To B. Eicher.
Reality
Orihime's tears trickled down for a while, even though Ulquiorra was long gone.
He's so despicable! – She couldn't seem to think anything else. – I just don't know what to think of him. He says the worst of things but then I get this eerie feeling when I look into his eyes; his eyes don't say what his mouth does. How can anyone's eyes be unreadable like his? What does he want from me? Does he wish to see through me? Does he want to torture me? Is he trying to confuse me? Is he trying to brainwash me to become a servant of Aizen? I should fear him but I don't know why I simply don't… Whatever he does to me, I must bear with it. I must be strong and fulfill the one thing that I can do to help Kurosaki – Kun and the others. If the Hogyoku is destroyed, then Aizen will as well.
Once again, he was musing about the woman he was trying to understand while lying on his bed.
-Will I ever understand her? – He thought and whispered out loud.
-Not with your current methods. – A female voice replied unexpectedly.
Ulquiorra sat up and saw the culprit of his headache sitting on the edge of his bed at his left.
This time, she wore her grayish brown hair down; reaching all the way to her waist; with a white hat. Her blue top was backless and her Capri pants were white.
Was she going to wear different clothes each time he saw her?
-It is not wise to walk around the halls with those clothes, woman.
-Again, Ulquiorra? – She asked frowning. – Just how many times does someone have to tell you not to call women 'woman' until it gets into your head? With your intelligence, you should have grasped that already. – She nagged sounding disapproving.
-It is still dangerous for you to do that. – He insisted.
-Well, I like wearing comfortable clothes better and I'm on my shift break from surveillance right now. – She smiled.
He sighed inwardly but he was going to take advantage of her being there, anyways. She seemed to be able to understand that woman better than he could.
-I know what you're thinking. – She told him serious. – And, effectively, I can understand Orihime Inoue better than you. However, I can't really help you. Like I told you before, rewinding time and offering some help is all I can do for you; but since your happiness is what's at stake here, Ulquiorra, I cannot help you understand Orihime – San. I must not be the one that spells it for you; you must find your answers for yourself.
-Happiness? – He asked sounding skeptical.
-Yes, Ulquiorra, happiness. – She repeated while looking into his emerald eyes with her cerulean ones and a smile.
-I am not familiar with such ideology. – He replied without blinking.
-Happiness is not an ideology; it's an emotion.
-I do not live with such emotions. I am a Hollow; therefore I've detached myself from those humane traits.
She grinned.
-Are you sure about that, Ulquiorra?
-Though I can experience anger; among other sensations; I can only do it at low levels that cannot interfere with my thinking. Because of that, I am better than humans.
-Are you sure? – She kept smiling and looking at him with eyes that seemed to know more than himself.
-Happiness, sadness, hope, fear. I've read of them all. I am positive I cannot feel such things. – He insisted.
-Very well, if you're positive about it, then I won't argue about it. – Her smile widened. – However, I can assure you that what awaits you after your demise here will not be like that.
-How can you assure it?
-No matter how many times you ask me, I still cannot give you the answer. – She sounded apologetic.
-Why should I keep trying to understand her, anyways? How will that be of any use to me? You yourself have affirmed I'll die in this body. I will not remember anything in whatever is waiting for me.
-Can you be certain of that, Ulquiorra? – She asked him with half-closed eyes.
-Not entirely; since I ignore what is it that will be next after this life; but it isn't likely I'll remember what I learn as I am now.
-One more question: We know you aren't able to feel happiness, but do you want to feel it, Ulquiorra Schiffer?
His green irises briefly contracted at her straightforward question.
She then resumed her smile.
-It's alright. That's not an easy question; I know. You do not have to answer right away. You have some time, Ulquiorra. Meanwhile, why not keep focusing on your goal since you already started?
-I haven't reached an acceptable progress so far.
He gazed down a second before reestablishing eye contact. Something about her eyes made him feel exhausted.
-Exactly; 'so far'. That's why you can still keep trying. No one expected you to do it perfectly at first. You're doing something completely new to your mind. You've never done anything like it before and I am certainly not giving you any references or bases. Do you realize how remarkable it is that you even assumed the challenge to begin with? Not anyone has the courage to do something new without help; especially when it's something this hard.
-Do you consider this hard?
-You do. That's all that matters.
-I cannot reach her.
-I repeat, you won't get anywhere with your current methods. When a method doesn't work, then you just have to try a different approach.
-Like what?
-Come on. Don't tell me you only know how to be rough. What do you know already?
-Only that she's intuitive and strong-willed.
-Okay, that's as far as your method got you. Now, why do you think it failed to take you farther?
Ulquiorra closed his eyes and with a hardly perceivable scowl to muse deeply.
X Flashback X
-You are no longer with them. The moment you put on that uniform, you accepted that you shall do as Aizen commands and you shall not go against him. You're now Aizen's and no longer possess your own soul.
-Stop it…
-You don't want to keep listening because you know I'm saying the truth.
-That's a lie!
-Is it?
He then used sonido to appear just in front of her and he brusquely extended his arms at each side of her head and placed his hands on the wall; trapping her in that space where she stood.
-Learn your place, woman. You're not here as my equal; you're here as a prisoner. What do you expect me to do? To just let you think and say as you like and comfort you? I'm not here to treat you like a princess. My duty is to keep you alive and well. That's all. This is the situation you're in and you can't do anything to escape it. You want the pain to stop? Then stop having foolish hopes. Those who oppose Aizen can only perish. Soul Society's fate was decided long ago. Your friends are fools. Your friends will die…!
