A/N: Sorry for the long wait, but here it is! I think around ten days might be the regular timing in between chapters, so get used to it! Thanks for the reviews guys!
So, in this chapter, I decided to give Joanne more lines than just one, like most people do. Because I love Joanne and she deserves some speaking-age.
Disclaimer: Jonathan Larson's.
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Mimi's POV
The couch creaks as I situate contentedly in Roger's arms, trying not to pierce him with my spine but find that nook where we are both comfortable. I grasp his hand in mine, tangling our fingers together and smile as I lean back against his chest. I feel happy for just this second. That is until Roger squirms beneath me.
"Do you have to lie on top of me?" He groans, shifting out from under me and wrapping his arm around my shoulders.
"No…" I sigh, lifting completely off of the couch and slipping my body into the chair beside it. Instead of starting a fight, I just let my rage go and begin a new conversation. "So, Mark's birthday party. There are gonna be a lot of people here. You think we should like…fix up the place or something?" I suggest, and he smiles falsely before looking around his home.
"Nah, I think it's fine. Maureen and Joanne are bringing food anyway. Everyone knows how shitty it is." He concludes, shutting his eyes and stretching his legs out across the couch. My eyes roll subconsciously, and for this moment I wish I was home, alone. I'm beginning to get sick of Roger blowing me off.
"Okay." There's a bite in my voice, as I desperately hold back my urge to scream. Scream for no reason, really. He's just being himself, but I'm done withstanding it. I don't know how Mark can take living with this. "Hey, I still haven't bought him a present. Do you wanna go buy one with me? Split it?" My foot taps him gently on the shoulder and his eyes finally open, staring at me with a twinge of anger.
"Umm…no, I already…got him something. But you can go if you want." He gets up and heads to the kitchen, opening the fridge and sticking his head in. My body sits up straight, watching him with pure fury, pure anguish, but somehow pure love. Why do I love him so much? If he annoys me this much, why is there still unconditional love in my heart? I hate that I love him, but then again I'm grateful I'm capable of loving someone so much. I just have a feeling it will hurt me in the end.
"Oh. All right. Well, I guess I'll head out then. I'll see you tomorrow for the party?" My voice is still filled with patience and lightness, trying to get a happy response from him, but it isn't going to happen. Why do I even try? He pops his head out of the fridge with a milk carton in his hand, and then wipes excess liquid away from beneath his mouth.
"Yea. Bye." He hops across the room to reach me, meeting my lips gently, then pressing his body against mine. I sigh when we break, opening my eyes to see his smiling face looking down on me. "I can't wait for tomorrow." He whispers in my ear, then returns to the fridge with the milk carton still glued to his hand.
"Yea…" I exhale briefly, still soaked in bliss from the one tiny kiss I have gotten in a while. This is the reason we are still together. When he does pay me attention, I revel in it for as long as I can. I'm just too needy.
I walk down the street, staring back at the loft every chance I get, wondering what Roger is doing right now. Mark was supposed to be coming home any minute, and although I wanted to stay until he arrived, I found myself needing to leave as soon as I could. I felt trapped in there, like it was a cage I couldn't escape. Something in the back of my mind is telling me the truth, but I won't listen to it. It's the same voice telling me that I need drugs. I just won't listen. Never again.
Then it comes back. What did Roger buy for Mark? He doesn't have any money, that's exactly why I offered to split the price of a present with him. After giving up crack I finally have some extra cash to spend on something other than my daily hit or measly portions of food. I've been saving up to buy him something, and here Roger, who I thought was completely poor, has already gotten something. I have a feeling it's not something big or meaningful, probably just a box of Cap'n Crunch.
Two nights in a row I've had to watch Mark and Roger have a conversation without me. They talk about what Collins said the other day or how the Life rejected Mark again or how they are going to buy food this week. But I'm never apart of it. It's always them. Just them. Just the two of them. Watching Mark talk to Roger is the most bizarre thing in the world. He's not jittery, he doesn't twitch like normal, but instead he's relaxed. He looks directly into Roger's eyes, and seems mesmerized by them. They hold each other's gazes for longer than I ever could, amazing me by the second.
