Memories that Sting
Four Months Ago
Tamao entered his bedroom apprehensively and quickly closed the door once she was inside. She hated coming there, but since he was changing so much she feared for him. Ren told her the day before to leave him alone, but she felt that would be the same as abandonment. She couldn't bring herself to desert him, even if it meant dealing with his violent mood swings. Yoh was alone in the house, and she knew it. No one else wanted to be around him, so she forced herself to be there. The house was very quiet since the others were out, and she felt this a good opportunity to talk to him before completing her errands.
Although the sun was still shining brightly in the sky, his room was very dark. The mood was unsettling, and several moments elapsed before she saw him standing against a wall near the window. His expression was relaxed with the exception of his eyes, and he stared at her as if he desired comfort.
"Yoh?" She called to him weakly.
"Yes?" He replied in the same tone.
"I just wanted to check on you. Are you okay in here?" She asked nervously as she walked closer.
"I'm okay," he said in an unconvincing whimper.
"What's wrong?" Tamao stood in front of the window and held his hand gently.
"I just don't feel well today, I guess," he sighed but smiled at her weakly, "Maybe it will pass."
"Maybe you should go outside," she suggested, "You probably need some fresh air."
He pulled her close gently, and she leaned into him without resistance as he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder. She rubbed his back a few times and then rested her hands.
"You're not dead for a reason, Yoh," she said softly, "You have to live your life."
"I know," he replied without loosening his grasp.
"I'm going to the market, and then I'll be running some errands," she said softly in his ear, "Do you want to come with me?"
He didn't respond and held her tighter.
"We can go to the park for a while," she added weakly.
"No," he replied, "I don't want to go anywhere."
She closed her eyes sadly and pulled back enough for him to release her. He closed his eyes suddenly, but she didn't seem to notice.
"I think you should," she pleaded, "I think it would help."
Yoh wasn't listening to her and held his hand over his face.
"I'll let you think about it," she sighed as she headed for the door.
He grabbed her arm suddenly and pulled her back roughly. She was startled by the action but didn't protest when she saw his expression was different.
"Where are you going?" His voice was littered with irritation, and his eyes narrowed.
Tamao closed her eyes briefly and replied, "I have errands."
"What's the rush?" He asked angrily, "You can stay longer."
"No," she said quickly as her hands began to tremble, "I have to go. I need to go to the market-"
"It can wait," he interrupted her.
"I have a lot of things to do today," she rambled as she pulled away from him, "I really have to go."
He grabbed her again and pushed her hard against the wall. She gasped fearfully but didn't look at him.
"I said it can wait," he growled.
She stared at his neck and replied, "Please, I have to leave."
"Why?" He demanded, "Why are you in such a hurry to get away from me?"
"I'm not," she whimpered, "I'm just busy."
Tamao looked into his eyes briefly then darted her eyes back to his neck. The trembling in her hands traveled through her entire body, and she couldn't hide the movement. He stared at her silently with wrathful eyes, and a frown quickly crossed his lips.
"Are you scared?" He asked suddenly.
She flinched when he spoke again, but didn't respond to his question. He moved closer until he brushed her cheek with his lips. Her violent quivering increased as he pulled her hair back and bit her neck.
"Are you afraid of me?" He whispered in her ear.
"Please let me go," she closed her eyes as tears escaped them.
Yoh moved back slightly and smiled at her. Tamao noticed the expression, but turned her head away and stared at the door. She lingered too long.
"I don't know," he said softly, "Maybe you should be."
The smile quickly faded into an amused scowl. She pushed his shoulders back with her hands and began running toward the door, but he stopped her quickly by grabbing her waist. Tamao struggled to free herself from his abnormally strong grasp but was unsuccessful. She didn't stop squirming or flailing her arms, however, and he pushed her violently onto the bed. Recovering quickly from the impact, she began crawling to the other side, but he grabbed her by the ankle and dragged her back to the edge. She kicked him frantically a few times, and he punched her in the jaw as if intending to break it. The blow stunned her momentarily, and she lay still with her eyes closed. He waited for her to open them again and grabbed her neck brusquely.
