DISCLAIMER: I own nothing so just get a bloody biscuit and sit tight okay? Gods, you people.
(We give thanks to: TitansRule - yesh, Kitty has a serious case of Awesome and I'm glad you approve^^ Bloodypassion, what's up girl, you still love me after all my ranting and dramatic crap-pulling?? Hell if you aren't just a peachy little thang! *gives cookies* AshmandaLC, honey, if Ah had mah way, y'all would be all up in there with some fahne assorted Cajun arse and y'd be having a good tahme on my tab cos honey, y'all rock mah world an' Ah ain' even kiddin! Course I didn't forget you, how could I? 'I'm not that unstable' hehehe Laceylou76, you continue to be mah honeypie an' Ah am gettin mahself a cape, jus' f' you, so you can laugh and regret calling me Master of anythang XD LadyMageLuna, hang in there honey, I promise I'm going to make it all okay again! Anon goddess, my special girl, you know how much I love you and your amazing feedback not to mention your talent as a writer and you know I am going to give you happy endings when i'm good and ready so in the meantime I hope this makes you happy honey. Irual, you really are a sweetheart aren't you? Sorry, there was no room for Romy just here, but you got a little tiny bit of Remy in there so gimme cookies and I will Romy up the joint for you as fast as I can within plot limits! And lastly to Valnar - you haven't made it here yet, or you have and haven't let me know yet, but you reviewed a bunch of the older crap and for that I am grateful. Plus you made some good points so well done to you and carry on having a good time with this! Enjoy, people!)
~Scarlet Letter ~
Realisations
~*************************************************************~
She opened her eyes slowly, the stark white of her surroundings gripping her with a terror she now knew exactly where stemmed from, and she sat bolt upright, looking around her wildly. She didn't know this place, but she wasn't strapped down and it looked so much cleaner – more modern – than the asylum had. There were monitors above her bed with squiggles on them but she didn't care about any of that. On the bed next to her lay John, eyes closed, so still and pale she couldn't but reach the conclusion that she had done something awful, something terrible... Hurt him... The tears that came were debilitating, racking her with a despair she'd never known the like of. She had never harmed anyone she knew by name, knew to be a friend. She'd never do that of her own free will. She hadn't been in control and this was the result of her inability to handle her powers. Curling in on herself and hugging her knees close to her torso she took in the enormity of it. This was her fault, all her fault. He looked so pale, so lifeless where he'd always been so intense and vibrant and she couldn't stop the tears, the crying wouldn't end –
"Wanda..?" She turned to face the voice, blinking away heavy teardrops from her lashes, her whole body pulsing with blue light. The man in the wheechair did not come any closer. He waited in the doorway for her move. Rogue's... Rogue's Professor... His Institute. He was nice. He was her father's old friend –
"Wanda, you must try and calm yourself my dear," he said reasonably, soothingly. Her eyes were tightly shut but when she opened them to look at him there were numerous medical implements floating around the room, and she let go of the energy abruptly, the harsh sounds of metallic object clattering to the floor deafening to her.
"I know that you must be feeling very confused, very upset, but I promise you, you are among friends here," he added, and she looked back to John, unable to see if he was breathing or not for the tears obstructing her view, convinced that he wasn't, that he never would again...
"He is alright, Wanda. He is going to be just fine." She turned her head towards the Professor again, torn between her desire to know for certain and the compulsion to scrutinise the apparently only unconscious Australian for lifesigns.
"May I join you?" She nodded, once, and the Professor approached in his wheelchair, parking neatly next to her, between her bed and John's. He looked at her with sympathetic, warm eyes and she hugged herself more tightly.
"You gave us all quite a fright, my dear. Your family is waiting outside for you – they will be most relieved to know that you are awake." Her eyes narrowed.
"My – my family?" His smile was comforting, she thought.
"Yes, the Brotherhood Of Mutants. A strange family you make, but they have been waiting for some time now to hear news of you. They are greatly concerned."
"Who..?" He seemed puzzled by her half-formed question but only showed it for the barest second.
