A/N: Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews that I have been receiving. They have been great. IkeaGoddess, thank you to you for all the in depth reviews you have been giving me. They are wonderful and really keep me going. And notashamedtobesoilyfan…I loved the last review you gave me. It made me chuckle J To all my new readers, thank you for all your reviews and I hope I can keep this story going for a little while longer because I have so many ideas reeling around in my mind so this could turn out to be a much longer story than I had planned it to be. So enjoy the next Chapter and review, review, review.

Elena ran out of the house and disappeared down the drive. Damon was frozen, he couldn't move. He didn't understand what had happened to make her stop. What had he done to cause her to break such an intense, intimate moment between them? Damon let out a low growl and stood up. He grabbed the glass and threw it into the fireplace hearing it shatter. He went upstairs to his room, slamming the door behind him before he began to pace back and forth in his room, replaying the scene that had just occurred trying to find out what had happened, but he just couldn't find anything that he may have done wrong. He let out a low sigh and flopped down onto his bed, brows furrowed as he stared up at the ceiling.

'I just can't ever get what I want,' he whispered to himself.

Chapter Eight:

Elena's POV:

Elena reached home, found the spare key to the front door, quickly opened it and went inside.

'Jenna, are you home?' she called out and waited for a few moments.

Silence.

Elena let out a sigh of relief knowing Jenna wasn't home and probably wouldn't be home for a few hours. She ran upstairs to her room, closed the door and kicked off her shoes before she began to pace back and forth, running her hand through her hair ever so now and again as she played back what happened. A part of her still not wanting to believe that she had just kissed Damon Salvatore…no wait, that she had let Damon Salvatore kiss her and that she, Elena Gilbert, actually kissed him back and clearly she enjoyed it immensely, more than a broken hearted girl should.

What had she been thinking when she had let that happen? Clearly she wasn't using her logical thinking as far as that was concerned but she had told herself that she would not fall for Damon because he was Stefan's brother and even though Stefan clearly didn't feel anything for Elena, she was still hurting over that. She would not use Damon or any other guy as a rebound to try and console her broken heart because that was just so wrong and something she would never do. Yes, fair enough Damon could be an asshole at times but he didn't deserve that sort of treatment and I'm sure, in some weird way, he would feel like he was back with Katherine if she did because once again he would just be getting used by a woman, not for some little game but to heal a broken heart for now and once it was healed what then? Would she just dump him one side and move on with her life? Would she actually find that she truly does love him and that he means more to her than just 'the rebound guy'? Elena let out a sigh and moved to grab her diary from its hiding place. She sat down on the seat by the window and looked out over the street where a few of the neighbors were walking by. She chewed on the back of the pen as she tried to calm her racing mind and set things in some form of order.

Dear Diary,

I don't know what happened today but it ended with an intense kiss and me leaving the boarding house.

From the beginning…Stefan does not care about me and I'm guessing he hasn't for quite some time. Damon confirmed that for me today and I found that I was strangely…at peace with that. Maybe it's because I have been spending the last few days with Damon and he's been there to comfort me when I needed it. Sure I could have gone to Bonnie or Caroline but…I didn't want to. The only place I have wanted to be was at the boarding house and…I've only wanted to be in Damon's company. I don't know why. Maybe it's because it was the closest to Stefan that I was going to get and maybe I just needed to be there to have some sort of…closure.

On top of that I found out that now I have another vampire relative…my brother. Jeremy has become a vampire and he left me a note. I felt happy and sad all at once. I was happy because he forgave me in the letter and that's all I ever wanted, was his forgiveness because him and I had always been so close and it was absolute torture for me feeling as though he despised me and would never forgive me. Yet at the same time as being happy, I was sad because I never got a chance to hug him and tell him how much I love him, even though I'm not really his sister…by blood at least. He said he'd come back to Mystic Falls some day but I just don't know when that will be and that is what makes me the saddest. I can only hope that he will write when he can and that he will let me know he is alright from time to time. So to round up my family: My real mother is a vampire and a big disappointment in my eyes, my uncle John turned out to be my real father whom Katherine has now killed and my brother has recently turned into a vampire. I know people always say that their families are weird…but mine takes the cake. Mine is beyond weird…so weird I often think that I'm just in one big, twisted dream and I'm waiting for someone to wake me up. But somehow I've managed to make peace with all of that.

