I have a really hectic week of work, job interview preparation and an APLS course coming up so there might not be an update to either of my stories this week. But I will try my hardest. Thanks for all the amazing reviews, this is a story very close to my heart so the reviews make me a happy writer.
4.
Sitting at her dresser Rachel ran her hairbrush slowly through her hair, it had been two days since her attempt to get back to some sort of normalcy had failed, and she'd ended up being driven home by Puck. But here she was, two days later preparing for school again, trying to ignore the horrible truth and just be a normal sixteen year old whose dreams still remained intact.
"Rachel," Richard Berry gently called out as he entered his daughter's room.
Smiling softly Rachel looked up from the mirror, placing her hairbrush in her lap she waited for her father to sit down next to her. Rachel knew how much her father's loved and respected her by the fact they hadn't pushed her into making a decision about her treatment. She knew that they were desperate for her to agree to go to New York, just like she knew that time wasn't on her side.
But right now, in this very moment all she wanted to do was go to school and be normal, and if that meant getting a slushy facial then so be it.
"Morning Daddy," Rachel smiled.
"How are you feeling?" Richard asked, desperate for her to let him in.
Playing with the hairbrush in her hands Rachel nodded. "Better. I feel almost normal today."
"You don't have to go to school if you don't want to," Richard insisted. "Nobody expects you to be there, not with everything that is going on."
"We're choosing the songs for Nationals today Daddy, I've worked hard for this, I need to be there, I need to put my selection forward," Rachel smiled.
Richard nodded. "I have back-to-back surgeries scheduled for today, but Abba is working from home so if you need anything he's just a phone call way."
"I love you," Rachel whispered, dropping her hairbrush to the floor as she leaned across and wrapped her arms around her father.
"I love you more than anything in this world Baby-Girl," Richard whispered, as he ran his hand through her hair.
Standing up Rachel smoothed down her skirt. "I know Daddy."
"Have you got your medication?" Richard asked.
Walking over to her dresser Rachel picked up a small make-up bag. "Got it right here."
"Don't be scared to take it Star, it's to help you," Richard reminded her.
Kissing her father Rachel whispered in his ear. "Wish me luck."
"You don't need luck, you've got talent," Richard smiled as he watched his daughter grab her bag from the chair and practically skip out of the room.
He knew what she was trying to do, how she was trying to forget about the shattering diagnosis that had been handed her. And as much as it warmed his heart to see her smiling and to hear her singing again the doctor in him knew it wouldn't last, that sooner or later she would have to face the reality of her situation and make a decision.
Stepping outside her front door Rachel looked down at her phone as a text message appeared on the screen. "Need a lift?"
Smiling Rachel sent back one word. "Please."
In less than two minutes Puck was at the end of her drive in his truck, smiling Rachel climbed up into the passenger seat.
"How did you know I was coming back to school today?" Rachel asked.
"One of your dad's might have called me," Puck sheepishly admitted.
Rachel couldn't help but laugh. "So badass Noah Puckerman has been assigned as my babysitter, what did you do to deserve that job?"
"I guess I sort of offered, when I brought you home the other day," Puck explained.
"I don't need a babysitter," Rachel insisted.
Puck nodded. "I know. But sometimes everybody just needs somebody."
"Maybe," Rachel sighed as she watched the familiar scenery pass them by, until they reached the school parking lot.
"So what song did you choose?" Puck asked as they entered the school.
Turning on her heels Rachel smiled at him, and it wasn't until he saw her smile properly, a real smile that reached her eyes that he realised how much he had missed it.
Winking at him Rachel took her folder from her locker before heading towards class. "You'll just have to wait and see," she chuckled as she headed into the classroom.
Laughing to himself Puck shook his head as he stood outside the classroom and watched as she took a large fluffy pink pen out of her bag. Satisfied that she was alright Puck made his way towards his own class, the small brunette never far from his thoughts. The day seemed to pass slowly for Puck and as lunchtime finally came around he tried to hide his relief at seeing her again, at seeing that she looked as happy and relaxed as she had been this morning.
"Hey," Puck smiled, placing his tray down on the table and sitting next to her.
Rachel looked up from her untouched dinner. "Hey."
"You not hungry?" Puck asked.