"Fred Dukes, Todd Tolansky, Lance Alvers and your brother, Pietro." The monitor behind Wanda began to emit sparks.
"Calm yourself, my dear, if you do not wish to see him I will ensure that he leaves you be," the Professor said calmly, but she shook her head violently.
"I want them here – I want to see them – let me see – " The Professor nodded, and she fell quiet abruptly, lowering her head to her arms again.
"You may see them, of course. They'll be so glad you have woken up, my dear." She didn't see it but she heard someone behind her leaving and she threw out a hand and caught onto them with her powers, turning to see the large, blue creature that sometimes said good morning to her when she visited the Institute.
"Dr McCoy here has been taking care of you and St. John while you have been with us," the Professor explained and the furry blue man smiled at her. She released him and curved her arm back to it's position around her knees.
"He will go and inform the boys that you wish to see them."
"Rogue... Kitty.. I want them too..." The Professor nodded and smiled at her.
"They're perfectly alright as well and I am sure they'll be thrilled to see you. Shall I send them in as well?" She nodded.
"I want John to wake up. What's wrong with him?" The Professor sighed.
"You grew quite unwell, my dear, earlier on today, as the result of a series of terrible crimes committed against you in the past. You no doubt remember them perfectly now. St. John was already... somewhat under the weather and the results of your upsettance had a grave impact on him. He was awake earlier but he is very tired." She focused on John's chest, watching for the faint rise and fall that indicated breathing, and said,
"I want to see... My brother and the others, somewhere else... Can I?"
"In the other room, certainly. I will have them brought in. Shall we?"
~*****************************************************************~
He had honestly never been so frightened in his entire life. Lance and Freddy had deathgrips on both his upper arms so there was nowhere he could run to, and the Prof had said that Wanda seemed to be at peace with the idea of seeing him but he was shitting bricks. It would be so like her to pretend to be alright and then ambush him as he entered the room with those nasty hexes of hers. An uncharitable thought perhaps, but true. The corridor seemed endless and he longed to run away, the claustrophobic fear getting to him as he found it harder and harder to breathe. The door opened ad Lance pushed him in in front of him. A red-eyed Wanda sat in a big chair by a window, her hands folded in her lap, eyes downcast.
"Wands..?" Lance asked caustiously, and she looked up, her face breaking into an expression of pure misery as she held out her arms to them all, and Lance, Fred and Todd advanced as a whole and embraced her, Freddy actually lifting them for a few seconds.
"We were so worried," Freddy cried, the huge teenager's face one big tear, and Wanda reached up to pat his cheek.
"Are you okay? God, Wands, you had us so freaked out there! Don't you ever do that to me again, okay?" Lance murmured into her hair, overcome by the emotion of the moment, and Todd piped up.
"Poopsie... I missed you so much!"
"I – I missed you too... I think... It's all a bit confusing..." Wanda said with teary honesty as the boys drew back a little to let her breathe, the Professor's eyes on them smiling and full of approval.
"Pietro..." she mumbled, looking past the boys at him, and he made an odd noise.
"I don't get a hug from my own brother?" The noise turned into a choking sob and before he'd had time to think he was there, hugging her as though his life depended on it, sincerely hoping that it didn't, the worry and the stress finally cracking him completely as he broke down in his sister's arms.
"I was so – and you – and I – don't ever scare me like that again! I thought I'd lost you again, I was so scared!" She held him carefully, her hands trembling as she embraced the only true family she had left, her voice soft and full of pain.
"I was scared too, Pietro..." He pulled away to look at her and took her hands in his, his eyes hard and serious.
"I'm not ever going to let you be afraid again, okay? I'm gonna take care of you now, like I should have done. No one's ever going to take you away from me again!" She nodded as he kissed her cheek and put his arm around her, his shoulders squared against the world.
"I love you sis," he whispered, and she closed her eyes.
"I don't know what that is but I love you too..."