They have something Roger and I don't have. I hate that I don't know what it is. Or maybe I really hate that I do know what it is, I just don't want to admit it.
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"How's the birthday boy?" I pose as soon as I arrive back at the loft, after Maureen and Joanne have already set out food for the guests. All I get is a slight laugh in response, then a roll of the eyes from Mark. Finding a present for Mark took a while, longer than I expected. A part of me hates that Roger probably found a gift easier than I did. Even though he's known Mark for years, the rocker could never find a present for me without asking.
The loft looks nicer than expected, decked up with streamers and a few balloons, and even a cake. It looks like it's for Easter, but still. Someone tried. I guess Roger really did do some cleaning while I was gone. That is until I see Roger lounging on the couch, his arms crossed on his chest, his eyes slowly dropping closed. I guess I spoke too soon. Mark sits helpless at the counter, his palm pressed to his chin, as his eyes carefully stalk Maureen and Joanne while they walk through the kitchen, preparing. Every once and a while he steals a glimpse at Roger, raising his eyebrows in a greeting before sighing and offering to help the girls get ready.
"Mark, I told you. You're the birthday boy. You don't have to do an ounce of work." Joanne explains, dumping the remains of the tortilla chips into a cheap bowl and accepting a kiss from Maureen.
"I don't think I like the idea of people calling me that all day long. My birthday has never been a big deal before, I don't know why all of a sudden we've begun celebrating it." He gets up from the uneven stool to place himself next to Roger on the couch. Roger shifts to give him more room, throwing his arm behind Mark's side of the couch and setting his feet on the table in front of him.
"This year we ignored your protest to a party and just threw one without permission." Maureen giggles, searching each and every cabinet for non-existent cups. I slide out of the conversation, occupying Mark's old stool and throwing my waist long hair to flow down my back instead of drape across my shoulders. Maureen and Joanne make a small gesture of love every few seconds, unable to keep their hands off of each other, even in front of me. I watch as the boys get more comfortable on the couch, Mark bringing his legs up to his chest and Roger making fun of him for bending in half so easily. Something I do a lot, but he never comments on. After a while of observing their near-flirtatious behavior, I can't take it anymore.
"Is Collins coming?" I turn my body to face Maureen, blocking Mark and Roger from my sight and concentrating on my question.
"Umm…yea. He should be. I think he said he'd be coming around two. Baby, what time is it now? These boys don't have a fricken' clock." She squints around the apartment, trying to find the time, when Joanne taps her on the shoulder, casually pointing to the watch on Maureen's wrist. The performance artist scoffs with an awkward chuckle, then happily stares at the watch. "She just bought this for me, I kinda forget that I have it on." She explains, while Joanne wraps her arms around the back of her, squeezing tightly and leaving a small lipstick mark on the edge of Maureen's chin.
"It's okay babe. It will take a while to get used to it." Her smile warms up the room, full of love and obvious patience. I would assume after living with Maureen for so long, even the antsiest of people would pick up some patience.
"It's one-thirty." Maureen finally concludes, smirking slightly before she spills some salsa onto her finger. She searches for a napkin, then gives up after a few seconds and licks it away. "Honey, did we bring napkins?"
"Uh…no." Joanne laughs, after looking to the bottom of the brown paper bag they brought with them.
"Great…the one thing people probably need the most." Maureen buries her face in her hands, sighing loudly and leaning her back against the edge of the counter.
"It's okay, Mo. It's not a big deal. We will just throw some toilet paper on the tables." Joanne suggests, and seconds later a small chuckle comes from beneath Maureen's frustration. They embrace briefly and snugly, adding a kiss and then going back to work. I pivot again on my stool, now facing the wall. I can't take much more affection. I'm not getting enough, and whenever I see it, I miss it even more. Maureen and Joanne are so in love, even though they do fight constantly, there is still apparent adoration there. Roger and I just fight. We are losing the cuteness I can still see in these two women. I think that's what I miss the most. Just the little things he used to do that have somehow disappeared from our relationship.