"Not really," Rachel admitted. "At least not for this anyway," she laughed as she looked down at the pasta dish on her tray.
Puck nodded. "What are you hungry for then?"
"One of those salad boxes from the Whole Foods market," Rachel replied, licking at her lips.
Puck looked up at the clock on the wall. "We've still got forty minutes left of lunch, we could easily make it there and back before next period."
"Really?" Rachel asked, her face lighting up.
"Really," Puck agreed as he loaded her tray on top of his, clearing them both away he waited for her to gather up her bag before they both headed out towards his truck.
The ten minute drive seemed to pass too quickly for Puck as he would have happily driven for hours, listening as Rachel hummed along happily to the radio, seemingly without a care in the world.
"What?" Rachel asked getting out of the truck as she realised he was staring.
Puck shook his head. "Nothing."
"You were staring," Rachel pointed out, shivering as she walked into the air conditioned store.
"It's just it's nice to hear you singing again," Puck finally admitted.
Taking one of the empty food containers Rachel began to fill it with a selection of her favourite foods. "I was humming," she laughed, shutting the box as she made her way towards the checkout.
"Whatever it was, I liked it," Puck said as they paid for the salad and headed back out towards his truck.
Reaching into her bag Rachel pulled out the three bottles of pills that her father had insisted she carry everywhere with her. Opening the glove compartment she took out the bottle of water he seemed to keep there.
"Everything alright?" Puck asked.
Swallowing the pills Rachel nodded. "And I want it to stay that way, I need to be on top form for Glee," she explained, putting the bottles back in her make-up bag.
Turning on the CD player Rachel smiled as the familiar chords of Green Day's classic hit Good Riddance filled the truck. Smiling she softly sung along to the lyrics, her feet resting on the dash board as she felt herself relax as the music and medication washed over her.
"I didn't know you were a Green Day fan," Puck grinned as they pulled to a stop at a red light.
Rachel nodded, her eyes still closed as she listened to the music. "I think everyone has a Green Day fan inside of them."
"Favourite album?" Puck asked.
Biting her bottom lip Rachel seemed to ponder this question seriously before answering. "I'll always have a soft spot for Dookie but there's no denying all of them are impressive."
"Favourite song?" Puck asked, as he realised just how right all of this felt, he had never felt as comfortable with a girl as he did in this moment; sat in his truck with Rachel Berry talking about Green Day.
As they pulled up outside of the school Rachel ejected the CD from the player. "Can I borrow this?"
"Sure?" Puck nodded as he helped her out of the truck. "Need an escort to the next period?"
Rachel shook her head. "I have a free period so I'm going to head to the library and catch up on some of the work I've missed out on."
"So I'll see you in Glee?" Puck questioned.
Smiling Rachel nodded. "I'll be there with bells on."
"Still not going to tell what song you're choosing?" Noah asked, as he watched her eyes dance with amusement.
Laughing softly Rachel shook her head. "Sorry. No preview. But Noah … thank-you, for today, for everything."
"You're welcome Berry," Puck nodded, almost giving a bow as he watched her leave and head towards the library, a part of him wanted to go after her, ask her to skip school and find somewhere to just lie and listen to Green Day with him, but the other part of him, the suddenly sensible part of him knew that Rachel just needed to be as normal as possible.
GLEE - GLEE - GLEE
Entering the choir room Puck realised that he was the first person there, frowning he sat down in the front row, another unusual step for him. Turning his chair slightly he found himself watching the door, waiting for the small diva.
"Puck?" Quinn called out sitting down next to him.
Puck turned to face the woman carrying his child. "Everything alright?"
"I rang the house looking for you this morning, Mercedes car broke down and I needed a lift but your mother said you had already left," Quinn informed him.
"Yeah I had stuff to do," Puck shrugged.
Quinn couldn't help but notice the way his eyes kept shifting towards the door. "Is everything alright?"
"Fine. You alright?" Puck asked, his eyes resting on her swollen stomach.
"Not long to go now," Quinn smiled, a small bittersweet smile.
Puck nodded. "So what song are you submitting for Nationals?" he asked, moving the subject into something light and non threatening to all of them.
"Mercedes and I have been working on something together," Quinn replied, as the person in question walked in, beckoning Quinn over to her.
