Chapter 4

"What are you doing following me?"

Orihime gasped, reflexively taking a cautious step backwards. Ulquiorra stood motionless towering over her, the scowl never leaving his face. Her mind raced trying to come up with an excuse to get her out of this ridiculous situation. Should she admit that she was following him on purpose or pretend that she did not know what he was talking about? Would he even believe her? While other guys bought every word she said as soon as she batted an eyelash or gave a flirty smile, these games were of no interest to him, and surely Ulquiorra wouldn't think highly of her if she tried them on him.

"I asked you a question." he said again.

"I'm sorry!" Orihime yelped.

She was prepared to apologize, to swear that she would never do it again if only he did not look at her with such contempt. But Ulquiorra did not move a muscle and continued studying her in awkward silence. The flood of ridicule was inevitable and she braced herself feeling very small and insignificant under his cold stare. I am such an idiot. Not only did she miss the last bus home, but now there were blisters all over her feet that itched and burned and made her feel miserable. What was I thinking?

Orihime shifted her weight uncomfortably from one foot to another, finally finding courage to speak.

"I really did not mean any harm. Please forget this ever happened. I'll be going now." she managed lamely then slowly turned and started walking away only to realize that she was limping.

"Take off your shoes." Ulquiorra's voice rang from behind.

Orihime turned her head back to him raising her eyes brows in question.

"You will not get far in that condition. Take off your shoes."

"But…"

"It's warm enough."

Obediently, she bent down and slipped out of her sandals, then threw them into her bag. Ulquiorra was right. It was warm and the cool asphalt felt nice against her injured feet.

Ulquiorra looked at her retreating figure feeling himself being pulled into two directions. The realization of his feelings told him to turn around and walk away. The woman did not feel the same and probably viewed him as one of her many friends. Yet, she still got under his skin and made him believe in ridiculous things and dare to hope for more. He had convinced himself that there was no use for this sentimentality and he would not chase after her, yet, here she was alone in the dark and the thought of leaving her by herself tagged at his heart strings.

"Let's go." he said walking past her.

"Where are we going?"

"I am taking you home."

"You don't have to do it! Really! I don't want to cause you any trouble."

He tilted his head to the side and glanced back at her showing that there was no room for negotiation. Orihime gulped nervously and followed after him.

They walked in silence and she noticed that his right hand was out of his pocket and only an inch away from hers. But instead of moving away to keep a safe distance, she walked right next to him letting her left arm hang at her side and softly collide with his. Orihime should've been embarrassed by such close proximity, but instead she felt excitement at the prospect of holding hands with him. And the more she felt his skin against hers, the longer she let her hand linger.

From the corner of her eye she snuck a glance at Ulquiorra, who looked ahead of him with an unreadable expression on his face. Orihime couldn't even tell if he noticed the subtle intrusion and, admittedly, she wanted a reaction from him, a look, a touch, something that proved that he felt it. But he either did not pay attention or simply ignored her. She tried starting a conversation, but he either gave a curt reply or a nod that left no room for much else, and they walked the rest of the way lost in their own thoughts.

"Here we are!" Orihime tried to sound cheerful as they neared the front of her apartment building.

Ulquiorra watched her in silence expecting her to say her last good-bye and go inside, yet she stood smiling at him without moving a muscle.

In reality, Orihime wanted an excuse for him to stay, to make him talk to her, to break through that cold indifference. "You must be tired from such a long walk," she said with a bit of uncertainty "Would you like to come up and relax for a bit?"

He regarded her skeptically before speaking again.

But, without waiting for his answer, Orihime grabbed him by the arm and pulled him forward. "Come on! I promise I am not a bad hostess!"

He watched her opening the door and silently followed her in as his mind tried to find a reason for his actions. He knew the woman was trouble, he knew he would most likely regret it later. But, despite himself, he still let her order him around for reasons that did not make any sense to him.

"Make yourself comfortable. I'll just be a minute." he heard her say as she turned on the light and disappeared into the bedroom.

Ulquiorra looked around the room. It was simple and clean with no particular decorations save for a picture of a young man in the middle of a book shelf. Orihime talked about her older brother back in Hueco Mundo, and he remembered her cast down look, the melancholy expression and his surprise that mostly everything that went wrong in her life was somehow connected to the hollows. And he was still a hollow, no matter how human he looked, a hollow whose path continued to stubbornly cross with this woman, even though every law of common sense told him to walk away.

Orihime finally came out of her room. "I'll go make some tea." She said and went into the kitchen.

Ulquiorra's gaze shifted to her body noticing that now she was wearing shorts and a tank top revealing more skin than he was prepared to look at. Begrudgingly, he followed after her.

"Thank you so much for walking me home." she said reaching into a cupboard, "If it wasn't for you, I'd be in trouble."

"You were walking alone at night. Why do humans purposely put themselves into danger?" he leaned against the wall putting his hands into the pockets. "I see it everywhere, yet I still do not understand it."

"I depends." Orihime replied thoughtfully, "Sometimes it is for the experience, sometimes it is just adrenaline, and sometimes it's curiosity. Consequences don't mean much if you live in the now."

