He set Elena's things down on the floor with the letter on top of it. He didn't want to do this but he was hurting and…well he just really needed a few days to himself, a few days to cool off and not do something he may regret, something that may cost him Elena's friendship because he couldn't afford to lose that…if that's all he would ever have. He looked around the boarding house one last time, grabbed the keys to his car and headed out.

Chapter Nine:

Elena was going to make something simple to eat but when she got into the kitchen she decided on cooking something that would take a good few hours to prepare. It's what she needed to get her mind off of everything. She dragged out a cook book and decided on making a roast with potatoes, vegetables and rice with gravy. Once the roast was done Elena cut it up and dished up the food for the family and then went about cleaning up before she pulled out things to bake some cookies. She was busy with this when Jenna came home and walked to the kitchen a frown on her face.

'Alright, who are you and what have you done with Elena?'

Elena turned around, a little short of breath and her face filled with white patches of flour, her hair tied up in a loose ponytail.

'Hey Jenna,' she replied with a small smile.

'What's going on here?' Jenna asked and looked around.

'Oh…um…well I was going to make something light but…well I just decided to go all out with the cooking.'

Jenna looked around and then back at Elena.

'I can see that. And you do a better job of cooking than I do. So tell me what's bothering you then.'

'What makes you think anything is bothering me?' Elena asked, giving a small, nervous laugh as she began to clear up.

'Well usually this is what most women do when they're angry or trying to distract themselves from something so…which are you? Angry or Distracted?'

Elena sighed and turned around to face Jenna. She was caught out, there was no reason to try and hide it now. Elena set the dish cloth down and sat at the table while waiting for the cookies to finish baking.

'Boy trouble and lots of it.'

Jenna sat down across from her.

'Well then let's hear it.'

Elena began to tell Jenna about everything, obviously leaving out all the vampire things but in a nutshell what had happened. Stefan had broken up with her and Damon had to be the one to tell her that the reason Stefan had broken up with her was not because he felt that she was falling for Damon but because his ex-girlfriend came back to town and he wanted to be with her. Stefan didn't care about Elena anymore and the 'bad boy' brother Damon Salvatore was the only one who was there for her, ready to comfort her and answer any questions she had. She went on to tell Jenna about how she felt about Damon, about how she had grown to care about Damon, more than she ever thought she would. She told Jenna about how Damon felt about her, about the kiss that had followed, about all her confusion over this whole thing.

'And now, I'm trying to keep my mind off of it all because I know how I feel about Damon and it scares me a little because I shouldn't feel this way. I'm supposed to be heart broken and yet I'm not. And I just left like that today and…I don't know what to expect from him. I've probably hurt him and I'm trying not to think about that because…well I just don't think my mind or my heart could think about that as well right now.'

Jenna looked at Elena for a long while before she drew in a breath and let it out slowly.

'And I thought I had really complicated 'guy trouble' in my life.'

Elena rolled her eyes and shook her head. 'Thanks Jenna, that makes me feel so much better.'

'Sorry, I didn't mean to make it worse. But I say follow your heart on this one. Stefan clearly wasn't the right choice for you, even though he pulled off the 'good guy' role really well. It looks to me like Damon is the better match for you.'

Elena sighed and looked at Jenna. 'How can you say that? You don't trust him and, apart from his good looks, you never really liked anything else about him.'

'Yeah, well that's true but let's look at this for a moment. You said yourself that Damon has never lied to you, he's never kept things from you and, even though it wasn't his place to tell you about why Stefan really dumped you, he did. In my opinion that points to someone who really, truly cares about you Elena. That's what someone who cares about you and…loves you does. They don't keep secrets, they don't lie and they tell you the truth no matter how much it hurts because they'll be there to comfort you.'

Elena frowned as she thought about it all. Jenna was right. If Damon didn't love her so much he wouldn't have bothered telling her and he wouldn't have gone through...everyrthing he has.

'Thanks Jenna.'

'Hey, that's what I'm here for,' Jenna replied smiling warmly at Elena.

Elena set down the cloth and hugged Jenna. She pulled away and let out a sigh.

'Well I'm going to go and see if I got a text back from him yet or not.' Elena said as she stood up.