"Better go, last minute team talks are needed," Quinn explained as she headed over to the corner where Mercedes sat, pulling sheet music out of her bag.
Leaning back in his chair Puck watched as the Glee club members started to filter in, soon eleven of the twelve members were sat in their usual seats as Mr. Schuester started writing the word 'Nationals' on the board in large letters.
Frowning Puck glanced up at the clock, Rachel was already ten minutes late, he was about to make his excuses and head out to look for her when she practically skipped through the door, dragging her wheelie bag behind her as she sat down in the empty seat next to Puck.
"Sorry I'm late," Rachel apologised, flashing Puck a smile before turning her attention towards Mr. Schuester.
Mr. Schuester nodded, dismissing her apology as unneeded. As the young girls late appearance seemed to give everyone the right to whisper between them about her recent absence and strange behaviour.
Puck could see that Rachel was starting to get uncomfortable with the speculation, he was about to threaten them all into silence when Mr. Schuester beat him to it, shushing everyone as he reminded them that they had a lot of work to get through today.
"So I hope everyone has their submissions ready," Mr. Schuester smiled as he pointed to the writing on the board.
Excited whispers rippled across the students as Puck's eyes stayed firmly trained on Rachel, something that wasn't lost on a jealous Santana and confused Quinn.
As Puck ran a questioning eye over her he could see that she looked tired, but relaxed at the same time. "You're staring again," she whispered in his direction.
"No I'm not, I'm just checking everything is in order," Puck winked, not wanting to completely lose his badass image, but something about Rachel Berry turned him into a teddy bear.
"So who would like to submit an idea first?" Mr. Schuester asked as he faced his students.
Twelve heads turned to face Rachel all of them expecting her to be the first off the block, instead Rachel shook her head slowly. "I'm not quite ready yet."
"Anyone else ready?" Mr. Schuester asked, not wanting to draw anymore attention to the young starlet. It was obvious to him that there was something going on with the young girl, something that she clearly wasn't ready to share yet.
Standing up Kurt handed the piano man some sheet music before taking centre stage in the choir room. "I've chosen a song that I think will show all of our voices off. I'm going to sing it as a solo now but the arrangement I have planned will blow the judges out of the water. It includes Ms Rachel Berry belting on the last note."
The music started as the familiar opening chords of Seasons of Love from Rent filled the room as Kurt made his way seamlessly through the verses.
"Very nice," Mr. Schuester smiled as the rest of the group applauded.
Curtsying before the group Kurt tipped his hat at them. "I think everyone else should just admit defeat now," he exclaimed with a satisfied smile as he took his seat.
Next up Quinn and Mercedes performed their choice for Nationals which was The Beatles, A Little Help From My Friends arranged in an almost theatrical manner. As they finished Mercedes turned to Kurt and made a pistol with her fingers before blowing the imaginary smoke away.
"Excellent Girls," Mr. Schuester smiled, pleased that everyone was getting so involved.
As Quinn and Mercedes took their seats Tina and Artie were the next to take to the floor. "We decided on something a little different," Tina smiled.
"Let's hear it then," Mr. Schuester encouraged as he sat down on his stool.
The Circle of Life from The Lion King filled the room as Artie and Tina flawlessly performed the Disney classic complete with some show-stopping dance moves from Tina.
"Another well thought out choice," Mr. Schuester told them as Finn, Brittany, Mike, Matt and Santana took to the floor.
"We've decided on something a little more modern," Santana smirked.
Nodding Mr. Schuester motioned for them to begin as the group stared to sing The Killers, All These Things That I've Done with Santana and Finn taking the lead vocals whilst Brittany, Mike and Matt put on an impressive dance performance as they carried the backing vocals.
"Interesting choice and an excellent arrangement," Mr. Schuester proudly smiled as he watched them take their seats as everyone congratulated them on a job well done.
From her seat in the front row Rachel couldn't help but agree with Mr. Schuesters's comments, everyone had obviously put a lot of work into the choices they had made and there was already four excellent songs to chose from. Perhaps there was no need for hers, and perhaps it would be selfish of her to submit a choice when she didn't even know if she would be singing at Nationals.
"Rachel?" Mr. Schuester called, breaking her free from her thoughts.
Shaking her head Rachel looked up. "Can I have a minute?"