"Is that how you are?" he asked quietly, "Acting on impulse and not caring what happens to you later?"

Orihime giggled. "Not all the time! I can be really careful. But then, there are times when I can't help myself. When my mind is made up, I just have to know."

She poured hot water into the cups then carried them to the table motioning for him to join her.

The question has been bugging her for weeks and she was always reluctant to ask him. But now, that they were alone together, she felt like it was the right time. "Do you ever think of what happened to us in Hueco Mundo?" She asked in hopes that he wouldn't brush her off.

"I don't spend my time dwelling on the past. It is irrelevant." he answered sitting down across from her.

"I knew it! For some reason I knew you would say something like that." Orihime gave a knowing smile, "I used to get so mad at you for this."

"Your reactions were rather….unexpected." he said remembering the slap.

"You said some very cruel things to me back then. And I acted without thinking." Orihime shrugged, "It felt good though."

Ulquiorra remembered the anger, the fire in her eyes, and his own lack of desire to punish her. "It was careless of you. If it was anyone other than me, you would've most likely gotten killed."

"Maybe, but you shouldn't have talked like that about the people I love." she mused.

Love, the blasted emotion that humans couldn't live without. The very thing the defined them and directed their lives, and something that even he couldn't escape from.

"For how long does it last?" he asked, "Love."

Orihime met his gaze. "It's not the same for everyone. Sometimes people mistake it for infatuation and it's short and fleeting. And sometimes it can last for a long time, even for a lifetime. It depends."

Her words were simple, yet they did not solve anything for him. In Las Noches, there was always a distant look of sadness on Orihime's face when she talked about Kurosaki Ichigo. At that moment, it was obvious that she cared about her friends, even despite his lack of understanding of the reason why. Yet, Ulquiorra doubted that back then Orihime's love for the boy was anything that he was going through right now. He crashed and burned, while there was nothing but melancholy on her face. And there wasn't even a trace of happiness when Kurosaki broke through the floor to rescue her. And after the war ended, her feelings did as well. Was that all there was to love?

"But why are you asking? It's not like you have any problems, do you? Rei is a nice girl and you guys look great together."

The woman knew nothing at all.

"You are lucky to have someone like her," Orihime continued completely oblivious to the storm her words were creating, "She is pretty, smart, sociable. And she likes you!"

Ulquiorra wanted to strangle her, to shake her until she stopped pretending that he did not exist. How could humans be so blind to what was right in front of them? Here she was smiling and talking to him completely oblivious to the way he was looking at her. And did she expect him to nod and pretend to agree with her ridiculous notions? Humans talked about love all the time, but have many of them actually experienced it? He's been living in their world witnessing them getting together as easily as breaking up and swearing it off like love was a disease. And right after Kurosaki Ichigo showed his inner beast to her, Inoue Orihime's so-called "love" quickly shattered and turned into nothing more but a bad memory. Were humans really this fickle?

"She likes what I give her." he said with indifference. "Other than that, she is perfectly fine without me."

Orihime looked at him in disbelief. "How can you say that? She wouldn't be with you if she did not like you!" she grabbed her cup and went to the sink. "When you have somebody, you should treasure them, instead of being so dismissive."

"You know nothing of this." Ulquiorra said coldly, then slowly got up and started walking towards her. Orihime felt herself tense at every step that he took but did not dare to look back.

"I have no one." she heard his voice above her ear. "And you know nothing of the things you pretended to feel all of those years ago. Just like every other human, you are changeable and weak, so is your idea of love."

Orihime spun around coming face to face with him. He looked down at her with the same arrogance and authority as he did back in Las Noches, and she felt vulnerable all over again. "I never pretended anything, " she managed in a shaky voice, "I was young and confused. And right now I am sure that once I meet the right person, I will know."

Ulquiorra looked unconvinced. He stood roaming over her, casting a shadow on her face, watching, waiting for something. Orihime felt like she was back in that room again, arguing, fighting with him, trying to stand her ground. Back then she was sure that she knew everything, that her faith would never shake. But right now she did not know at all. Despite this continuous tension between them, despite all of her emotions and his emptiness, it always seemed like Ulquiorra was ahead of her. Even after Ichigo's hollow completely slaughtered him, he still stood proud and unbroken as he took his last breath before turning into ash. Right at that moment Orihime felt like dying herself, while watching her friends being consumed by tragedy, witnessing her own failures, and seeing the being, who should've been the one broken instead of her, stand victorious over their tattered humanity that stabbed and maimed them into despair.

She spent years trying to convince herself that love was real, that she would eventually find it and be happy. But after what happened in Hueco Mundo, she felt tired and jaded. Jaded from the disillusionment and broken promises, jaded from losing faith in what she believed was true, jaded from her broken dreams. Ulquiorra might've been a hollow, he might've never known love and friendship, but he was always sure of himself and of what he wanted. And she respected him for it, and sometimes even wished to be more like him. If only their fates were different and they met under different circumstances, perhaps they would've been able to become friends, and maybe even…

"If you have nothing else to say to me, I am leaving." Ulquiorra interrupted her thoughts and turned away from her.

