A/N: All right, crazy fangirls, I know some people have been waiting for this a long time.

33. Battle's Eve

I left the command center. After a moment's hesitation at the door, I turned myself towards the Archives. I hadn't uploaded my memory for decacycles, and I knew there was a possibility, given the size of the Autobot force massing in the North, that I may not return. If that was to be the case, I wished to leave behind what I could.

The darkened rooms were all but deserted; all the soldiers, I knew, were most likely preparing to mobilize. The Archivist glided up, stopping when he saw me.

"Don't tell me you're surprised," I said. He smiled.

"Not at all. I was merely thinking that you don't need to be here."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked as he led the way towards the Hall of Memory.

"You come before battle, to leave your memories in case you never return." He smiled mysteriously at me as I sat at a console. "But I'm sure I'll be seeing you again."

When my upload was complete, he spoke again. "You've grown."

I sat back, not sure how to answer. I remembered my first time in the Archives; I had been so young then, still innocent, still unsure. I had come so far since then, it was true, and if the coming battle ended well, I had much further to go.

Apis sat by the sparklings, humming softly, when I returned. She smiled up at me, then down at the sleeping twins.

"Does this help remind you what you're fighting for?" she asked quietly.

I sat beside her, drawing her close with an arm around her waist. With my other hand, I reached out to gently touch my recharging sparklings. "Yes. It does. Did Shortstop tell you?"

"Yes. I want to go with you, Nova."

I shook my head. "No. You can't."

"These are my people and I feel just as passionate about protecting them as you do yours," she answered. "Let me go with you. I want to help."

"No," I repeated, taking her hand in mine and folding our fingers together. "I need you here to care for the sparklings."

I emphasized this with a wave across our bond, my need to protect my family, my love towards the sparklings and my bondmate. I knew that Apis heard my unspoken addition—if I didn't make it back, the sparklings needed a creator. She looked down at the recharging protoforms.

"All right," she finally answered. "If you promise to come back."

"I will," I swore, sealing the promise through our bond. "I promise."

"Good. Don't forget."

"What happened to you?" I asked. "Are you all right? Were you mistreated at all?"

"No." She snorted. "The mechs who took me said they thought I was a prisoner here. They actually believed that they were 'rescuing' me. I was so worried that they might find out about the sparklings, and that they were yours… I didn't know what they would do.

"But then they took me to Ratchet, who you'd told me so much about, and he brought me to the Prime. He was so good to me, Nova, even though I'm only a Neutral. All the stories about him are true after all… how he treats everyone equally."

"Optimus is like that."

"Yes! He really is what an Autobot was supposed to be. I had the sparklings there and I thought we were all done for because they were Seekers. But he knew about us the minute he saw them. Prime decided to send me back, and I don't know how he got the Senate's permission. Maybe he didn't. They called Shortstop because he wouldn't attract attention, and then he and Jazz and I left in the night.

"We met up with Ramrod at the edge of the city. He must have spent so long looking for me… I was glad, actually, just to see a Decepticon insignia. And he was so kind on the way back. It seems like he really admires you, Nova."

She nestled into me, falling silent, but I felt uneasiness in her Spark. It reminded me of my own discontent, my own traitorous emotions. All I could think about was…

"You love him."

I jerked my head up to gape at her, my Spark giving a horrible, guilty wrench that I was sure she must have felt through our bond. "Wh-what?"

She wouldn't understand. She wouldn't. I loved her… I had to show her, she knew how much I loved her. I cupped her face again and kissed her, trying to send just how I felt across our bond… but those guilty feelings would not be ignored.

"I'm not enough for you," Apis said. I flinched, stung. She was more than enough. "You love me, I know that, and you know that I love you…" Her Spark confirmed it, pulsing reassurance at me. "…but I'm not enough and we both know it.

"You love him too, Nova."

Why… why had she finally put a name to it? For so long I'd been making excuses, skirting around it—we were just friends, it was only an occasional casual interface—but Apis had gotten it in one. Worse, I knew—now that she had named it—that Ramrod loved me as well and had ever since I could remember. It explained almost everything, especially the way he'd acted since I returned from Kalis… and I had told him, as though it didn't matter, that I had bonded with Apis. How painful it must have been for him to try to act normally, as though he felt nothing, as though nothing had changed… and how much he must love me if he placed my happiness over his own.

