Chapter 3
He walked into an eerie room seeing nine familiar figures scattered around it, watching each other. Their faces were hidden in the shadows yet somehow he knew who they were. They were like him, searching for something, looking for a sign, waiting to serve their god who promised them salvation.
Remember your mission, remember your duty, remember your savior.
Suddenly, the room faded away and he found himself among the green, coming face to face with a girl. She glared at him extending her arms forward and summoned some strange light. He didn't know what she said and why she seemed mad, yet he noticed that unlike the other figures, her face was wide open for him to see. He took a few steps closer, but she suddenly started to fade only to reappear again in a different place wearing something similar to his clothes. This time she wasn't upset but looked at him with a kind of melancholy that turned the world to dark.
Ulquiorra opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. He rarely had dreams about Hueco Mundo, but when he did they were vivid. Sometimes he saw Orihime talking, yelling, crying, and sometimes it was just Aizen and the Espada. He did not know what those dreams meant and why he had them, but being in a human gigai probably contributed to this strange phenomena.
He got up to get dressed, then went downstairs hearing distant voices coming from the kitchen. Nnoitra and Grimmjow were arguing about something, Szayel read a book looking up at them from time to time, and Nel ate breakfast silently observing the scene in front of her.
"Stop it you two," she said between bites, "You are causing too much noise."
"Bullshit!" Grimmjow said loudly, "We are gonna settle this once and for all!"
Ulquiorra watched them putting their elbows on the table and clasping their hands together, then took a bottle of water out of the refrigerator.
"Neliel!" Nnoitra yelled, "Who are you rooting for?"
"Nobody," She answered without interest looking down at her food, "Both of you are weaker than me."
"You are pissing me off." he glared at her. "I thought I told you to watch!"
Ignoring him, she silently finished her meal and got up heading for the door.
"Where are you going?"
"I need to run some errands, and then," she glanced at Ulquiorra, "I am meeting with Orihime."
For a mere moment she thought she saw his arm freeze in mid-air as he brought the bottle to his mouth, then took a sip and continued casually observing everyone around him.
Interesting. She came up to stand next to him until Ulquiorra looked at her in silent expectation.
"Is there anything I should tell her?" she asked. "Any personal messages?"
"No."
Nel studied him with curiosity. For someone who was dying to get his hands on that woman, he was very good at hiding it.
"Really?" she teased, "Aren't you the least bit concerned about a friend who looked like she was about to cry the last time you saw her?"
"Neliel," he said in slight irritation, "Whatever happened between Inoue Orihime and I is none of your business. Stay out of it."
"We'll see." she smirked watching Ulquiorra scowling at her.
Without bothering to argue any further, he walked past her and headed back to his room.
After their encounter, Orihime did not speak to him anymore. There were no more curious glances and awkward conversations. As soon as the lectures ended, she quietly got up and left the room without so much as an acknowledgment. And no longer did she follow him around and called to him in the library. Yet, instead of being satisfied, Ulquiorra felt pissed off.
He stepped into the shower turning on the water and stood with his palms pressed against the wall in front of him. No matter what he did nothing worked. At first, he thought that his desire for Orihime would go away as soon as another woman came along. It was always like that in Hueco Mundo. Every time he felt lust, it was instantly satisfied after an encounter with another Arrancar, and when he was finished, he moved on. But this was different. Ulquiorra has been doing what they called "dating" for a month now, and Rei was pretty, available, and willing. Yet, no matter how often they got together, Orihime still found a way into his head. This wasn't just about a simple desire anymore but something bigger that was completely beyond him. He wanted to get rid of it, but everything seemed to be useless. She was just a woman, no different from others, yet she stood out in the crowd like a sore thumb reminding him of his greatest transgression, the lust that became his undoing.
The loud banging on the door finally caught his attention. Unwillingly he shut off the water, put a towel around his waist and opened the door. Rei stood on the other side pouting at him.
"What took you so long?" she complained putting her arms around his neck. "I was getting worried that you drowned there."
"You came early." Ulquiorra said without moving.
"I know. I wanted to surprise you."
Slowly he pulled her arms away from him and walked back into the room.
"You haven't been answering my calls lately. Is everything alright?" Rei asked following behind.
"Everything is fine." he answered curtly without so much as looking at her.
She pressed her lips together in slight irritation and gave an exasperated sigh. Ulquiorra was not going to get away from her that easily. He was a tough nut to crack, but not tough enough against some things or so she thought. Quietly, Rei came from behind and wrapped her arms around his waist.
