Avoiding the Obvious

Hao sat in his normal position on the balcony staring at the looming trees with blank irritation. He didn't move from this position for several hours, even when Anna had finally decided to come back. The sound of running water filled his ears as she showered, and after several minutes of silence he could hear her delicate footsteps approaching.

Anna was wearing a long white robe that was securely tied at her waist with nothing underneath. She didn't have the energy to change and was slightly irritated that he didn't seem to notice her absence. Hesitation filled her brain as she approached him; she didn't know what she wanted to say, and anger was beginning to cloud her thoughts.

Although he felt her presence, he did not acknowledge her in the least. He didn't move from his position at all, even deciding not to look at her. This gesture increased her anger, and she stood directly beside him as if to force his hand.

The silence was infuriating. Howling wind increased in pace, blowing his hair vigorously in and out of his face. She glanced at him a few times, noticing he had made no efforts to do the same, and exhaled heavily.

"Is this your idea of punishment?" She asked bitterly, "I'm not a child."

He didn't respond and slowly blinked his eyes.

"You don't even care, do you?" She continued angrily and shook her head, "Why am I surprised by this?"

Hao stood abruptly, an action that startled her, and walked slowly back into the house without addressing the question. Anna followed him immediately with clenched teeth and balled her hands into fists at her sides. She hated being dismissed. She hated being ignored. And, she hated that Hao seemed to be the only person who did these things to her on a regular basis.

"You're supposed to care about what happens to me, Hao," she growled, "That's how this works."

When they reached the middle of the hallway he turned around abruptly and stared at her. His eyes were piercing and intense, revealing more emotion than she thought possible, and his expression shifted into a slight frown.

For some reason, she couldn't speak. His gaze was intimidating, something she would never admit to anyone, and she didn't know how to counter it.

"Do you want me to ask where you've been?" He replied. His voice was low and stern, sending chills down her spine as he spoke, "That's an unnecessary question. And, so would be asking who you were with all of this time."

Anna mumbled something under her breath but was unable to respond.

"I know you were with Yoh," he continued, "I know you've been with him this entire time. Why would I ask you questions if I already know the answers?"

"Is this jealousy?" She asked with an irritated frown, "Are you accusing me of something, Hao?"

"I'm not playing games with you, Anna," he responded as irritation began to infect his voice, "It's just as you said; you're not a child. Neither am I."

"You're obviously angry with me," she sighed, "So just spit it out, Hao. What is this?"

Hao walked away as if he didn't hear her words, and this infuriated her. She followed him quickly, hitting him in the back a few times with her fists, and began screaming at him.

"You have no right to be angry with me!" She yelled, "I didn't do anything with Yoh, and since you obviously know everything, you should know this!"

He stopped his pace but didn't turn around. She tried to gather her thoughts, but she was unable to stop herself from an emotional outburst as the anger flooded her senses.

"He's broken, Hao," she seethed, "And, it's all your fault! You took everything away from him, and you didn't even have to. He's out there contemplating suicide because he thinks he doesn't have a purpose! How could you do this to him? How can you claim to love me and do this?!"

"Tell me exactly what you think I did, Anna," he replied blankly.

She opened her mouth quickly to respond but was caught off guard by the request.

"Did I cheat on him?" He continued, "Did I lie to him for months, knowing I was going to leave? Did I leave him, and then blame his breakdown on his brother?"

Anna's eyes filled with tears quickly as he spoke, but his words increased her anger.

"Did I force him to attack me, Anna?" He asked as he turned around to face her, "I want to understand exactly what you mean by this being all of my fault. Clarify it for me."

Her eyes narrowed as the tears rolled down her cheeks and settled into the fabric of the robe, but she didn't speak.

"You can't be that delusional," he continued despite her tears, "Which means you must not remember the facts. For instance, you blamed me for the miscarriage because I attacked Yoh, although you stepped in after I told you not to. I told you I was going to kill him, but you decided not to let it go. I would not have done it if I knew beforehand that you were going to save him. But, was the end result my fault?"

"That's not fair," she whispered under her breath and sniffed audibly.

"So, who killed this baby?" He asked as his voice elevated slightly, "A baby, by the way, that I was willing to accept as my own, even though I knew she was Yoh's daughter. Who is this culprit? No, let's use another example."

"Stop," she said weakly but was ignored.

"Who really set all of these events into motion?" He continued, "Did I cast a spell and whisk you away to my secret dungeon to poison your mind? Did I use the same spell to drive Yoh into insanity? Or, did I compel you to run into flames despite being pregnant?"

"I said stop it," she repeated as her voice elevated.

"Since you won't answer any of my questions, Anna," he sighed, "I'll answer them for you. You cheated on Yoh and lead him on for months. I did not pursue you until you gave me permission. You left Yoh, which propelled his anger and frustration toward me and eventually led him on a hunt for my blood. You even cheated on me after leaving Yoh and became pregnant, an action you still won't admit, and left him again to come back to me. He tried to kill me, although you didn't seem to object to that idea but only that the action was going to ultimately kill him. And, after knowing the danger involved, you put yourself and that baby in danger by saving him and ended up having a miscarriage. Did I leave anything out?"

Anna slapped him suddenly, clenching her teeth and taking a step back. Despite the cold delivery, Hao was completely correct in his assessment, and guilt was now fueling her anger.

"You know," he said indifferently after several seconds of silence, "I completely understand why you think this is my fault now. It makes perfect sense."

"What do you want from me Hao?!" She blurted angrily as she began wiping the tears from her face with the sleeve from her robe, "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't want anything from you," he replied quickly, "Nothing at all."

