-1Give Guidance or Counsel

Cats

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist

Chapter 14 - The Whole Universe Was About to Implode

Sunday the 14th of February, still.

Roy had visited the graves of Winry's parent after they'd finished telling Trisha about absolutely everything that had happened in their lives since they had met each other. At that time they'd ended up laughing at some of the memories they had together, that they had previously forgotten about, saying to each other; 'hey! Remember when…'. Anecdotes about counsel meetings, or the new years, and rolling around in the snow, and Ed and Al trying to beat the crap out of each other, and… Well, Ed supposed it didn't really matter what they talked about - it was that they had sat together and talked with Trisha. Somehow, the evening had made Ed feel much better about everything.

When they were walking home, Ed suddenly stopped in front of a blank field - making Roy stop too, since their hands were still clasped.

"What is it?" The older man asked, but Ed didn't reply, opting to keep staring at the empty area. "Edward?"

Ed lifted his eyes, making eye contact with the man beside him.

"This is where is was… my home." he closed his eyes so Roy wouldn't see the tears springing up there. "I almost stepped right over it."

Roy used his hand not connected to Ed's, and placed it on the blonde's shoulder.

"Do you regret burning it down?" he asked, and Ed shook his head.

"I don't regret trying to make a new start… but sometimes… I miss home."

"What about your home in Central?"

Ed tense, trying to control his emotions.

"That place can't be called a home. Nothing inside it is mine except for myself… the only memories I have there are getting up to go to school, and going back to sleep."

"Did you ever try to make memories there?"

Ed shuffled, a sure sign that he was beginning to get awkward. Roy sighed, he was right - they wouldn't be able to go to Risembool without it upsetting the teen. Why had he not figured that out before they drove all the way out here? He knew they should have gone to Xing.

"All I knew from that place is constantly struggling." he clenched a fist, although his grip was weak on Roy's hand. "I'm always worried that I'm not good enough, or I'm a failure, or everyone hates me, or there isn't enough time." he choked on his own saliva and found himself gripping at the fabric of his coat at his side and bowing his head. Roy wrapped his arms securely around the teen's shoulders, and kissed the top of his head.

"What isn't there enough time to do?"

Ed stiffened.

"I…" he gulped. "I want to get Al's memories back." He stated, pushing away and staring Roy down with a glare of rosy determination. Roy ran a hand through his hair.

"How are you going to do that?" He asked, voice gentle. Ed gripped tighter at his own coat, he always gripped at something when he was upset or angry, like he could take all his frustrations out on the material.

"I don't know yet… But there's got to be a way." he insisted. "There's a study at Drachma University which is rumoured to have some effect on regaining memory, so I…"

Roy's phone had started to ring, and the man had broken away from the conversation. Ed wiped his eyes with his sleeve as Roy flipped the phone open and held it to his ear.

"Roy here." He said, and there was a mumble on the other side of the line. It seemed like Roy had finally learnt how to turn his phone volume down. Ed wasn't really listening anyway, but couldn't help but notice Roy sigh and glance at him.

"Alright, Okay… Give a sec." he paused, put the phone so the mouthpiece was muffled against his shoulder, then he touched Ed's shoulder gently. "This is kinda important, I'll be right back." and with that he put the phone back to his ear and walked a little way away, leaving Ed standing at the site where his home had once stood.

- X -

Monday the 15th of February

The drive home the next day was in silence. Roy was driving just over the speed limit to get them home on time, but that meant that he was even more silent and brood then usual. Ed sat next to him, wondering when and if it would be okay to talk. He was getting the idea that it would never be okay to open his mouth again, the way Roy was glaring at the road.

They sent the night at Pinako's, and had woken at five o' clock to pack up and get going. They were both understandably tired and grouchy, but Roy was acting like the whole universe was about to implode and it was all the elder man's fault. Basically, the ride home was not an enjoyable one.