"Diva," Kurt coughed.
Puck turned to glare at the young boy soprano, making sure that any other comment Kurt might have been about to make died on his lips.
"Down boy," Santana growled. "Since when did you become Stubbles very own guard dog?" she asked her voice dripping with sarcasm.
Ignoring the comments and staged whispers Puck turned to Rachel who was staring down at the floor. "You alright?"
"Fine," Rachel assured him as she took his hand and led him across to the piano where she handed him some sheet music. "I just need your help," she smiled as she pointed out the parts she wanted him to take the lead on before signalling to Brad that they were ready.
Looking down at the music in his hands Puck couldn't help but smile at her choice in songs, it was obvious that she had changed it at the last minute after the conversation in his truck this morning.
Taking to the floor Puck closed his eyes, lost in the moment as the familiar opening chords of Green Day's 21 Guns filled the room. Opening his eyes he started to sing. "Do you know whats worth fighting for? When it's not worth dying for? Does it take your breath away? When you feel yourself suffocating."
The significance of the words wasn't lost on him as he turned to Rachel, his voice catching slightly on the lyrics as he continued to sing. "Does the pain weigh out the pride? And you look for a place to hide? Did someone break your heart inside? Your in ruins."
"One, twenty one guns, lay down your arms, give up the fight. One, twenty one guns. through up your arms into the sky. You and I," Puck continued, his eyes never leaving Rachel.
As the melody changed the chords morphed into those of another familiar Green Day song as Rachel started to sing. Her voice soft and uncertain like he had never heard it before as she sung the familiar lyrics to Are We The Waiting, Puck's favourite Green Day song.
"Starry nights, city lights coming down over me, skyscrapers and stargazers in my head. Are we we are, are we we are the waiting unknown. This dirty town is burning down in my dreams. Lost and found city bound in my dreams."
Turning to Puck she motioned for him to join her on the next part as their voices started to join together in a perfect harmony.
"And screaming, are we we are, are we we are the waiting. And screaming, are we we are, are we we are the waiting."
Puck was silent once again letting Rachel sing by herself as her gentle voice filled the room, with a haunting beauty that gave him chills. "Forget me nots and second thoughts live in isolation. Heads or tails, fairytales in my mind. Are we we are, are we we are the waiting unknown. Rage or love story of life, the Jesus of Suburbia is a lie."
As the melody changed once again Puck's voice joined hers as her voice seemed to gain power and strength as they finished with one of Green Day's most recognisable songs, Good Riddance.
"Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road, time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go, so make the best of this test, and don't ask why, it's not a question, but a lesson learned in time."
Puck could feel the tears starting to build in his eyes as they reached the next part of the song, both voices still in perfect harmony despite the emotions raging within both of them, "It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right, I hope you had the time of your life."
"So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind, hang it on a shelf in good health and good time, tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial, for what it's worth it was worth all the while," Rachel turned to face Puck as they reached the final part of the song.
As he listened to her sing he could see in her eyes that she wasn't ready to die, that she still had so much left to live for. But he could also see that the prospect of fighting and losing terrified her, so much so that blocking everything out seemed like the only option at the moment, at least the only one that would let her get out of bed and keep breathing each morning.
"It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life," they sang both their voices breaking.
"It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life," the words repeated as Rachel felt the familiar pressure starting to build behind her eyes. Unable to finish the final part of the song Rachel grabbed her stuff and ran, leaving Puck to finish by himself as the Glee club sat rooted to their seats, unable to stop watching but at the same time feeling as if they were intruding on a private moment between Puck and Rachel.
"It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right, I hope you had the time of your life," Puck finished as the music came to an end and he watched Rachel flee towards the girls bathroom.
Sitting back into his seats Puck ignored everyone's mutters of shock and amazement as Mr. Schuester tried to bring some order back to the group. Sitting in the seat departed by the brunette Santana knelt down and picked up a small make-up bag that the young diva had dropped in her haste to leave.
Opening the bag she felt her heart jump into her mouth as she read the familiar names on the bottles, clutching the bag to her chest she followed the path just taken by the brunette. Entering the girls bathroom she wasn't at all shocked to hear someone retching forcefully in the end stall, pushing the door open she watched as Rachel struggled to make it to the toilet whilst also searching frantically for something in her bag.
