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Phoebe watched as her sisters carefully sat down beside one another, maneuvering into a stiff and seemingly uncomfortable position, their glares never wavering from her own. As she watched, Piper slipped her hand into Paige's and gave it a quick, but comforting squeeze. Phoebe's heart then skipped a beat with the realization of how much she had missed her sisters. She longed to be apart of their lives again and wanted desperately to be the one that needed reassuring, not the person that they were both currently staring with a cold hatred. She hated the position that she was had been forced to assume. She hated being loathed by the two that she loved more than almost anything in the world: she hated being the bad guy.
Anxious and questioning, Paige's voice suddenly brought her back down to reality, "Well are you going to just sit there, because we'd really like some answers, and to get them sometime today would be nice."
Before answering, Phoebe took some time to eye her sisters closely once more. Underneath all of their anger and hate, she noted in particular how stressed and worried they both appeared, but was unable to find what she was looking for: sympathy. She needed comfort and support from them in order to continue, and the only way that she could receive that was by searching through their emotions to find any evidence of compassion and understanding. Frantically, she searched again, but it was to no avail. It was as though she was a stranger to them both; like a doctor giving them bad news. They were just bracing themselves for what was to come, caring little about the messenger. It was like she was their sister no longer.
"Well, this is going to be a lot harder than I thought it would," she shakily whispered to herself in an attempt to hide the loneliness that she was feeling.
"It's going to be hard for you?" Paige's angry voice harshly spat. "Maybe you should have thought about this when you took off. Trust me honey, whatever pain you're feeling now is nothing compared to what you've already put us through!"
And then she felt it. It was quick and sharp, almost like the sensation of a pinprick, but she had definitely felt something. Phoebe glanced in the direction of her older sister and was immediately reassured that she hadn't just imagined the feeling. As Paige continued to ramble on about all of Phoebe's misdoings, she felt it again: a tiny surge of sympathy that radiated from Piper's body. Ten minutes before, she wouldn't have accounted for this. Piper was the one who had been in an uncontrollable tantrum over Phoebe's affair with Cole. Although it was certainly a quick turn of events, she understood her sister's forgiving nature and accepted the feeling as a gift. That tiny pang of compassion gave her a quick glimpse into the past, which was a painful reminder of how Piper always stood up and comforted her, no matter what the situation. Though she longed for those times to come again, she knew that they wouldn't. Not until she gained back her trust.
With a new found surge of motivation, Phoebe stared hardly at her sisters and began, "Leaving you two was the hardest thing that I've ever had to do in my life."
"HA!" Paige interrupted.
"Paige, just let her continue, I want to get this over with," Piper quietly told her sister.
"I've spent so much of my life running away from things – hiding from the truth and preventing confrontation. The only time that I became a real person was when I became a witch. I finally connected with my family, cleaned up my act a little and fixed my life. As Prue would've put it, I finally had a future," Phoebe hesitantly started, stopping momentarily to draw in a deep, but calming breath. "But then I saw Cole again."
"Well! Who would have guessed?" Piper suddenly chirped, apparently losing any ounce of compassion that she had developed for Phoebe.
Phoebe was confused by Piper's sudden outbursts of anger towards Cole. She understood that she disliked him, but Piper had always been the least verbal about it. In fact, she was surprised at how quiet Paige had been when she told them about Paisley's father. Usually she was the one who would stop at no length to bash and put down Cole, always trying to confirm the bad suspicions that she always felt about him. But people change, and Phoebe accepted this, choosing to ignore Piper's comment.
"As I was saying," Phoebe continued. "I saw Cole again during a time in my life when I was feeling somewhat depressed and lonely. As usual, I was having no luck in love and I was beginning to think that my fairy tale ending just wasn't meant to be. I was envious of your life, Piper, and every day I hoped to be apart of a family like yours. I knew it was useless to keep praying, but I guess that's just the price I pay for being such a hopeless romantic. Try as I might, I knew that I could never love anybody as much as I loved Cole and I could never survive without a love as great. Anyways, after a particularly rough day, we bumped into each other on the street - -"
"Hold on a second," interrupted Paige, while trying to comprehend. "You guys just happened to bump into each other? Come on Phoebe give us a break."