Two hours into the party, I'm already left alone. Collins stayed to talk to me for a little while, then disappeared into the crowd. Everyone else has someone to talk to. Usually I would be chatting it up with strangers, flirting and touching, but somehow I've managed to stay invisible. For about a half an hour I sat next to Roger, in between him and Mark, my legs slung across Roger's thighs. He shifted uncomfortably beneath me constantly, practically asking for me to leave. I listened to Mark and Roger talk to only each other, completely ignoring all other conversations around them, no matter how absurd or inappropriate. I don't know how the hell they can still talk after so many years of being friends. But I guess I have to admire that. Or envy it.
Once I left the couch after being squished between the two boys, I ran over to see if Maureen and Joanne needed help with the food, offering a hand in the kitchen anyway I could. Even though they said I could some things, I quickly got bored, leaving me with nothing to do once again. I notice Roger standing in the corner, drinking some sort of red concoction, and slowly migrate over to him.
"You having fun?" I tap him lightly on the arm, stroking my fingers back and forth to capture his undivided attention. But instead he slowly shrugs away, gulping down liquid and finishing off whatever drink his cup was filled with.
"I guess. There's no one really interesting here. 'Cept…M…you guys." He catches himself, even though that was the reaction I intended to hear. I would have thought he would say that Mark is the only thing keeping this party alive or, Mark is the only one he can have fun with. I guess he does have some sense of decency towards my feelings.
"Well…I think we are opening presents soon." I smile, trying to get him to follow, but he doesn't prevail.
"Great. I'm starting to think that the present I got him is shitty." He mopes, frowning more than I've ever seen him. He looks genuinely disappointed because apparently he can't please Mark.
"I'm sure it's great. What did you get him?" My eyebrows raise and he stares at me, opens his mouth, and is interrupted by Maureen's extremely audible screech.
"PRESENTS!" She yells at the top of her lungs, unfortunately only about ten feet from where Roger and I are standing. Roger smiles sadly at me, before running off to lunge at the spot next to Mark on the couch. Mark laughs at his rush, then grabs the first present off of the table.
Mark opens all of the beautifully wrapped gifts, tearing off the paper very carefully to save, even though he will probably never use it. When he gets to mine he looks intrigued, as does the rest of the party, when he reveals the tiny box of assorted chocolates. His eyes bug out, his mouth open with hunger, as he sets it aside with anticipation. The notebook that accompanies it is almost thrown aside with a brief "thank you", but at least I know he liked half of the present. At last the table is empty, and Mark rubs his palms against his thighs, smiling and thanking everyone politely. But I'm still waiting for Roger to pull out a spectacular gift. After a few seconds, Maureen looks ready to cut the cake, when Joanne sits up straight in her seat.
"Wait honey, I don't think that Roger gave Mark his gift yet." She states, pushing gently on Roger's knee and prompting Mark to sit back in waiting.
"Do you have something?" Mark asks innocently, wrinkling his forehead and gazing at Roger.
"Uhh…yea." Roger hesitates, looking around at the entire room full of people. Everyone seems to hold their breath as there is a deafening silence, waiting for Roger to show his gift. "Well…I didn't have any money. And, I wanted to get you something important, but I couldn't really think of anything. So I thought of something that is important to me, and I hope you like it." He speaks as he reaches around his neck, unhitching his chain link necklace and brushing his hair back down against the backside of his head. "It's a little shitty since it's so old…" He immediately stretches his arms out to Mark's neck, wrapping the necklace around it. Mark grips at it with his fingers, weaving through a loop and looking down at it with a tiny blush touching his face. "Sorry I couldn't get you something better." Roger sighs, itching the back of his neck then furrowing his brow. He looks nervous, afraid that Mark won't like it. But I can tell he really cares. Something that hurts me tremendously.
"I…it's perfect." Mark stutters, closing his eyes and keeping his hand glued to the new necklace.
"Good." Roger says simply, beaming with pride.
"You two boys are the cutest." Collins mocks, throwing everyone into a fit of laughter except me. I just stare. Stare at a future of pain. A future of fighting. A future of loneliness. A future that they don't even know exists.
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Notes: I am again sorry for such a long wait in updates but I was going to have this much longer, but then I decided to split it up. So more cuteness later! I hope you liked it!