Apis carried on firmly, but her tone was not accusing. It was… sympathetic. Understanding. "You hate that you had to choose between us, and you feel guilty that you chose me over him. And you feel guilty about feeling that way. I understand, Nova. You're unhappy like this, and so is he." She pulled back to smile up at me. "Didn't you say that Seekers work better in threes?"

"You aren't a Seeker," I fumbled.

"Nova, I want you to be happy. I love you that much. If that means that I indulge your Seeker instincts and share you, I will. Ramrod is a good mech, and he loves you. Please, Nova. I can't bear to see you like this, hurting yourself this way. It's all right."

"I…" Her half of the bond expressed only love and encouragement. She really meant this.

Apis smiled, giving me a kiss on the cheek. "Go," she said. "It's all right."

I hugged her tightly, feeling that my Spark might burst with everything that filled it, wondering what I had done to deserve a femme like Apis, then stood and went to seek out Ramrod.

Ramrod was neither in his quarters nor at the training grounds. I finally tracked him down to a briefing room on the surface level where he stood before his officers, relaying the orders. He cast a glance at me as I entered.

"Commander on deck."

The officers saluted. I listened to the way Ramrod talked with those under his command. He knew them by designation and they clearly trusted him. He sounded so secure, so sure of himself.

Finally, he dismissed his mechs, letting them see to the preparations. "What's up, Nova? Did you want to get a last spar in before we leave?"

"We have to talk," I replied. He looked uneasy. "Your quarters?"

"All right," Ramrod answered after a moment.

The walk over was quiet. Although mechs bustled to and fro all around us, neither of us spoke. I wondered what must be going through his processor. Was he afraid that I had finally noticed his feelings for me, that I had come to reject him?

My Spark burned hot in its casing. Never had I dreamed that I could have both of them, Apis and Ramrod, that the yearning in my Spark for a trine would be settled on two counts, with wingmates in the air and bondmates on the ground.

Ramrod allowed me to precede him into his quarters, closing the door behind him. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I wanted to apologize," I said.

"Apologize?"

"For the way I've acted. For being so slow to catch on."

Wariness crept into his expression. "What do you mean?"

I struggled for words. "I mean I must have seemed so thick… so thoughtless."

"Nova…"

"I know," I burst out, frustrated with myself. I could face down an army without flinching, but when it came to this, I felt as helpless as a sparkling. Why did I have to get so flustered? Perhaps now was not the time for subtlety, nor for words.

Unable to express myself any other way, I stepped forward and clapped a hand to the back of his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. Ramrod made an unreadable noise and his hands came up to my shoulders not to push me away, but to pull me closer.

We hadn't often kissed before. It had seemed too intimate, in a way. This time, however, I was sure to make it perfectly clear why I was here.

"I love you," I plowed on when we finally parted. "I don't know for how long but I never realized it until just now. And I must have seemed like such an idiot. Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I thought you'd… feel guilty," he answered. It was Torsion speaking. "If you knew. I didn't want to come between you and Apis… you're so happy with her."

"She's the one who told me," I said. "She understands. I'm a Seeker… my Spark works in threes."

"She's smarter than we are," he replied. "Primus, Nova… you really…?" He looked so agonizingly hopeful. I buried my face in the side of his neck.

"I really," I whispered. "I'm sorry it took me so long. I feel so stupid!"

He laughed brokenly. "Don't. It took me forever, too."

My Spark surged in its casing, sensing the foreign Spark burning just a few layers of armor away. "Ramrod… will you bond with me?"

"Are… are you sure?"

"Apis wants this. She understands… I want this. You don't have to bond with her or anything if you don't want to…"

"But…" He pulled back, hands still on my shoulders. "The battle… either of us could die out there."

"That's a risk we've already taken," I answered. Whether we were fated to die in the coming battle or not, I wanted to bond with him. Even though I knew the sort of agony that one of us could be put through—that both of them would be put through, if I didn't make it back—I would rather have bonded with Ramrod and lost him than never have bonded with him at all. "Please."

He embraced me again. "Yes. Yes, of course."

"But…" I managed a laugh. "We might not want to do this standing up."