But there is just one thing I can't seem to understand completely. How did I end up letting Damon Salvatore kiss me? And why don't I regret it?

We were sitting on the chair, discussing all these things about Stefan not caring and then about what he said in the kitchen that night that Katherine had a hold of me. Today was the first time I actually got a faint idea of how much Damon really cares about me…about how much he really…loves me. When he told me what he did I felt…like my heart was going to explode with so much…I don't know exactly but it felt like my heart was just swelling up inside my chest. I felt warm all over at his words and for the first time since I started seeing the good side of Damon, it wasn't hidden behind walls of arrogance or cocky little comments. For the first time all of that came crashing down and I was let in. I experienced what no one else ever had. I experienced the warmth and love that Damon had for no one else…apart from me. He doesn't care much for anyone else, as he always says, but today…I saw just how much he cared for me. I could see he was trying so hard to build up those walls again but they just wouldn't go up.

And then that's when it happened. I don't know why I did it, perhaps I was just so wrapped up in this sudden realization that I couldn't help but do it but I leaned in and kissed him softly on the cheek and as I breathed in the scent of his cologne that I have grown to love so much I felt my heart race and I pulled away. He asked why I had done that. I lied…kind of. I told him it was a simple thank you kiss for caring so much. It wasn't really a lie but it wasn't the entire truth either. In part, yes it was to thank him, but the real reason was that I was acting on impulse and that impulse wanted to kiss him, wanted to do more than a simple kiss on the cheek but my logical thinking still had a slight hold over me. But it seemed that my 'logical' thinking faded away completely after that or else I would have stopped Damon when he leaned in closer to me. But I didn't and that was like an open invitation for him to continue on the path he was set on. It was like rolling out the welcome mat and telling him to just go right ahead. And that's what he did.

His lips locked with mine in a soft, hesitant kiss. He was clearly bracing himself for me to push him away and quite possibly slap him across the face because that is exactly what I would have done if I was in my right mind…but clearly I wasn't. I wasn't thinking at all…it was all that impulse again. His lips felt strange against my own and yet they were exactly what I wanted to feel. I did not push him away and I tried not to moan but I couldn't help myself. My entire body seemed to heat up and my heart was racing away. As soon as that moan escaped me everything just broke out like a raging fire. The kiss became more passionate and Damon pulled me closer to him. My entire body seemed to delight at being wrapped in his arms, to be held so close to him as his lips continued to move with mine, locked in a passionate embrace of their own. My breathing was ragged and I made my way onto his lap, my hands running through his hair. I had never experienced such a burning passion for anyone in my entire life until now and…it was with Damon Salvatore.

He was all around me and I felt like all my problems had just faded away completely. Nothing else mattered at this point. It was just him, me and our intense kiss and that was all that I wanted. It was all that I needed….and that scared me. I pulled away from Damon and I could see the look of concern in his eyes, those intense blue eyes that at one point I used to despise because of what he had done but now…I had grown to love them. He was clearly trying to work out what he had done wrong and it wasn't anything he had done. This had all felt…so good and that scared me for some reason. It scared me because I shouldn't feel like this for Damon so soon after what has happened with Stefan. I should be a broken heart girl but I'm not. In that one kiss it seemed that every wound I had on my heart just seemed to close right up. I'm scared that this is all some dream that is just going to shatter and reveal the cold, dark reality of just being utterly alone and unloved. I'm scared that this is all too good to be true. I'm scared that maybe I let Damon in, give him my heart and…well a repeat scenario happens and he runs off in search of Katherine and I know I won't be able to handle that sort of pain again. I think it's safe to say that….I do love Damon and…for I just feel like I shouldn't because it's too soon and I'm worried that this isn't really love at all, just a rebound version of love. I'd hate myself if that was the case and…that's why I left. I couldn't explain it to him. I couldn't get the words out and I know he must be quite hurt and possibly even angry at me for what I did but…I needed to get all these thoughts out, get them on paper so that maybe then I'll be able to explain it all to him…sort of. That's even if he wants to see me again after what has happened.