"How scared are you right now?" He asked with a frightening giggle.
"Please stop," she whimpered weakly as her eyes filled with tears again, "Please."
"Why do you always whine and cry like a baby?" He asked with agitation and slapped her.
The impact stung her face so badly she had to close her eyes again. He released her neck and she inhaled while slowly opening her eyes. The anger violently resurfaced when he noticed her staring at the ceiling. She was definitely trying to ignore him somehow, and he wouldn't tolerate it.
"I'm talking to you," he growled.
"Let me go," she whispered without looking at him.
The trembling resumed, and when he noticed her terror he smiled again and ripped the thin t shirt she was wearing completely off of her body with the exception of one sleeve. She closed her eyes and clenched her teeth in an attempt to stop crying, but there was no way for her to hide the tears.
"How about now?" He asked, "Are you still scared?"
"I can't fight you," she whimpered faintly, "You're too strong. You know that."
"Yeah. But it's still fun, isn't it?"
Tamao opened her eyes and stared at him as if she needed proof he was serious. He was still smiling at her, but the expression nearly faded when he noticed the beautiful blue lace bra she was wearing. Her breasts were visible through the fabric, and he stared as if he had never seen them before.
"Yoh, stop," she pleaded, "Let me leave."
"And, if I decided not to stop," he replied, "How hard would you fight me?"
"I get it," she said sadly, "Just let me go."
He pulled one of the blue straps with his finger over her shoulder and halfway down her bicep as he leaned into her face. She closed her eyes again and swallowed.
"Answer my question," he whispered.
"Stop it," fear choked her voice, so she was unsure if he even heard her.
The denim jeans she was wearing slowly became loose at her waist, and she opened her eyes again in terror as she felt his warm hands against her skin.
"Answer the question," he repeated.
"I wouldn't fight you," she whispered and sniffed a few times as she resumed staring at the ceiling.
"But, what if I wanted you to?" He whispered.
"This isn't funny," Tamao growled while attempting to harden her voice.
"I'm serious," he replied and began running his fingers along her torso, "You thought it was a joke?"
"Get off!" She tried to push him as hard as physically possible, but he didn't move.
"Oh, I get it," he laughed, "You're waiting for me to stop."
Tamao hit him suddenly in the face and tried to sit up. Yoh grabbed her wrists and forced her back onto the mattress and smiled as she squirmed beneath him.
"Get off of me!"
She screamed hysterically and wriggled free from his grasp. He smiled at her again, allowing her to crawl away a few strides, but grabbed her leg once she was in the middle of the bed. She tried to kick him with her other, but he caught it at the ankle. Frustration and anger began to intertwine with the fear already overclouding her thoughts, and she began punching the pillows and screaming into them. Amused by her sudden breakdown, he released her and watched as she curled her body into a fetal ball. She shielded her body with one of the pillows as if preparing for a fight but then threw it onto the floor.
"So, are you going to just sit there?" He asked after a few moments of silence.
"What do you want from me?" She demanded bitterly.
"What do you think?" He replied calmly, "You're not that stupid."
"Why do you enjoy hurting me?" She whimpered, while briefly closing her eyes.
He jumped on top of her quickly and without warning, pinning her body against the mattress. Her limbs didn't move despite her greatest efforts, and she stared at him with widened eyes as the tears returned.
"Because of the way you're looking at me right now," he whispered.
"I'm not afraid of you, Yoh," she said angrily as her lips quivered violently.
He kissed her roughly then whispered, "Liar. But, let's put it to the test."
Tamao shivered uncontrollably and closed her eyes, but the silence was unbearable to handle. Yoh knew she was afraid, and there was no way for her to disguise this emotion. She wanted desperately to leave but knew he would chase her all over the house before giving up this chance. Unfortunately, she had to accept the situation whether she wanted to or not. She couldn't defend herself well. He was too strong for her to try fighting. New tears filled her eyes quickly, and she tightened her closed lids as her teeth began to chatter.
"Just get it over with," she sniffed.