"Right," he chuckled, steering me to the berth. He sat up against the wall and I crawled onto him, mouthplates brushing his again.

I opened my chestplates; he looked on my Spark in something like awe.

"Can you love a fool?" I asked ruefully.

"I love you, but you're no fool," he answered, chestplates parting with a click. While Apis's Spark was a lighter blue than mine, Ramrod's and Torsion's was darker. I kissed him again, entranced, and waited until he worked up the courage to bring our Sparks together.

The heat of our merge seared through me and I felt him, the core that was both of him at once, Ramrod and Torsion, just him. I was already lost to the Sparkmerge, displaying my own core, the memories that made me who I was, just as I had with Apis. I gave it all to him without hesitation.

I saw his life, the past that he had never quite brought himself to tell me about, starting with the memories of his creator, who had been sold when he was scarcely old enough to remember her. His life as a slave, his duties, his master, Highbrow—who, without being as physically abusive as Ratbat had been to me, had still left him with deep psychological scars. I remembered how Apis had soothed me during our bonding and tried to do the same, hoping that time and love might be enough to heal the damage slavery had done to him.

I experienced the chaotic, helpless feeling of sharing one Spark and one body between two identities. It confirmed, however, what I had known all along: at Spark, Ramrod and Torsion were the same. They shared the same emotions, the same courage, all the same character traits which made me love them.

Our memories of Kaon were quite similar—sparring with each other, battles with the Autobots, our friends among the Decepticons, his respect towards the generals, especially Trannis. He showed me his feelings when I had disappeared, their Spark-wrenching anguish at my apparent death, but expressed his gratitude that this had finally brought both of him together.

I felt the bond take in a warm wave, suddenly became a part of him, knowing him more intimately than anyone ever had, as he knew me.

What's this?

He had discovered the remains, the last vestiges of Ratbat, which had the nerve to radiate cold defiance. I explained and felt Ramrod's anger.

You're the slagger who hurt him! You can't have him. He's ours now, mine and Apis's. I felt him attack with his usual ferocity, but it didn't hurt my Spark… only my unwelcome passenger. He was warrior enough to do what peaceful Apis could not; I felt the last remnants of Ratbat fade and die under the fierce, blazing pressure of Ramrod's Spark, finally releasing me. I was free… there would be no more nightmares, no more whispers where I could not shut them out. I was free.

"I love you," I gasped, feeling the heat of our merge overwhelming me.

"I know," he murmured, sending an answering surge. It was all we needed to tip us over the edge as all of us became one, Sparks pulsing at the same time, intakes perfectly synchronized, spiraling into overload at once.

We ended up sprawled out on the berth with me on top, audio pressed to his chestplate, where I could hear the comforting hum of his internal systems. I felt his Spark pulsing in time with mine, contented, warm.

Ramrod finally broke the comfortable silence. "You should get back to your quarters for a decent recharge. You'll need your strength."

"I can get a decent recharge just fine here," I answered stubbornly, kicking my pedes.

"Go be with your sparklings." He smiled down at me. "Spot and Blackie. They're pretty cute, aren't they?"

"You gave them nicknames already?"

"Yeah. Go on… you should spend time with them. Before you know it, they'll be grown mechs."

My mouthplates curved into a smile. "I suppose you're right."

We both sat up, but before I could move he looped his arms around my waist, nuzzling under my jaw. "Of course," he added, "we could always make a sparkling, too. And then you'd have no excuse to go."

I felt my faceplates heat up. I wasn't too sure about carrying a sparkling, but after all, Starscream had done it. I dismissed it as a joke (for now) and nuzzled him back. "But I don't want to leave yet."

Ramrod tapped my chestplate, just over my Spark. "I won't be far."

Apis was already in recharge when I returned. I paused at the berth to watch with a smile; the sparklings were curled up on top of her, also recharging.

I settled down beside her, sighing happily. My Spark was finally content; tomorrow I would worry about the war, but for now I knew only my bondmates.

Gently, so he would not wake, I drew one of the sparklings onto my chest—a glance at his back informed me that it was Black Hole—and offlined my optics, letting the warm peace flowing into my Spark from both of my bondmates lull me into a deep, dreamless recharge.

I awoke to a purring sparkling on each wing and Apis stroking my face.