"Would you like to open the door for the rest of our friends, Mr. Alvers?" the Professor asked quietly, and Lance nodded and went to the door, letting in Rogue, Remy and Kitty. The two girls took one look at the scene, Wanda and Pietro' embrace, the way the 'hood boys stood around them, and flew at Wanda, their joint effort hug dislodging Pietro from his sister. He grudgingly accepted defeat and stood back to give them some air.
"Oh, sweetie I was so scared, I could feel it all and I swear I'm not gonna let anything like that happen to you ever again!" Kitty's promise was a fierce, empassioned whisper, her eyes alight, and Wanda hugged her back hard, the smaller girl's statement touching her deeply.
"Sugah, Ah thought y'all had left meh alone, Ah thought ya'd gone, don't ya ever, ever do that again!" Rogue's hug was careful but crushing all the same and her admonishing tone was cracked and strained by what Wanda knew would be tears. Remy hung back, waiting for the girls to release Wanda, and when they did he smiled at her warmly.
"Good t' have y' back, petite," he said sincerely, and she tried to smile in return.
"Thank you... All of you... I – can we go home now?" She looked to the Professor who shook his head.
"I'm afraid I'd like to keep you here tonight, just to be certain that you're well enough to go back home. If that's alright with your 'brothers'..?" Pietro looked to Wanda whose shoulders slumped in a picture of utter dejection, and then to the guys who were all looking at her too.
"If Wanda's okay with that then that's what we'll do – but we ain' leaving her here alone. We'll camp out on the lawn if you don' want us in the house but we won't leave her." The Professor smiled and Wanda looked up.
"Oh, no, you guys go home, I'll be fine – "
"No way. You stay, we stay." Pietro's voice was solidified finality and she reached out to give his fingers a weak squeeze.
"Thank you," she mouthed, and so it was that the Professor found places for all of them and the 'hood boys spent the night at the Institute, scattered sentinels to watch over Wanda. She tired quickly after all the excitement of their reunion and was put to bed by Dr McCoy and the girls, but Pietro hung back to speak with the Professor, his eyes constantly straying to his sister's lightly-breathing but sleeping form.
"She's gonna be okay, right? I mean, she'll make a full recovery?" Professor Xavier folded his hands in his lap and looked at him.
"Your sister is a tortured soul, Pietro. You must be all you can for her this time. She will need you more than ever now that she knows everything," he said seriously, and Pietro looked away.
"I don't deserve to have her as my sister – she's so amazing living through all of this and I wish I could have helped her, done something back then – "
"You were a child, Pietro. Only a boy. There was nothing you could have done, nothing. Your father's actions were vile and repulsive and I believe they scarred you as well as Wanda. He took away your sister, the only person you had to love." The youth's eyes clenched tight shut.
"I missed her so much... I thought – I thought she was in a school. When I found out... I wanted to help her but I didn't know where she was, I was so scared... I just wanted my sister back," he said with a heartbreaking honesty on his face. The Professor sighed.
"I know, Pietro, I do. It is Wanda who needs to be onvinced now, assured of your presence in her life. She needs you to be there and I believe you need to be to heal your own wounds, am I right?" He nodded, and Charles smiled sadly.
"It grieves me to see you this way my boy, both of you. I promise you, we will do all we can to help Wanda towards becoming a happy and fulfilled young woman."
"She didn't mention Father," Pietro said tonelessly, looking to his sister again, and Charles sighed.
"You call him that but you do not feel it. I hope dearly that Wanda will not take up her vendetta against Erik again but if she does, all I can do is ask you to aid her, to try and reason with her, and leave your father to me."
"I know she wants to kill him, but I can't let her... He's our father... And I don't want my sister to be a murderer – as bad as he is," Pietro said sadly, and Charles nodded.
"And I promise you we will do all we can to prevent such a thing from happening. Now be off with you and try to get some sleep, hmm? Your sister will want to go home tomorrow. I think she misses having you all to herself." The lad smiled at him and vanished in a flash of white hair, and Charles turned to the shadow in the corridor.