Yoh didn't speak or move for several seconds, and this pause greatly increased her fear. She dared not open her eyes; there was no desire to see his demented smile. He exhaled lowly, and she held her breath briefly and clenched her teeth. He fell hard on top of her suddenly, and she gasped.
"Yoh?" She whispered as she stared fearfully at the ceiling.
Once she realized he was unconscious, she struggled to push him back so she could move away. She stood on the side of the bed with her arms tightly folded over her torso and stared at him in shock. Yoh didn't move at all, and didn't appear to be breathing. One eye that was visible was closed, and his hair covered the rest of his face.
"Yoh?"
She quickly covered her mouth with her hand when he didn't respond. Horror paralyzed her limbs suddenly, and her eyes were frozen on his face. For some reason, he blacked out. She knew this for sure, but now her worst fears were beginning to surface. Ren told her to stay away from him. Horo told her he was losing his mind. Pirika wouldn't mention his name in a sentence. But, she had to be stubborn. She had to see him anyway. And, now she was overcome with sorrow.
He rolled over onto his stomach suddenly and she gasped loudly. Fatigue overpowered his body quickly, but he pushed himself off of the mattress and fell onto the floor. Tamao didn't move and waited for his head to resurface on the other side. The sheets began to pull downward as he climbed them with his hands, and once high enough, he pushed against the bed to stand on his feet.
"Yoh!" She blurted without moving.
Her voice startled him and he fell again. She ran around the bed to the other side and paused as he bent his knees and leaned his back against the frame.
"Are you okay?" Tamao whispered.
"Yeah," he sighed but then frowned, "No, my head hurts."
She took a step forward but stopped abruptly and stepped back.
"What was I saying?" He asked. The question seemed random and he scratched his head.
"What?"
"Oh," he exhaled, "I'll go with you."
"What are you talking about, Yoh?" She asked fearfully.
"You said you were going to run some errands," he replied, "I probably should get out of this house. The park might be a nice-"
Yoh stopped abruptly and stared at her. She wasn't wearing a shirt; her jeans were unbuttoned and unzipped, and they were hanging at her hips. He frowned, but when he noticed her fearful expression he could tell she had been crying.
"Okay," she whispered. The tone was unintentional, but for some reason she didn't have the strength to project her voice.
"Where are your clothes?" He whimpered.
"I have to change," she said dismissively, "And, then we can go."
He noticed bruises that were beginning to surface on her face, but swallowed hard when he trailed down to her neck.
"Who bit you?" He whimpered.
"It's nothing," she said.
"There's blood on your-"
"It's nothing, Yoh," she interrupted him quickly.
Yoh's breathing elevated and he shrieked suddenly, "What just happened?"
"Nothing," she repeated.
"Tamao-"
"Stop!" She snapped at him, "I don't want to talk about it!"
He stared at her sadly for a few moments, and she knelt beside him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.
"Everything is fine, okay?" She whispered in his ear, "Don't worry about it."
Tamao stared aimlessly at the wall opposite the bed without speaking. Her eyes overflowed with tears, and she didn't restrict them from streaming down her cheeks. Horo sat beside her on the bed, but she didn't move, and he placed his hand on hers.
"Why do you want to do this, Tamao?" Horo asked weakly, "You know there's something wrong with him. You admitted that to me."
She didn't speak and closed her eyes.
"What does he have to do for you to see what everyone else sees?" He sighed.
Horo took a nearby towel and wiped the tears gently from her face. The gesture conjured even more tears, and she clenched her teeth to avoid a nearing breakdown.
"It makes me wonder, Tamao," he hesitated and closed his eyes briefly before he continued, "I just wonder what else he's done: the stuff you haven't told anyone."
"Please, Horo," she whimpered, "I can't talk about it anymore."
He wrapped his arm around her, and she buried herself into his chest and neck as her hysterical wails erupted irrepressibly. Horo was visibly startled by her breakdown, but he held her tightly in his arms and closed his eyes.
"Please don't do this, Tamao," he pleaded, "Please, just call it off."
"I can't," she sniffed, "You know I can't."