'And if he hasn't sent one back and you feel you're ready to talk to him then I suggest you go over there tonight and speak to him...while it's all still fresh in your mind.'

Elena smiled at Jenna and nodded before heading upstairs.

Elena closed her bedroom door and checked her phone, letting out a heavy sigh as her heart sank when she saw there was no message from him at all.

'Go and see him Elena,' she said to herself and went into the bathroom to get cleaned up.

An hour later she was heading out the door, keys in hand and ready to go and speak with Damon. She got into the car and drove off to the boarding house.

Elena arrived at the boarding house and frowned as she saw it in darkness, no light but a light glow from the parlor window which must have been coming from the fireplace. Elena closed the car door and headed up to the house. She knocked on the door and waited a few minutes for a response. When none came she attempted to open the door, finding it unlocked.

'Damon?' she called out into the boarding house as she slowly stepped inside, looking around, suddenly feeling a little uneasy being there.

'Damon, are you here?'

It was stupid question but then again one never did know if a vampire was home or simply playing a game of 'let's scare the human'. She walked down the hall slowly and went into the parlor. The fire was blazing in the fireplace but there was no sign of Damon at all. Elena turned to leave the parlor when she noticed a bag set down on the floor and an envelope on the top of it. She walked over to the bag and picked up the letter. It was addressed to her. Elena already felt a lump forming in her throat. The last time she received a letter in this house it was from her brother. She drew in a staggered breath and sat down in one of the chairs. She tucked her hair behind her ear as she looked over her name, written finely across the envelope. She slowly turned it over and opened it up. She pulled out the letter and began to read:

Elena,

I've placed the few things you left here earlier in the bag that came with this envelope. I figured you'd like them back.

I'm really not good at writing about how I feel or why I do what I do because I usually just do what I do because I feel like it and I don't feel the need to explain to anyone. But you're different and you're the only person I feel I need to...attempt to explain what I have done and why. So here it goes.

I've left town for a few days. I needed to get away, to clear my head after what happened between us. I know that you said to me you wanted to see me and explain to me why you did what you did,why you freaked out like that today but I...couldn't bring myself to see you. Not yet anyways. I wont lie to you Elena, I was...hurt by your actions but I don't blame you or want you to think that I am angry at you for pulling away like that. I understand why you did that but it doesn't mean it didn't hurt me. I hate being vulnerable. I hate letting my guard down and getting close to people because that's how you end up getting hurt the worst. Today all those walls came crashing down that I had spent years building up. Today, in that kiss, I truly let you in. I let you feel exactly how I feel about you in that kiss. So, when you pulled away like that...I had no way of building those walls back up. They're completely shattered and for the first time in a century and a half...I actually felt...human. That scared the hell out of me and it made me angry and it still does. So I just need to take a few days away to cool off. To try and pull in the emotions because I was afraid that if I did see you now...I would just do something that would make me lose you as a friend and to be honest, if your friendship is all I will ever get then I am not doing one damn thing that will make me lose it. I would rather have you in my life as a friend than not have you in it at all. God, that sounds so cliche but I have no other way of putting it.

I know this letter is probably not making any god damn sense at all but basically I just wanted to let you know that I've left town for a few days. I might go to Georgia but I'm not too certain on that yet. In a nutshell: I'm a vampire who had his guard knocked down, let a woman in and showed her how he felt and it all just went downhill from there. I just need time. I promise that I will let you know when I am back in town. I know you can be one stubborn little human so I hope you don't attempt to find me. But I won't be surprised if you do.

I'll see you soon Elena and hopefully when I do come back we can try and explain ourselves a little better.

Take care of yourself please.

Damon.

The tears just rolled down Elena's cheeks and the lump finally broke into quiet sobs. She crumpled the letter up in her hand, angry at herself now for causing him to leave. She knew that she had every right to do what she had done earlier but now she wished she hadn't. Elena stood up and looked around the empty boarding house, the only sounds were her quiet sobs and the crackling from the fireplace. She moved out of the parlor and walked up the stairs in a blurry daze. She found her way into Damon's room and stood in the doorway looking around, closing her eyes as she inhaled the scent of his cologne that still lingered there, the tears now falling silently down her cheeks. She swallowed and drew in a staggered breath before taking a step into his room and switching on the light so that she could see it properly. Her eyes moved over everything in the room. Some small part of her knew she was being absurd. Damon was going to be back in a few days, it wasn't like he was gone forever. But the rest of her was acting as though he were. She was acting as if she had just received the news that he had died.

