Cause for Pause
Tamao was lying on top of her bed staring at the ceiling with her arms folded over her torso. She wanted desperately to remain calm, but the pangs that were torturing the pit of her stomach made this task nearly impossible. As she bit her bottom lip briefly her door opened slowly and she quickly sat upright. Horo entered the bedroom and stared at the floor when he closed the door behind him. She frowned at him but quickly changed her expression into a weak smile as she waited for him to address her. When he didn't speak, she grew nervous and scratched her head.
"Yoh's not here," she said softly, "He went for another walk."
"I know," he replied as he stepped closer to the bed, "I wanted to talk to you."
He looked into her eyes, and she was suddenly distracted by the obvious worry in his demeanor. She moved to the edge of the bed, and he sat beside her, resuming his downward gaze.
"What's wrong, Horo?" She asked timidly.
"I'm fine," he sighed, "But, I don't think you are."
"What?"
"Are you really going through with this?" He asked with a frown, "I mean, you're going to marry him?"
"Yes," she replied weakly as if she felt guilty for her answer.
"It's a mistake, Tamao," he hesitated and briefly closed his eyes before continuing his thoughts, "And, I think you know it."
She clutched her knees with her hands and remained silent as he continued.
"He's in love with Anna," he sighed, "He'll never stop loving her, no matter what he does with his life. I know he'll try, but he can't help the way he feels. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Tamao didn't respond.
"You'll never be able to fill that hole in his heart. He'll pretend to be happy, but he'll never be happy with anyone else. And, in his mind you'll never measure up to her. You'll always be compared to her; you'll always be the woman he settled for. Do you really want to live like that? Do you really want to marry a man who doesn't love you?"
"I'm just trying to do the right thing," she sighed, "I told myself I would make this work. I can't abandon him now. He needs me."
"What about you?" He replied angrily, "What do you need?"
"It won't be that bad," she said weakly, "I'll be fine. We'll be fine."
"If you go through with this, you'll be miserable. And, eventually you'll hate him."
"No I won't," she snapped, visibly offended by his statement.
"You'll definitely resent him," he groaned, "You can't ruin your life to make him happy."
Tamao clenched her teeth briefly and closed her eyes.
"Come on, Tamao," he said softly, "You don't really want to do this, do you?"
"I have to," she whispered sadly without opening her eyes.
"He can't make you do anything you don't want to do," he sighed, "If you tell him you don't want to do it, he'll understand. I'm sure he will."
"No," she said as she stood abruptly, "I want to do this for him. I want him to be happy. I want to marry him."
"Tamao," he groaned but was ignored.
"I can't abandon him, Horo," she sighed, "He trusts me, and he loves me."
"He doesn't love you the way a husband should love his wife," Horo pleaded, "Come on, you know that."
"I'm not walking out of his life like everyone else!" She yelled at him suddenly, "I'm the only person he can count on now. I won't betray him like she did. Like all of you did!"
"You can't expect everything to go back to normal!" He replied angrily as he stood quickly in front of her, "He tried to kill Pirika! I was supposed to forget that happened? Are we going to pretend he's not crazy?"
"You know what happened to him," she said breathlessly, "He doesn't even remember that. It's like you just woke up one day and decided you wanted nothing to do with him. Don't you understand how that made him feel?"
"You can't save him, Tamao," he said weakly, "None of us can. You think he's better, but he's not. If you marry him you'll be trapped. I can't protect you."
"I don't need protection," she snarled bitterly, "We're talking about Yoh. What exactly do you think he's capable of?"
"He beat the crap out of you," he declared, "I don't think any of us thought he was capable of that."
"Stop this," she moaned weakly as she turned away from him.
"You have amnesia now?" He growled, "Well, I don't."
"You've made your point," she replied sadly, "Get out, please."
"Tamao, you're my friend," he sighed, "I care about you, and I want you to be safe. You've made some really dumb decisions in the past. Don't get me started about Ren-"
"We are not talking about this," she mumbled.
"I just don't want you to make a big decision like this without thinking it through," he continued, "I mean, this could change your life forever."
When she didn't respond he exhaled heavily and placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Just think about it," he said softly, "You owe it to yourself."
"I've already made my decision," she groaned, "If you really were my friend, you would respect it."
He grabbed her arm gently and pulled her close to his body. She didn't protest but frowned at him when he pushed her lightly onto the bed.
"Sit down. It sounds like you really have amnesia," he said gravely.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore, Horo," she sighed.
"No, you're just going to sit there. I'm doing the talking," he said and pointed at her.
"Horo," she groaned.
"No," he said sternly, "You need a history lesson."
"Why do you always bring this up?" She moaned, "I know what happened; I was there."
"I'm going to keep bringing it up until you realize what it means."
Tamao closed her eyes and clenched her teeth but didn't respond.
"If you really remembered that day, you wouldn't be doing this," he said in frustration, "I'll never forget how you came to me crying."
She mumbled something inaudible under her breath, but he continued.
"You were scared to death, Tamao. You wanted to move out," he groaned, "And now, four months later, you want to marry him as if nothing happened?"
"Horo, he doesn't remember," she exhaled.
"That doesn't make it okay," he rebutted, "That doesn't make him sane."
"I don't want to do this with you," she pleaded, "Leave me alone."
"You're going to hear it again, Tamao," he snapped, "And this time, it had better sink in."