face with a giant spider.

"Holy haberdashery!" exclaimed Yawackhary, "What's that?" He pulled out something resembling a Poké-dex.

"Shelob," spoke the device, "A giant spider creature. Typically found in her cave, waiting for something to drop by so she can devour it."

"I knew a LOTR-dex was a good idea." said Yawackhary. He turned toward Shelob. "So, you're a spider. If I'm correct, fire type is good against bug type," he pulled out a bomb. "Go, Bomb!" The bomb exploded, incinerating Shelob, the cave, and the random orcs outside.

"What was that?" said the Witch-King riding on a Nazgul. While he was distracted, the Nazgul crashed landed on the Fields of Pelennor, crushing the Witch-King, Aragorn, Legolas, Theoden, and his daughter.

"Wow." said Carnage out of nowhere. After hijacking Shadowfax, she rode all the way to Gondor in about fifteen minutes. She pulled out a checklist.

"Okay, we have Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippen, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Boromir, both Gandalf the White and Gray, Saruman, Theoden and what's-her-face. Cool, almost everyone's dead. Let's see if they can die before we find the emerald."

"No, the fourth wall will not be breached!" exclaimed my voice from nowhere. Suddenly, the list incinerated and Carnage forgot all about it.

"That was weird," thought Carnage, "Oh well, to Mordor!"

Yawackhary exited the now non-existent cave. He flew down the path way and arrived at a tower crawling with orcs.

"Well, this has got to go." said Yawackhary as he blew it up. The eye looked down at him.

"Fool!" exclaimed Sauron, "You impotence will be your demise!"

"Whatever." said Yawackhary as he chucked a bomb at the tower. The tower fell, and Sauron was destroyed. In the resulting shockwave, the One Ring fell down a fissure, landed in lava, and melted.

"Wow, that was ridiculously easy," remarked Carnage riding up on Shadowfax, "But where's the emerald?" A random wraith approached them.

"This thing?" he asked holding the emerald, "You can have it."

"MEGA-SQUEE!" exclaimed the team. Suddenly, the clouds parted and a glowing being descended.

"Who are you?" asked Yawackhary.

"I am the god of this world, J.R.R. Tolkien." said the man. "For completely screwing up my story you shall be sent away."

"Woot!" said the team.

"Whatever."

Team Nightmare vanished in a flash of light. Elrond walked out of nowhere.

"Ha!" he exclaimed, "I haven't died yet!" Suddenly, Zeeky H. Bomb fell from the sky.

"Zeeky Boogy Doo!" said the bomb. Middle-Earth exploded and sunk into the ocean.

"Well, that was anti-climatic." remarked Tolkien.

Team Nightmare fell from the sky and landed in a field. In Wisconsin!

"Now we know how Fang felt when Bane teleported him here." said Yawackhary. At the mention of Bane Carnage started crying.

"What's this?" asked everyone's favorite weasel/wolf thing. Carnage and Yawackhary turned to Fang. "Well, what are you doing here?" Fang asked. Yawackhary told him of the team's shenanigans.

"I can't believe Bane died," said Fang sadly, "Here, take this." Fang handed Carnage the fifth emerald.

"Thank you." said Carnage.

"So, how are you getting back?" asked Fang.

"We fly!" exclaimed Yawackhary. He grabbed Carnage and took off.

"Will wonders never cease?" asked Fang as the team flew away.

Team Nightmare arrived at Bane's apartment. Carnage took out an extra key from her pocket and opened the door.

"What kept you?" asked a figure sitting in the chair. Carnage took a fighting stance.

"Who are you?" she asked. The figure stood.

"How can you not recognize me?" He asked as he turned on the light.

"It can't be," whispered Carnage aghast.

"Yes," said the figure, "I'm Bane."

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Dun, Dun, DUN! Bane has returned. How? When? What happened after his fall? Where is the last emerald? Can you contain your excitement? (probably.) To quote Linds the Stupid, "Reviews make the world go around". So REVIEW!!!! And stay tuned!

Ending Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR, J.R.R. Tolkien, Zeeky H. Bomb, or Wisconsin.