Elena walked over to his desk, running her finger lightly across the top of it. She moved from the desk over to shelves holding a variety of books. She ran her fingers over the spines and stopped when she found one that caught her attention. It had Damon's initials on it. She pulled it out and opened it slowly to reveal a journal of sorts...or an attempt at keeping one. She smiled slightly as she recalled him telling her how he had attempted to keep a journal at one stage but hadn't succeeded. She took the book and walked over to his bed. She sat down on the bed, tucking her legs under her as she opened it up. The entries were all recent and she scanned through some of them noticing the change in him as he wrote. He went from writing about destroying this town, about hating humans so much, about Katherine. This was in almost every entry up until the one that caught Elena's eye. It was an entry about her. It was an entry dated on the night that they had opened that tomb in an attempt to rescue Katherine who was never there. Elena knew she shouldn't be reading any of this but she had started and now she couldn't stop.

Katherine was never in that tomb. I went through all of this for no god damn reason and what makes it even worse is that she is still alive. Always has been and hasn't even bothered to come and find me. It seems everyone gets their happy ending except me. But something happened tonight that made me feel...well not as foolish as I should have. And it happened with Elena.

She came back into that tomb and she pleaded with me to get out of it. I looked into her eyes and I could see the concern she had for me. I could see she truly cared about me getting out of that tomb. I had to follow. I walked out into the night and I felt completely...empty. The one woman I have loved for over a century was not in the tomb she was supposed to be in. I felt...shattered. I had nothing to live for anymore. There was no drive there in me, nothing keeping me attached to this god forsaken world. And then Elena walked over to me and she wrapped her arms around me. She pulled me to her in a warm, tight embrace. And she told me she was sorry. I could tell she was truly sorry. Her words and her embrace were enough to make me want to break down completely. I tried so hard to bite back the tears that I knew were going to come rolling out and it was so not this vampire's thing to cry. But she made me want to do just that. She was...healing my wounds already with those words and with that hug. Somehow she was the only one who truly seemed to understand me. Elena somehow has a way of understanding me and that...scares me a little. I can never keep things hidden from her. She seems to be able to see through everything I have up and get right to the point of why I do what I do, why I act the way I do and that is just something I never expected her to be able to do.

I'm still a mess over this whole discovery about Katherine and yet...I don't feel as shattered as I did earlier and that's all because of her.

Elena smiled slightly as she finished reading his entry. It was so strange being able to read his true feelings like this. It showed her that even he had real feelings even if he said he didn't care or acted like he wasn't that hurt by what had happened. He had been truly hurting. Elena flipped through another few pages and stopped at another entry. It was dated after Isobel had visited Mysitc Falls.

Great, my skill of being able to hide my true feelings must be failing hopelessly around here if Isobel, who hasn't been here in Mystic Falls in years can see right through me. Although I suppose me going to see her and telling her that coming into town and threatening people I care about, especially Elena was a dead give away right there that I had feelings for her. I thought she would pick up that I cared about Elena...not that I loved her.

Now the cat is out of the bag. Now Stefan knows, although I'm sure he already knew too, and Elena knows. I didn't want her to know because we have just started forming a close friendship and maybe through that something more may have happened but that was highly unlikely. And her knowing the truth really wouldn't change anything. She would always love Stefan and I would just be the brother that she had a close friendship with. She wouldn't look at me any differently and now tonight I had to get the whole 'history will not be repeating itself where Elena is concerned' speech from Stefan.

Truth be told...I KNOW for a FACT that I would be better for her than Stefan ever would be. Elena needs someone she can trust to tell her the truth, to not hide things from her. She needs someone, if it's going to be a vampire for a boyfriend, then it needs to be someone who has CONTROL over himself when around blood. I could give her all of that and so much more. It's hard for people to believe that the 'big bad' Salvatore brother can actually feel things but it's true and...I only feel them for Elena. Katherine...well the bitch lost her hold over me the moment I found out she was still alive and that she's known all along where I have been and hasn't bothered to even look for me. Elena is someone so completely different to Katherine. Elena...is truly everything I would want in a woman.