Elena set her pen down and read over what she had written. Once again it all just looked like an over flow of emotions, jumping from one thing to the next but that's what her mind seemed to be like these days. She only wished it would settle down soon. She was growing tired of feeling as though she were on a rollercoaster. She wanted things to slow down, to become calm again and take on some form of normalcy. It seemed like she was wishing for too much but she clung to that wish and was determined to see it come to reality. Elena sighed and grabbed her phone out of her pocket. She got up and went through her contacts list, stopping when she found Damon's number. She chewed on her bottom lip as she tried to decide if she wanted to phone him or not and then whether to phone him or send him a text. She was afraid of what he might say, what he might sound like.

'Text it is,' Elena whispered to herself.

Damon,

Elena's fingers hovered over the keys of her phone and her mind was a complete blank. What the hell was she going to say to Damon? Hey Damon sorry I freaked out on you there but you know I actually really love you and…well yeah I don't actually know why I ran away like that but I hope you can forgive me. Love Elena. Elena shook her head of that thought. It was stupid but she had to tell him something.

I'm sorry for just running out like that with no explanation. I know you're probably wondering what it is that YOU did wrong but please believe me when I say it wasn't anything you did. I understand if you're angry at me and don't want to talk to me right now but…I would like to see you sometime soon so that we can talk about all of this.

Elena sighed as she looked at the words. It seemed like lately all she did was talk things out with Damon. First with Stefan, then her brother and now it would be about this. She was tired of talking and tired of crying. Maybe that's why she didn't stop Damon. Maybe her body was tired of having her mind in control. Maybe it wanted to just try and heal her in its own way. Elena looked down and began to type again.

I know you're probably tired of talking about things but I really need to tell you what I did and…what I've discovered. Just give me a call or a…text message back telling me when you want to get together, if you do at all.

Elena.

Elena sent the message before she could change her mind and then set her phone on the bed side table. She ran a hand through her hair and then walked down stairs to get something to eat. It was close to lunch time and she decided that she better force some food into her stomach, even though she didn't feel like eating. She needed to do something to try and take her mind off of all this emotional chaos in her life.

At some point of the morning Damon had fallen asleep on the bed and by the time he woke up it was late afternoon. Damon ran a hand over his face and through his hair as he sat up, swinging his legs off the bed as his hand moved to rub the back of his neck. He picked up his phone from the bed side table to check the time and noticed he had a message.

Damon opened the message and read it. He hit the reply button and was going to reply with a simple answer but he couldn't do it. He growled and cancelled the reply setting his phone back on the bed side table. A part of him wanted to go and see her and hear this whole explanation she had for him because that part of him, that 'rational' part of him, knew that she had every right to do what she had done. But that part of him wasn't in control right now. Right now he was a wounded vampire, a vampire who didn't fully understand what he had done wrong, a vampire who once again, it seemed, would not be getting what he wanted. He had opened up to her, he had let her in, they had kissed and it was the most intense kiss he had ever experienced in his life…it was the type of kiss that seemed to confirm that she was meant to be his, that they were meant to be together but then it all shattered. The warmth of her body, her emotions, her soul were ripped away from him and he was left sitting on the couch, suddenly feeling cold and…vulnerable which was something Damon Salvatore had not felt in a very long time. He just needed some time to himself right now. Some time to try and sort through all this chaos that had arrived on his doorstep the moment his saintly brother decided to go on his whole heroic, romantic mission to search for his long lost love and declare his love for her. Damon rolled his eyes at the thought of that and shook his head. He headed off to the bathroom to have a quick shower.

Once he was done in the shower he dried off and got dressed in his usual choice of black attire. He sat down at his desk and pulled out a pen and paper. He held the pen poised above the paper and tried to think of what to write down. He wasn't used to this, pouring out his feelings onto a piece of paper because for years he never cared for emotions. They just got in the way. But he needed to do this, he wouldn't leave without leaving her some form of explanation should she come around here looking for him. He let out a sigh and then began to scribble down what he was feeling. It took him nearly two hours to get through it all but he finally managed to get it all out. He folded the letter and placed it into an envelope. He wrote Elena's name on it and then stood t pack a few things into a small bag for himself. He walked to the guest room and found Elena's few belongings. He placed them in a bag, walked into his room to grab his bag and the letter and then headed downstairs.

He set Elena's things down on the floor with the letter on top of it. He didn't want to do this but he was hurting and…well he just really needed a few days to himself, a few days to cool off and not do something he may regret, something that may cost him Elena's friendship because he couldn't afford to lose that…if that's all he would ever have. He looked around the boarding house one last time, grabbed the keys to his car and headed out.