Slap.
X End of Flashback X
-Because I was telling her the truth. – Ulquiorra answered.
-Was that the really truth? – She asked him without breaking eye contact.
-It was. The fact that she didn't like it doesn't make it a lie. She's just denying reality; a common humane feature.
-Seems like you've read a lot about humane traits, Ulquiorra. – She told him without sarcasm; she was actually grinning.
-I have and I've observed them every time I've been to the Human Realm.
- From your point of view that's reality, but it isn't for hers.
-Reality is reality; no matter who sees it. Humans just tend to interpret it according to their convenience and feelings; modifying it because they refuse to accept it the way it is.
She then leaned closer while smiling and with her eyes still on him.
-Don't think I'm not aware of everything that happened in that room, Ulquiorra. I know exactly the words you used to tell her the 'reality'. And you know what? It sounded to me as if you were considering it impossible for Aizen to lose.
-Because it is impossible for him to lose. Even if I'll be defeated, Aizen won't. – He stated firmly.
-Are you completely certain of what you're saying, Ulquiorra?
-Yes, I am. Why do you keep asking me if I'm sure of what I say?
-Because you're lying.
-I do not lie. – He narrowed his eyes on her; though that didn't affect her expression in the least.
-You just did. 'Even if I'll be defeated, Aizen won't'. You don't really believe that. That's what you've been conditioned by Aizen himself to believe. While it would be interesting to analyze the 'if' clause on your statement; suggesting you are still in the process of accepting your defeat; let's focus on the 'Aizen' part. You are aware that you've lately been forgetting to add the suffix you'd never address him without in the past, correct?
Ulquiorra was almost speechless. Now, that's not an effect anyone can incite in him; this woman absolutely wasn't normal but she was smart.
How does this woman know about every conversation I have had? Am I not over my defeat? I've accepted it as what will happen; why would I not be over it yet? What difference does a suffix make?
-I see you're wordless. – She spoke after a pause. – Worry not. I can read your thoughts, remember? Now, I cannot answer your first question. Don't make me repeat myself in that matter, I'd tell you if I could. One thing is that you know you'll be defeated and another one to accept that. Nobody likes to admit it and you've learned you're no exception. It's alright, though. More importantly, this lets you see that even your opinion can be biased. No matter how smart you are or how unemotional; you're not perfect. You're inclined to believe Aizen cannot be defeated but there's no certain way for you to know it. Nonetheless, that's your reality, Ulquiorra; Orihime – San does not share it. Her reality is that Kurosaki Ichigo cannot lose. She does believe Soul Society powerful, but a part of her has great faith in that teenager. You've seen his power and you chose deny it before; saying it was just her hope that blinded her; but now you are aware of the reach of Ichigo's power and know you'd be denying the truth if you still refused to acknowledge it. That is what you know about him. It is indeed arguable whether or not he'll defeat Aizen. Just remember he counts with the support of Soul Society. Ichigo himself is a powerful force; and Soul Society, per se, is as well. Now, put them both together. Another man added to Sereitei's power may mean little; but as you've seen Ichigo is an exception. I dare say he's managed to impress me.
She leaned even closer to his being. He was, needless to say, hypnotized by her voice. The way she put things down made him incapable of traversing anything that parted from her lips. Never had he felt like this before. He was vulnerable to the non existent mercy of her words. He was yet to realize his lips were parted; nearly gaping.
-Why did you start to address him as 'Aizen - Sama', Ulquiorra?
It took him a while to find his voice and muster enough composure as to speak. His face had remained the same; nevertheless, he had felt the weight of her eyes on his entire soul.
-Because he's my leader and master. – His voice lacked any trace of anxiety but it was an octave lower than before.
-You are yet to consider the possibility of him losing, but it's there and you know it. That was enough to make you hesitate as if to keep following him. You are aware that what he plans to do is no good and that has never stopped you. What has stopped you is the image of his invincible self shattering. Ulquiorra, I'll leave you to figure out what I've been telling you yourself. This all is what you reality revolves around. What I'm trying to get into your head is simply this: You now have an idea of what it is like to be told a truth that does not coincide with your truth; you can't accept it easily. That's exactly what you expected the girl you drew tears from to do.
She then stood up and finally gave Ulquiorra some personal space as she released him from her bewitching gaze.
She gave him a heartfelt smile.
-You should feel good, Ulquiorra. You just gave a step closer to understanding her. And that's about all of the help I can give you.
Right then, Ulquiorra sensed something about that woman; it was something he felt for her: Amazement.
-You know how to place yourself in her shoes. Reality is reality. That's true, but to understand the interpretation others give to it, you must see from where they stand. Now, do not forget that. It will be pretty useful.
She then looked outside the window.
-My shift break is about to end. – She then turned to him smiling. – Give it your best, OK? Go apologize to Orihime – San. It's no good making a girl cry, Ulquiorra.
And just like that she left his room and closed the door behind her.
At first it was as if, far from helping him, she was only confusing him more. She did confuse him but it was like she had given him one hell of a push on the way.
He wanted to know who she was; now more than ever. (Did she know what time it was by looking outside the window? Is that even possible?)