I can't believe I'm writing all this down. I never keep journals. I lose interest in keeping them but...I need to keep one with my feelings for Elena. I don't think I'll ever feel the way I feel about her for anyone else. I guess I need to keep these memories written down so that I don't forget that I actually felt this way for a human...that I could actually...love someone other than Katherine.

Elena shut the journal feeling worse off than she had before about what she had done. She picked up the journal and put it back in its place. She continued to walk around the room and stopped when she found one of his shirt tossed over the door of his closet. She took it down and held it close, inhaling the scent of him and the tears began to fall again. Elena was fighting a raging battle inside. Would she be the stubborn girl she was and go and find him, or would she just leave him be and let him come home when he was ready to? She held the shirt close to her as she walked out of his room, making sure to switch off the light. She walked down the stairs, grabbed the bagand the scrumpled up letter before walking out of the boarding house and back to her car. She tossed the bag inside and got into the driver's side. She wanted to go after him because she was afraid that the days would turn into weeks, weeks would turn into months and months into years. She was afraid that maybe he would just decide not to come back at all. She drew in a staggered breath. No, this was Damon, he would come back to her. He wouldn't just not come back. She tried to tell herself that over and over again, trying to give herself some form of comfort that he would return to her and that they could discuss all this, get past it and move on with...well whatever may follow after it. She started the car and headed off back home.

Elena arrived home, grabbed the bag, the shirt and the letter and headed inside. Jenna naturally was stil awake and when she heard the front door close she came through from the living room.

'So, how did it go?'

Elena looked at Jenna and simply shook her head. 'He's um...he's left town for a few days,' she replied, chewing on her bottom lip trying to stop the fresh tears from falling.

'Oh, Elena...I'm...I'm so sorry,' Jenna replied and walked over to Elena, giving her a tight hug, trying to comfort her but Elena felt completely...numb.

'It's okay...I'll be fine,' Elena replied, stepped away from her aunt and walked upstairs, closing her bedroom door behind her.

She set the bag down on the floor, put the letter on her dresser and then began to get undressed. She slipped on Damon's shirt and then climbed into bed, switching off the light and hugging herself tightly as she inhaled his scent, a few tears falling onto her pillow and then she drifted off to sleep.

Damon stared out the window of a motel in Georgia, staring out at the darkness that engulfed the parking lot, a glass of whiskey in his hand and a frown on his face. He wondered if he had done the right thing by leaving. He wondered if he really needed a few days away from her because right now it didn't feel like he had made the right choice.

He sipped on the whiskey and thought about his actions. He hated feeling like this. He hadn't felt this...human in over a century. He had learned to switch all of that off because without it in the way it made life a lot easier for him, considering he was going to be living for an eternity and human emotions just made things more...complicated. Now he just couldn't seem to switch any of it off. He didn't want to switch off his feelings for Elena...he couldn't. He knew the switch for those feelings had snapped off ages ago and there was no way of fixing it to make it any other way. But it seemed all this pain, all the guilt for just leaving like that, the...wounded ego and vulnerability...all of that he really wanted to just switch right off and the more he tried the less it seemed to be working. He had considered going hunting earlier. He figured that maybe if he did that it would help with regaining some form of control over his old self but...Elena came to mind and all of that went out of the window.

Damon finished his whiskey, let out a sigh and turned away from the window. He set the glass down, took off his shirt, pants and shoes and then climbed into bed. He stared up at the ceiling, his mind focused only on her and within minutes he was asleep. Perhaps a good night's sleep is all he needed to get back on track. He needed to find some form of control on his life again...he needed to stop everything from spinning. He needed his existence to regain some form of order once more.

A/N: I'm so sorry that this chapter has taken so long to be posted but I have been off for a while and had no way of uploading it. So...I really hope you enjoy reading it...I hope it's what you were sort of expecting and I'll be posting the next chapter or two soon. But till those are done...review, review, review :) Thank you.

Oh and on another note: A lot of my ideas came from listening to songs that were in the episodes of the first season of The Vampire Diaries...mainly: 'Sounds Under Radio-All You Wanted', 'Mads Langer-Beauty of the Dark', 'Lifehouse-It is what it is', to name but a few. :)