The arrived back at just before seven, and Ed made no excuses before practically leaping from the car, snatching up his bad and waving goodbye. Roy flicked his hand over his shoulder and 'sped' away.

"Not a good trip?" asked Winry as she opened the door and watched Roy pull away. Ed shrugged. Brushing past her and dumping his bag in the hall.

"I thought it went alright… but…" he shrugged again. "Roy has a lot of commitments."

"He cut the trip short?" the blonde girl asked, but Ed shook his head.

"Not really… we were there for the right amount of time, but he got a phone call… and that kinda cut the fun short." he suddenly grinned. "Not that I'm complaining though. The trip must have cost loads, and he does have lots of commitments."

Winry sighed.

"You know it's okay to be upset right?"

"I'm not upset." Ed insisted. "Roy's… He's an adult, so things are bound to come up that need his attention. Besides, I realised something while I was away."

"What?"

Ed, as if suddenly realising something was missing, sweeping his eyes over the room and lowered his lids suspiciously.

"Where's Al?" he asked.

"Shopping." Winry replied, "Now what did you realise?"

Ed's golden eyes turned from curious, to sad once more.

"I realised I've been slacking." he explained. He sat down heavily on one of the old armchairs and Winry sat on the floor, facing him; her face sympathetic. "I've been spending so much time enjoying myself Roy that I completely forgot about getting Al's memories back." he finished.

"I see." Winry sighed. "Ed… It's okay to have fun. I'm sure Al doesn't mind." she tried to reason, but Ed shook his head.

"I made a promise and I should keep it." He protested, "All this time I've been completely disregarding his feelings in favour of letting myself have fun, and that's unfair on him."

"Ed…. He's-"

"He deserves to remember the times we had as children." Ed pressed on. "He deserves to remember our mother! So that he can visit her grave too, so he can go there and… and talk to her about anything and know that she's listening. Because the Al of today doesn't know her. He can't remember her…" He gulped, staring determinedly at the clock on the wall above Winry's head. "It's my fault that he can't remember her, so I have to bring those memories back."

Winry, wishing Ed could see reason, stood up and gentle mused his hair.

"No matter what I say you're not going to give up… so…" she grit her teeth, turning away. "Just don't… don't work so hard you end up hurting yourself, okay?"

Ed waved away her concern.

"I've got a counsellor now, what are you worried about?"

Winry lost her self-control, clenching her fist and punching Ed's arm with more force then was perhaps necessary. Ed grimaced, yet didn't yell. He was way too tried to have a tantrum.

"How can you call that man your counsellor when he probably doesn't even know what you're trying to do? How can you still call him that when after everything you've been through the two of you still keep secrets from each other? I bet you don't even know what's going on in his life at the moment do you? Neither of you have a damn clue about each other yet you call him your counsellor, and even your lover?" She drew into herself, shaking with rage, and if Ed knew Winry at all, tears. "Even I know, Rose told me… and I hate what he's putting himself through. But you… You're killing yourself trying to get on the same wavelength as him, and he still wont tell you."

Ed stood, and placed a apprehensive hand on the girls shoulder.

"Winry…"

Winry pulled away and shoved at Ed.

"I think you ad Roy are perfect for each other, you know that. But I love you more the him, and I can't stand to see you getting so upset because the two of you are so damn stubborn! If it goes on like this, it might be best if you… if you didn't see each other any more." She sighed. "How can you call him your lover, with all the secrets you two keep?"

"How can you say any of this when you've been sneaking around behind Al's back! It's not a big deal that you're tutoring the kid - yeah, Wrath told me - so why are you keeping it a secret?" Ed snapped.

"I… That's different! You know how jealous Al gets! He'd jump to conclusions."

"Not if he trusts you, like lovers are supposed to do! Why don't you just break up with Al, take some of your own god-damn advice!"

Winry bowed her head, waiting two seconds, then stomped her way out of the house, completely ignoring Al when he called out to her from down the street.