"You should be resting, my boy," he said quietly. The shadows shifted into the figure of St. John Allerdyce, who stepped forward into the light.
"Thought I'd get out now, go back and clear out my gear and bail while I still can," the young man said in tones of resignation.
"You don't want to leave though, do you?"
"I don't know what I want. Stay here and get my heart broken, or leave and do it myself. She's a peach, Prof. She's a real knock-out an' I don' deserve 'er. An' ya heard what she said... She doesn' know what love is."
"Do you?"
"I know it's meant ta make a bloke happy an' feel righ'. Wanda... Wanda's never been loved, not really... I don' care where you hide that bastard Dad of hers either, I'll find him eventually, see if I don't – but she's too good for all o' this hell an' I wan' her ta be happy. I don' think I can give her that. I don' know what it is ta be happy."
"Your emotions may not be as easy as other people's to live with, St. John, but does she not make you feel better about yourself when you are with her? I do not believe either of you have experienced love in the truest sense of the word – such love is rare – but neither do I believe that you are merely infatuated. You care for her, and I know that in your life, caring for anyone has never been easy. Why not try this time? Wanda may not know what love feels like, but can you judge her when so many emotions remain a mystery to you yourself?"
"I'm not judging her – I just – "
"You just wish that things could be different."
"I wish none of this had ever happened to her... I wish I was a better person... "
"Your affliction is not your fault, my boy. And I think that if you look into yourself and you allow yourself to be honest about this, you will see that you know the best thing for the both of you is for you to stay here, with her. She may not be able to express it, but she needs you. And I know that you need her." St. John's face was immobile but his eyes displayed his conflicted emotions and the Professor shook his head.
"Neither of you can run forever, St. John. Neither of you were meant to run."
"Then what am I meant ta do? Wait around while I get worse an' she realises the real nutter is me? Watch her get better and know she won' ever be able ta feel things righ'?"
"All Wanda needs is to be shown how. And what. And you need to stand and fight for a change. That's what you were meant for." He turned his wheelchair and began to move away when he heard the,
"Alright. I'll try." And he nodded in acknowledgement and said over his shoulder,
"Then I would start with being there when she wakes up. Good night, St. John."
He resumed his retreat and carried on towards the bowels of the Institute to see if Erik had left yet. They had an accord that he would leave for a time, go into self-made exile to allow everyone time to heal and to think over the mistakes he had made, and right enough when Charles go there, his room was empty and a letter was lying on the desk in a crisp white envelope adressed simply 'CX'. It read:
Dear Charles,
I have decided to honour our agreement and by the time you read this I shall be on my way to Europe. I shan't tell you where I plan to go, only that I do not intend to make my whereabouts public in any sense of the word and I do not intend to disturb neither you nor my children again. In my lifetime I have done many things which I am certain count as sinning in the eyes of the Lord, and I have certainly been guilty of both the sins of Pride and of Avarice. I have lusted long after the superiority of our kind from the belief that we were indeed superior and my single-minded selfishness has cost me my children, the respect of our brethren, and your friendship.
I am guilty of destroying so much in my quest to build a new world for us and our kind, sacrificing my own flesh and blood to further my own ends. Through the eyes of Apocalypse, I witnessed what would come about if I continued down this path and I have tried to repent of it. My children shall never forgive me and I am not worthy of their forgiveness. I ask that you watch over them, Charles, and make certain that they watch over each other. To help them as I never did and never will. In my way, I have loved them, but they will always know that I loved my cause more still than I could ever love another human being and perhaps that is for the best.
I would that I had done things differently. But you and I both know that hindsight is always more clear than present events, or our dreams for the future, and they cloud our minds and cause us to misjudge and be misled by our own desires.
I hope that some day they will find peace. And that your dreams will be realised, my old friend.
I remain, an old fool,
Erik.
He folded the letter carefully, replaced it in it's envelope and tucked it away in his inner breast pocket before turning his wheelchair and leaving the room in silence. He hoped for old friendship's sake that the letter spoke the truth, for he feared that else his visions of the future were indeed all too clear.