"Good morning," I told her. "I would sit up, but…"

Apis laughed and gathered the twins in her arms. "They're just so excited to finally meet you."

"I wish I had been there."

"You're here now."

"Yes, but not for long." I frowned, remembering the upcoming battle. There was a hesitant question-tug in my Spark and I answered with a cheerful greeting, feeling Ramrod's happiness in return. When I looked up, Apis was smiling.

"I felt it. I'm glad you're happy, Nova."

"Are you?" I asked, wrapping my arms around her and our sparklings. Her Spark answered with a tickle of affection-love. I sighed, resting my helm against hers. "I don't want to leave. I don't want to fight any more."

She held me silently while my Spark burned with the urge to remain here, my wish that the injustice in the world would end so that I could live in peace with my little family, absorbed by the normal concerns of an ordinary life. I wanted to be able to talk on plain terms with Optimus, with Jazz, with Ratchet, to visit Iacon. I wanted to live in a world without slavery. I wanted to fly with my trine, and with my sparklings.

"There will always be injustice in the world," Apis said finally. "And you will always fight it… that's just the sort of person you are. One battle won't change that. Even when this war ends, mechs will still fight and still hate. But you don't have to do it all by yourself, and you don't have to let it consume your life. You won't have to kill any more. When the war is over you will have an opportunity to change things… you'll be able to help rebuild our world, and you can shape it any way you want. How many mechs have that sort of power?"

"I can't do that. I don't deserve that sort of responsibility."

Apis laughed, petting my helm. "Of course you deserve it, and you can handle it. I believe in you… everyone does."

She paused, then added, "When I was in Iacon, I listened to what the Autobots were saying. You would have been surprised, Nova. So many of them want the fighting to stop… the ordinary citizens, and the ones who've seen battle. I heard some saying that the Senate is prolonging the war for its own aims, and that if it were up to the Prime it would have been over by now."

"Does Optimus know?"

"I don't know. But they want the war to end. Just like you, just like me and all the other Neutrals. Doesn't that mean there's hope? How long can the Senate keep this up when everyone wants it to stop? If someone could just make the Autobots stand up and tell them, like you do with the Decepticons…"

A chime from the door made both of us look over, the twins beeping in response, trying to imitate the noise. I laughed at their efforts.

"Yes?"

"The first of our ground units have begun to move out, Lord Nova."

"Thank you. I'll be in the command center shortly."

I checked my chronometer and sighed, disentangling myself from Apis's arms and planting a kiss on each twin's helm. "I'm sorry I have to leave so soon."

"The sooner you go, the sooner you'll be back," Apis answered bravely. I looked at her smiling face in surprise. "I know you'll come home. You always do."

I smiled in return, stooping to kiss her once more, Spark pulsing my regret at leaving and my desire to return as quickly as possible.

The command center bustled with activity, mechs going back and forth, some carrying energon cubes. I found Skywarp among the officers, waiting impatiently for my arrival.

"Are all the aerial units ready?"

"Mostly. Alpha command is good to go whenever we are. Sunstorm's already in the Tower with everyone."

"All right. Go inform Alpha command that we're leaving in two breems… I have some things to take care of, and then I'll be down."

After leaving some final instructions with Shockwave, who was always left behind in Kaon in case of disaster on the battlefield, I used the sky entrance to leave the command center. It felt good to get out of the busy room, so I did a few barrel rolls on the brief flight to the Tower. I could tell that the other Seekers were revved up as well, eager to take flight. Skywarp and Sunstorm waited at their head; I paused an astrometer in the air, hovering.

"Decepticons, transform and rise up!"

They did so with a roar of engines. I remembered watching Starscream lead the fliers to Vos. This time I wouldn't be left behind. I transformed as well and we set off, flying steadily northward, towards Praxus.

We stopped at nightfall to refuel and briefly recharge at a camp on the outskirts of a Neutral settlement northwest of Khalkon. Some of the other fliers caught up with us during the night, but the ground troops would take even longer to arrive. I hoped that the Autobots might not begin their assault until we were ready for them, but at the same time I knew that things rarely worked out so smoothly during wartime.