"Don't get dressed." she whispered as her hand slid down his abdomen.
Orihime twirled around in front of a mirror examining her outfit. Today she was finally able to put her bad mood aside and get out to do something fun. Nel took her out to lunch, then the movies, and now she was in a chic store looking at a dress that her companion talked her into trying on.
"You look really pretty." Nel peeked from behind examining her in the mirror, "He will think so too."
"Who?" Orihime asked absentmindedly still looking at her reflection.
"Ulquiorra."
"Don't joke like that. You know he hates me."
Nel shook her head in exasperation. "How can he hate you if he doesn't even know what is wrong with him?"
"There is nothing wrong with him." Orihime insisted, "He is just upset that I forced him into something he had no say in. That's why he can't stand me."
Nel frowned at her in the mirror. "Despite your popularity with the guys, you really are clueless about some things. With Ulquiorra nothing is black and white and you've already seen it in Hueco Mundo. And refusing to admit it is not going to solve anything."
Orihime turned around to look at her. "But he didn't even want to listen to me, not even giving me a chance to explain! What am I supposed to think if he just kicked me out? I was there! He had so much resentment, it made me feel ill."
Nel smiled in reassurance. Ulquiorra might've been unwilling to accept the change, but she knew who had the power to turn him around. Despite his coldness and indifference, she could still see subtle changes every time Orihime was brought up, and Nel was almost convinced that his feelings were a lot more than just resentment.
"After spending some time among the humans," she said, "I noticed that they are very perceptive about some very important things, including their feelings. So, from what I've learned, I will tell you this, there is a very thin line between love and hate. And if you really want to know the truth, try to see what's beyond the face."
Orihime slowly nodded in resignation. "I know what you mean. But he said some really hurtful things and I don't even know what to expect from him anymore. What should I do?"
"Wait and see. He might be upset today, but he will get over it tomorrow. And as soon as he realizes that you will not be there forever, something might happen."
"How do you know this?"
"I've seen it. And I also know that whatever Ulquiorra feels is something other than hate."
A tingling sensation against his skin finally woke him up. Ulquiorra opened his eyes seeing Rei bending over him and running a finger up and down his chest. It's been hours since she came and he already expected her to be gone. Yet, she showed no signs of wanting to leave.
"Well, hello. Look who is finally awake." she purred into his ear.
"I have some business to attend to." Ulquiorra said sitting up and turning away from her. "Get yourself dressed."
"What's your hurry? It's such a nice day. I thought we could do something together."
"Today is not possible. I have to leave."
Rei fell back into the pillows watching him putting his clothes on. Despite his somewhat dismissive attitude, Ulquiorra never treated her badly, yet he still showed no desire of wanting to warm up and to open up to her which she found very strange. He always ended their time together abruptly and simply left. And while Rei enjoyed being with him, his certain patterns started to irritate her. He never asked what she did during her spare time and what kind of people she had in her life. No boyfriend had ever been this cold, and the more she wondered, the more she thought about their initial meeting where he sat together with Inoue Orihime.
"You know, I wanted to ask you something." she finally said after a long moment of silence, "Have you known Orihime for long?"
Ulquiorra stopped at the mention of the name and turned his head sideways to look at her.
"I've known her for several years."
Rei did not respond right away expecting him to say more but after realizing that she had to drag it out of him, she rolled her eyes and sat up.
"And? Can you elaborate?"
"She was…" he paused gathering his thoughts, "a guest at my former master's house."
"Your master?" Rei repeated, "Do you mean like a dojo?"
Ulquiorra wasn't keen on making up stories, but he knew that telling her the truth would only make her laugh at him. And he had no intention of creating a spectacle out of himself in front of a human.
"Correct."
Rei eyed him suspiciously. Ulquiorra was obviously unwilling to talk about Orihime, and the more he resisted the more she figured that there was something going on.
"What was she doing there? Was she your master's relative? Another martial artist?"
"She was brought there for temporary stay until her friends came to get her."
Rei frowned. "The story is getting weirder by the minute. Why did her friends need to get her?"
"What is the point of this conversation?" He asked brusquely, "The past is done with and I wish not to talk about it anymore."
"Uh huh." Rei smirked, "Did you have a thing for her?"
He put his hands into his pockets and came to stand at the foot of the bed looking down at her.
"This has nothing to do with you. You are asking too many questions."