Without even thinking of what she was doing, Orhime caught him by the sleeve.

"What are you doing?" he asked tonelessly.

"You can't leave!"

In truth, Orihime felt ashamed, ashamed of the fact that despite the harshness in his words, Ulquiorra was absolutely right. She was weak, fickle and stupid. She had no idea of what real love was, and she felt drained. Getting over Ichigo was not difficult, and she did not love him anymore. But neither could she bring herself to love anyone else. Perhaps it was just an illusion that humans exaggerated into something unbelievable, perhaps it was more like a fantasy, a fairytale that did not even exist in this realm. And instead of living in that fantasy, she wanted to come out and feel what was real.

"You are right!" she said, "I talk about it like it exists, but I don't know anything. I can't even make myself to feel it for anyone! Am I just a fake? Is this all a lie?"

"It is not a lie." his voice was barely audible.

"How do you know?" she walked around to face him. "You are not even human and you always look like you know something that I don't! Even after you fought Ichigo for Aizen-"

"My battle with Kurosaki Ichigo was not for Aizen." he cut her off watching her eyes widen in surprise.

Ulquiorra realized that he would probably regret it later but he wanted her to know the truth, his reason for fighting on the dome. As soon as Ichigo appeared, everything that Aizen ordered instantly evaporated only to be replaced by one desire to keep the boy away from her. Even if Kurosaki mistook his actions for something else, even if there was a misjudgment on his part, at that moment Ulquiorra knew that if he did not beat him, if he failed to settle everything once and for all, she would be lost to him forever.

"Then why?" Orihime whispered in disbelief. "All of that rampage, why did it happen? Why did you fight him if it wasn't for Aizen?"

"I fought him because he was going to take something away from me."

Orihime was about to ask him another question but stopped. The intensity in his gaze sent a shiver down her spine but she couldn't look away. Despite wanting to know what that something was, somehow she already did and it confused her even more. Ulquiorra was always a mystery, a mystery that favored logic, yet none of this made any sense to her.

"But you are a hollow! You are not interested in those things!" she blurred out then immediately gave herself a mental kick, "I mean, you are obviously interested in those things, but you were never interested in me!"

Ulquiorra frowned and took a step forward watching Orihime gasp in surprise. He wasn't sure whether it was anger or disbelief, but he felt like shutting her up and making it clear once and for all how he felt about her, so she would stop spouting ridiculous ideas and pretending he was still nothing but a hollow. Yet, he did not touch her and only stopped close enough for her to bend her head backwards to look at him.

"Despite of what you think of me," he whispered leaning forward, "I am still a man."

There was something strange in the way he said it. It sounded like Ulquiorra wanted to convince her of something other than what she already knew, for her to see a different side of him. Indeed, he was a man, but in Las Noches his masculinity remained unnoticed behind the paleness, deceit, and war. And Orihime never gave it much thought that he was capable of desiring anything at all. Yet, here he was in front of her, still the same person, but somehow different with the stubborn harshness in his frown and the hard outline of his jaw that suddenly made her feel very self-conscious.

Impulsively, Orihime reached out and grabbed his shirt pulling him forward. Their faces were only an inch away as she looked into the green abyss of his eyes before covering his mouth with hers. In an instant there were no Rei, Hueco Mundo, and the feelings of guilt that she would eventually have to face. It was just him, a monster in a form of a man who somehow made her feel human again.

Orihime moaned feeling his tongue slide inside her mouth sending strange sensations to the pit of her stomach. She put her arms around his neck pressing herself closer to him. And as soon as she did, Ulquiorra lifted her off the floor letting her wrap her legs around his hips. Are you afraid? He asked her once. And now she knew why she said "no". It wasn't his presence and his brutality or the continuous indifference that hid everything else. That never terrified her as much as her own weaknesses. And right now she was afraid of herself and the things she would allow him to do, the things that she wanted him to do, and the feeling of emptiness that he would leave behind as soon as he stepped outside. Orihime never told him, and neither did she dare to admit it to herself, but Ulquiorra was like another part of her, the darker part who always knew what went on inside her heart without her having to utter a single word, what she wanted, and how to make her whole again. It was already evident in Las Noches where everything that she thought about herself turned out to be a lie, revealing something completely different which left her terrified. Back then Orihime thought that she was betraying someone by sympathizing with him. She felt hideous and dirty and tried to disguise it under the usual mask of cheerfulness. But not anymore. This was her true self that she should've accepted long ago. It only took one word, one look from him to break down her barriers and to set her free. And she would allow him to do whatever he wanted as long as he kept this feeling alive.

Ulquiorra set her on the table sliding one hand under her shirt and Orihime tightened her legs around him, feeling his hardness pressing against her as he lowered his mouth to her neck. Even for a moment, even if it wasn't love, she would let it happen. She would allow him to take something away from her that she was supposed to treasure until that fabled special moment. But in truth, Orihime already knew that she was only fooling herself, living in an illusion while her life was passing her by, while this was passing her by. And even if it wasn't like she had imagined, even if it would be all over tomorrow, it was still better than pretending to live and hiding herself behind the façade of mock happiness.