"No I mean it. We weren't searching for each other, or at least I definitely wasn't searching for him. I thought he was dead – vanquished!" Phoebe said defensively.
"Hm," Piper mused. "And do you have any idea on how he became unvanquished?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact I do," Phoebe began. "The only reason that he survived was because I wouldn't let him go. Whether I knew it at the time or not, I can't remember, but there has always been a place at the back of my heart that wouldn't stop loving him. That's probably why, after we thought we had vanquished him, I found it difficult to maintain a long term relationship with anyone else. But yeah, that's what he told me. The vanquishing spell had succeeded in destroying the source and the demon within him, but it left his human half, although barely living. He used my love to rebuild and survive. Eventually he regained his life back and even started working in the human world again. It was only by chance that we met. In fact, he was trying to avoid me, trying to spare me from being hurt by him again."
"That's all cute and romantic, Phoebes," Piper began bitterly. "But do you really buy all of that crap?"
"Yes, yes I do," Phoebe said without hesitation. "Besides, do you have a better explanation?"
Piper shook her head, "No, I guess not, but I still don't have to believe it"
"Anyways," Phoebe continued. "We talked for a bit and then..."
"Yes, and then... Feel free to continue at any time," Paige persisted.
"Well, if you could have felt... him, his emotions I mean... you guys probably would have done the same. It had been a long time since my empathic abilities had been that uncontrollable, but... whew! Nothing could have prepared me for that! So anyways, one thing led to another and... Well, you guys can pretty much figure out the rest for yourselves. It was only a one time thing though, – I promise. I woke up in his apartment and while he was still sleeping, I wrote him a note begging him to leave me alone. I explained how I didn't regret what had happened, but even though I still loved him with all of my heart, I couldn't risk hurting my family again. And I haven't seen him since. I found out that I was pregnant a couple of months later, and was working myself into quite a snit about how I was going to tell you two when - -"
"It's a nice story Phoebe, but it's a pretty lame excuse for just taking off like that," Paige disrupted as Piper nodded her head in agreement.
"God!" Phoebe yelled out in confusion. "Do you two ever stop? How about you let me finish, before you bite my head off again? I promise you can scream, cry – hell! You can even hit me! Just wait until I finish. That's all I'm asking. Thank you. As I was saying, I was terrified of how you'd react after hearing about my little mistake with Cole. I knew that you'd both be furious with me at first, but I never doubted for once that you wouldn't support me. I never got around to telling you guys my secret. I had a premonition – actually, the most real and terrifying premonition that I've ever had. It happened late at night, while everyone was asleep. I was too busy worrying and stressing over what I was going to do, and my lack of sleep wasn't helping. I was heading towards my room when I leaned up against your doorframe, Piper, and then it hit me. The jolt in my stomach was so severe that it knocked me to the ground and I lay in the middle of the hall clutching my middle as the premonition began. I saw myself clutching a blood soaked athamae, while heading straight for Piper who had her back turned to me. It was surprising to have a premonition about myself, because I'm not supposed to, but I couldn't ignore this one. I felt so different, so evil. I couldn't feel an ounce of purity within my body. I continued towards Piper, but she heard me and whipped around to face me, her face filled with such fear that you couldn't even imagine. She started screaming and crying, but I couldn't make any words. The body – my body, felt no sympathy for her. The most painful part however, was feeling me kill her. I felt her pain, her agony, as I stabbed her exactly thirteen times. I could even feel the warmth of her blood drip over my fingers. And that was it. I sat in the hallway for maybe an hour crying and contemplating about what I should do, before I came to the conclusion to leave. My premonitions had never failed me before, and I could never live with myself if I ever hurt one of you or any family member for that matter. So I quietly packed my bags and took off, not ever wanting you guys to find me. I figured that it was for best, and went just about as far away as I could, so I wouldn't be tempted to try to make contact. I wound up in Toronto, adopted a new name and went on living."
Piper and Paige stared at Phoebe with dumbfounded expressions as she finished her story, not knowing quite what to say. They were truly speechless for the moment.