"I knew it!" she exclaimed, "Something happened between you two, didn't it?"
"Enough. I have no intention of revisiting my past."
"I don't care! The less you want to talk about her the more I am convinced that something is off. Were you in love with her? Did you two go out?"
What is love? Love is not just an attachment.
Damn it. He had to be reminded again why he did not want to talk and even think about Inoue Orihime. What he felt for her in Hueco Mundo was eating him to the point of intentionally abandoning his mission and seeking a senseless fight with Kurosaki Ichigo that ended in a tragedy. That woman was his shadow that even followed him into the second life, and no matter where he went and whom he met, she refused to release her hold on him.
"This conversation is over." he snapped and walked out of the room.
But Ulquiorra didn't go too far, only stopping after several steps down the corridor. Something as obvious as this should've been seen from a mile away. He should've been anticipating it from the start, as soon as he laid eyes on her again. How could he be such a fool for not realizing it sooner?
Love is not just an attachment. Orihime's words rang in his head. It's affection, concern, passion, sexual attraction, desire to be with that person.
For the longest time he tried to convince himself that this was nothing more but sexual attraction that somehow went wrong. That if he met someone else along the way, it would go away. But Rei did not fix anything, instead she only opened his eyes revealing something that he absolutely did not want to accept. Love was just a foolish emotion that humans liked to exaggerate and Ulquiorra never gave it much thought. But now he knew why Inoue Orihime put so much faith into it. It turned something as primitive as lust into a powerful need for one single person that sex could never satisfy, that Rei could never satisfy. And every time he was in bed with her, he knew that he wanted another to be in her place.
Ulquiorra closed his eyes as the realization finally settled in. He was absolutely and completely in love with Inoue Orihime. There was no denying or running away from it. And neither would he even try. This was the price for his redemption that both set him free and chained him up again. And none of it happened overnight and by chance. All of this already started back in Hueco Mundo and continued spinning out of control until it was too late to stop it.
Orihime yawned tiredly. The long day with Nel was both fun and exhausting. They walked all over the shopping district stopping at every store but she barely bought anything, save for one dress. And now it was getting dark and home was still a while away, yet she made no attempt to hurry. Nel's words went through her mind bringing back the old anxiety, and even though at that time she felt better, still, nothing was resolved and Orihime had no idea how to deal with it.
Whatever Ulquiorra feels is something other than hate.
It was all very reassuring, but Nel refused to tell her more, saying that she would have to figure it out on her own. But Orihime was tired of not knowing, receiving Ulquiorra's cold stare, and thinking about him together with Rei.
For some reason, she had a nagging feeling about the two of them dating. It wasn't jealousy, or so she told herself, but the thought of him being with someone else was unnerving. She didn't know why it made her feel this way. Perhaps it was because she got used to him always being alone, while she was the only one brave enough to approach him. But now there was Rei, and Ulquiorra had to be shared. Orihime did not like it.
What if he told Rei something about his past? What if she managed to understand him the same way too? And what if he let her? For some strange reason Orihime wanted to be the only one Ulquiorra shared his secrets with, but now there was another in his life who was important to him. And it made Orihime feel sad and rejected. Ulquiorra wasn't even someone she could freely call a friend, but he was the only one who had a glimpse into her heart, who was allowed to see the truth about her. And now he was slowly slipping away and she felt discarded and replaced.
The sun finally set and the street lights started to illuminate everything in sight. Orihime looked ahead and increased her pace. It was really getting late, and she wished the bus station was closer. Suddenly her gaze stopped. He was walking right in front of her, a few dozen feet away. Despite all of the people around, she knew that it was him. Hands in his pockets, long steady steps, and a perfectly straight back, unmistakably, it was Ulquiorra.
Orihime did not even notice that she passed by her bus stop and continued walking, never taking her eyes off of him. She did not know why, but she wanted to follow, to see where he was going and what he was doing now that he led a human life. She did not even pay attention to how much time passed and where she was, concentrating on only one thing right in front of her. Every time he moved his head to the side, Orihime held her breath hoping that he wouldn't notice her. But Ulquiorra never gave any signs of seeing her and continued walking with her closely behind.
And a moment later Orihime saw him rounding a corner and disappearing behind a building. Without realizing what she was doing, she started running, hoping that she would not lose him. But as soon as she ran around the same building, she stopped dead in her tracks staring into a pair of green eyes scowling down at her.
"What are you doing following me?"