They stared at each other silently for several moments. Anna's eyes were stressed, and she stood in front of him with rigid uneasiness. The anger was beginning to subside but was now being replaced with a deep emptiness. A sinking hole surfaced in the pit of her stomach, and she couldn't keep it at bay. Hao did not break his eye contact, concentrating on the weariness in her expression. He wasn't as angry as his statements sounded, but the frustration had built up over time, causing this impromptu outburst.

Honestly they were both surprised by this development. This was the first time they ever addressed anything negative in their relationship. There was a dangerous habit of not talking; frustration would translate into anger and anger into arousal. The silence unfortunately made this cycle much easier to surface. Anna was frustrated with her inability to be strong; it was the one personality trait she loved about herself, but it almost completely disappeared when she chose to be with Hao. She blinked her eyes a few times and exhaled. It was coming soon, and for some reason she didn't have the desire to stop it.

Hao admitted to himself long ago that sex was not the most normal or healthy way to deal with a situation like this, but he knew she was waiting for something to transpire. He really wanted to talk about this. No, he wanted the robe to disappear. Hao needed some assurance that they were on the same page. No, he could care less whether she wanted to be there or not. He loved Anna deeply. She was such a nuisance. His conflicting thoughts began to encircle his brain in a random pattern, something he didn't experience before being with her.

"Anna, this doesn't make any sense," he said finally. He knew she was listening to him, but she advanced quickly, crashing into his torso and attacking his lips.

If he wasn't going to do it...

One of these days they would have to practice self control. He knew this was a problem; she knew it was a problem. One day their issues would have to be handled in a mature and normal manner. There were many things she needed to say but couldn't find the words. His kisses were distracting, and gathering her thoughts was nearly impossible when being bitten. He needed her to know how he felt, but he couldn't concentrate with her pulling his hair and digging her fingernails into his skin. She needed the emptiness to go away; he needed to know this wasn't the end. This fix was temporary and evident to them both. But, it would have to do for now.

This was much easier than talking.

The restaurant was devoid of customers; it was still early in the day, and many were still eating late breakfasts and brunches. Yoh and Tamao sat across from each other in a large booth near a window. He had ordered the largest sundae sold there complete with sprinkles, fudge and whipped cream and was eating it with a childish grin and twinkling eyes. Tamao did not order ice cream, opting to watch him, and she sat rigidly in the seat with her hands clasped together on top of the table. She would smile weakly during the instances when he would look up at her with an amused giggle, baring all of his teeth, but her frown returned quickly once he focused on the ice cream.

"Oh," he chuckled, "There's bits of fruit in here. Cool."

"That's nice, Yoh," Tamao replied faintly.

"Are you sure you don't want any?" He asked cheerfully, "I can save you some."

"I don't want any," she replied blankly.

They sat in silence a few moments more as her eyes filled suddenly with tears. He didn't notice the emotion until she whispered something audible under her breath:

"I can't do this anymore."

Yoh stared at her with a concerned frown, placing the spoon delicately against the edge of the bowl. She wasn't looking at him but stared at the table as her clasped hands became a cupped fist.

"What's wrong, Tamao?" He asked sadly.

"Yoh," she paused in an attempt to gather her thoughts but blurted them anyway, "I can't do this with you anymore. I don't know how to help you. I don't know what to do."

"Tamao," he replied, but she continued her emotional revelation.

"I can't marry you."

"What?" He seemed shocked by the simple statement and frowned, "What do you mean?"

"I'm not trying to abandon you," she sniffed, "But, you need something I can't give you."

"What do you think I need?" He asked weakly.

"I don't know," she sighed, shrugging her shoulders weakly, "I don't know."

Yoh stared at the table for a few seconds as if considering her words carefully, then slid out of the booth without speaking. Tamao's tears increased as he walked away, but after moments of regaining her composure she followed him outside of the restaurant.

"Yoh," she said sadly, "Please don't be angry with me."

He continued walking down the sidewalk as if he didn't hear her request, and she increased her pace when noticing he was pulling away from her.

"Yoh?" She called again, "Talk to me. Say something."

Tamao's tears returned the longer he walked silently ahead of her. His hands were buried in the pockets of his jeans, but his body language didn't reveal his mood. She wiped her face quickly with the sleeve of her shirt and sped to a light jog to catch up.

"Yoh?" She repeated, "Just-"

"I'm going back to the house," he interrupted without turning around, "Don't come with me."

"We need to talk about this," she pleaded.

"I don't want to talk to you."

His tone was cold and stern, triggering overwhelming guilt and sadness that was evident in her eyes. He didn't see this expression, however, and continued his walk. She stopped in her tracks and watched him leave, something that seemed to relieve him. He couldn't pinpoint whether or not he was angry. It was exactly as he said; he just didn't want to talk to her. Somehow her words stung his chest and burned through his body like a branding iron. She had wounded him without being aware, and he didn't know how to deal with it. He didn't want to deal with it; he just wanted to walk. It was useless to ponder the reason for her confession. He knew the catalyst, and it was something he expected on some level. No one seemed eager to go along with his delusional attempt to be normal. Yoh was past that; they all were.

Things were never going to be the same. He just needed to accept it.

Yoh approached the house quickly, but he frowned slightly when reaching the front door. Honestly, he didn't realize he walked that far; he had been so consumed with his thoughts he wasn't paying much attention. With a brief moment of frustrated mumbling, he entered the house slowly with his hands clenched into fists at his sides. When he reached the hallway that lead to his bedroom he stopped abruptly at the entrance.

Pirika had been leaning against the wall and was startled by his arrival. She stared at him with marked fear; he was certain she was alone somehow, and she stood abruptly in front of him.

"Where are they?" Yoh asked weakly. He wasn't sure why he asked this question; he didn't care.

"There's no one else here," she replied with a whisper.