"Looking for this?" Santana asked.
Rachel looked up at the bullying Cheerio and nodded. "Yes."
"You left it in Glee club," Santana shrugged as she sat down next to Rachel and handed her the bag.
With shaking hands Rachel struggled to open the pill bottles as Santana wordlessly took them from her and poured all the required tablets into one of the lids before taking some water out of Rachel's bag and handing it to the shaking brunette.
"Thanks," Rachel stammered,
"It's no problem," Santana replied, her voice full of something that Rachel had never heard from the Cheerio before; sympathy and compassion.
Swallowing the pills Rachel tiredly leaned her head against the wall of the bathroom. "You can leave now," she whispered, not wanting anyone to see her like this.
Santana looked down at the pill bottles in her hand. "Dexamethasone is a steroid, used in the treatment of many things but one of the main uses for it is that it can control the symptoms of a brain tumour, Zofran is a powerful anti-emetic and Oxycodone is one hell of a pain killer, which-"
"Don't," Rachel pleaded, not wanting the cheerleader to finish that thought.
"That's a powerful cocktail of medication, I'm going to make a wild guess and say brain tumour?" Santana concluded, ignoring Rachel's pleas, her heart constricting at the words that left her mouth.
Holding her head in her hands Rachel didn't say anything, instead she just waited for the meds to kick in so that she could get out of there as soon as possible.
"I'll take that as a yes, I'm also guessing you haven't started treatment yet, because as shitty as you look you don't look anywhere near as bad as someone that's had brain surgery, chemotherapy or radiation therapy," Santana pointed out.
"How did you-"
When the brunette didn't finish Santana finished the thought for her. "How did I know?"
"Yes," Rachel stammered, her eyes still closed.
"I can't believe I'm sat on the floor of the girl's bathroom sharing this with you of all people," Santana laughed bitterly. "But I had a twin brother, Amaury was my favourite person in the whole world, he kept me grounded and he made me smile. Then when we were twelve years old he was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour. Month by month this invisible evil took my brother from me, until he couldn't even feed himself. Six months later we were lying in his bed listening to the basketball commentary when it took him from me completely," Santana told her, trying not to cry.
Rachel looked up at the girl that had tormented her for so long, suddenly seeing her in a different light. "I'm sorry."
"I recognised the meds because I used to help Amaury with his," Santana explained, her voice barely above a whisper.
Closing her eyes Rachel nodded. "I was diagnosed nearly a week ago, my dads are pushing me to be part of some clinical trial in New York but I don't see the point, there's no cure so it's going to kill me either way."
"Maybe they need you to do this, so that when the end comes they can say they did everything they could for you," Santana suggested.
"I-"
"Because when you're dead, you're dead, none of it's going to matter to you, but it will matter to them, they will be the ones left behind and if they can't at least tell themselves that they did everything they could for you, then there will be no coming back from that for them," Santana added as she stood up.
Rachel nodded, wanting to ask Santana how she knew that but there were certain things that you didn't ask your one time enemy whilst sat on the girls bathroom floor. "Thank-you."
"I take it Puck knows?" Santana guessed.
Rachel nodded. "I threw up on him."
"I should go and let him in, I can hear him pacing outside like a caged lion," Santana smirked as she handed Rachel the bag of pills.
"That doesn't surprise me, he's been very protective ever since," Rachel smiled as she pulled herself to her feet.
Nodding Santana helped the other girl tidy herself up before heading towards the door to let Puck in. Before unlocking it she turned towards Rachel one last time. "And if you ever tell anyone anything that happened in here I will deny it and then spread malicious rumours about you and Jacob Ben-Israel," she warned.
"Noted," Rachel smiled, as she watched the Latino cheerleader open the door and let a flustered looking Puck in she couldn't think about anything other than what Santana had said, about her fathers needing to try everything they could.
A part of her knew that it made sense, ever since she was born they had done everything in their power to make sure she was happy and loved, so perhaps she needed to do this, perhaps she needed to make sure that she tried every available treatment so that when the end came there would be no 'what ifs' to torment those that she left behind. Because after speaking to Santana she knew one thing for sure, she never wanted to see that same haunted look in her father's eyes that she had seen in the Cheerios.