We crossed from Tarn into Praxus during the second megacycle of the morning. Praxus, site of my first and most devastating defeat. We had lost many brave Decepticons here, including Thundercracker. I missed his calm presence, especially before battle when I had the most need of a soothing touch or a warm voice.

We came in over Praxus's central city-hub in the middle of the orn, landing outside the city itself. We had just begun to make our temporary camp when one of the sentries landed before me, saluting.

"There's a group approaching from the city, sir."

"All right." I motioned for Sunstorm and Skywarp to come with me. "Take us to meet them, please."

The approaching mechs unfolded from their altmodes as we approached each other. The one in front I recognized as Downshift, the emirate of Praxus; the other two could have been either officials or bodyguards.

"Emirate," I greeted with a bow.

"Commander," he replied. "Thank Primus you got the news to us in time. The Autobots have begun their advance, but I have already called everyone into the city proper."

I rather liked his way of getting straight to business; there was no time to waste on pleasantries. "How far are they?"

"Four megacycles at most, but I suspect they won't attack until morning."

"What makes you think that?" Enemies had a nasty habit of attacking when least expected.

The emirate gave me a weary smile. "I know these bots. Is this all you've brought?"

"More are on their way, but I don't know whether all of us will be here by the time the Autobots attempt to take the city. Do you have fighters?"

All three Neutrals suddenly looked awkward.

"Well, yes," Downshift began, "but you see… we were once Autobots ourselves and while none of us wish to become slaves, many of our fighters are reluctant to go into battle against Autobots. As for the rest, they have voiced their unwillingness to fight alongside Decepticons."

/Word's in from the forward scouts,/ Skywarp told me over comm. /They've cased the Autobots. Torsion was right, that's an awful lot of Autobots out there./

/Then it's a good thing we have an awful lot of Decepticons on the way,/ I answered.

/You can't fight a battle with mechs that aren't here yet. We're gonna need those extra fighters./ He repeated this news to Downshift, who frowned.

"The leader of those who could fight is called Blowout. He was their commander before they defected to join us here. If you could convince him, the rest would follow."

"Then take me to him."

/You think you can work some of that Prime-style inspirational mumbo-jumbo on this Blowout guy?/ Skywarp asked as we flew into the city above our three guides.

/I have to try./

/Maybe if he can't work with us, he deserves to be a slave./

/Nobody deserves to be a slave,/ I answered sharply.

/Not even your worst enemy?/

/My worst enemy is dead. I no longer see any need to punish others for him./

/Prime raised you right, didn't he? I never knew a Decepticon that wouldn't take revenge, except maybe TC, and even he'd get me back for my pranks sometimes./

/I've had my revenge, and more than I wanted. I've seen what it does… I want none of it./

Downshift led us to a part of the city that housed the refugees. We attracted stares and whispers, some hopeful, some suspicious. It was easy to tell which of these mechs had fled from further north and which had been recently called into the city proper from the surrounding territory; those who had witnessed the actions of the Senate firsthand had optics that remained both disbelieving and haunted. I felt at once furious at and saddened by the Autobot leaders who caused such misery among civilians. These mechs were no different from the Autobot population; they were no different from the Decepticons, but for their blue optics and flightless altmodes. What made any mech fit to be the master of others, controlling their actions, words and lives?

We stopped just at the edge of a cluster of temporary shelters, where a powerfully-built truck-model was deep in agitated conversation with more armed Neutrals. I could see a partially gouged-out Autobot sigil on his broad chestplate.

"There's the mech you want," Downshift told us just as someone pointed out our presence to the truck-type. Dozen of pairs of blue optics turned our way. Blowout crossed his arms over his chest and stared hard at me, expression cold.

"I thought you'd be bigger," he scoffed at last.

"You must be Blowout."

"So?"

I glanced around. "I wonder if I might speak with you privately."

Blowout arched an optic ridge, unimpressed. "Whatever you've got to say, you can say it in front of all of us." A murmur of agreement rippled through the listening mechs. "Besides, it won't make any difference. We might not be Autobots anymore, but we're not suddenly buddies with the Decepticons and we won't fight next to 'cons, either."

The agreement was louder this time.

I shrugged. "All right."

I saw Neutrals looking at each other, confused. Blowout's optics narrowed.

