Sorry this update took so long... this chapter was just really hard to get out properly for some reason. Anyway, one more chapter to go after this so hope you guys are enjoying.
Spoilers: No particular episodes. Inspired by "P3 H2O" (2x08) and set before the show's first season so this fic is based off tidbits from the show over the years.
Disclaimer: Charmed is owned by Spelling Television and everyone else who made the show as amazing as it has been. I'm just a fan having lots of fun.
May 1977
Dear Sam,
I have been calling but you have not answered. Is it because you ignore my calls or because you can't hear them anymore? Perhaps mortality is more trying than you expected, but They have not assigned me a new Whitelighter, and so I must assume that you have not done it, that you are still my guide. Come back to me, Sam, or send me a sign at least. I imagine the worse—you powerless with no defense, you stranded and alone, you with your memory wiped. What would They not do if provoked?
After all we've been through, I don't want this to come between us. Let's talk this over or let me just be there for you. Please, Sam, don't make me resort to magic. I am healthy and well and so is the baby. We don't need any more from you than you are already giving us… we just miss you.
Last week, the girls discovered that if they sit on my lap long enough, my stomach will "tickle" them. Every night now is a competition to be first on Mommy's lap. Even Mom is charmed. They don't know they are feeling their baby sister moving but still it gives them such pleasure. Come home, Sam, and share this with us. Our time with her grows shorter too fast. We must snatch what moments we can.
Love,
Patty
o
Dear Sam,
You have my forgiveness and my understanding, but still, I feel as if you are eluding me and still, I wonder how you are, what you are. I'm controlling myself though. At least I'm trying to. I've stopped calling. Have you noticed? Can you?
I think your current absence long but I've been doing a lot of thinking and I realized that we have been apart far longer, doing our duties to the world. Is that why our separation now persists? Do They have you watching over others elsewhere? Tell me that they do not suspect anything between us, that they remain clueless about the baby. I must know.
I think I have figured out why the moments we steal are always stolen back from us. We are both too good at what we do—our destinies seem designed to draw us apart. We must both become amateurs again so that I may need more guidance and you may have less charges. We would have grand time, you and I, learning from each other. We always have.
Love,
Patty
June 1977
Dear Sam,
Don't be too unhappy with yourself. I'm not disappointed that you couldn't do it. For all we've been through, I think you've been glad to have been what you are. You've had a chance to teach and guide, to continue your life's passion even after death, on a scale far greater than must have seemed imaginable to you at first. And you've taken that chance and you've embraced it, helped so many. With you as my Whitelighter, I've never found my destiny too unbearable. Your wings are a gift, not a curse. It is the rules that are our burdens. We must not let them break us down now. We must be strong for each other.
We threw a party here, at the Manor, the other day to celebrate Piper's birthday. She spent a good amount of time showing off the charm bracelet I had given her that morning, she was so proud of it. I feel so blessed to have girls who are so willing to be pleased, who experience life so joyfully. Thank you for the storybooks. They are delightful and she is not all too old for them. The girls loved them and I think perhaps Piper may have finally gotten a good night's sleep. With everything that has been going on lately, she's been having a tough time. It was a good day for her, for all of us.
Love,
Patty
o
Dear Sam,
You shall soon be in love with an insane woman. Mom watches me with eagle eyes and I feel as if I can barely get up without her asking me if I mean to leave the house or get involved in what could be potentially dangerous magic. Do you think me utterly incapable of maintaining some sort of normalcy simply because I am this far along? Oh, Sam, you will have to save me from boredom before I start making bad decisions.
I've been thinking, though, Sam, that maybe we could name her. Such a small thing, but one day, when she starts asking questions, she'll know we loved her, wanted her. Maybe she'll understand. You know how much I love my girls, how much I love seeing them together. I can't help but think of our little girl joining them. I can't help but think of baby names. I know how this sounds—like I'm getting too attached, like I'm digging myself in too deep, but she's growing inside me and I don't feel detached from this and I can't pretend to. Just a name, Sam, no more. I promise. A name so she will not be a stranger in our memories.
Love,
Patty
July 1977
Dear Sam,
Truly you are spoiling me by being here so often. How do you manage it when you have so many charges and one demon a day is enough to keep my hands full? You will not say it, but I have seen it in your face, your actions: it exhausts you, going at this pace. Be at ease, Sam, and focus on your charges. Don't feel you must always be here, with me. Come when you are able. The baby stays put for now, and I promise I will call when it's time. We must not give Them a reason to think They should pay special attention to the Manor.
On the subject of names, you still have not given me an answer. If you think it a bad idea because it will make this harder than it already is, then I understand, but I think there is more to it than that. You seem too worried for it to be just that. I confess I have my own doubts—there are so many reasons that perhaps this is not the best of ideas. Perhaps we worry for the same reasons.
Love,
Patty
o
Dear Sam,
She is coming soon, I feel it. Are we really going to be able to do it? Give her up? I think of her in the system and my heart breaks. I feel so woefully unprepared, so crept up on. I should know how hard this will be—I have had three beautiful girls. I look within myself, searching, and I wonder where I will find the strength to do this.
If we were a normal couple I would tell you, let's run away. But if They don't figure us out first, Mom will, and I can't give up my girls nor could I drag them into this. Yet still I am unwilling to believe that we have already settled on the only practical solution. There is still time and I must still wonder if there is another way.
Love,
Patty