"You won't fight with us," I said. "Then huddle in your shelters and wait for the Autobots, mechs who should know better, to round you up into camps. They'll split you from your teams. If you're bonded, you'll be sent to the other side of the planet from your mate. You'll be sold like spare parts, and you'll spend the rest of your life carrying energon or cleaning floors or worse, but at least you didn't have to fight next to a 'con."

Blowout took a step forward; I now had to look up at him, but I didn't back down. He wouldn't try anything, not as long as he wanted to look like the bigger mech.

He switched to a new argument. "Those are Autobots out there. We were Autobots too until a few vorns ago. Maybe it's easy for you, but we're not going out and killing our own kin."

"Yet they have no qualms about enslaving you," I answered. "This is no longer about Autobots and Decepticons. It hasn't been since the Senate signed the Axis Decree. This is between freedom and slavery. If you fight with us you're not just fighting with Decepticons. We're not just fighting for Decepticons. We're fighting for all of you."

"You're not—!"

"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings," I interrupted. Blue optics stared at me from all around the shelters. "Isn't that supposed to be your rallying cry?"

Nobody said anything. None of them even moved.

"If not, stay here. We'll do our best to protect these people without you."

I waited. What felt like a megacycle passed; I heard muttering and whispering from the Autobots, but not what was said. My focus remained entirely on Blowout. If he came, the rest would follow. If not… I didn't want to think about how difficult it would be to defend the city until the rest of my force arrived.

Finally, Blowout shifted his weight. "I'll fight with you," he growled. I felt the tension release in a collective sigh. "But I'm not taking orders from a 'con."

"You will have complete command of whichever Neutrals choose to join you," I answered, nearly shaky with relief. "I would advise you to join me later for a strategic chat. And I'm actually tall for my model."

/All right,/ Skywarp admitted to Sunstorm's chuckles, /that Prime-like inspirational mumbo-jumbo works. Sometimes. Occasionally./

"I aim for minimum casualties on both sides," I told Blowout as we sat together over the holomap in the temporary command center. "All of the Decepticons are trained to take prisoners whenever possible."

"I've been in enough battles in the past couple of centivorns to have noticed that. Stop trying to make me feel better about this and let's get going."

"What can you tell me about the mechs in charge of the Autobots' attack?"

"The one heading the assault is Senator Levitacus." I recognized the designation: Levitacus had been one of the few senators intelligent enough to hide well during my campaign of vengeance. He had served as a ruthless Autobot general throughout the war and had engineered some of their particularly destructive victories. "His general is Breacher, who got that designation for a good reason. There's no one better at breaking through an enemy line. I suspect they'll dedicate Breacher and his tanks to getting into the city while Levitacus's troops keep you 'cons busy out here."

"That's what I would do," I said. "Are you and your mechs going to concentrate on the defense of the city walls?"

"Yeah. Just…" Blowout shifted, scratching at his neck cabling as he stared resolutely at the holomap. "It might, uh…" he muttered, "…be nice to… have some air support."

"I thought you wouldn't fight next to Decepticons."

"Well, I wouldn't mind fighting below them, smartaft. I'm not stupid. I know when to admit an air force is useful."

"All right," I answered, hiding a smile. "I don't have many to spare, but I'll see what I can do."

We continued to discuss tactics until far into the night, as more of our unit commanders appeared in the temporary command center with us. Most of the aerial forces had arrived by the time I checked my chronometer and stretched my arms, easing some of the tension out of my cabling.

"Everyone should get a few megacycles of recharge," I advised at last. "We'll have an early start."

"You need rest too," Sunstorm told me softly as the others filtered out. I still stood staring at the holomap, trying to plan for any situation, though I knew it was a futile exercise—in battle, nothing ever went as planned.

"I'm not tired."

"You will be. Come, Nova… it's just another battle."

"But this time it isn't only us at stake," I argued. "This is for everyone in this city, and every Neutral south of it."

"How will you help them if you fall out of the sky from exhaustion?" Sunstorm asked gently. "You've done all you can tonight. Now you must rest."

Even though there were endless permutations still to consider, I knew my wingmate was right. I let him lead me to the shelter I would share with my trine, settling down where he indicated. Offlining my optics, I sent a brief surge of warmth across my bond to Apis and Ramrod, hoping they weren't too far away to feel it, before I shut down.